My Face When…

this is my face when…

When you’ve been writing for 4 hours and only have 2 pages. I need 6 pgs minimum.

When a doctoral candidate writes (paraphrased) “people who are emotionally weaker have a tendency to be depressed”. Wow. This statement is fantastically false and hurtful. Idiot.

When one of the assigned readings is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (not really, one of the authors is named Hyde so that’s what I call this book) and it mentions the U.S.S.R. – which I should be careful in even typing because we know how that turned out for me last time. It struck me as weird because it’s a very outdated title. Turns out it was written in 1959. Now it all makes sense.

When I drop off mini at school and can’t find my ID to access work. My sweet coworker (Ms. P, remember) happily informs me it’s at my computer. At work. Which I can’t get to without said ID. In nearly 10 years, I have never left my ID in any place other than intended. Thankfully I had other methods to get to work. But still. Now I have to start over on my record.

When mini wants to discuss the merits and nuances of “running sticks”. Tampons. That’s what we’re talking about here. She’s 6 so I give her an age appropriate explanation. Just as I thought we were done – aka I had sufficiently navigated these uncharted waters – she asks…so where do they go? My answer: inside your body. As a look of horror and disgust cross her little face, she loudly says “YOU EAT THEM?!” And this is where I said we’re going to be late for school, let’s go.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be over questioning every life choice ever made and frantically searching for that damn parenting manual. Again. As I always do.

___________________________

I ask you –

Do you have a winning streak on never forgetting your ID or some other form of work access card, etc?

What conversation was the hardest with your child(ren)?

Send help. I don’t know what I’m doing over here.

(The post My Face When… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Weekend Recap

This past weekend brought about low overnight temperatures (upper 40’s and low 50’s). Best running weather ever! Unfortunately my body couldn’t seem to get it together. Old age sucks. My back began hurting midweek so by Friday night it was unbearable. The suspected culprit: my home desk chair. You know, where I spend several hours a day diligently writing and researching. Still don’t have week one grades. Hmmpphh. I’ve made the switch to a proper ergonomic, blah blah blah chair. Hopefully that fixes it.

Dr. Google informed me walking (and running, actually) can be beneficial for those who suffer from back spasms. As I essentially have the same degree as Dr. Google, I took the advice with a grain of salt (otherwise known in pill form as ibuprofen) and went for a walk. It didn’t kill me and I only had to stop twice when the spasms nearly knocked me off my feet. Successful walk.

September concluded with nearly 33 total miles for the month! Overall that sounds paltry to what fall training began with last year. But it also wasn’t 95+ degrees then so I’m ok with it.

But I did have a solid reason to lay around all weekend and shirk my running duties. Finally! The long awaited premier of Hocus Pocus 2! Not as good as the original but not bad either. We made Hocus Pocus buns – basically disappearing marshmallow buns. Very tasty!

Update: late Saturday I received grades for my first assignment. 75 out of 75 points and a “well done”. *bowing graciously*

_____________________

I ask you –

How much faith do you have in Google?

Have you watched Hocus Pocus 2 yet? No spoilers, please!

Tell me about your weekend!

(The post Weekend Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Excuse Me, Have You Heard of Grammerly?

There’s a pattern to the amount of commercial vehicles attempting to gain access to a military base using the main gate. It’s written very plainly miles before and upon entrance to this gate “No commercial vehicles authorized. Please use xxxx gate.” As I eventually drove up to have my ID checked after once again waiting in line behind a semi-truck at the main gate, I made a joke about the sign. These are the responses I received –

1. English is a hard language. – no doubt

2. Readin’ is cheatin’ – please see #1

3. Reading is for the rich. I have no words.

In other news, at the time of this post, I’ll be in week two of my doctorate program. Week one was interesting.

I’m seriously amazed at the writing skills, ahem lack thereof, of my post-graduate classmates. Appalled would be a better description. Perhaps I should fear one of them reading this and being offended, but I’m not. As I’ve been out of school for 10 years there was concern I wouldn’t be able to do it. All the what ifs. What if I was so out of touch with technology I couldn’t navigate the sites? What if ideas don’t flow and I can’t write? Geez, if this class is the bar then I’m in space.

I wish this didn’t sound so selfish and self-absorbed. Probably should be ashamed now. But there are posts with bad grammar, misspellings, and an obvious lack of citations. Ramen Catholic Church anyone? Proofreading goes a long way in writing. Maybe they expected their word document to autocorrect like text. If I was the professor I’d cry.

You’re welcome, friends. These are the people who might, one day, spell checker-willing, be called doctor. Ugh. Help me.

______________________________________

I ask you –

Have you heard any of the phrases mentioned at the beginning of my post?

Did I go too far in pointing out my classmate’s misgivings? If so, I am sorry.

Ramen Catholic Church – I bet they have an abundance of seasoning packets.

(The post Excuse Me, Have You Heard of Grammerly? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Still Writing and Reading

I totally thought by spending so much time writing case studies and research papers I would not have it in me to write blog posts. Wrong! Herein lies the random things my brain circles around –

I wonder who watched an egg fall out of a chicken’s behind and thought we should try to cook it?! By the way, if you haven’t read the book Gladys The Magic Chicken then you are missing out! Fairly certain no one thought it was nearly as funny as I did. Even mini wasn’t laughing like me. Sometimes people miss the mark on humor. But not me!

I wonder how many people picked berries and fruits in long forgotten lands, then ate them and died? Oh dang it, John; guess we can’t use that one.

My very own claim to fame: that one time I helped a virtual stranger get accepted into his master’s program. To this day, I am still soooo proud of this!

The first time I ate Five Guys. As my very best friend, Sam, is also in the throes of her own doctoral program, she’s been in my mind lately. Also because when I need help she’s my first call. If you recall, Sam and I met in boot camp, then went to training school together, then went to Norfolk together, as well. We basically lived together for almost 3 years. Anyway, now we’re commiserating papers together. Huge digression here. Five guys. Our classmates in Pensacola kept talking about this hamburger place. Eventually one night we succumbed to pressure to try it. Spoiler: I’m not a hamburger fan, neither is Sam so we enjoyed the fries most of all. And then we never returned. Anticlimactic.

___________________________

I ask you –

What random things do you think about?

Have you ever eaten at Five Guys?

Name your favorite place to eat! Home!

(The post Still Writing and Reading first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Playing Catch Up

It’s currently Friday night, I’ve been suffering all week with ridiculous allergies, and I realized I haven’t written one word for a post. 23 words now. I’m on a roll! Let me catch you up on my week.

Still Friday. What a crazy day. From 5 miles to start the day to being able to log into my very first doctoral course – it’s been a rollercoaster of emotion. The twin and I were able to honor our grandfather during the POW/MIA run at oh-dark-thirty. Seriously the mosquitoes are brutal. Then we did another hour of walking as part of the Run to Remember for our fallen SAFB service members. Sister wanted to kick me. A bazillion steps later, I finally showed up to work.

I’ve been anxious about this “first look” for school. We can log in and look around, print some things etc, but can’t officially get started. There was a moment where I thought ‘is it too early to quit?’ Surely this will get better with time. Surely. By the time you’re reading this, class will have officially started. Here we go!

Mini has been sick, as well. Poor baby. I blame her. From the few days of rain we received some time back, the ragweed decided to make its grand appearance. Then the city decided to mow because why not. Hello, sneezes! Hello, Zyrtec! Anyway, this has been fun.

I also attended my first ever Air Force Ball. Despite the lack of, well, many things during the preparation phase, the night was a lot of fun. As expected…it literally took a village to put my outfit together. As it’s been an extremely long time since heels were required, I solicited amazing friends and family for a curling iron – because why would I need one of those – and a purse. Which I swear I have one, but couldn’t locate. The accessory du jour was a sparkly tiara because how often does one have an opportunity to wear that?!

Now I must return to my rather boring life punctuated with football, word counts, and a run or two.

___________________________

I ask you –

How was your weekend?

Have you ever worn a tiara?

Tell me how often you rely on others to make things happen? All the times!

(The post Playing Catch Up first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Finding Joy + Important Question

Sep 1st I’m starting a half marathon training plan. Not because I have a race in mind, but because it’s fall and that’s what I do. I train. I am the driver. I must drive! Also because running is my escape and with school starting mid-Sep then I’m going to need to escape from my laptop. And running brings me joy so why not.

A radio caller posed a question: “Should I let my 12 yr old wear makeup?” Nearly everyone on the show stated no. I didn’t see the problem. Mini has been wearing makeup since she was 2. No, she doesn’t wear it anywhere except to church. My reasoning has always been when you make something mysterious, when it becomes a big secret, that’s when it develops into forbidden fruit. She’s been watching me do my own makeup her whole life; naturally she wanted to participate. Putting makeup on brings her joy. Truthfully, she’s really great at eyeliner. She should give me lessons because mine sucks. For her, makeup isn’t about covering an insecurity or for attention…she genuinely loves blending colors and watching it transform to the finished product. Makeup artists are, in my opinion, creators on a living canvas. Joyful.

Circa 2019 – good thing she’s had practice!

A lovely friend often uses the phrase ‘finding joy’. One day she stated she saw a cabinet of candles in her home and silently asked herself why she wasn’t using them. She recognized unlit candles were not bringing her joy so she made a change. Hello, fire! I, too, have a host of candles I never light. Sounds like I need to do something about it pronto. My “Is this bringing me joy?” moment revolves around perfume. I noticed I own several bottles of the same scent of expensive, glorious perfume, but rarely do I wear it. Not anymore. Mini has her own makeup and body spray I encourage her to wear – it’s about time I take my own advice.

Minus the dramatic, winged eyeliner. I’m not there yet.

________________

I ask you –

What brings you joy?

How would you have answered the question of a 12 yr old wearing makeup?

Tell me how many candles you currently have in your home! At least 6.

(The post Finding Joy + Important Question first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

© Running on Fumes 2022

Degree Prep

And it begins.

Dissertation ideas:

Do mosquito bites correlate to high blood volume from intense exercise, like running? Or is it because I’m extra hydrated because I run?
(Nothing else. Just #1)

210 emails awaited my one week hiatus. 210. I like to think I’m popular but really it’s most likely people are desperate. I know nothing! Ctrl + A, Delete. My job has certainly prepared me to tackle many moving parts at once.

Contrary to my common sense – which seems to be in short supply lately – I signed up for Civilian Mentoring Connection (CMC) 102. If you recall, I just completed CMC 101. We’ll be touring my building. Sounds like fun. I plan to ask obnoxious questions like I don’t work there. I also requested a mentor, but no word yet on if I get to keep my previous mentor or if I get a new one. (Update: I got a new one. She’s blunt. I like her.) After reading my blog posts, I bet it was a short end of the straw type of deal on who got me.

In all seriousness, I’m ready to get this doctorate party started. Books are ordered and delivery scheduled, fees paid, pens and highlighters at the ready; all I’m waiting on is the syllabus. Then I’ll panic.

So how’s the running going, Kel? Well, it’s going. I’m on a 5k training plan which culminates the weekend after I start school. Turns out I do much better when I have a plan, but indoor running is for the birds. I’m sick of it. Last week I did get an opportunity to run outside – it was glorious! At the time of this posting we “should” be done with triple digit temps. Just in time for Hotter’N Hell. Maybe I’ll join them again for a quick run while they peddle furiously towards the nearest rest stop. Always makes for a lively event when they comment how two wheels are better than whatever I’m doing. (Update: we received a few inches of rain and temps dropped to the high 60s. I ran outside in the rain!)

In this heat, the cyclists may be right. Two wheels are better.

_________________

I ask you –

Your thoughts on my dissertation topic?

What were my original chances of getting the same mentor?

Mini wanted to write the last word: catherine

Tell the Truth

Once upon a time…I would take my breakfast to work to eat there. But with the medication I take, I discovered how awful I felt before I even arrived because I had not eaten. Turns out I’m a much happier human when I’m fed.

fancy

Which brings me to this nugget of truth:

H.A.L.T

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired

By evaluating the words we say, actions we take, and decisions we make keeping the acronym HALT in mind, I bet you can pinpoint where many conversations or big decision making situations in your life went wrong. What if you evaluated your own internal cues prior to reacting to stressors at work, home, or life in general? Taking care of our basic needs is paramount to successful interactions. Hanger is very real, as is allowing lack of sleep to encourage poor decisions. So, next time, before you react or make a snap judgment, try the HALT method. If you need a snack, go for it. If you need to sleep on a decision, do that. If you’re falling back into destructive behaviors, perhaps it’s time to call a friend who will listen.

Unrelated – as I draw closer to the start date (I have one of those now – September!) of my doctorate program, I recognize this will finally unlock the door to teaching higher education. Some may think it’s not even possible, but I’ve known I wanted to be a teacher since I was 5 yrs old. Really. Don’t ask me how. I just knew then and still know now in my heart and soul I was called to teach. In every career I’ve had I always find myself gravitating toward teaching positions, opportunities to teach others, or advancing my formal schooling with the intent to teach. Now, knowing what I know now, Higher Ed is very political. I get it. And even though my degree(s) are in Public Admin which cater to elected officials and city/state government jobs, it’s never been my intent to become an elected official. Way too empathic. However, I would take my chances at teaching at the university level.

I ran into a college friend a few weeks ago whom I hadn’t seen in person since 2007ish. She’s now a local principal and an adjunct professor at our alma mater. She had some interesting advice for anyone willing to tackle university-level students; it boiled down to the older they get, the more resistant they get. Let’s land this plane, shall we? Instantly I thought of the HALT method. What kind of service are we providing our youth (and ourselves) when getting older is synonymous with resistant? Absolutely rhetorical! I firmly believe we all have more to learn – there’s no end in sight. Honing your craft, sharing your skills, providing a sympathetic ear are just three simple steps. Imagine what could be done if you tried, if you made a conscious effort.

Perhaps this is where we get it very wrong. When the going gets tough, do the tough actually get going or do they get gone? Think about it.

________________________

I ask you –

Know about good metaphors for deescalating stressful situations?

Do you consider yourself a resistant person? You can lie to me, but don’t lie to yourself.

Tell me something you are very good at (skill, hobby, whatever it is)! Baking cookies!

Box o’Books

I’m very sad to report it’s been months since I’ve been to the library. So when I realized I had a few extra minutes – aka town with trains – I detoured and made my way to the book haven. This time I was able to find a new book I’ve been eyeballing (no pun intended) for some time. What’s with these authors who only publish one book a year? Don’t they have jobs? Geez!

With the opening of our newest base coffee shop, Common Grounds, I find myself visiting about once a week. Sometimes it’s for solace, sometimes for coffee, sometimes just to sit amongst the books. As there’s a large, indoor playground, it has just the right amount of background noise and joy for me to write, read, or ponder life goals. But mostly for coffee drinking. Though lately my drink of choice is hot tea. Anyway.

My goal to read at least one book per month sort of floated away. Hello, distraction. I better get busy reading for pleasure because soon the only thing I’ll be reading is journals on research. And some topics are so flat out boring it can be hard to keep your eyes open. Remind me not to be a dull doctor. In the meantime, I’m going to spend my time reading Michael Connelly and books about overcoming anxiety.

This is fun, right?

______________________

I ask you –

What are you reading lately?

Do you frequent public libraries or prefer to obtain your reading online?

Pick one: coffee or tea! Predominantly coffee, of course.

Yes, I’m Still Thinking

As I continue to traverse the stages of shock within utter humility, my mind is blown that I’m attempting to get a doctorate. You know the Journey song “Don’t Stop Believin”? Yeah, that’s me. Perhaps a doctorate isn’t the wildest idea in my history – I did join the military at age 28 which is still almost incomprehensible. But the smokescreen of doubt lingers. Do I have what it takes? Funny thing is I don’t worry about failure. Once I get started, I know I’ve got this. It’s the getting started part that worries me. When I look back on the moment I received the phone call stating I had passed my master’s capstone (essentially the final mountain), I was speechless. I looked around my big empty gym and took in the silence. Then I smiled the biggest smile I’d ever had until that point. I’d done it.

Shortly after I shared the good news with anyone who would listen, someone asked what’s next? I recall answering something to the affect of this is it for me. When the thought of a higher degree crossed my mind, I told myself ‘that’s not me’. Why not? Because it can be me. In time that passes so quickly, it will be me. In the meantime, much work remains.

I haven’t shared the news with mini yet. Perhaps the scope of it will be lost on her; that’s ok, too. But I did speak with her on the phone a few nights ago. Typically we video chat but she was with other relatives and it was late, etc. I had a tough time grasping how old she sounds on the phone. Not “age old” but “mature old”. She’s very matter of fact and wise in all her 6 years. She was also exhausted so anything she could do to stay awake was fair game. She had been struggling that night with a headache – when I asked questions related to how it came about, her answers were child-like, then I remembered she’s still my baby.

Proof

Me: Have you been drinking enough water?

Her: No, I haven’t drank any.

Me: Well, that may be part of the problem, honey. Did you hit your head on something while playing?

Her: Maybe!

Nothing like a conversation like that to bring life into perspective. I can hear the conversation in my head right now. “Mom, why is (this, this, and this) happening?” Me: I don’t know. “Well, you’re a doctor!” Leave it to a child (my child) to make you question your education.

_____________________

I ask you –

What song resonates with a journey (no pun intended) in your life?

Have you ever limited yourself with the phrase or mindset of ‘that’s not me’?

Share a moment where a child put you in your place. If you dare.