Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips

‭‭Isaiah 55:11 NIV‬‬
[11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Scripture above is Jesus speaking; however, what if we spoke with this in mind, that each time words exited our lips, we fully understood our words have power to speak life, or death, over others. In a society saturated with people speaking and giving opinions, sharing with intentional life isn’t as prevalent as one would hope.

Lately, I’ve struggled with focusing on one task. I’ve been pacing, mind racing from one thought to another, unable to keep up with the flood of to-do’s. For a moment, I considered maybe this was a late life onset of ADHD. I’ve heard sometimes anxiety is mistaken as ADHD and vice versa – what if that was true for me. But I think I’m just feeling the magnitude of ending the preliminary portion of the dissertation process and considering what the next year will look like. Somehow it’s already here, what seemed impossible in 2022 is now in its final stage. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that truth.

Focus, Kel. Trying to soak in all the things before writing takes me away from it is unfathomable. However, I did attend a game night where I managed to win at Rock/Paper/Scissors. First try, no less. Yes, I’m bragging. Funnily, when it comes to competition Rock/Paper/Scissors – I always win. No lie. Well….I’ve won 2 “competition-style” matches, if you will. The first was for a third martini flight which I absolutely should not have had, mostly because I was already 8 martinis in and definitely did not need 4 more. Consequently, I don’t remember much about that night except winning the game for another flight. Weird.

Any Way – focus, will you – I won a Starbucks gift card to fund my coffee and winning habit. Not a bad night. And, of course, my name tag says Parts. And, of course, hers said Spare Parts. Because all we do is laugh together.

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I ask you –

What does peace in your heart look like to you?

Have you ever been on a winning streak?

Tell me about your favorite game! Spoons.

(The post Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

(Some More) Favorite Things

Many of you know of my struggle with foot pain due to what has been attributed to bunions. In the quest to find supportive every day shoes that somewhat keep the pain to a minimum, I found Flux Footwear. Now I own 3 pairs: hot pink, black, and solid white. Huge fan! At first, I was a little uncomfortable about purchasing a pair of white shoes; however, so far, no catastrophes!

Also, I’ve developed a love for matte nail polish. Typically I do my own nails because my splurge is the pedicure. What I thought would look hideous turned out to be a favorite. As mini is a nail biter – and I also was as a child – keeping my nails painted aka protected is essential for their growth. Mini’s issue is she bites the paint right off of them. It’s a source of discontent but I have faith she’ll grow out of it. Probably.

Lastly, Gerber Daisies. Favorite flower. Just as many (including me) hold fast to traditions like black-eyed peas and cabbage on New Year’s Day, I also have my very own traditions. Although I can’t think of any at this moment. Nonetheless, here’s my newest: starting each new year with fresh flowers and what better flower than my absolute favorite?! I can’t stay up until midnight but I can wake up to a beautiful bouquet.

I know I had several other favorites to add to this post, but right now I can’t recall them. Another post for another day, surely.

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I ask you –

What is your favorite shoe brand?

Any nail painters? Nail biters?

Tell me of your favorite flower or plant!

(The post (Some More) Favorite Things first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

They Beckon Me

A small voice calls to me from my sleep. Do you want coffee, Kel? Doesn’t matter that it’s 2am, 5am, mid-afternoon. I always answer yes. Short of labeling it an addiction, coffee is comfort. It’s my siren song.

In a vain attempt at creating coffee shop-worthy drinks, I made my own cold brew. Not half bad. However, the espresso beans were a bit past their shelf life so it turned out somewhat bitter. I still drank it. Then I ordered new beans.

Chicka D’s, of course

Also, I had a small issue with remembering to complete my fasted blood work so I was forced to reschedule which resulted in a nearly lunchtime appointment. Fasted. Starving. Not in a great overall mood. That particular day called for a third caffeinated beverage, mainly as a reward for not harming anyone.

I don’t know how some people do it. How do they survive without these magical beans? I never want to find out.

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I ask you –

How much coffee do you drink per day?

Does the need for coffee ever wake you up?

Tell me about the last time you forgot an important appointment!

(The post They Beckon Me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

It Might Be Time –

– to let some things fall off my plate. I was late to something 4x last week. That’s a 400% increase in my forever record. No one cared but still.

– to take myself on a date. Books and coffee sound marvelous right now.

– to really heed that 2pm alarm where previously I would take a break, take a walk, generally just escape for even 10 mins. Surely haven’t been doing that.

– to plan a getaway for the month break I have around Christmas before I embark on 2 courses during the same 8 week period.

– to forgive myself for not “having it together”. Because no one does.

– to really make a conscious effort to slow down.

Surely there’s at least a hundred other things to add to this list but it’s definitely time for me to…find something else, something more positive to write about.

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I ask you –

What are some things you need to make time to do?

Which of these resonates most with you?

Tell me how often you make lists!

(The post It Might Be Time – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Yes, I’m Still Thinking

As I continue to traverse the stages of shock within utter humility, my mind is blown that I’m attempting to get a doctorate. You know the Journey song “Don’t Stop Believin”? Yeah, that’s me. Perhaps a doctorate isn’t the wildest idea in my history – I did join the military at age 28 which is still almost incomprehensible. But the smokescreen of doubt lingers. Do I have what it takes? Funny thing is I don’t worry about failure. Once I get started, I know I’ve got this. It’s the getting started part that worries me. When I look back on the moment I received the phone call stating I had passed my master’s capstone (essentially the final mountain), I was speechless. I looked around my big empty gym and took in the silence. Then I smiled the biggest smile I’d ever had until that point. I’d done it.

Shortly after I shared the good news with anyone who would listen, someone asked what’s next? I recall answering something to the affect of this is it for me. When the thought of a higher degree crossed my mind, I told myself ‘that’s not me’. Why not? Because it can be me. In time that passes so quickly, it will be me. In the meantime, much work remains.

I haven’t shared the news with mini yet. Perhaps the scope of it will be lost on her; that’s ok, too. But I did speak with her on the phone a few nights ago. Typically we video chat but she was with other relatives and it was late, etc. I had a tough time grasping how old she sounds on the phone. Not “age old” but “mature old”. She’s very matter of fact and wise in all her 6 years. She was also exhausted so anything she could do to stay awake was fair game. She had been struggling that night with a headache – when I asked questions related to how it came about, her answers were child-like, then I remembered she’s still my baby.

Proof

Me: Have you been drinking enough water?

Her: No, I haven’t drank any.

Me: Well, that may be part of the problem, honey. Did you hit your head on something while playing?

Her: Maybe!

Nothing like a conversation like that to bring life into perspective. I can hear the conversation in my head right now. “Mom, why is (this, this, and this) happening?” Me: I don’t know. “Well, you’re a doctor!” Leave it to a child (my child) to make you question your education.

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I ask you –

What song resonates with a journey (no pun intended) in your life?

Have you ever limited yourself with the phrase or mindset of ‘that’s not me’?

Share a moment where a child put you in your place. If you dare.

Talk It Out

“Because of grace, everything in your story has purpose. Even the dark parts. Especially the dark parts. Your brokenness is what allows the light to get in.” “Our lives are built by the voices we hear. It’s why they matter.”

Credit for the quotes above belong to separate devotionals. The intent is similar. What we hear, what we read, what we tell ourselves shapes the narrative in our minds. Our ‘self talk’ is perhaps even more important than what others tell us! Think about it. Haha no pun intended. Goals, dreams, aspirations begin in the mind. Ours!

The past two weeks have been particularly difficult in my own little world. For starters, I was completely out of commission one day for allergy-related breathing issues, then there was the seemingly neverending jaunt of dance performance rehearsals and end-of-year school activities. Then I accidentally took a double dose of daily medication which really made for an interesting day. I don’t remember most of it.

tea time

As hard as I’ve tried to be gentle with myself and manage my own expectations of what life should look like, my tank has been running on E. This is why… it’s called Running on Fumes. But I think I’m completely past E. There’s strangers pushing the truck from the intersection at this point. Beep, beep! My cycle is messed up, my hormones are out of whack, and I’m alternately exhausted or can’t asleep. Classic signs of burnout.

So how do we fix it? Maybe just by saying I’m done. The world with its political everything and life with its constant battles. I need some time to reset, recharge, relax. But not from blogging. It’s beyond time to fill up the tank. Side note: who can afford to do that now?! I can. You can. We all can. Sometimes we choose not to which sounds worse than paying for it.

I’m using this four-day weekend to catch up on things that make me happy – like Tom Cruise, long runs, and meal prepping. And muffins. aka cupcakes without icing

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I ask you –

Are you on proverbial E?

What do you do to “fill your tank”?

Average gas prices where you live! $3.89

Resiliency Revolution

Occasionally I accept as a compliment what people say when it fact it isn’t. That’s a you problem! For example, someone in my office stated “You’re always doing something.” I saw them smile as the words exited their mouth so, naturally, I thought it was a good statement. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I have no idea. But it got me thinking – am I doing too much?

Credit: mytherapistsays via Instagram

My predominant belief is I should/like to give my time and effort to select things. In the Navy, we were encouraged to participate in everything. The problem here is you can’t give even 60% of yourself to 10 obligations. Hello, short stick. I chose (and often got dirty looks) for giving my time to 2-3 collateral duties. Those duties deserved my attention. Fast forward to the Air Force, the duties are called additional duties yet the volun-told status is still in effect. This is why… I take the initiative to cultivate and choose my own additional duties.

Introducing the Resilience Training Assistant (RTA). After a very involved two-day, interactive, emotional course, they felt I was qualified for certification. Yippee! I recognize resilience is a military buzzword; however, it is something I truly believe in because it can be used to reframe the culture of mental health stigma, as well as foster the conversations between military personnel both up and down the chain of command and within all branches. Yes, I know that’s a lot to ask. At the time of viewing the list of qualified personnel on base (nearly 40 people), I only recognized 2 of the names. TWO. Clearly there’s a problem because it means I didn’t know them from resiliency efforts, but from other duties.

Super incredible classmates!

The next hurdle is attending the Master Resilience Trainer (MRT) course at Maxwell AFB. Genuinely looking forward to a TDY. In the meantime, there’s a huge need to provide this curriculum to squadrons, groups, and all personnel. My vision is to ensure the word resiliency doesn’t go the way of other buzzwords, aka out of sight/out of mind. I want people to talk to each other when they’re hurting, when they’re struggling, when they need help. Billions of dollars a year are spent on (I’ll say it) completely useless things – why aren’t we spending money and time on changing culture instead? It costs nothing to empower others.

“If you’re self-aware enough to be self-deprecating, your IQ must be high!” – Will Lannon

We’re going to spark a revolution!

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I ask you –

Have you ever heard of Resiliency Training?

What are some buzzwords in your profession?

Tell me about a time you participated in a culture-changing curriculum!

RoF – Caffeine Injected

It seems we’re a family of gadgets. I don’t know how we got to this point, but it’s here for the long haul. I realize it has been awhile since I’ve created a new post for this series; life got busy for a few minutes. This is why…I need coffee.

New Family Member

small but mighty

Introducing Evelyn, the espresso machine. Not to worry – the blog post heading was click bait only. As coffee is an essential part of my life, so shall an inanimate piece of machinery be aptly named. Like Betty. And Dot. Evelyn is a lovely new friend. She graces my life with dainty shots of life-giving liquid heaven and then she elegantly spins regular cold milk or cream into heated, frothy additions. It’s quite the sight.

I can’t wait to share my new coffee-making skills with others. Thus far, mini has had a portion of an espresso shot. Then, she didn’t stop talking for nearly 2 hrs. Whoops.

such a beautiful sight

Seems my afternoon routine isn’t complete without a double shot. I’m not quite there with creating any fancy designs, but occasionally it looks like I poured a glob of foam at the top of the cup. I can only get better from here! Unpopular opinion: the more I research how mainstream coffee shops create their beverages, the more I dislike their practices. Did you know a (very) well-known coffee establishment’s drinks are either a) nearly 3/4 cup milk (as in very little actual coffee) or b) made entirely from a carton of pre-made tea or coffee? Yet we pay $6 or more for something touted to be “hand crafted”. Just wow. I understand we’re paying for convenience, but, honestly, the coffee – what little you actually get – isn’t even that good!

I did my research on what coffee to buy; I even asked my favorite coffee shop for their feedback. What with millions of options, the choice was difficult but I believe I made the perfect one. Lavazza Super Crema has a beautiful finish, it’s smooth and delicious, and it isn’t bitter in the slightest. Granted, Lavazza isn’t a “reserve”-type coffee, but for the price it was a great start on my coffee-creating journey.

Unbeknownst to me, there are many common terms in the coffee industry. Some are puck, brush, demitasse, and many others. I’m still learning designs and pretty things. All I know is I’ve sort of become a coffee snob. It’s hard to pay for coffee when I know I can make the same (better!) at home.

So this is where I typically give you the name and location of my Caffeine Injected series. Alas, there is none to give this time. But if you ever want to stop by for a fancy coffee and some random jokes, I’m always available. Except when I’m not. Which is most days, 5am-9pm.

Want to see more?

If you or someone you know owns or frequents a favorite coffee establishment and you’d like to be featured (or nominate them to be featured), please comment below!

Cheers to the Caffeine Injected series!

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I ask you –

How much is too much to pay for coffee?

Where is your go-to coffee spot?

Rate my naming skills! Evelyn: A+

Drinking from a Broken Cup

I got this idea from Bossy Babe in her post The Lonely Block to check out the following website: London Writer’s Salon. I love following other bloggers who come across other avenues or groups to write in besides the standard local library group (not that there’s anything wrong with those).

Essentially, there’s a writer’s group via London Writer’s Salon that meets virtually throughout the week. It would be so nice to connect with other writers and just be. Wholeheartedly, I want to complete my book this year. And I know an amazing woman who is publishing her first book soon so she’s been a valuable source of information on what to do/not do. I shall pick her brain like any good friend would do.

mood improvement techniques

Since I’m not running, I guess now is the best time to get started on cover art, contents, and publication challenges. Really, though, this walking thing is garbage. My mood sucks, my digestive health is blah, and I’m still fighting to get into PT sooner than March. I’m going nowhere at the speed of my government-approved desktop computer. Good thing my building has no windows. I need to run!! My first question will be this: can I at least cycle? Give me anything more than walking! In related news, the constant pain is mostly gone. There’s only twinges and an occasional achiness now. Yay progress!

available at Amazon

Somehow I’m still maintaining a book a month. Don’t get excited, Kel. It’s just February. Recently I finished Matthew Mcconaughey’s book, which I originally purchased for my dad but he loved it so much he gave it back to me to read. The writing style was unexpected; however, it was a great book and I could hear his voice with every line. I remembered a time when I had “the drive” each day…I would listen to books on Audible. My favorite was listening to Anna Kendrick narrate her own story. Some say we bear a resemblance. Her sense of humor has me snorting laughing. Perhaps that’s our only resemblance.

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I ask you –

Have you ever published a book or some other publication?

What’s the last book you read (or listened to)?

Share some reading suggestions!

As It Goes

“We’re not depressed, we’re discouraged.”

How often do we – the collective – find ourselves down, tired to the point of exhaustion, sad, or unmotivated? Pot, Kettle.

Credit: word porn via Instagram

I manage to find small ways to “fill my bucket”, so to speak. Seasons in life require us to take from one bucket to pour into another just to stay afloat. Anyone want to juggle?! At the end of the day, after filling countless buckets that may not even be mine, recharging my batteries – aka filling my bucket – is top priority. This isn’t relegated to end of day either!

Taking Care of You!

What do you enjoy doing? How do you fill your bucket? It’s easy to find myself saying I’ll go see them (insert whomever) soon or I’ll call them tomorrow or, my personal favorite, I’ll add it to my list! Which list, Kel? Then I never get around to it and my bucket is filled with other things and what-do-you-know it never happens. Supplies!!

Bucket filling can be as simple as taking a walk around a bookstore and indulging in expensive coffee. For me, I visit my children’s shelter coworkers. Those women know how to make me laugh. And they remind me where I came from…a 19 yr old girl missing pieces of her heart. She was a mess. They know more about what I believe in than any words could convey. We laugh, cry, and share what it means to be a true friend. They fill a bucket within me.

Taking Care of Others!

Perhaps you fill a bucket for someone else; you probably don’t even realize what you’re doing. It can be a kind word, a text, a joke, even a smile. You know the feeling you get when someone says they saw something the other day that reminded them of you? Unless it involves cops. It only takes a second for you to give the gift of water into an empty pail.

Speak good things into another’s life! How convenient we find it to blame, ridicule, or negate someone else’s happiness when it really shows how empty our bucket truly is. The “you never”s are a reflection of our own insecurities. You know that saying about ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’? Start being it.

As far as discouragement goes, I firmly acknowledge depression is real. It manifests physically, mentally, and spiritually. However, I believe, more often than not, we are more discouraged than depressed. Life lets us down. We get in our own way. Discouragement + empty buckets = sadness, loss of hope, etc.

Taking It All In!

Recognize your buckets! Share your struggles! Feel free to juggle, but don’t live on the Merry Go Round of Paul & Peter. You know, robbing Peter to pay Paul or however it goes. Stop occasionally. Ask for help!

If all else fails, do you know how much wine a bucket can hold?! Probably a lot…I’m willing to find out!

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I ask you –

Was this helpful at all? Do you understand the concept of buckets?

How often do you unexpectedly reach out to someone to say you’re thinking about them? You don’t remember? Then do it right now!

Please share what works for you when it’s time to refill your bucket!