But Can We?

At times, I think I’m too focused on the behavioral aspect of, well, everything. Human behavior is one of the most fascinating parts of life. I want to know why people are the way they are, why they do what they do, and what the thought process was to get them there. Pretty sure I’m the most trustworthy person in the entire world. I mean, the Navy trusts me and I keep all their secrets, so … No fear I’ll tell anyone else’s. Promise.

As usual, I digress. Focus! Maybe this is why – I’m always evaluating my papers from the behavioral perspective. Not that I’m not focused on solutions but I sincerely want to understand the underlying causes and thought process. And maybe the foolishness leading people to bad ideas. Been there.

But I think it’s also a limitation. My muse stated, “sometimes we can’t make sense of things.” My heart believes that…yet my brain is on a rollercoaster of Oh Yes We Can! I want to know all the things. I want to make sense of it. During a recent “What Color Is Your Brain?” training, it turns out I’m a red. Obviously.

So the real question here is how best to utilize my red brain, especially around the super sentimental blue-brained people and the OCD yellow people and the very creative orange-brainers. And, on that note, even as I write this with a clingy 7 yr old attached to my side, I know in my heart – I still need to go write another paper. Why am I like this?

I ask you –

Does human behavior fascinate you?

Have you ever taken this particular training? If so, what color were you?

Tell me what you have going on this week! Wk 7 of 8. So close.

(The post But Can We? appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tunnel Vision

What is it called when you go down the path of not feeling good enough, strong enough, just enough?

light at the end of the tunnel

a. Slippery slope of self-doubt

b. Tidal wave of turmoil

It doesn’t happen often but sometimes those intrusive thoughts take over the mind. Not one to wallow in self pity, I’m just curious about how others handle this. Where do they come from? Where do they go?

As the longest long long semester is now over, I believe I’ve grown through it. Not only as a writer but also where my writing is going. I try to spend some time reflecting on what went well and what didn’t – and attempt not to overinflate my role in the process. For awhile, I doubted that I could meet the requirements of writing lengthy, topic-specific papers. Sometimes I still doubt it. But with every page, it seems more possible. One, in particular, I thought was actual garbage. I told anyone that would listen how awful it was. No flow, too wordy without saying anything, it was a mess. I stepped away from it on several occasions to try to figure out my mind – still, nothing. Eventually I gave up and submitted it. Grade: A. Now, this isn’t saying I’m a good writer. Fairly certain he got tired of grading papers and gave up. Nonetheless, it was done but it’s still on my mind. Overthinking much?

mid-day knee PT

There was a month – ok, 6 weeks at least – of no office phone. I put my personal number on the out of office message and continued about my business. Many times, I was either asked why would I give out my personal number or questioned if I was being bothered outside of work hours. Of course I’m bothered! Welcome to the supervisor world. But that’s not really true. If I’m busy, I don’t answer. We all do our best to separate work from our personal lives. Occasionally it’s actually successful! Example: using my time wisely to engage in the physical therapy exercises I paid a lot of money for.

That’s how self-doubt works, too. Sometimes it builds us up because of our ability to overcome, but, other times, it’s just a nagging feeling sheltered inside insecurity and lack of confidence. Pry apart the layers and you’ll easily find the nutshell: there’s no really no space for self-doubt in life. Play and pray.

______________________

I ask you –

Do you have any catchy phrases for intrusive thoughts?

How leery of handing out your personal number are you?

Lucky Number 13!!!!

(The post Tunnel Vision first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

What Frustration Looks Like + A Moment of Joy

Some days just suck the life right out of you. It’s like the universe has found a way to keep you humble. I probably go through this cycle at least twice a week. Hello, humility, my old friend. But it really puts a damper on my faith in humanity, especially when it becomes so laden with negativity and completely ridiculous requests. We’re a needy, selfish society. We’re human. But, sometimes … I just want to slap some sense into people!

Nonetheless, I take a long walk, ponder, pray, consider throat punching a few folks, keep walking until it passes, and then reach my destination with a big smile because they have no idea I wanted to kick them in the shins. If only they’d let me sit closer in that meeting…

My muse explained how moments where you can just “be” are vital to strong mental health and staying grounded when life gets out of control. Just be. But what does that look like exactly? In a changing perspective of how to get to yes, it feels almost impossible. And why do I have to get to yes? Yes is hard and has responsibilities. I don’t want to get to yes. I want to say no! Alas, bending whilst not breaking is an art I have yet to perfect.

You know who does have life figured out? That beautiful woman above. In my eyes, she walks on water. She probably has wings hidden beneath her blouse. Her smile is everything to me. And I’m pretty partial to the mini me standing beside her, too. It was a short visit but one that my heart remembers long after we’ve left. What’s to be frustrated about at 95 yrs old?

Which reminds me of sitting at a restaurant some nights ago. A lovely older woman walked in with cash in her hand and a big smile on her face. For whatever reason, I looked up, made eye contact, and smiled back. Because the world needs more happy people. She walked directly over to me and said “He wants a burger and look at how I’m dressed!” I assumed she meant her spouse or someone who had driven her. As she opened her coat and showed me her wrinkled attire, I smiled and told her she looked beautiful. She replied, “Well, at 94, I don’t think anyone will notice!” She waved as she left with her to-go order.

I’ll probably never see her again but it’s a joy when someone comes along and brightens your day without any ulterior motives. Maybe it is possible to just be.

___________________

I ask you –

Is there a phrase that resonates with you?

How often do you want to kick someone in the shin?

Tell me your thoughts on being 94/95 years old! I hope I have a false cane to whack people with!

(The post What Frustration Looks Like + A Moment of Joy first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Labels

As a writer, a person really, it’s imperative that sometimes I show vulnerability. Or at least admit to it. But as a logical adult, it can be very uncomfortable to share with anyone, let alone the virtual universe, any issues related to medical or mental health, or even family stuff. Seeing as how I’ve been doing it for almost 4 years now, I’m pretty proud of the accomplishment.

All that being said – I take a medication with the label that reads “…for depression.” Every time I see that label, the emotions pour in. I’m not depressed. I struggle with a few things. Some days are better than others. My brain knows there’s a chemical balance that got a little wonky over the years because life happens. Not to mention the childhood disasters. Nonetheless, I don’t consider myself depressed. Again, I’m not depressed. Not in the commonly understood way, I guess. But I do get discouraged. No longer do I feel shame or condemnation in my struggles; if anything, I feel led to share the good, bad, and ugly so others won’t struggle alone. There was a time I would have never considered even for a second talking about medications and mental health and all the other taboo topics I’ve delved into especially on a publicly known source, like Running on Fumes. Absolutely not. Happily, now, this is my world and you get to read about it. Sorry not sorry.

Perhaps the labeling of people helps us fit them into proverbial boxes. Or makes diagnosis easier, more streamlined. Or something. But it can be damaging when we allow society – or well-meaning others – to label us a certain way. We’re each unique, special in our own weird way. It would be awful if we weren’t.

Which is why I think those who toy with others’ lives, their paychecks, their livelihood make it difficult for the remainder to ever establish trust. Work has proven to be a little like this. Regaining trust in the most basic way…by humanizing each person and getting to know them, personally and professionally, takes effort. Finding out their motivation, strengths, and weaknesses. Because they’ve become distrustful under a string of leadership who probably (initially) had their best interests in mind, then it went to hell in a hand basket. Time will do that to even the strongest leader. My goal is to be different, to make choices with the best of intentions but also with a plan in case the first, second, or third intention doesn’t work the way I envisioned. They deserve that from me and it should be expected.

They’re not depressed, they’re discouraged. And not all the time. Occasionally. Me, too.

__________________

I ask you –

If you were being brutally honest, how often do you feel discouraged?

Do you think people are quick to label others?

Tell me a time you overcame a tough situation.

(The post Labels first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Southern History

When in Rome – or Montgomery, Alabama. Not even close, I know. I’m not a history buff but can appreciate scenery and experiences when visiting a new place. I wish I’d had more time to explore, but between group projects, 2 days of teachbacks, and my own school work, I just didn’t make enough time.

I also visited the Legacy Museum, an incredibly emotional tribute dedicated to remembering and honoring those that contributed to the Civil Rights movement. This museum is a must see when in Montgomery. As no photos or video is allowed, I’m unable to share the experience but can honestly say if you want a different perspective of the African American and black community’s role in history, then this museum is where you’ll find it.

Training Recap: there’s nowhere else more appropriate to attend Resiliency training than the Montgomery area. After all, resilient is a trait history and science has shown can be fine tuned. One of my classmates stated “Fix the roof while the sun is out”. Along with many other nuggets of goodness shared throughout the week, the 24 people I met reminded me why I do what I do. Sharing the skills I’ve learned and somewhat perfected is valuable to my new position and the people I encounter.

You just never know how large your sphere of influence truly is. Be the change others want to see. Be the change we all deserve.

_________________________

I ask you –

Are you familiar with the Legacy Museum or Hank Williams memorial?

What does resiliency mean to you?

Tell me about your sphere of influence!

(The post Southern History first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Food Freedom

I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve traveled alone. Well, allow a correction – I travel alone frequently but am not usually reliant on myself for food choices. So sans a small child asking me to cut her pancakes or refill her drinks, I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Eat alone? Dine in extravagance? Eat in bed?!? Because that’s definitely not allowed.

Spoiler: I did it all!

Exhibit A: plane fare. Why have I never eaten Biscoff cookies?! They’re incredible!! Also, you can purchase them in the grocery store. Bet you already knew this.

Exhibit B: unfortunately for those around me, I didn’t really want southern food. I wanted Mexican food!! Not Tex-Mex per se but it was delicious nonetheless. The BBQ was awesome, as well. Not pictured in the first photo: these rolls of heavenly deliciousness. I can’t even describe them – they were incredible.

Exhibit C: desserts! Tiramisu (right) from Publix (because I love these grocery stores and there’s not any nearby in Texas)…and banana pudding (left) from a place called Jim ‘N Nicks. So good!

By the end of the trip, I was incredibly over eating out. I don’t know how people do this constantly. Even eating a salad for lunch nearly daily during the trip, I got home and craved salad. And a cup of my own coffee.

Traveling helps remind you there’s no place like home.

______________________________

I ask you –

How often do you travel?

Do your preferences change when you’re away from home?

Happy Thanksgiving week. For some, it’s a time of gratefulness but for others it can be difficult. I hope it’s a great week for each of you.

(The post Food Freedom first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Graphs and Grudges

By the time you read this, I’ll be neck deep in all things resiliency. Which is a much needed break from…nothing. It’s a break from nothing.

Considering I practically sold my soul last week in order to create a bar graph in excel. Then I traded a byline on my dissertation to two people to create every graph I’ll ever need. For being as smart as I am, I’m really dumb sometimes. I have to leave something to others. You’re welcome. Write thousands of words? Done! Not become catatonic analyzing a spreadsheet? So sorry, I’m not the girl for it.

further proof I’m a whackadoo; credit: momsbehavingbadly via Instagram

After watching YouTube videos, phoning a few friends, and emailing the professor, I finally realized one mistake I was making. By correcting it, suddenly the numbers at least made sense. The chart part was still elusive though. I’m still not convinced I did any of this assignment correctly.

On the bright side, I am one class closer to graduation. Last week, I finished my first class. Overall, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. A tad frustrated at my professor’s feedback, but I guess I can get over it. No one will remember my frustrations in a few years anyway.

Not even me. Maybe. I’m good at holding grudges.

________________________

I ask you –

Do you know how to create charts and graphs in Excel? Do you have time to teach me?

Exactly what is the best advice for the windshield conundrum?

Grudges: thoughts?

(The post Graphs and Grudges first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

What’s Another Word for Concepts?

My readers have probably discovered by now I get a lot of writing material from listening to the radio. Radio is for the morning; earbuds (just music) is for running. Bobby Bones and his crew were speaking to a guest about her psychic abilities and what that meant for Bobby. I don’t entirely know his buy-in, but it was fun to listen to. So this prompted my own questions:

Psychic vs. Self Fulfilling Prophecy – As I’ve never been to a psychic or had any type of reading done, I don’t know the ins and outs of this process. However, suffice to say, a stranger with ability to see/hear/forecast your future tells you in the most generalized way possible what might happen. In my opinion, this is much like allowing a horoscope to dictate your entire day. Do you. My question is how many people create a self fulfilling prophecy by leaning on every word of a psychic? In case you’re unfamiliar, self fulfilling prophecy is when one expects something to happen and then inadvertently engineers it to happen (that’s the minimalist version, look it up yourself for the entirety). It’s actually really interesting to me because there is a psychological phenomenon property to it. Have you ever heard of women who “believe themselves pregnant”? It’s true. Our bodies and minds can do miraculous things. Anyway, I propose there must exist a connection between psychic conclusions and self fulfilling prophecy in the way we are told something could/should/might happen then it comes true because we made it come true. You can have your hypothesis and I’ll have mine.

Stability Before Resiliency – during our recent CSAF visit, Gen Brown visited with the Chaplains. One mentioned something to the effect of “we must focus on stability before resiliency”. Granted, I realize resiliency has become another buzzword for the military and probably for the public sector, as well; however, it is something I’m passionate about. As a Resiliency Trainer – and this time next month I’ll be traveling to receive certification as a Master Resiliency Trainer (fancy, right?) – I believe in muscle memory, most notably within the confines of psychological behavior. Though I’m sure we each have ideas on how soft the military is or how it “wasn’t like this when we were in”…nonetheless, times have changed and we must change with them. Teaching resiliency or at least bringing it up serves a higher purpose than a check mark on a to-do list. Off my tangent now. My belief is the Chaplain was referring to ensuring stability within an Airman’s life before incorporating resiliency. I don’t think he meant catering to what one wants to hear but focusing on their mental and occupational stability prior to expecting them to understand how to self-regulate and prioritize resiliency. I intend to study and use this idea during next month’s training as the possibilities and outcomes of such is notable.

I also need to stop writing like I get a grade for how many big yet theoretical words I use. Tomorrow. I’ll start tomorrow.

______________________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever been to a psychic? What was the outcome?

Do you agree with stability before resiliency?

Somehow October is flying by. Tell me something awesome you have going on!

(The post What’s Another Word for Concepts? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Double Trouble

For being a smart person, I really am quite dumb sometimes. Well, not like a dumdum. It just takes me longer than the average smart person to really come to grips with things. For example…

An email arrived with the sentence “Thank you for your persistence.” which probably meant please stop bothering me. A co-worker told someone else in front of me: (paraphrased only mildly) “We love Kelly. She has a way of being mean but she does it with a smile and it makes it ok.” I’m not sure it was a compliment but it is true.

M’s – money, marriages, and messes. The radio show advised these are three things we should stay out of, as in other people’s. This radio show predominantly deals with other people’s messes so pot…kettle.

Not every email requires a reply. As I’m almost constantly (now) dealing with people from all walks of life, there are many different approaches: kind, understanding, firm, rude, hateful, dismissive, etc. You get the idea. This week I’m neck deep in an inspection that hasn’t happened since 2019. Read: before me. Somehow I tend to find myself in positions where once I’ve got my bearings, there’s a huge inspection or program audit and here I am with my hands in the air and a huge shrug. I shall prevail! Occasionally I have too much to do to reply. Other times it is best I don’t because angry Kel can only be quiet for so long. And I’m being pushed to the brink.

My sister accepted a job on the same installation where I’m employed. In fact, we’re in the same squadron. I should feel bad the base is now saturated with two people like us, but this could be fun. Someone asked if she is as wonderful as I am; her reply was “I’m better!” She’s got jokes.

Now we’re off to find the boss and explain in no uncertain terms why the grass is brown. Hello. Drought. Texas. Seriously?

______________________________

I ask you –

Thoughts on the three M’s? Do you agree?

Have you been inspected or audited at work lately?

On a scale of 1 to You’re Fired, how much trouble will my twin and I get into? 5. We have humor going for us.

Tell the Truth

Once upon a time…I would take my breakfast to work to eat there. But with the medication I take, I discovered how awful I felt before I even arrived because I had not eaten. Turns out I’m a much happier human when I’m fed.

fancy

Which brings me to this nugget of truth:

H.A.L.T

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

By evaluating the words we say, actions we take, and decisions we make keeping the acronym HALT in mind, I bet you can pinpoint where many conversations or big decision making situations in your life went wrong. What if you evaluated your own internal cues prior to reacting to stressors at work, home, or life in general? Taking care of our basic needs is paramount to successful interactions. Hanger is very real, as is allowing lack of sleep to encourage poor decisions. So, next time, before you react or make a snap judgment, try the HALT method. If you need a snack, go for it. If you need to sleep on a decision, do that. If you’re falling back into destructive behaviors, perhaps it’s time to call a friend who will listen.

Unrelated – as I draw closer to the start date (I have one of those now – September!) of my doctorate program, I recognize this will finally unlock the door to teaching higher education. Some may think it’s not even possible, but I’ve known I wanted to be a teacher since I was 5 yrs old. Really. Don’t ask me how. I just knew then and still know now in my heart and soul I was called to teach. In every career I’ve had I always find myself gravitating toward teaching positions, opportunities to teach others, or advancing my formal schooling with the intent to teach. Now, knowing what I know now, Higher Ed is very political. I get it. And even though my degree(s) are in Public Admin which cater to elected officials and city/state government jobs, it’s never been my intent to become an elected official. Way too empathic. However, I would take my chances at teaching at the university level.

I ran into a college friend a few weeks ago whom I hadn’t seen in person since 2007ish. She’s now a local principal and an adjunct professor at our alma mater. She had some interesting advice for anyone willing to tackle university-level students; it boiled down to the older they get, the more resistant they get. Let’s land this plane, shall we? Instantly I thought of the HALT method. What kind of service are we providing our youth (and ourselves) when getting older is synonymous with resistant? Absolutely rhetorical! I firmly believe we all have more to learn – there’s no end in sight. Honing your craft, sharing your skills, providing a sympathetic ear are just three simple steps. Imagine what could be done if you tried, if you made a conscious effort.

Perhaps this is where we get it very wrong. When the going gets tough, do the tough actually get going or do they get gone? Think about it.

________________________

I ask you –

Know about good metaphors for deescalating stressful situations?

Do you consider yourself a resistant person? You can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.

Tell me something you are very good at (skill, hobby, whatever it is)! Baking cookies!