(Hope)ful

“Hope is not a strategy”. – from a recent leadership perspective on how to deal with inaction.

Photo by Lynnelle Richardson on Pexels.com

This one hit home. Because how many times have we said “Well, I hope it works out!” or, my favorite, “I hope you get better.” There’s nothing wrong with hope; in fact, it’s a tenant of faith. However, relegating hope to a place where it has no action is ludicrous. Please continue to use it to express sorrow or a place-filler for condolences (although much more can be said on this topic). But stop relying on hope to make a decision or, equally important, to lead others.

Early on, in this furlough period, I began a list of “wins”, the little things my team was able to accomplish. Some may say the little wins were nothing short of doing their job, but I wanted stories to tell later when the significance of them being there was overshadowed by other things, “more crucial things”. 43+ days later, when I re-read the older accomplishments, I feel more than pride. This time is the epitome of resilient. They keep showing up. They keep smiling. They keep trying to improve and help others. And they’re doing it without a paycheck in sight.

My pride, if there ever was any, is nonexistent. I have asked others for money, gift cards, and groceries for my team. I have driven through food pantries and visited the Salvation Army. I have donated my time to ensure they have what is needed to help them and their families survive. Many still refuse to ask for help. Others pour their time and energy into locating resources for my team. They offer tissues and a shoulder to cry on when it becomes overwhelming. These people are heroes.

hope in life’s changes

Each morning, I hope for a change in the furlough status. For 43 days, that hope has not come to fruition. So, I do what I have to do to keep them afloat, from a quick game of badminton to flexing schedules for carpools. If you’d told me this was what leadership looked like, it is not that I would not have believed you, but I would think I may do things differently. Wrong again. We never know how we will truly act or react until the moment comes to pass. And here we are.

Hope did not lead me to action, but it softened the blow of no change. I still have hope. However, all I now hope for is help – for them, for me, for all who are struggling.

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I ask you –

What does hope mean to you?

(The post (Hope)ful first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Kindness is not Convenient

“I sell pizza.”

That’s my new motto. Three seemingly small words which indicate a new heartfelt response. Epiphany? Maybe. Rebranding? Sort of. Reframe? Bingo.

I sell pizza. I don’t sell ice cream, or hotdogs, or juice boxes, or hamburgers, or any other version of convenient foods. Pizza. That’s what I sell.

What does this even mean?

Photo by Almira on Pexels.com

It means –

I don’t owe a dime and I don’t have to do anything. I owe it to myself to establish clear, direct boundaries. No further explanation. No long-winded and easily misconstrued version of trauma which led to…blah blah blah.

For some, pizza is the Michelin star in perfect triangular form. It can be customized, dressed up, transformed into an award winning dish. The pizza I sell? Cheese. I sell cheese pizza. Not because I’m boring or don’t want to put in the effort, but because cheese pizza is tried and true. It’s the basics. The foundation of pizza. Cheese.

You’ve probably figured out I’m going somewhere with this schpill. You are, right? When tested, I easily revert back to foundational principles – kindness often mistaken as weakness, or I shut down completely. Rarely do I come out fighting. All noble reactions yet kindness has not served me too well. Good thing kindness isn’t for you, Kel. Kindness is a reflection of the heart. It’s a desire to do better, be better, give others grace. It’s not easy. People test, they try, they dig in their heels, they make messes where no mess should ever be. At some point, kindness is overshadowed, and those without boundaries are the first to succumb.

Not this time. Not to the lady who sells pizza. Kindness is no longer a convenience, it’s a requirement. To be part of my world, kindness is a non-negotiable. Just because I sell pizza does not mean I will sell it to you.

Cheers to holding the line. And selling a damn good pizza pie.

_____________________

I ask you –

Did I miss any analogies?

(The post Kindness is not Convenient first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Allow me to inform you –

Credit: IG, errantscience.com

I found this stupid funny meme that said something along the lines of an airline PA system asking for a doctor to help someone write a 500-word abstract in less than 5 minutes, ending with…finally, I’m the doctor they need! Paraphrasing obviously. The meme disappeared before I could screen grab it so now you’re stuck with my pathetic recall. But you get the idea!

In all seriousness, this is a tough time. I’ve been officially furloughed but with excepted service for 31 days at the time of this writing (more by the time you read this). This means I go to work everyday for no immediate pay. Sure, I’ll get back pay when it’s all said and done but my immediate needs are burdensome – things like buying groceries and putting gas in my car. More than me, I lead a team of 7 excepted employees and 9 furloughed employees who are feeling the immediate pain of this situation. They work for hourly pay and may not have a savings account to rely on. They have families to feed. They need gas to fill their vehicles to drive to the job that isn’t paying them.

I think the most common misconception is overlooking the government shutdown as something where people may think ‘I don’t know anyone affected by it.’ You know me. And I know hundreds of others who are affected. These people are my team, my friends, my coworkers.

I work in fitness which, if anyone stays updated, has taken a front row seat to nearly all other updates, changes, and restructuring in the military. This means we are more important than ever in creating, building, and sustaining a “fit to fight” military workforce. I’m not personally opposed to the changes in the standards as I have nearly always understood why a fit military is imperative to success. It’s also imperative to a healthy, long life with your family and friends. This may sound callous but please hear my heart when I ask how many overweight people have you met who lived past 70? Do your own research. Maybe you don’t care to live past 70, but I guarantee there’s someone in your life who does.

The fitness background I’ve mentioned gives you context to why excepted service is important even during a government shutdown. The military continue to serve, paycheck or not. Therefore, my team must be available to serve them. It’s more than opening the doors to a building each day. It is ensuring they have the testing supplies available, can continue to self-improve, and, some would say equally important, building morale.

You see, fitness isn’t just working out. For some, it is therapy. For some, it is the only thing between depression and suicide. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but I can assure you it is not. The benefits of exercise surpass nearly every known disease and have the power to reverse it. True story. So for anyone doubting the importance of fitness in today, tomorrow, and next year’s world, there is statistical evidence of its importance.

The U.S. needs people who do the work I do. It needs people who do the work my team does. I am no one without them. And they deserve paychecks to support the military and their own families. The next time you vote, the next time you consider who the shutdown affects, please think of me. Please think of the single mom who shows up everyday at 0445 to help others improve their fitness levels so they can be fit to fight. Today, the only fight I want to have is the one where every employee is paid to do the job they took an oath to obtain. These federal employees did. I did. But somehow it feels forgotten.

________________

I ask you –

Did you know over 300,000 federal employees are working without a paycheck during this government shutdown?

Do you know who is still receiving a check? Be informed.

(The post Allow me to inform you – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Drugs and other spooky stuff

I had an entire thought for this post, something along the lines of a refrigerator or a shelf, but now it’s disappeared like my desire to work a non-paying job. Yet I’m still doing it. So I guess this point is moot.

Mini participated in all the themed days of drug free week. I’ve probably said this before but I thought for sure I would have been offered a lot more drugs in life. Where was my chance to “just say no”? Can I try it now? Eluding to my a) current position, b) addictive genetics, and c) will to live despite present circumstances, I’ll probably continue to say no. If asked.

Photo credit: #musemom

And, of course, there was Halloween. I make far too many jokes about full-sized candy bars for someone who doesn’t eat candy. I wish I liked candy. It sounds delicious. Although I am partial to Reese’s Pieces.

Tiny spiders

My costume was minimal…stamped black spiders on the sides of my face and hand. I believe it represented how many souls I’ve stolen. Or eaten. Or whatever fun analogy exists. Muse? Oh where art thou?

Final thought: for over 90 minutes, which is probably considered less than average, we walked mini around neighborhoods to trick or treat. Halfway through the jaunt, I realized how much I missed the past 3 years while working through my PhD. It was nearly impossible to enjoy anything outside of writing because I was incredibly stressed by the need to write. I’m sad because I know I missed a lot and I cannot get it back. The fact I recognize how much I missed because I can see it now is even tougher. It was worth it, but how do you quantify worth when you missed entire Halloween shenanigans worrying about what you could be doing instead? It feels as if entire years disappeared from my memory. On the bright side, drugs didn’t do this to me.

________________

I ask you –

What has been your favorite Halloween costume?

Also, name your favorite Halloween treat!

(The post Drugs and other spooky stuff first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Running from Zombies

If I’ve learned anything during this furlough, it is to take it slower. Much slower. But not too slow because I just can’t.

A run collection

For weeks, I have been doing two-a-day workouts and I’m feeling the best I ever have. That’s not taking it slow, Kel. In other ways, I have been giving endless grace. The first week of the furlough, admittedly, I was angry. Angry we had gotten to this point. Anger directed at everyone around me. But soon I realized anger wasn’t getting me anywhere. Now, and since, I’ve been in a numb sense of acceptance. I do not like this situation. I still battle anger and disappointment. But I’m humbled every single day by a team of few who continue to show up. And it’s what they deserve from me.

the team

You don’t know what ya got til it’s gone. Oh, but I did know. I would have rather never experienced it. Despite the furlough, the show must go on. Despite taking a massive manpower hit, the expectation to deliver is still there. Thankfully, with the help of dozens of volunteers and a killer core team, we executed the 2025 Zombie Run 5k of over 300 participants. To say I was stressed was an understatement. But they did it.

I think I could outrun the politicians, or zombies, in charge of bureaucratic decision-making. But a nice right hook to the jaw might be more fun. Well deserved.

________________

I ask you –

In a run with a zombie, would you win?

(The post Running from Zombies first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

How long…?

How long before the NFL bans any helmet to helmet contact, specifically the jovial nod/tap between players? Guess TBI has only one cause.

39 years: how long it took me to commit to placing stickers in a notebook.

How long before I’m famous for my humor and clever remarks? Answer: not long at all! I was privileged to introduce Mike Super for an Air Force Live event. Mini and I really enjoyed the show, received a t-shirt, and got to take photos with the greatest magician/illusionist I’ve ever seen.

How long can I keep up with these two-a-day workouts? Answer. As of this writing, almost the entirety of October! Nothing like a furlough to remind you that you’re capable of hard things.

_________________

I ask you –

Question and answer: how long (fill in the blank).

(The post How long…? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

From the mind of Mini

From the deepest imaginary recesses of Mini’s mind – her thought was for me to chronicle parts of stories so she could later finish them.

You’re welcome.

We call this one The Real Tooth Fairy. Title subject to change.

What if the Tooth Fairy was an ancestor, determined pre-death to fill the role? As the Tooth Fairy is quite busy on a nightly basis, traversing thousands of miles to collect children’s teeth, then it only makes sense for there to be multiple tooth fairies. Unlike Santa Clause who is one and only as his job requires just shy of 24 hrs of work, the Tooth Fairy is exceptionally busier. Therefore, she (tooth fairy for girls, tooth men for boys) cannot be a single entity. So who gets to be the Tooth Fairy? Well, it is a generational appointment, beginning as far back as 7-9 previous generations. In theory, it could be my great great great great great great great grandmother. Then, every 100 years thereafter a new Tooth Fairy, still within my bloodline, assumes command. The reasoning is that it cannot be someone who is too close to the present generation as it could make a child suspicious. However, a closer generational family member, my grandmother, for example, could feasibly be the Elf (of the infamous Elf on the Shelf), especially as mini’s grandmother passed shortly before she got Peppermint (mini’s elf on the shelf). Peppermint is much like mini’s grandmother because both enjoy sitting and making mischief. Mini’s words, not mine.

*********************

The reason I’m publishing this post now is because mini was formally accepted onto the UIL Oral Reading team. Did I mention this previously? She really played the part during tryouts and it was a success. The piece, titled “Homework Stew”, was very funny (to me). Her competition piece is something about seeing her teacher “out in the wild” on a Saturday, how teachers shouldn’t be allowed outside of the classroom, and, from the student’s point of view, how dangerous it is for them. Very laughter inducing. As I think mini could conquer the world by making people (me) laugh, this is the perfect introductory situation. She’ll have weekly practices leading up to a winter competition. More to come.

___________________

I ask you –

On a scale of 1 to doubled over laughing, what is your score on her tooth fairy philosophy?

(The post From the mind of Mini first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Serendipity!

It’s a fun word with a few fun iterations. Serendipitous. It reminds me of the word Eureka! Not the vacuum cleaner. There was a movie with a scientist who yelled Eureka when he made a concoction. What was the movie?

Funny story about serendipity. It’s something I based my PhD thesis on. I was seeking serendipity, uncertain if I would actually have a moment to uncover it, much less recognize it. Spoiler: I did. And it was just as glorious as I had hoped. And, since thousands of people are furloughed, what better way to kill time than to read it? Have fun! Immigration Federalism in the United States: Texas Case Studies

Hold on, the show is tuning in. The rich kid. Big house. Bad guys. Not the Christmas one where the kid was alone. Home Alone. Right, not that one.

Interestingly, the word serendipity originated in 1754 from a fairytale. Now, it references a scientific or technological breakthrough. I just like it because it sounds fun.

Richy Rich! That’s it.

_________________

I ask you –

Have you experienced serendipity?

(The post Serendipity! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Customer Service Chaos

It comes as no surprise there are certain situations which cause high levels of stress. For example, finances, religion, furlough. Too soon? But what about places, like a funeral home or your in-laws?

Just last week, I had quite a stressful time at the Dept of Motor Vehicles (DMV). I was already dreading the visit because my recent renewal notice indicated I could not renew online. I asked why and they didn’t know. Also, there’s no walk-ins, so I made my appointment like the other 60 people also waiting.

Upon entering the crowded room, I confirmed my appointment on the kiosk and sat down nearest the main (and only) door. With people sitting behind me, in front of me, and around me, I didn’t love the experience.

And then it hit the fan. A man was called to the information desk. Loudly, he explained the document he had in his hand was the only birth certificate he had, given to him when he was born in a Naval hospital. The DMV personnel explained the document he gave her was actually a souvenir and not a certified birth certificate. As he began waving his arms around, getting louder, a bystander (como se dice in Ingles) ‘egged him on’. More shouting ensued.

My heart began racing. I felt fear develop. As I calmly slipped out of my seat and took refuge in the bathroom, I could still hear him yelling and cursing. The other customers were offering retorts, effectively making the man more mad. Eventually, I heard the final sound of his aggressive cursing and childlike reply of telling everyone he “hates Trumpers”.

I stayed in the bathroom. My fear was he would return with a weapon and with only one exit, I didn’t want to be stuck. Granted, this probably sounds like an exaggerated response but, for me, the DMV had become a nightmare. But there’s more.

Indeed, he did return. I had just gotten back to my seat. Same man, same hat, same voice, same missing teeth, same shoes, same walk, same rip in his jeans at the kneecap. This man returns to the information desk to state his twin brother was just here and was refused service due to an incorrect birth certificate. The (same) DMV personnel voiced her instructions once again, stating the man only needed a certified copy of his birth certificate. His voice began rising once again. And I returned to the safety of the bathroom.

The man stated he was born in 1969 and this is the first time he’s ever been told (correction (he mentioned) his twin brother had ever been told) he couldn’t use the document he had. For the 3rd time, the DMV personnel explained since the “twin” had never had a driver’s license in Texas, a certified copy was required. The man was asked did he have a Texas license? He replied yes, he got it last year. The patient DMV lady said the same rules which applied to him then also apply to his twin brother now.

Side note. From my audio-only bathroom vantage point, I found this entire catastrophe the weirdest encounter. Why didn’t the twin have his certified copy? How would one think the requirements only apply to a select few? All rhetorical.

After what felt like eons, the “twin” left sans cursing and name calling. Once again, I returned to my seat. Approximately 45 mins after the scheduled appointment time, I renewed my license and hastily exited. I can only hope the next time is more peaceful.

For customer service centered positions, stress can be high. Opinions overwhelm. Anger bubbles out. It can be a lot to take in. But I’ve never seen someone return to the proverbial scene of the crime to claim he’s the twin.

I should try it next time.

_________________

I ask you –

What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in public?

(The post Customer Service Chaos first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Leadership 101

A few forgotten things about leadership:

The potential you see in others means nothing without their buy-in. If they don’t want it for themselves, it’s a brutal lesson in futility. Yours.
You will spend more time at work than with your own family over the course of a lifetime. Best love what you do. And surround yourself with the right people.
Do not expect others to care the way you do. Alternately, you may not care the way they do. It’s ok.
It weighs a lot because it is insanely lonely at the top. The sleepless nights, the fights with other decision makers, the balance never found. You probably won’t have any friends and, if you do, watch out for perception. I am not inclined.

A lovely friend sent me the following graphic after she proudly exclaimed how I had “grown a pair”.

What she does not realize is for every day my “pair” swings, I have just as many softer moments, where I’m reminded to fight the good fight means not acting like a complete arsehole and picking my battles. Forever, a work in progress.

________________

I ask you –

What is your toughest leadership challenge?

(The post Leadership 101 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)