Say ‘I’m Sorry’, Now Say It Again

What if we lived our life knowing there’s not a single word we say that doesn’t matter. Note the lack of a question mark; this is most assuredly statement material. Profound! And if you knew this, would it influence the words to exit your lips? I dislike conversations where “it doesn’t matter” is used flippantly, in a disregard type of manner. To me, it’s basically saying I don’t care what you think or say. At the least, it’s extremely hurtful. At most, damaging.

Lifting people up should be a common goal; however, it seems this isn’t so. We waste a lot of time tearing others (or ourselves) down rather than being a part of growth. If you lose your why, you will lose your way. Full disclosure: I didn’t come up with the previous line on my own.

This world is a crazy one, but there’s not one reason to be unkind. A few nights, maybe weeks, ago, my little love bug was sitting on the couch. She asked me to lay my head in her lap so she could run her fingers through my hair and massage my head. This was at the end of the day I’d given her a foot rub. (She tried to return the favor but I’m too ticklish; a calamity of errors!) Her kind gesture really got me thinking: how often do we dismiss another’s kindness? All those doors you’ve held open, all the polite words you’ve uttered, all the cars you’ve yielded to on the highway. Small examples of something huge.

A few (more) nights ago, I snatched up my phone as it began to ring and yelled “Stop calling me!” to whomever was on the line. An equally angry woman yelled back “You stop calling me, lady! You called me at 10:27 this morning!” As I prepared my retort, she hung up on me. I realize yelling at someone sounds nothing like me. Full story: for days in a row, I kept receiving phone calls from numbers with the same area code and prefix as my own. Never answering, the voicemails would be exactly 22 seconds long with a social security scam schpill. I blocked the numbers but it continued with a final digit difference. I’d had enough. But after what the angry lady said, it dawned on me she was most likely receiving calls from my number with the same garbage message. And, of course, my little child overheard this debacle. Ugh. Not my finest moment. Even after my explanation, she calmly stated I must call back and apologize. Which I did. The other woman didn’t answer; I don’t blame her.

Recently I was told “You never have an opinion. And, if you do, you don’t share it.” Partially paraphrased but the gist is there. If it had been appropriate at the moment, I would have laughed and maybe not stopped. My opinions are everywhere! Hello! Do you read this blog?! I am opinionated to a degree; I just choose not to argue. A discussion is one thing, but if the other parties are only able to express their opinion in loud, overbearing voices, well, I don’t have anything to say. End of story.

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I ask you –

What are you opinionated about?

Do you have a flippant phrase?

Recount a time you were not proud of your phone behavior.

Looking Forward

What’s next in 2021? I steer clear of the word resolutions because it gives me anxiety. Goals is the preferred noun.

My planner states “find 3 races”. I used find instead of run because what if we’re at the same impasse in 2021 that we were in before. Can’t even imagine.

Soooooooooooo istartedlookingatdoctoralprograms. I have to write it fast because I’m a little in shock myself. Before my mini was born, I made a silent promise I would fulfill my own dreams while ensuring she could have a strong future, too. It’s hard to quantify the importance of our young people seeing their parents/family members/peers succeed. Granted a doctorate isn’t a single year goal, but the planning phase has commenced. I’m narrowing down schools, examining financial requirements, and viewing time tables. Oh boy.

For one, I can’t believe she’ll be 5 this year. Secondly, let’s rearrange our whole lives for me to get (another) advanced degree because I’m a career college student. Lastly, wait… she’s going to be 5?! But she was just born yesterday!

I’d also like to complete my book. Yes, really, this time. Even with so much time on my hands last year – you, too, right? – it got pushed to the back burner. Not by design but by priority. I think I needed to focus on a lot of other things, like recovering from an unexpected car crash and making a significant job change, in order to appreciate where this book has taken me. Rightfully so, a publisher may also state I have to break it into two books. Humble brag hahaha That sounds like such a terrible problem to have; however, it would mean quite a bit of re-write on my part. This is a ton to think about.

Of course my plans change about as fast as the weather in Texas so we’ll see what happens next. And if 2021 is half as crazy as the previous year, there’s really zero telling. Stand back everyone!

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I ask you –

Do you prefer “goals” or “resolutions”?

Care to share one of yours?

Anyone want to guess how much a doctorate costs these days? How does gofund me work anyway?!

20/20 of 2020

As I was falling asleep one night, I began thinking about the general consensus on 2020: it sucked. But I’m no bandwagonner. That’s a word, right? It didn’t really suck for me. Sure, some parts were more difficult than others, but to be expected.

When I first moved back to Texas, I felt like swiss cheese. The shape seemed to be what everyone wanted; however, some important parts were missing. Speaking of swiss cheese, why does it cost the same as cheese without holes? Like shorts. Why do they cost the same or more than pants? Nevermind.

2020 has been a turning point. The holes represented what I was missing spiritually and mentally and I’ve made incredible strides in these areas over the past year. Suddenly it seems like things are finally coming together. I’ve seen others close on their first home, be promoted at work, celebrate the turn of a presidency, find more time with their families, and the list goes on.

I’ve always wanted to host or be a part of a cookie exchange. I was born for cookies. This year was primed for it until, you know, 2020’s issues. So when invited to a small gathering of other cookie-loving, child-rearing, incredible women and friends, I said yes before I even knew what was expected. Really should have done more research. And not one to venture off without my trusty sidekick, we had an amazing night! Next time, I’ll bring individual bags for cookie sharing. And a shopping cart. Apparently you leave with nearly the same number of cookies you arrived with. Who knew?!

No, I didn’t finish my book. Yet. Completion was a goal in 2020, but writing here on the blog has expanded my growth in so many ways. I’m lucky to have witnessed others grow, as well; it’s incredible. Related: why don’t adults get praised for growth like children? You know, people always fuss over children – Look how much you’ve grown this year! Us? No one says a word. Well I’m praising you! We made it. It was lonely, dark, and, frankly, sucked at times yet growth has happened.

Maybe it’s just how you turn the mirror as to what angle the past year is visible.

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I ask you –

Describe 2020 in one word. Go!

What were your 2020 goals? Did you complete them?

Have you ever been to a cookie exchange? Next year I’m hosting my own and you’re all invited!

Welcome Back!

If you’re reading this, then it’s the very first post of 2021! What a lucky bunch of readers I have. Sound the alarm, wake your neighbors, go to work, do whatever you do best.

Let’s chat about the New Year. Most likely we’ll all be writing the wrong year for awhile, maybe even the wrong month, and still wondering why there’s so many sweets around the house. Oh, just me? Liars. I’m that girl who gets excited about a new year; a new page in our lives and, honestly, if you made it out of 2020 alive you’re doing better than a lot of other folks. Bring out the champagne!

January used to be the busiest month of the year for me. Working in a gym is fraught with resolutionists (definitely made that one up) and many eager to buy their health no matter the cost. Quite sad really. What about the other months, you ask? As expected, I say. Not to be outdone, I’m starting off my year with extra coffee and a 5am wakeup for 21 Days of Fasting and Prayer. Disclaimer: I’m not fasting; I’m de-sugaring. Again. Without my lady love home for the month, I’ll surely succeed at entertaining myself.

Oh! And I’m run streaking! Pay attention to my words. I’m doing a run streak, as in running every day for a whole month. With clothes. It’s January! Then we’ll see where it takes us. Figured since my mini me is gone for another Tennessean adventure I should pack my calendar so full she’ll be home before I know it. Looks like I have the right idea.

Stay tuned for more from 2021!

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I ask you –

Resolutions? Please share!

On average, how long does it take you to write the correct year? At least until March.

Have you participated in a run streak?

Culinary Masterpiece

Maybe in my next life I’ll be a well-rounded baker who can do more than just amazing cookies. Not that there’s anything wrong with “just amazing cookies”. But seriously. Is it a practice issue or a skills issue? Please don’t answer.

Not too shabby, but they weighed as much as a large cut of beef. At least 5 lbs. Popular opinion: they didn’t rise long enough. The fix: let them rise longer next time. Too easy!

Also, I took a page from a fabulous hostess I know and created a breakfast ring. This was my Christmas breakfast recipe.

Since then I have made a taco ring, too. Just Kelly Crocker’ing it up over here.

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I ask you –

Am I doing this right?

Yeast and other bread-leavening ingredients: tips?

Let me know if you’d like my non-award winning recipe I so kindly borrowed from someone else and will gladly take the credit for if you like it!

Mistake? I hope not. + Find Me!

It’s scary putting yourself out there for others to really see.

About a month ago, I removed the privacy settings, applied to be a Brooks Running ambassador, and let the chips fall where they may. Fast forward some. I didn’t get the part. At first, I was really bummed and a tiny bit hurt. What did I do wrong? Answer: nothing. I just wasn’t the right fit at this time.

too much

But it’s got me thinking nearly constantly about other ways to be in the limelight. I don’t want to nor am I driven to be an “influencer”; however, I do strive to grow my blog audience. If I can do fun things along the way, like represent my favorite shoe company, then even better! So, in sharing all this, I decided it was time to – drumroll, please – return to the dark web. Facebook, that is.

My reasons for previous deletion still stand, although it was 99% fault of my own for the life implosion. Let’s not, shall we? This time I’m abandoning the secrecy, the constant contact, the drama that tends to enfold everyone in its path. My blog will grow, dammit! And I will continue being my typical hilarious self right here, same as always.

But, if you feel so inclined, you can find me there, too. You know the way by now.

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I ask you –

Am I rushing things? Are my expectations too high?

Any pointers? Please help!

I still remember when Facebook was only for college students. Those were the days.

When There’s Only One Way from Down

…the conditioning of society to “make” us feel sadness is wrong.

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/on-the-benefits-of-a-blue-period?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Several weeks ago – perhaps even months – a dear friend sent me the above link after reading one of my many rants and raves here. I saved it because I just knew it would come in handy, most likely sooner vs later. This time it was later. Surprise! I don’t know the history behind labeling a rough spot ‘blue’, but I like it better than other phrases used.

When my tiny shadow cries or gets frustrated or doubles down on attention-seeking behavior, the soft mom in me wants to cuddle her and give her everything she wants. But I can’t. Shouldn’t. These times are so important to her development because I won’t always be there to rescue her. By allowing her to experience pain, rejection, and other normal life emotions, I’m nurturing a strong, independent, healthy young lady. It still hurts.

Reflecting on my own life, which I’ve shared some about, I can see how mental and physical health are intertwined. Exercise goes out the door during an aptly named blue period. It can be tough just to put on socks. However, sometimes the only hindrance is myself. Moral of the story: screw what society says you should be feeling and focus on what makes you happy. Like baking.

And always remember if you need help, please ask. Reach out to anyone. Please don’t battle alone.

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I ask you –

What do you call the feeling of being sad? Down. PMS. In a mood.

Do you have a go-to ritual or activity to cheer yourself up?

Share your thoughts.

Day in Photos, pt 61

I’m in the business of being busy. So when the show must go on, I break out all the art supplies we own and attempt to form a lesson. Those degrees might help.

Working from home creates lots of opportunities while also creating lots of frustrations. Most days I wake up amazed I get to be her mom. Me!!! As something I thought I’d never experience, being a mother is fulfilling and challenging and exciting and tiring. My body is no longer my own.

Made my own Christmas centerpieces. Not one creative bone in my body, but I can copy someone else’s cute idea. At least I follow directions. Mini proudly proclaimed her approval.

Just in case you were wondering – Gummy Drop is still going well.

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I ask you –

How much hot cocoa will we drink this month?

Have you ever made your own decorations?

Tell me your record for daily game check-ins!

Join Me in the Kitchen!

Christmas goodies were never really a staple until I was in my early 20s. Maybe I was just too picky to appreciate them before. Now? Bring on the sugar-laden bonbons, festive cookies, and chocolate-dipped everything! Even though I’m not indulging this year.

Rum balls have been one of my favorites! But I suggest also trying them using Amaretto or some other kind of alcohol.

Of course, chocolate chip cookies are required. I read somewhere that you should never bake the “typical chocolate chip cookie” at Christmas. Whatever. I do what I want! There’s nothing wrong with chocolate chip cookies at Christmas time, in my opinion. Why change a good thing?!

It’s important to separate anything coated in chocolate because they all start to look the same after awhile. Unless you want it to be a surprise. I like to make peanut butter balls, coconut balls, oreo balls, and Dr Pepper balls at the holidays. Occasionally I dress them up with sprinkles of things on top or coat them in white chocolate, but it just depends on what’s available and how much time I have.

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday. Like I said…Join me in the kitchen. I’ll just be here forever dipping balls of things into melted chocolate. Pun mostly not intended.

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I ask you –

Should I have included recipes? Whoops.

Do you bake/cook/imbibe in anything specifically for the holidays?

Share a favorite holiday treat!

Day in Photos, pt 8

My Christmas cards are done! They were completed weeks ago. Who am I?!

card-carrying member of the postal service

90% of my Christmas shopping is done, too. I’m killin’ it over here!

Final long run topped out at 10 miles in 2:03. We’ll find out soon, but I suspect my commitment (or lack thereof) of consistent training will result in some major post-race soreness. On the bright side, the 40/50° temperatures have been absolutely perfect running weather. Even if the cold makes me a little angry. San Antonio should be right in that range!

I’ve found by taking a lot of seemingly random photos I can easily put together a cohesive blog post. Finally, right? Of course it won’t always be this way – I have some serious sh*t to say at times – but when my mini is home and time is short, a photo collage gets the job done. You may notice the “pt…” number in the post title is in no specific order. Welcome to random (wo)man!

Stay tuned for a Stars at Night Half Marathon update next week! Wish us luck!

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I ask you –

Do you send out Christmas cards every year, some years, or no years at all?

Whose shopping is done? Disclaimer: I’m usually a last minute shopper.

This will be my very first night race! I’m really excited!