Life’s LIMFACs

LIMFAC = limiting factors. So many acronyms.

For the longest, and still today, I’m guilty of limiting myself via negative self talk. I think I thought it was humbling, but now I’m not sure. Saying things like “that’s not me” when exploring the possibility of doing something crazy or very self-serving. Not selfish, there’s a difference. For example, going back to school. Or, stating my name in a professional capacity.

Backstory. Recently I attended an awards ceremony where one of the nominees was introduced as Dr. (insert his name). I know him personally and credit him with encouraging me to get my doctorate. He’s always available for questions; in fact, when I asked him how crazy it was to take 2 courses simultaneously, he stated – paraphrasing – I didn’t do that but it can be done and you can do it, here’s how …

The empowerment and advice he provided was invaluable. So why don’t we empower ourselves in the same manner?

Back to the awards ceremony. I thought if that was my name up there, it would probably be read with my personal title, i.e., Ms. (insert my name). My thought was this: “The addition of Dr. My Name is just not me.”

WHAT? WHY NOT? Because that is me! Well, it will be. I earned every letter of that title and I should be proud of it. Humility or not be damned. The sacrifice, the tears, the brain power and dedication it takes to write until my eyes bleed – those things don’t just count for something, they count for ME! They are ME! How dare I limit myself by saying what is and isn’t me. I was created to do good things. I am empowered to do big things. I am and the highest I AM says so.

So when you think you’re humbling yourself by not speaking up for yourself or taking credit where credit is due, just remember the only LIMFACs are the ones you place on yourself. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

_____________________

I ask you –

Do you succumb to negative self talk?

What do you think isn’t you?

Forewarning: this will probably become a series as I have many LIMFACs to further discuss.

(The post Life’s LIMFACs first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Deja Vu

It hasn’t happened yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time. I’ll probably be investigated again for my search history related to writing all these papers. Apparently information systems research is a hot topic. Haha who knew? As I plug in key words, even in well known journal publications, the message regarding tracking appears instantly. And these are university sources!

I keep writing all the words my manic brain throws at me and it seems to be working. As I approach week 3 of 8, occasionally I feel like I’ve got the hang of time management but then a potential snow day turns into a bust and I scramble for more hours in the day. Work is jam packed so there is absolutely no way I can even brainstorm words to lengthen the page count. Any takers? At first, I took great offense to the B I received on my initial assignment. Overachiever. I spent some time trying to prove the professor wrong, that his feedback was not correct. Spoiler: I made some mistakes. So a perspective shift was in order – I came to the grand conclusion he was right and just trying to make me a better writer. As he’s the program director, perhaps it’s a valuable lesson. Better to learn it now than later. Perspective. It’s everything.

Aside from that hellish course about advanced budgeting, this school stuff isn’t too difficult. Really, it just requires a nervous breakdown or ten, an insane drive to accomplish things, and where was I going with this? Oh right. Other ridiculous traits that indicate a real whackadoo. Me. I’m the whackadoo.

Did I mention I’m doomed to be investigated? Seriously. It’s coming. I was exploring nefarious terms for where the internet can take you and it hit me like a ton of subpoenas. All I could think was … If I end up on the cannot fly list, then this better get me another A!

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you searched anything suspicious lately?

How often do you try to prove someone else wrong? Be honest!

On a scale of 1 to Biden’s desk, how likely am I to survive this program unscathed? I realize how political I could take this, but it wasn’t my intention.

(The post Deja Vu first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Give Me All the Flavors!

Seriously. Anything by Fa!rlife is addictive. Flavors I don’t even like – ahem, strawberry banana – taste so good! They’re filling and yummy and I can’t get enough. Believe me, I know the words ‘nutrition plan’ is not synonymous with ‘this tastes awesome’ but I guarantee it definitely does. Trust me.

I’ve returned to a keto style of eating. Seems my way of eating yet not running consistently (aka training for anything) is not the best for my waistline. Or else it was all the holiday treats. Nonetheless, my energy has reappeared, the bloating is gone, and my pants are starting to fit again. Win! This isn’t a forever diet; it’s just to get me restarted and back to where I want to be. But I am dreaming about that birthday sushi!

Some speak of the “keto flu” like it’s the worst possible outcome of starting keto. I’m certain I did not succumb to the keto flu this time; however, I did get hit by the bus o’ allergies. Probably some stress in there, too. And it all fell on the first week of class. Two is how many workouts I did. I tried to run one day, well, I did run, but the cough and congestion afterwards was awful. Maybe this week will be better. But there is a great chance for snow early in the week. Good thing I have two huge papers to write.

This is fun.

_________________________

I ask you –

What’s your favorite milk flavor? Loaded question, I know.

Are you dealing with allergies?

Tell me your favorite food!

(The post Give Me All the Flavors! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Thinking Out Loud

or on paper.

This time last year – I wasn’t sure if I’d ever run again. The question many people have asked is “Was it worth it?” Even though I should probably say no because my health is more important than any race, the all-heart reply is absolutely yes. It was. It was worth the pain, worth the uncertainty, worth the PR I had arrived day in and out for. It was worth it, to me.

Now, the mind, the logical, reasoning part of my brain (albeit small) thinks I’m insane. How could something that jeopardized my literal ability to walk pain free be worth one stupid race? I should have stopped when the pain never did, I should have stopped when advised by medical personnel that I was running (no pun intended) the risk of seriously damaging my body, I should have stopped at the first pop of my knee. But I don’t listen well.

I probably won’t ever race again. I love training, I love running, and I don’t wish to give it up even though my seasons of running look much different now than they did a year ago. And that’s ok. It’s hard to believe by May I’ll have completed 5 courses towards my doctorate. Time really does fly. To think in Jan 2022 I documented on a visionary board I wanted to go back to school. Then, in June, I heard from someone else who had recently completed their own program. I made a call – one call – a few days later and by the next month I was enrolled. It all happened so fast.

Sometimes the things that are meant to be happen quickly. Sometimes we miss the signs of impending disaster – or choose to turn a blind eye to it. And sometimes good things come when least expected.

Final thought – I read this line somewhere and it really rang true – the feeling of magic will disappear. You are responsible for your own enjoyment.

_____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever blatantly disregarded advice? Who hasn’t?!

Do you agree you are responsible for your own enjoyment?

Tell me your thoughts on a vision board!

(The post Thinking Out Loud first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Down to the Wire

Only in Texas in December has it been so dry we still have leaves on the trees. But they finally changed colors in preparation for a good windstorm to blow them away. Minus the tornado/severe storm watch mid-month. Someone else said hang on to your stockings.

In related news, or maybe not, we didn’t have internet for about 24 hrs so my paper writing was a little delayed. The final one of the semester. Good thing I took off a half day just to write. And attend school Christmas parties. And attend Christmas dance performances. Then…Rest. Yeah right. I chugged some coffee and went back to work – figuratively.

The training bases within the Air Force practice (celebrate?) a time of year titled Exodus. As a Biblical term, it means exactly what it sounds like…the great Exodus of many technical training students during the holidays. Widely celebrated by most activities on base, Exodus is a time of liberal leave and a general relaxation as there are not as many people to serve. Lucky for my crew it means a prolonged period of clean up and clean out! In fact, while our activity is shut due to low volume, I’m ramping up the schedule and completing all types of staff training there’s never enough time for. It’s gonna be fun! By the time everyone returns, the staff will be happy to be back to regular work.

My hope is to have a post-Christmas and pre-New Year celebration with the staff. Hence, all the food!

2022 is down to the wire. For many, it’s probably cause for celebration. Not sure exactly how I feel about it yet but time doesn’t standstill for me. Back to the drawing board.

_________________

I ask you –

Has your weather been average or just plain wild?

Do you experience a lull in business or work during the holidays?

Tell me something you have going on in the lead up to 2023! Reading books!

(The post Down to the Wire first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Sans Photos

While I’m still cleaning out and proverbially unpacking 2022 in hopes of doing better, being better, in 2023, because there’s still a few days of the year – there’s still much to be done.

For example –

I thought once I submitted my final paper of the class, I was done. I was wrong. Now I’m disputing a grade because the rubric wasn’t completed. There’s a blank where a grade should be. A large portion of the grade! I understand mistakes happen but it seems to be one thing after another with this class. Can I just be done with it already? Not until that grade is fixed!

Working on ramping up staffing in the workplace. So many promises have been made – I’m determining what is feasible and what is not. Some things have been easy fixes. In fact, so easy I can’t understand why they weren’t done before. Nonetheless, others are very impactful and it’s tough having those conversations. Regaining trust among people who don’t know me or what I stand for is a huge task. It’s more than telling a group of people who rely on you that you’re honest, trustworthy, and have integrity; you must show them you are who you say you are. While facing your own frustrations. I find it even more difficult when I know previous leadership were doing the best they could. Balance will always elude me.

Recently I attended an “all call” for those who hold the title of Master Resiliency Trainer. Only 5 showed. Weird. My point here is deciding how to implement a regular resilience practice into the facilities and the squadron itself. Ideally, I’d like to have monthly training, but beyond the squadron it’s almost impossible. Quarterly would be good though. Lessons on mindfulness and gratefulness are trainer’s typical go-to’s, but the hard lessons are so valuable. I’ll find a way.

If you made it to the very end of this post, thank you! Thank you for reading, for commenting, for joining me these past years. I’m truly thankful for each one of my readers!

____________________________

I ask you –

Do you recap the previous year?

What is my chance of getting that grade changed? It best be 100!

Tell me what you have going on this week!

(The post Sans Photos first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Calculating

As I’m in the bowels of finance and budgeting, let’s look at how much time I spend working on schoolwork. Approximately 3 hrs per day, 5 days a week. Substantially more on weekends, totalling about 10 hours, 15 if there’s a holiday from work. For fun, we’ll say 1 holiday per month. Where was I? Ok, 15 hrs per work week, add 10 equals 25 hours per week. I’m not good at this. 25 hours times 4 weeks per month is 100 hours. Now the holiday. If it’s a workweek holiday, then the difference is an additional 2 hours. I believe I’m at 102 hours +/- 2 hours. Right?

My point is there was a time, recently in fact, I couldn’t comprehend how many hours per week I spent training for a race. Big reveal. It could have been no more than 5 hours/week. Max. A whole 20 hours each month. It really puts it into perspective.

Also, I bought a new book I must make time to read. Along with the other 2 on the shelf. Probably should have waited to purchase it but I was overcome with joy at the new release section.

You know what was not overjoying? Finding out the professor uploaded the wrong spreadsheets, instructions, and information to complete an assignment. I spent the week begging other people to help me with creating some bar charts and pie graphs because I couldn’t get them to compute properly. Gee, wonder why. So I had 11 pages of useless words. Here’s hoping I can reuse the writing in a different assignment. But probably not because that’s how my luck works.

At least I’m not as dumb as I thought I was to be completely inept at Excel. This time it really wasn’t my fault.

__________________

I ask you –

How many hours do you spend doing discretionary things?

Read any good books lately?

On a scale of 1 to I-really-want-to-yell, how angry do you think I am? Answer: sometimes I add to the list of people I wish I could run over.

(The post Calculating first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Graphs and Grudges

By the time you read this, I’ll be neck deep in all things resiliency. Which is a much needed break from…nothing. It’s a break from nothing.

Considering I practically sold my soul last week in order to create a bar graph in excel. Then I traded a byline on my dissertation to two people to create every graph I’ll ever need. For being as smart as I am, I’m really dumb sometimes. I have to leave something to others. You’re welcome. Write thousands of words? Done! Not become catatonic analyzing a spreadsheet? So sorry, I’m not the girl for it.

further proof I’m a whackadoo; credit: momsbehavingbadly via Instagram

After watching YouTube videos, phoning a few friends, and emailing the professor, I finally realized one mistake I was making. By correcting it, suddenly the numbers at least made sense. The chart part was still elusive though. I’m still not convinced I did any of this assignment correctly.

On the bright side, I am one class closer to graduation. Last week, I finished my first class. Overall, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. A tad frustrated at my professor’s feedback, but I guess I can get over it. No one will remember my frustrations in a few years anyway.

Not even me. Maybe. I’m good at holding grudges.

________________________

I ask you –

Do you know how to create charts and graphs in Excel? Do you have time to teach me?

Exactly what is the best advice for the windshield conundrum?

Grudges: thoughts?

(The post Graphs and Grudges first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Let’s Catch Up

Running update: I haven’t been.

School update: it’s all I’ve been doing.

The end.

As what’s his name once (or all the time) said…And now the rest of the story. Paul Harvey!

I had female-centric surgery a few weeks ago and only now am officially cleared to return to full duty status. Honestly, I paused my training plan then and just haven’t turned it back on yet though the good doctor said it was possible to return to running as quickly as I felt comfortable. The problem is I wasn’t really comfortable. I still feel a little misled but I’m getting over it.

By the time I was ready to restart, I was neck-deep in two classes and not sleeping or eating well. At all. Stress is funny like that. It has a way of keeping you humble. Then there were the hormones. My God, I don’t remember crying so much. Ugh. I’m not sure if I have it together yet but I’m trying. Unfortunately, what I really don’t have is extra time to get my head back in the game and run. The desire is there; the time, not so much. I’m lying. The desire isn’t there much either. I consider going for a run then the writing bug bites me again and I start typing instead. Which is probably a good thing at this point.

But, Kel, you said people make time for what’s important to them. And I truly believe it! But that’s literally the problem – I don’t have time right now! My priority list basically includes sleep and not much else. I have a brand new book (or 2) I haven’t yet found time to read.

Maybe at Christmas. Maybe not. At this moment, I can’t remember if I have a week off at Christmas. Don’t ask about the Spring semester. We’ll be lucky to see the light of day.

We. Me and my other personality.

________________________________

I ask you –

When everything flies out the window, what do you prioritize?

Do you remember Paul Harvey?

Tell me a good book to read!

(The post Let’s Catch Up first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Anatomy of Paper Writing

As this week has been the most stressful thus far, I’m offering some insight into the reasons why I don’t answer my phone, text back in a timely manner, attend social events, or do anything else really. Besides the fact I’m lazy. Here’s a typical day in the life of a doctoral student. Or maybe it’s just me.

4:02am – Coffee

4:06am – Open approximately 23 tabs of research articles and 1 word doc

4:10am – Try to figure out what I’m doing with my life

4:13am – Start typing

4:45am – Panic because I’ve forgotten where I was going with the million words crossing my mind

4:46am – Re-read everything previously written the past 32 mins

5:01am – Silence the alarm for the time I used to wake up before I decided to go back to school

5:02am – Panic again because the realization has set in I only have 58 more mins to type before I have to wake up mini

5:18am – Close one word doc and open another because I’m an idiot with overlapping classes

5:31am – Silence the alarm for the time I used to get up, back when mini didn’t go to school and I had a conscious thought process

5:42am – Check the due dates and put my head on the desk

5:43am – Sigh loudly, drink the coffee that’s now gone cold, and rethink my life choices

5:45am – Frantically type 250 more words in order to feel good about the perception I’ve done absolutely nothing the past 2 hours

6:00am – Contemplate requesting leave for the next 3 years until school is done

P.S. something terrible happened this past weekend and a file I had been working on went corrupt…kaput…a big middle finger to hours of work. No recovery software could save it. Alas, I cried. A lot. No one warned me I would be so emotional.

_________________

I ask you –

Sorry. I have no questions. I’m typing this at an indecent hour because I totally forgot I hadn’t edited anything for the blog this week and I would feel bad for letting my readers down if I didn’t at least try to post something. So here it is. Something. You’re welcome.

(The post Anatomy of Paper Writing first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)