Voice at the Table

It is very difficult to tell what someone is thinking if they don’t say a word. For a moment, imagine my frustration and wild thoughts when entering into a potentially volatile situation where everyone sits quietly.

I digress.

We have entered this lovely time of year in the military that we call change of command. Literally, the command (or leadership team) is changing. New people, new ideas, new focus, new complaints, new marks of ownership. Occasionally, we can’t wait for change of command because the current leadership has worn out their welcome. Equally, the 2-3 years have flown by with great success and you lose a good one. Although we’re happy for their next command, we experience a mental and emotional loss. And by we, I mean me.

Inside a squadron, often the loss feels more significant. I’m sure our leadership hopes to have imparted some wisdom and legacy on their followers.

Circling the plane.

At a different level, I saw leaders speaking for themselves rather than their teams. When placed at a big fancy table with decision-makers, those leaders lost focus on what mattered and pushed their agenda as if it would solve all the problems. I saw it time and again. And I saw it fail spectacularly. When it was my turn to say what I wanted, all I said was “I want a voice at the table”. Fortunately, I have never doubted my voice is heard.

So when I sit at the big fancy table with all the decision-makers, I speak up. Proudly. Confidently. And with one goal in mind – to ensure my team has a voice at the table.

Which leads me to the runway.

When you sit at the table, you best be prepared. You best have a plan. You best listen, read the room, absorb the information, and be ready to execute a plan. Fight for it. Fight for your activity, your team, your people.

I will never understand those that sit there expecting someone else to tell them their plan. The ones who have no idea what’s going on and fail to ask questions. Is my perspective wrong? Probably. But it doesn’t explain why I see this same scenario again and again.

Sitting at the table is powerful. It is humbling. It is a literal indication of someone else’s belief in your ability.

Photo by mustafa kaya on Pexels.com

Show them you have earned it.

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I ask you –

What do you expect from your leadership?

Tell me what it means to you to have a voice at the table.

(The post Voice at the Table first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Global Influence

Interesting achievement, Word Press. Must be calculated by IP address. I wonder if I know anyone in those countries.

Random moment: Origins of the term “Tiger Team” – in case you were wondering, Tiger Team is a term popularized by NASA in the 60’s but originated by the military. Used to mean a group of experts, or those with specialized skills, I almost choke on my laughter because any time I’ve seen it used in the military, it was a ragtag bunch of whackadoos thrown together for some stupid task. It went about as well as expected.

The real topic of this post –

I’m often guilty of using the phrase “that’s not me”, typically in response to a stereotype or a general identifier. For example, for many years, when confirmed with the ability to obtain a PhD, I’d say “that’s not me”. Another example, stepping into the political realm, my response is “that’s not me”. However, the more I get to know me, the more I see me. A PhD was me, it’s always been me, but I was afraid of failure, afraid of starting, afraid of holding myself accountable to what my heart desired. The political stuff? Ugh, jury is still out.

Power and influence are found in certain individuals. Books tell us how to hone our power, leaders share examples of how they use their power, and we can watch television of power gone wrong. Big ugh.

There’s big power, sure. But what if power lies in a small tweak to our structure. A name change, if you will. Dr. Suddenly it’s a wide world, a new power, an upgraded influence, a calling which perhaps was always there, if not for the small whisper of “that’s not me”.

It is you, Kel. And it is time you start using it.

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I ask you –

Is there something in your life you want to achieve or feel a calling for but doubt your ability to accomplish?

Did you know the origin of Tiger Team?!

(The post Global Influence first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Sit Alone

I’ve started, restarted, paused, abandoned, and now wait for the finality of a draft post, titled The Day I Had Coffee with Her. Some time ago, there was a social media trend of the same title, basically stating what you would tell your younger self. A few posts that came across my feed were very deep, mentioning trauma and abuse, while some just shared encouraging memories. I jumped on the proverbial wagon, but I didn’t finish it. Yet.

In a way, this is my homage to the unfinished post.

I sit alone. And I am unafraid. Never lonely. Yet alone. Some events make me question myself. Some even bring back very tough memories or experiences. Some I thought I was over. Turns out I’m not. So I sit alone with the pain.

Even when the fear ebbs and wanes, I am unafraid. Fear is psychological and I am aware of my limitations, my weaknesses, my inability to turn away from feeling it. Fear is not failure. And words do not own me. So I protect me by sitting alone.

Those old patterns are tempting. Too easy to return to my old ways. But I know every curve in the road, every pothole waiting to derail me. Swerve. I sit alone, in the driver’s seat, in control.

It’s lonely at the top. When the decisions rest on my shoulders and hard news is hard on everyone. I sit alone, pondering how much easier it would have been to gloss over the truth, to abandon what must be said. I could invite others to sit with me. Yet the consequences are far too great. I sit alone out of self-respect.

I’m not sorry for choosing to sit alone, when the choice is mine. I’m not a failure for sitting alone when the choice is made for me. Sitting is an opportunity to rest. And no one knows me better than me. So I sit alone.

________________

I ask you –

Are you familiar with the “Coffee with Her” trend?

(The post I Sit Alone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Where is the ball?

Disclaimer: I do not know anything about basketball. Zero. None.

A 3-day basketball tournament? Sounds a lot like nails on a chalkboard whilst watching Nascar. I have no desire, no motivation, and no tangible willingness for either. Could it be worse? Sure. But I’d rather not test the theory.

Insert basketball tournament. Oh yay. For weeks, I dreaded it. Not only was it difficult to coordinate, nearly impossible to understand, and fraught with issues way out of my control, I just didn’t wanna. Alas, the show must go on. Fitness stops for no one.

Nothing could have prepared me for the unity, the resiliency, the mental health priority which is basketball, but also sports in general. How narrow-minded of me to misunderstand what running is to me, another sport is to someone else. How I receive clarity and new ideas generation when my feet are pounding the pavement and my breath is rapidly entering/exiting my lungs…is the same for other athletes.

I have hundreds of photos of 11 teams, 125+ players, playing 70+ games over the entirety of the weekend. Here’s the real data: that’s 125+ players choosing their dreams, their sport, and themselves over suicide. That’s 125+ families whose son is going home. That’s 125+ service members returning to their unit/squadron/brigade. The military is 1%. And these 125 human beings still matter.

(L) Brittney and I.
(R) Fort Hood Phantom Warriors (champions) and Cannon AFB (runner up)

Check out this link to our interview with Mike. Forgive our humor, we were tired. Interview

Later, I received one of the most impactful emails I’ve ever read from someone outside my circle. Mike, the Commissioner and Founder of the MBA, recapped our time together with praise, inspiration, and humor. It brought tears to my eyes to be seen from an outsider’s perspective. Admittedly, it took me a few days to formulate a response and we all know I am rarely at a loss for words.

If you’d like more information about the MBA or to see what they’re doing in military and veteran’s lives, check out MBA.

________________________

I ask you –

What do you know about basketball? I just learned the purpose of a shot clock.

(The post Where is the ball? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Addendum

Recognizing we’re already into 2026 and the numbers post was already published, I still feel as if there is more to say about 2025.

my thinking face

More Lessons

I allowed people to disrupt my life when I should have never given them the time of day. Lesson: less allowance.

I succumbed to bad moods made possible by others who have no control over my emotions. Lesson: own my day.

I negated my reach by questioning simple responses. Lesson: commit to the answer.

It’s in the Ask

Countless instances exist of asking someone to help and then they accept. It’s not rocket science. Yet we are so quick to assume/presume/outright believe without evidence that no one wants to help or be part of a task/duty/event. How do you know if you do not ask? I use this line all the time. And what’s the worst that could happen? They say no!? Show me where it isn’t worth your time and effort just to ask.

I make it a point to ask what the end game, end goal, desired outcome, or expectation is during most conversations where I know there is a decision to be made. Trust me, it alleviates any confusion. Just tell me what you want!

_____________________

I ask you –

Did you learn any lessons in 2025?

(The post Addendum first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

2025 in Numbers

I cannot believe this is the final post of 2025. Absolutely insane. I’m reminded of this time last year, when I knew I would soon begin the research data portion of my PhD, both excited and terrified. What a ride. 2025 was amazing.

The word of the year was anew. Truly I encountered several new experiences and I feel I emerged anew. 2026’s word of the year is arise. Arise to age 40, arise to whatever calling I’m compelled to try, arise mentally and physically. Arise.

Rack & Stack

# of miles run – 321.1 (not bad considering I was injured Jan-early Mar)

# of average miles run – 6.21/week (post-recovery miles, too)

# of hours spent working out – 7 hrs, 48 mins/month (proud of this one!)

# of tries to complete a PhD – 1 (one and only 1!)

# of mental health appointments – 17 (some months were tough and required extra attention)

# of hours spent playing volleyball – 24 hrs, 35 mins (is this excessive?)

# of Team of the Quarter awards – 2 (that’s 50%!)

Final Thoughts

I make light of most situations, but 2025 was difficult. I’m incredibly blessed to be called Dr. However, it wasn’t an easy win. I was honored to be part of leading a winning team. Yet I struggled with my own feelings surrounding what I mistakenly thought was not good enough. I’ve learned some new tricks and I’ve tried to dismiss the outdated ones. All in all, twas a great year because I can say it is over and because a new one has arrived.

As have I. Arise.

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I ask you –

What is your word of the new year? Or resolution if you enjoy this?

(The post 2025 in Numbers first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The Sword does not Negotiate

It operates according to function. It neither acts as a microphone nor as a microscope. It has one job. So what if we started living like the sword?

There is a cost, real or imagined, to every decision, every benchmark, every result. Often, we judge the things we must do according to the cost it will have on our life. But, like children, we twist the variables for our benefit. If the cost is low, we accept the circumstances. If cost is high, then we contextualize the variables according to what we desire for the end result. Basic principles.

When we embark on a path of revenge or vengeance, our entire lens is skewed to the end result. Hurt others. Often we contextualize the variables (see above) as righteous anger. For example, I’m protecting others, I’m doing as has been done to me, I am the victim. Please understand – you probably are the victim. But the cost is high. Peace is not cheap. Dare I say it is the most expensive part of life, in a global form. Time is almost the most expensive part of life, yet it is a personal value which might be considered the #1 most valuable asset a human can retain. Maybe this sounds conflicting. Maybe it is.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

The real question is are you seeking peace and purpose or thrill and chaos?

The moment has come for choosing a new word, or affirmation, in the next year. My team would insist I choose “No.”. A definitive period at the end of the only two-letter complete sentence in our language. It requires no explanation, no justification, no extra words. One period at its end. Another drain on my time? No. Another task to be accomplished without clear vision or goal? No. Another meeting disguised as necessary? No. Another person who trauma-dumps their entire life story on me? No. Another pointless discussion destined to morph into an argument. No.

I don’t want to check the temperature when I enter a room. I don’t want to scan it looking for a familiar face. I want the dynamic to change when I enter. I set the pace, I am the temperature to be checked, I make change. I refuse to negotiate when I hold the sword.

Be the thermostat. Not the thermometer.

_____________________

I ask you –

Which one are you and which do you desire to be?

(The post The Sword does not Negotiate first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Maybe I mean me

Leading women fills my soul and leadership heart. Small moments of joy – listening to them, praying with them, just being there for them – brings me joy.

For the photo above, it’s a re-creation of the same photo we’ve done 3 years straight. We are nothing if not consistent.

But my overall takeaway from the event was this – many women are tired of taking care of others who probably wouldn’t do the same for them (or they can’t trust someone else would do the same for them). They’re tired of stifling their voices, giving and giving and giving their time, effort, energy, and they’re tired of forgoing the things which make them happy for fear of reprisal at home, the office, in any setting really. They are silently imploding with unsaid words, feelings, situations. They’re done.

_________________

I ask you –

Is there anything making you feel as if you are done?

(The post Maybe I mean me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

We did some things!

Seeing my sister win is a WIN! She deserves all the accolades and appreciation and awards. We’re so different, but we are a winning team! She thinks others don’t notice her hard work, I’m sure sometimes she doesn’t feel appreciated, but she definitely is. She’s the better half of this sister duo and the co-worker award is a testament to her heart.

I had a photo here of what happens when Parts doesn’t show up to claim her award, but it was truly awful. Must like she probably felt when she said she was sick. Hmph.

Humble brag: It never ceases to amaze me when I win awards or listen to my own accomplishments. Most of the things I do are my job – lead, train, motivate, join. To me, it’s not a big deal. It’s what I do. So I’m humbled when someone else sees the value in it because that’s certainly not why I do what I do. I do it for them, for my team – a group of people who come together to do good things, day in and day out. They deserve recognition every quarter.

Speaking of teams – 4th quarter team winners – I’ve written about it before – when they win, we all win!

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I ask you –

Received any awards lately? Brag to me!

Do you fancy yourself a great co-worker?

Tell me how many times you’ve been sick in 2025. Because things are going around.

(The post We did some things! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Defiant and Noncompliant

I’ve (mostly) come back to my senses so allow me to share the good things, the fun, the holiday spirit activities before too much of January arrives with all its circumstances.

I connected with like-minded others who have a passion for servant leadership. Some are also self-described adrenaline junkies, which I believe speaks to a world of chaos I’m mildly interested in exploring.

I reconnected with a special person who will probably never read this post, but holds space in my heart. We were both very young when I joined his family, so to see him as an adult, with children of his own, but with the same mischievous smile of years past – a huge smile crosses my own face.

The weight bench and weights represent strength, but more than traditional strength equipment. They are joy, peace, and a fair amount of pain. The past 2 winters I’ve been unable to run on the island like I train year-round to do. It’s disappointing. So I continue to train in other ways…ways that make me feel strong.

Sharing some words spoken to me, in natural muse-like behavior: You may be biased. But you are fair. I can’t think of anything better than to be known as fair, especially when leading others. Maybe I’m doing something right.

Lastly, a lesson in obedience rather than how I’ve been obedient. Some have a certain type of face they must keep under wraps. You know the one. The infamous RBF. Luckily, I don’t have one of those. However, I do have a very prominent laugh. It’s loud. It’s me. If only I could control it. I can’t. It bubbles out of me like a fountain spewing joy at the most inopportune times. The pastor called me his favorite heckler. Probably not a compliment. People stare. Some smile so that makes me feel better. Others look over in alarm. As they should. The legacy I leave won’t be for world peace, or lavish contributions to society, but to the worst timing of a laugh. I guess we’re all remembered for something.

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I ask you –

What connections have you made lately?

Any go-to activities when you can’t do what you love?

Tell me your defining trait!

(The post Defiant and Noncompliant first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)