Reminds Me of an Analogy –

I spent 2 weeks working on my final paper related to public service motivation theory in the human resource management field, to include the surrounding legalities. That’s really a lot of words. Determined to satisfy a hunch that it didn’t really matter if I had a beautiful outline, abstract, and annotated bibliography, I thought maybe I had put a lot of work in vain into the preparation phase.

Dammit, she was right. It was kind of nice to see this paper come together based on what I had already accomplished. Truly, a good outline makes a difference. And I knew what to expect from the literature because I’d already found everything I needed. Also – way to go, Kel! – I had the foresight to notate source and page number on the outline so I could return to my thought process when I wrote it. Such a genius.

Sometimes my heart starts beating uncontrollably and I get that sick feeling in my stomach when I think about writing a dissertation. Hello, anxiety, my good friend. It feels like a mountain I must climb and I dread it. But then something small like this comes together – and there’s a glimmer of hope. One bite at a time. Interestingly, I can definitely see how higher education can make someone cynical and put off by this field.

the many faces of paper writing

However, just like life to kick you a little to remind you who is actually in charge, what I thought was a 10 day break turned into a 3 day break. Although I can’t complain because 3 days is better than 0 days, clearly I’m struggling reading a monthly calendar hence the break is probably much needed. May is quite the wild ride of social and personal engagements. Who needs a break anyway.

_____________________

I ask you –

Are you an emotional facial expressionist?

What does an ideal break look like?

Tell me what brings you joy!

(The post Reminds Me of an Analogy – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Prison Sounds Like a Vacation

Disclaimer: I am not making fun of anyone who is/has been/knows someone who is/has been incarcerated. I recognize my humor is not everyone’s cup of tea. If it comes across as offensive, I truly mean no harm.

It can be fun when you find out new things about yourself. Or terrifying. Nonetheless, I found out I run faster when I have an idea. Some psychoanalytic might think this is because the brain cells are firing so the legs turn over faster. Or a dream interpreter could say it’s because I’m running towards something. Or none of the above. But, I did realize that when I’m thinking of something while running and a great idea strikes me, then suddenly I start running much faster. Maybe it’s so I can get to my phone to write it down before the thought disappears. If I was in prison, then I’d always have easy access to pen and paper.

this

not that

On the rare occasion, I do stupid things with very clear consequences. Like go off the rails with sugar intake. My cycle is pretty consistent so I know when the mood shifts and my body needs extra food to make it through the week. However, sometimes the sugar cravings are out of control and I indulge. Payback is a sweet, kind, caring old lady. Then, I spend several days lamenting my very existence with horrible GI issues, headaches, and a general disregard for living. It’s really quite exciting. If I was in prison, I would be forced to eat whatever is provided to me.

And along the lines of vacations, I’m very ready for another 10 days of no typing. Don’t get me wrong – this past course has been a breeze compared to the previous double undertaking. I think I’ve actually managed to maintain my sanity, routines, and streak of completing assignments early. But, if I was in prison, I would have nothing but time. No pun intended.

_______________________

I ask you –

Do you run faster when an idea pops into your head?

Does sugar pose problems for you?

Tell me if you have an upcoming vacation!

(The post Prison Sounds Like a Vacation first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

People. Not Programs.

Sometimes we need a reminder that many (most) of us are surrounded by people and the importance of being a leader is one not to be taken lightly. As it is appraisal season in the fairytale land of federal government employment, it’s time for me to administer them. While my own was a pleasant experience and nearly always has been, predecessors have royally convoluted the process and make it seem like a dirty word. It can be disheartening to build trust and camaraderie when employees are fearful, distrustful, and generally blah (which is definitely a scientific word). Often I find myself correcting others when I’m referred to as a manager. That’s not me. I strive to be a leader of people and a manager of programs. People are our mission; programs are our resource.

All this being said – work has posed some challenges lately. Seems this course on human resources and the legalities surrounding it have taken a toll on my decision-making skills. Not necessarily in a bad way; just that I’ve repeatedly questioned whether or not I’m doing the right thing. Turns out I think I have. But still.

So far, these are my (and by “my” I mean I didn’t do much…the team did) shining moments: hosted a staff meeting that included a rousing game of volleyball of which I am (ongoing) healing from; established 24/7 access to a gym that did not previously have this amenity, and completed a 3 week streak of consistent call-ins yet managed to recover. I can’t understand why my award-writing skills aren’t cutting it. Just another example of how supervising people and managing programs can be rewarding in itself.

As for the volleyball part of this post, we’ve decided to develop a team complete with custom shirts, wildly inappropriate shorts, and substantially-lacking coach mentorship. At this point in the proverbial game, we have about 11 months to start practicing. Nothing can stand in our way!

Until I receive the phone call asking if someone can bring in their inflatable gymnastics mat. Do what?

_____________________

I ask you –

Do you supervise anyone in your workplace?

Have you ever played volleyball?

Tell me your thoughts on leadership versus management.

(The post People. Not Programs. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Few Proclamations

Going from 2 classes to 1 has been an eye-opener. I’m not stressing completing papers or posts; I have more time to research and find what I’m searching for. This is the life.

I’ve known it was time to increase the weight on my strength training program. No excuse; I’m lazy. So when I did…everything hurts so good. Except when my back itched. I needed help.

Anyone else still struggling with time change? This sucks. My routine has not changed but my sleep quality surely has.

Nothing like some friendly competition to get me back into a running routine. It doesn’t matter if they know/don’t know we’re in a competition. We absolutely are.

I saw a hummingbird!!! All the beautiful flowers make me happy. It’s time to plant them. And watch them die in 2 months when Texas mimics the fires of hell.
At the time of posting, we may have had at least one 90° day. My body is in no way ready for this.

________________________________

I ask you –

How much do you enjoy research?

Have you seen any hummingbirds yet?

Tell me who you are in competition with! Self definitely counts.

(The post A Few Proclamations first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Quote –

From @clearairturbulence: “A good writer is a good listener. What you need to listen to is your subconscious. You allow what comes forward to dicate the terms. You’re not suppose to write with your head. Writing – good truthful writing – must come from the heart. It must comes from the gut. To do that you need to let go, listen and then type.”

The quote above was pasted on this post with no specific expectation of how I would incorporate it. I just liked it. But, as I returned to my morning date with an office chair – we have a solid relationship – and began researching for a paper, I realized how relevant the quote was. Some get their information from television news sources. Others enjoy the video perspective of YouTube and the varied opinions or commentary it offers. Me? I read thousands of scholarly articles on such a huge range of topics that I could probably never accurately retain them. As I’m most certainly not a numbers person, spreadsheets don’t interest me. But you give me a database full of words and I’m like a child with their favorite candy. I could sit here (and I do!) for hours whilst researching the next paper. People are so weird.

I expected a coffee-scented candle. Nope. Plain vanilla.

Interestingly, each semester I have been able to incorporate what I learned into my daily tasks. The next 7 weeks is all about human resource management. Welcome to my day! Unsolicited and unmanipulated conversations have already begun. It’s truly fascinating to incorporate what I’m exposed to into the research I find. Again, these are organic conversations I’m having with the people I supervise and/or work with. Remember the budgeting semester? I feel nauseous recalling it. For whatever reason, that was also the time period I was creating, updating, or attempting to correct several work-related budgets. Applicability? Check!

So, to tie this post back to the quote at the beginning, listening to others tell their story or perspective – I have no idea where I’m going with this. It’s just fascinating to me, ok?!

_____________________________

I ask you –

When was the last time a quote hit you and made you reconsider?

What medium(s) do you use for events or dialogue?

Tell me how often you get distracted!

(The post A Quote – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tunnel Vision

What is it called when you go down the path of not feeling good enough, strong enough, just enough?

light at the end of the tunnel

a. Slippery slope of self-doubt

b. Tidal wave of turmoil

It doesn’t happen often but sometimes those intrusive thoughts take over the mind. Not one to wallow in self pity, I’m just curious about how others handle this. Where do they come from? Where do they go?

As the longest long long semester is now over, I believe I’ve grown through it. Not only as a writer but also where my writing is going. I try to spend some time reflecting on what went well and what didn’t – and attempt not to overinflate my role in the process. For awhile, I doubted that I could meet the requirements of writing lengthy, topic-specific papers. Sometimes I still doubt it. But with every page, it seems more possible. One, in particular, I thought was actual garbage. I told anyone that would listen how awful it was. No flow, too wordy without saying anything, it was a mess. I stepped away from it on several occasions to try to figure out my mind – still, nothing. Eventually I gave up and submitted it. Grade: A. Now, this isn’t saying I’m a good writer. Fairly certain he got tired of grading papers and gave up. Nonetheless, it was done but it’s still on my mind. Overthinking much?

mid-day knee PT

There was a month – ok, 6 weeks at least – of no office phone. I put my personal number on the out of office message and continued about my business. Many times, I was either asked why would I give out my personal number or questioned if I was being bothered outside of work hours. Of course I’m bothered! Welcome to the supervisor world. But that’s not really true. If I’m busy, I don’t answer. We all do our best to separate work from our personal lives. Occasionally it’s actually successful! Example: using my time wisely to engage in the physical therapy exercises I paid a lot of money for.

That’s how self-doubt works, too. Sometimes it builds us up because of our ability to overcome, but, other times, it’s just a nagging feeling sheltered inside insecurity and lack of confidence. Pry apart the layers and you’ll easily find the nutshell: there’s no really no space for self-doubt in life. Play and pray.

______________________

I ask you –

Do you have any catchy phrases for intrusive thoughts?

How leery of handing out your personal number are you?

Lucky Number 13!!!!

(The post Tunnel Vision first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Allow a Girl to Daydream

By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be 2 days away from course end! We made it! Two classes was extremely ambitious and borderline stupid. I’m certain without a supportive family, awesome coworkers, and snow days I wouldn’t have survived with what little sanity I have remaining. Not much!

The upcoming Blue Bell Fun Run is on my bucket list. Maybe in 2025.

Speaking of 2025 – we were, were we not? – I received the commencement date if all plans go well and I’m done when I plan to be. May 10, 2025. Otherwise, I guess I wait until the following year? I couldn’t find information for multiple ceremonies so I guess they only hold graduation once a year. Either way, it was exciting to read about the upcoming graduation ceremony and the information to help students order their regalia, etc. Turns out you can rent or buy doctoral regalia. Probably for other degrees, too. I’m leaning towards buying it so I can wear it around the house as a robe, or a winter coat, or to very formal events at work, like change of command. I’ll just sashay in waving the robe hem around like royalty, yelling THE DOCTOR HAS ARRIVED. This should go over well.

While I’m daydreaming about my own gloriousness, let’s take it one step further and commit to running 3 destination runs post-graduation. I’m not very interested in the half marathon distance at the moment, but perhaps I will be then. Or I could just run to run. Or take 3 vacations. I’m on it today!

Lastly, on the topic of daydreaming, mini is set on getting a dog. Nevermind that she has one in Tennessee. She believes she absolutely needs one in Texas, too. I told her to wait until her dad moves here but she didn’t like that answer. For now, I’ve placated her with we’ll discuss it more next Valentine’s Day. Why Valentine’s Day? I don’t have an answer. I was just desperate to say something noncommittal and here we are.

I’d like to return to my non-anxiety inducing daydreams now. Please excuse me. Where was I? Oh yes, vacations.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you run any races lately? Do tell!

How often do you daydream?

Tell me about your bucket list!

(The post Allow a Girl to Daydream first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Hello, fun? Where are you?

“Your expectations lead to your disappointment.” At least, that’s what I heard right before my phone started ringing one early morning with work issues.

Shortly afterwards, I was ruing every small step toward agreeing to be a supervisor. It will be fun, they said. You have so much experience, they also said. It’s not that hard. Right. Where is this fun I was promised? Excuse me, I’m ready for the fun part. Maybe fun isn’t the most accurate depiction of what I’m looking for. But I don’t really know.

flower time!

Unrelated: Is “foot stomp” a redundancy? Because stomping implies using the feet. During a training session last week, I guess to reiterate the material, the speaker said “foot stomp” at least 3 times. Now I can’t help but to wonder if it’s another one of those buzzwords the military and society in general likes to use. Excessively.

This is the final week of classes. A glorious 10 days of no school work awaits me. My hope is by the time this post is published I will have submitted the final discussion post replies and put away all my textbooks. Except for the one I have to return. Note to self: figure that part out pronto. I’m escaping reality for a few short days and then I shall return refreshed for another 8 weeks of papers.

Barring how many telephone calls I receive for advice and complaints. Join the club. Somebody has to do it.

___________________________

I ask you –

Do your expectations actually lead to your disappointments?

Foot stomp: redundancy or no?

Tell me what you do to escape!

(The post Hello, fun? Where are you? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Take My Chances

Anything shorter than 10 pages is a break. I’m just counting down the days until spring break. For me, that’s 10 whole days of no due dates. For mini, it’s a vacation from school and a trip to Tennessee.

First, we have to navigate parent-teacher conferences, class parties, and probably something else I’m forgetting. Book fair. That’s what it was. I wrote a post last year on the quality of book fairs and how they are definitely not what I remember. It was sad. But like any good parent with a short memory and dumbfounded hope, I will attend the book fair again and most likely be talked into $50 worth of easily lost erasers and a book that interests neither of us. Remind me of this conversation later.

I often forget to take care of myself but lately – just the last week, really – I’ve attempted to fill my bucket, so to speak. First, a coffee date with an amazing mentor who reminds me we’re fighting the good fight and we have each other. Then, a phone call with the one and only Aunt Mary Catherine who I can hear smile through the speakers. We’re visiting soon and just the thought of seeing her gives me renewed joy and hope.

Finally, a mad dash to course completion in the hopes that I can read a book other than required readings. Possibility? I might have a better chance at running more than once per week. And that’s saying something because I haven’t managed this successfully in weeks. Right now, I’m just living for the tiny zing I get when I realize I’ve written another page in a long line of pages.

Details, you know.

_________________________

I ask you –

Any upcoming vacation plans?

How much will I spend at the book fair?

Tell me some chances you’ve taken lately!

(The post I Take My Chances first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Adult Life

Three easy things that reinforce to me I can be an adult:

Full tank of gas
Clean car
Fully charged phone

I’m 2 for 3. But that’s not the point right now.

It’s funny how I thought I was sooooooo busy the previous semesters with my one little classes. How cute. Now I’m overwhelmed yet trying to remember to take it day by day. Much like just trying to stay afloat. There’s no getting ahead – you keep paddling so you don’t drown.

she gets me

Being someone who places efficiency in the highest regard, it really really really sucks when around others who do not. I said it. In fact, I’d venture to say it’s the most frustrating, most angry version of myself whom encounters it. Disclaimer – I do appreciate the strolling, take-it-easy form of life. At times. But when something needs to be done, I want it done. Now. Not later. Not when you feel like it. Now. Typically it’s the mundane things, like recognizing something should be done. But it’s exhausting when adults have to remind, console, beg, ultimatum, or some version of the previous to get a simple task completed.

I just need people to act like adults. Take your helpless, inefficient, ineffective, immature self somewhere else. Last time I checked, there is only one person in this world I’m responsible for raising. And, truthfully, she could put some people I deal with to shame.

Get it together. Sincerely, an overwhelmed, exhausted mom of one.

_________________________

I ask you –

Do you place efficiency high on your list?

What things make you feel like an adult?

Advice? …throat punching sounds fun…

(The post Adult Life first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)