Moments of Resilience

Turns out I’m allergic to patterned carpet. Dramatic much, Kel. Obviously I’m not allergic. More like averse to it. The patterns are optical and often symmetrical enough to prompt a very dizzying effect. Hotels, classrooms, and educational training sites often utilize this type of carpet which really causes issues with my brain. Or equilibrium. You know what else causes all the sneezing? Beautiful, resilient, blooms, like these flowers. How can something so gorgeous create so many issues?!

CMSgt Fabrienne Burnett

This incredible woman made a few last minute stops on her way to retirement and I was so humbled to be a part of her waypoint. You see, she just returned from deployment in a war-torn, volatile area. Sure, she’s done her fair share of deployments but the emotion I felt in her presence was stained with exhaustion, and dare I say, an undercurrent of hurt. The sheer fact that she took it upon herself to say goodbye rather than fading into R&R without a rear view speaks volumes of her commitment. CMSgt Burnett is one of a kind. I’ve seen some good ones, but she is a great one. And to say she will be missed is an understatement. At a recent commander’s call, our commander asked for a raise of hands to indicate who knew or had been impacted by Chief. Nearly the entire room had a hand raised. As I looked around at the faces of those with their hands up, it was apparent the impression she had made. People were smiling. And that’s what people did when they saw her in her office, out and about, in their spaces. They smiled. She cared. And she will be missed.

All this to say, the empathic part of me accepted her emotions. As the day went on, I kept coming back to those emotions, visible in her eyes and the long hug – needing connection, stability, and a listening ear. The next day, I had grand plans to run, to do things, to be productive. Instead, I couldn’t find the energy. I knew if I didn’t sit with the emotions, my mind and body would eventually force me to do so. When it hits, there’s no pause button, no “please schedule a time…”. So I sat. I rested. I felt. This is the resilience we often speak of. The acknowledgement to ourselves we are strong, even when weak.

Even as the flowers are beautiful, they are equally resilient. If only my nose was the same.

________________

I ask you –

Have you someone in your life who embodies the core of resiliency?

(The post Moments of Resilience first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Sit Alone

I’ve started, restarted, paused, abandoned, and now wait for the finality of a draft post, titled The Day I Had Coffee with Her. Some time ago, there was a social media trend of the same title, basically stating what you would tell your younger self. A few posts that came across my feed were very deep, mentioning trauma and abuse, while some just shared encouraging memories. I jumped on the proverbial wagon, but I didn’t finish it. Yet.

In a way, this is my homage to the unfinished post.

I sit alone. And I am unafraid. Never lonely. Yet alone. Some events make me question myself. Some even bring back very tough memories or experiences. Some I thought I was over. Turns out I’m not. So I sit alone with the pain.

Even when the fear ebbs and wanes, I am unafraid. Fear is psychological and I am aware of my limitations, my weaknesses, my inability to turn away from feeling it. Fear is not failure. And words do not own me. So I protect me by sitting alone.

Those old patterns are tempting. Too easy to return to my old ways. But I know every curve in the road, every pothole waiting to derail me. Swerve. I sit alone, in the driver’s seat, in control.

It’s lonely at the top. When the decisions rest on my shoulders and hard news is hard on everyone. I sit alone, pondering how much easier it would have been to gloss over the truth, to abandon what must be said. I could invite others to sit with me. Yet the consequences are far too great. I sit alone out of self-respect.

I’m not sorry for choosing to sit alone, when the choice is mine. I’m not a failure for sitting alone when the choice is made for me. Sitting is an opportunity to rest. And no one knows me better than me. So I sit alone.

________________

I ask you –

Are you familiar with the “Coffee with Her” trend?

(The post I Sit Alone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Ten!

We celebrated 10 years! Instead of the traditional party, we made a quick trip to DFW to eat, shop, and generally create chaos. Success! With cash in hand, Mini made good choices and reckless choices, but her “loot” (as she calls it) was quite satisfying.

A fabulous brunch at The Brunch District in Addison. Truly a best kept secret. Mini’s Eggs Benedict stole the show. Once a girl who avoided anything considered spicy, she has opened her mind and taste buds to new things…and a taste for simple spicy.

We drank a lot of coffee. Of course. The Ninja Kids Adventure Park was also a hit.

And we shopped until we nearly dropped. Better than a party, in my opinion, and so much fun. The experience was worth the drive, the stormy weather, and the very late arrival home.

My sweet 10-yr-old is a happy, kind, beautiful, strong, young lady with an appreciation for fun and chaos. Her wide smile is shared with everyone. And her critical opinions are both humorous and fearsome. As some would say, she’s a hoot!

___________________

I ask you –

Tell me your favorite birthday memory!

(The post Ten! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 10 (in progress)

On my birthday weekend, Mini outdid herself! She ran a 5k with me, she finally showed up to help me with the short disciples, and she found a new bathing suit! All tougher than they look.

A whole photo shoot, courtesy of mini.

For 3.14, we celebrated Pie Day with a 5k and pie! Any excuse to eat pie is a good one in my book, so I didn’t need convincing. Mini chose blueberry pie, which we both enjoyed. She came in first in her age group…and now that I’m in a new age bracket (40-49) I also placed first in my age group!

The following week I managed 2 runs, twice as many as achieved nearly the entire month prior. Now, to keep the streak alive.

Not much for this post. Hope you all have an amazing day!

________________

I ask you –

If you like pie, what is your favorite? Aunt Mary Catherine’s blueberry pie.

(The post Outtakes, episode 10 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Cheers to 40 Years

Mini’s got jokes

When I tell you I thought the week leading up to 40 (not 50 as mini would have you believe) was difficult, even the word difficult doesn’t capture how trying it was.

I’d like to think I’m prepared for anything. But when a situation stops you dead in your tracks and you are forced to navigate your own emotions, moving away from those emotions is like falling without a parachute. Though I wouldn’t exactly know. Never could I be prepared for the adrenaline dump. It’s a moment like this I’m thankful for others who checked on me, who let me take a minute to breathe, who were gentle with me. Living should never be taken lightly. And asking the really really really hard questions is not for the faint of heart. My title isn’t free. It comes with a heavy cost and, although I’m living a career dream come true, the title is paid for in blood, sweat, and tears.

On a more lighthearted note, this cake makes the toughest days a little brighter.

Lemon blueberry cake, courtesy of Tanto

So do beautiful flowers –

Muse love

And the real reason for all the shenanigans –

Spare Parts and I

40!

She and I received so many messages, calls, texts, and a visit from her sweet grandbaby! Our families and friends made today extra special. If this is 40, I’m a big fan!

________________

I ask you –

Do you celebrate your birthday or is it just another day?

(The post Cheers to 40 Years first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Things it doesn’t take a PhD to do

Read the directions
Properly fill out a form
Ask for help
Say no
Reschedule a meeting/appointment/obligation
Be kind
Laugh maniacally

Side note. I posted the above photo on Instagram and no one commented. And I wasn’t flagged either. Maybe I’m losing my touch. Parts and I had the best laugh when she shared this info with me one morning on the drive to work. I thought she was kidding. The previous dude was Mencho or Menchi or some iteration of a word I am too lazy this moment to research. We went from him to Sir Yogurt. Classy. I really should not joke about these things because my history precedes me.

8. Balance junk with “healthier” options. Oreos + chocolate milk. Disclaimer: the sugar free Oreos are really nothing special. Personally, I’d choose the gluten free ones because I think they taste the best of all – super crunchy, no after taste, and (maybe?) slightly healthier than regular Oreos.

________________

I ask you –

What is your favorite type or flavor of Oreos?

Of the 8 listed items, which do you find the easiest and which is the toughest?

(The post Things it doesn’t take a PhD to do first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 8

Not our usual background, but we both love this color so much!

In a turn of events, the adult helper I’m usually paired with has decided she can’t stand me and has resigned from her position. It’s not you, it’s me. Kidding. Halfway. She has resigned, but assured me it was not my fault. Like all nice people would say. So it was just me, solo, alone, in the midst of wild children, again. Somehow we all survived because, if you will recall, serving solo has become a pattern.

To think people trust me with their children is surprising yet not. I worked with kids for a long time, and aren’t adults just oversized children anyway? Do you know what is difficult? Getting hired as an adjunct professor! Countless submissions, hours of searching – still nothing. Not a single hit. I’m not sure what the hiring committees are looking for, but I don’t have it (or I don’t know how to market it). I really underestimated the challenges of applying to teach.

Meanwhile, I’m keeping upwards of 13 young people alive, well, and engaged. Shouldn’t this count for something?

________________

I ask you –

Do you have any suggestions for professorship?

(The post Outtakes, episode 8 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Growing up, maybe with friends

Photo by Bu00fcu015fra u015e on Pexels.com

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I love this question, especially when it’s posed to adults at any stage in their life. A simple reminder not to take life too seriously. You can start again! And again! And again! It reminds me of a meme I cannot find at the moment where an adult says ‘no one asked me how fast I can run in my new shoes. This is BS! (baloney sandwich)’.

Side note. In my house, we say baloney sandwich for the (obviously) BS. Mini always replies with affirmation that she knows what it really means. At this point, I just say it for my own affirmation of her innocence. Denial, anyone?

Focus, Kel.

The hilarity of mentioning growing up to an adult has many giggle-worthy images. You can fill in your own blank.

Side bar. How to not make friends.

Step 1. Trauma-dump your life story within the first 2 encounters. Step 2. See step 1.

Just don’t! Also, don’t invade my personal space. Don’t capture my phone number from a well-meaning person. And, don’t invite me to meet your friends. I am sure they are lovely people, but if this is how you also met them…I have reservations.

I really need to work with mini on not blowing my cover. She’s the worst. Loudly, “hey mom, why are you avoiding them?!” Me: “Shhhhh!”

_____________________

I ask you –

What steps should others not take to become your friend?

(The post Growing up, maybe with friends first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Fern Made Me Do It

Obviously written during Winter Storm Fern –

As we roll (ahem, slide) into another snow day, is this day 2 or 3?, I confront my own anxiety and fear. I have wished it away. I have sought spiritual intervention. I have pretended it does not exist. But, there is not enough anxiety medication at the nearest pharmacy to get me into a moving vehicle and out on ice/snow-covered roads. Alas, I stay at home, in the safety of my four walls. ‘Tis rather nice here and I’m still productive.

Besides, snow days are meant to keep people off the roads so safety and emergency personnel can do their job. I am supporting their mission! But I can’t help it. 6 days at home is a bit much.

On day 4, we considered unfolding the treadmill. Quickly vetoed, instead I paced the house for approximately 11,000 steps. On day 5, I forgoe’d the pacing, resolving to complete an actual workout the next day AND…dun dun dunnnnnn…go outside!

2 miles outside, dodging the slippery spots, was glorious! I didn’t want to come back inside. But there’s where the coffee lives.

Day 5, I completed a workout with mini. As in, she actually did the entire workout with me. Zero complaining. She tried very hard, she amazed me!

photo, at her request

Overall productivity: I cleaned up 7,914 old emails, I deleted all 11 voicemails, and I organized my teams folders. Now I can’t find anything.

Did I “enjoy” the long, long unexpected time “off”? Yes. Do I wish to do this again anytime soon? Not so much.

________________________

I ask you –

What was the most amount of time you’ve been home due to weather?

(The post Fern Made Me Do It first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

AF Fitness Standards Thoughts + Jan Recap

courtesy of Strava

Although I intended to complete a workout every single day of January, meh. Life happened. P.S. I’m not sure why the graphic says February 2026, when it hasn’t arrived yet. Weird.

screenshot via Strava

Interestingly, the screenshot was correct but not when I use the share button. How odd.

Anyway, now I’ve forgotten the point of this post.

Ok, I’m back.

As 1 March draws near, the grumblings surrounding the Air Force’s updated PT standards resound louder. I’ve heard of every reason why a 2-mile run is simply impossible, including the Body Comp updates, the inclusion of the InBody, etc. This is a sampling of my favorite reasons why a service member believes they will fail –

I’m big boned. Wrong, sir. We all have the same size bones.
I’m a body builder. I can’t run. You can run, but just like you trained to lift heavier weights, you must train aerobic capacity, too.
My job is admin. Why do I need to run anyway? There are many scientific principles regarding cardio and how it trains your body to do other hard things, personally and professionally.

Typically, I answer with my own question – How many overweight people are 80+ years old? Or 70 years old? Or gasp 60? Where and how much weight you carry is directly proportional to longevity.

I don’t know about you but I want to live to see mini graduate as many stages as she desires. I want to meet my grandchildren, and maybe great-grandchildren. I want to run when I’m 60, 70, 80 years old. I want to bend over and tie my own shoes. I want to balance on one leg. I want to outlive the naysayers.

For those who state “We’re all gonna die anyway”, well, good luck. Discipline is hard. But loss is harder. Portion control is hard. But burying a loved one at 50 years old due to heart disease is harder. Exercise is hard. But raising your right hand to defend your country is harder.

Personally, I’m glad the bar is being raised. I’m glad fitness returns to the forefront of military standards. I’m glad decision makers have opened their eyes to the necessity of the 2-mile run and strict body comp measurements. Are there flaws? Absolutely! But will this force the 1% to a) make better decisions regarding their health or b) find a different career field outside of serve and protect?

You know the answer.

________________________

I ask you –

As an outsider, or insider, what are your thoughts on tightening the belt loops of the Air Force’s “fit to fight” culture?

(The post AF Fitness Standards Thoughts + Jan Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)