Voice at the Table

It is very difficult to tell what someone is thinking if they don’t say a word. For a moment, imagine my frustration and wild thoughts when entering into a potentially volatile situation where everyone sits quietly.

I digress.

We have entered this lovely time of year in the military that we call change of command. Literally, the command (or leadership team) is changing. New people, new ideas, new focus, new complaints, new marks of ownership. Occasionally, we can’t wait for change of command because the current leadership has worn out their welcome. Equally, the 2-3 years have flown by with great success and you lose a good one. Although we’re happy for their next command, we experience a mental and emotional loss. And by we, I mean me.

Inside a squadron, often the loss feels more significant. I’m sure our leadership hopes to have imparted some wisdom and legacy on their followers.

Circling the plane.

At a different level, I saw leaders speaking for themselves rather than their teams. When placed at a big fancy table with decision-makers, those leaders lost focus on what mattered and pushed their agenda as if it would solve all the problems. I saw it time and again. And I saw it fail spectacularly. When it was my turn to say what I wanted, all I said was “I want a voice at the table”. Fortunately, I have never doubted my voice is heard.

So when I sit at the big fancy table with all the decision-makers, I speak up. Proudly. Confidently. And with one goal in mind – to ensure my team has a voice at the table.

Which leads me to the runway.

When you sit at the table, you best be prepared. You best have a plan. You best listen, read the room, absorb the information, and be ready to execute a plan. Fight for it. Fight for your activity, your team, your people.

I will never understand those that sit there expecting someone else to tell them their plan. The ones who have no idea what’s going on and fail to ask questions. Is my perspective wrong? Probably. But it doesn’t explain why I see this same scenario again and again.

Sitting at the table is powerful. It is humbling. It is a literal indication of someone else’s belief in your ability.

Photo by mustafa kaya on Pexels.com

Show them you have earned it.

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I ask you –

What do you expect from your leadership?

Tell me what it means to you to have a voice at the table.

(The post Voice at the Table first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Loading…

Might as well put a disclaimer here because I already know.

Polarizing topic ahead.

For the better part of my adult life, and countless times in the military, I’ve been accused/subject to attention for/questioned (or whatever term you want to use) regarding unduly familiar relationships with others, both up and down the chain.

Honestly, I believe I just have the face of someone who can be trusted. Really, there’s no malicious intent. I have an invisible sign on my forehead stating “Please, tell me your life story”. I wish I was kidding. It happens so often it must be there, only visible to everyone else.

The reason I bring this up is not out of frustration or complaint or, even, excuse. It’s fascinating to me. I have very intimate relationships and knowledge of people I may only have had acquaintance-style encounters with. I know things. It often gets misconstrued to having formed very deep relationships with others (from an outsider’s perspective) yet I really do not have this depth. Yet I do. I believe it leads to jealousy and a lack of understanding in other relationships. I don’t know how to offer reassurance here, it’s just me. Must be that empath stuff again. Full disclosure: it is exhausting.

‘Tis my blog so I can be as transparent or as abstract as I wish. The fascination lies in knowing there are others out there with the same qualities and my research-focused brain wants to speak to them. I want to know how this happens…does it come from listening, from allowing others to speak freely, or from pointed questions? All of the above? Is it possible for others to cultivate these relationships with virtual strangers or is it proximity? I genuinely want to understand.

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I ask you –

Do you have strong relationships with acquaintances?

Is this a new idea to you?

(The post Loading… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Global Influence

Interesting achievement, Word Press. Must be calculated by IP address. I wonder if I know anyone in those countries.

Random moment: Origins of the term “Tiger Team” – in case you were wondering, Tiger Team is a term popularized by NASA in the 60’s but originated by the military. Used to mean a group of experts, or those with specialized skills, I almost choke on my laughter because any time I’ve seen it used in the military, it was a ragtag bunch of whackadoos thrown together for some stupid task. It went about as well as expected.

The real topic of this post –

I’m often guilty of using the phrase “that’s not me”, typically in response to a stereotype or a general identifier. For example, for many years, when confirmed with the ability to obtain a PhD, I’d say “that’s not me”. Another example, stepping into the political realm, my response is “that’s not me”. However, the more I get to know me, the more I see me. A PhD was me, it’s always been me, but I was afraid of failure, afraid of starting, afraid of holding myself accountable to what my heart desired. The political stuff? Ugh, jury is still out.

Power and influence are found in certain individuals. Books tell us how to hone our power, leaders share examples of how they use their power, and we can watch television of power gone wrong. Big ugh.

There’s big power, sure. But what if power lies in a small tweak to our structure. A name change, if you will. Dr. Suddenly it’s a wide world, a new power, an upgraded influence, a calling which perhaps was always there, if not for the small whisper of “that’s not me”.

It is you, Kel. And it is time you start using it.

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I ask you –

Is there something in your life you want to achieve or feel a calling for but doubt your ability to accomplish?

Did you know the origin of Tiger Team?!

(The post Global Influence first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

More Commencement Shenanigans

The continuation of my previous post –

Iron Clad Coffee Roasters, Lynchburg, VA

Lynchburg, VA

Aroma House, Virginia

Night 1 dinner, courtesy of Publix

Please allow me to rave about this incredible restaurant in Salem, Virginia: Mac & Bob’s. It’s a local establishment with quite an interesting history. Our 3 dishes below were incredible. I hate that this place is in Virginia, or maybe I don’t?, because I would eat here weekly.

Calzone

Pizza

Chicken Alfredo

Unsurprisingly, mini can match me drink for a drink. Or coffee for a coffee rather. This girl enjoys it and pretty much knows what she likes. She did allow me to order for her once, and although I don’t think it was her favorite, she was gracious. Life is better with caffeine.

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I ask you –

How many states have you traveled to/through?

(The post More Commencement Shenanigans first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Commencement Fun

I have an insane amount of photos from graduation week/day/weekend prior.

Many of my photos from the Liberty University campus in Lynchburg, VA, are places I “spent” time at during my PhD program. Having not seen them in person until recently, I had a picture in my head. However, this could simply be the most beautiful campus I’ve ever seen.

We drank so much coffee driving to VA from TX. Not pictured: an additional 2 or so coffee shops in Virginia.

Tennessee

Virginia

It was an incredibly long drive with a very short day of ceremonies, but I would encourage anyone to walk the stage at whatever school one graduates from. It’s such an honor to be surrounded by others who probably experienced many of the same headaches and who also celebrated some of the same wins.

We survived a 2500+ mile round trip (in under 4 days) to arrive home to this surprise. Not entirely pictured: a ginormous key lime pie cheesecake. Might have eaten 3 pieces at once. Parts may give me the hardest time but her support is immeasurable.

Part’s handiwork

I’m saving the food and extra coffee photos for my next post. Standby.

Friends!

Spectacular view

____________________

I ask you –

Even though I graduated in 2025, I waited a year to walk the stage. Hope you have much success in all your life’s endeavors!

(The post Commencement Fun first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

It’s all in the numbers

The amount of panic I feel when I’m told “the math doesn’t math” is both comical and terrifying. My head begins to scream ‘please don’t ask me!’ I like to believe I’m decent at math I am but not for fun or anything. I do the words. Not the numbers.

Imagine my mood after 2 days of number things. Crap mood, mental exhaustion, indescribable tiredness. And people really do this for a living? Whackadoo.

I like to imagine those are potato chips surrounding a laptop hahaha

The antiquated Air Force, and other branches I suspect, has done us no favors when data analysis is the actual future. I need numbers to justify decisions, to request funds, to build a business plan. The paper records we’re meticulously coveting? Not a useful format. So I spent days building templates for these paper numbers, to feed into a digital thing so I can perform trend analysis.

It was a huge undertaking. And my mood suffered immensely.

Interestingly, those who have a deep love or passion for numbers are considered methodical, even predictable. I don’t know if I completely buy into this; however, I will admit the numbers people should be very thankful it comes naturally to them. Because the rest of us? Well, I have a few new gray hairs.

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I ask you –

What are your thoughts on spreadsheets and Excel and numbers?

(The post It’s all in the numbers first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Grow out loud

…and why I don’t.

My “Aunt Mary Catherine” flower

I am very aware my social media presence is a source of contention. But I have a few good reasons.

First, it’s unsafe. Constant posting is triangulated to where you work, what you do, who you interact with, how you spend your time, your associations, your family members, etc. And I resent the fact I can be triangulated using someone else’s social media. I didn’t ask for that. I didn’t agree to it.

Second, along the same lines as numero uno, it unfairly creates a profile of my family, notably family members without social media, especially those too young to engage in it. They should never be held to whatever standard I inadvertently created for them in a growing digital world. Employees, educators, and acquaintances have access to them. And it can be used against them. Just no.

Third, growth happens in private. Behind closed doors. Recognition of growth is admirable, celebrated. I’m all for it! But not at the expense of what quietly achieving my goals is worth to me. So I’ll share the nuggets, the brief glimpses, but the big reveal comes when I’m ready, comfortable with the outcome. Not as a response to what I “should” post.

Not posting has nothing to do with shame, or hiding. For me, it’s all about protection of my peace, my family, and my growth. Conversation with others happens when electronic devices are silenced, the focus shifts, and real connection is made. It’s a hard lesson – to be willing to escape societal norms but I’m finally starting to understand it’s where real peace lies.

And wherever there is peace is where I want to be.

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I ask you –

How often do you post on social media?

Do you inadvertently (or intentionally) post family members?

(The post Grow out loud first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Not that kind of pilot!

I’m constantly humbled by opportunities to share my PhD journey. And I’m even more thankful to the military for the opportunity to obtain it.

Every chance I get, I tell people what the military did for my education. I have a $200K degree I didn’t pay for (in the traditional sense). Sure, they also paid a whopping $500K for my specialized military training. I’m easily worth 3/4 of a million dollars in education which makes me a billboard of information. However, what good is information if the people who need it don’t have access to it?

Which leads me here –

A week learning and growing into a role I see as mine for the taking. Attending a pilot course is a lot of pressure! Every day was a new pivot to absorb information, analyze data, or learn about myself. From resilience to SWOT analysis to mission/vision statements, every tool is available to be successful.

I genuinely believe every flight chief, activity manager, or leader at the course was willing and open to learn new things. Yet willingness is a funny concept. Not haha funny. For the 18 of us there, there are an equal number who may be unwilling to change. Perhaps even unable to change. Don’t shoot the messenger.

Many installations run the gamut from well-organized to actually in serious trouble. I heard some horror stories. I also heard stories of kindness and care. That’s the organization I want to serve

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I ask you –

When was the last time a training poured into you?

(The post Not that kind of pilot! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

April Recap

Still consistently completing at least one intentional movement session/workout per day. Even some regular 3-per-days! Looks like those midweek dual sessions are a standard occurrence which tells me my workload on those days isn’t as heavy as some others. Or…by the middle of the week, I’m in desperate need for me time. Bingo.

While I was in San Antonio, battling the heat and humidity, Garmin proudly proclaimed my heat acclimatization. It is absolutely wrong but I appreciate the encouragement.

Most days my hair started out contained, even mildly on point. By the end of the day, the alpaca look reigned supreme. I forget the humidity differences between north and central Texas. Glad we’re in May so it can really ramp up.

I didn’t get in a run on the first day of the month, or even the second, but I’m back in a routine. I’ll report back soon! Be very afraid.

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I ask you –

How was your April?

(The post April Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

99 Years Young

Truly, I believe everyone has those showstopper moments. Those moments in life so powerful they could bring you to your knees, and they run the gamut of emotions. Joy, pain, sorrow, grief. The list is endless.

Aunt Mary Catherine is my showstopper. I’m sure I could name other people or experiences with similar ease yet she was my first. And dare I say best.

These photos mean everything to me. “If pictures were possessions, these would be my most coveted.” I never want to forget the feel of her hand in mine. I never want to forget her smile. I never want to forget the recognition in her eyes despite the inability to verbalize my name. The feel of her lips against my hand as she kissed it countless times, the feel of her soft cheeks against my own lips, the numerous I love you’s back and forth. The love I have for her nearly brings me to tears. But all I could do was smile.

As her voice now fades to a whisper, I promise her to sing with my whole heart, the beautiful, showstopping baritone voice she has but only a memory in my mind. Yet, when I sing, I lift my voice as strongly as hers.

Although some of her sentences were the ramblings of years of thoughts and memories which have become tumbled onto endless paths, her eyes are still so alive with important things to share, observations of an intelligent woman who still desires to serve others.

And her sense of humor is off the charts. She offered to get up from her wheelchair to let me “use the car”. She also said “I reckon we could leave but they might catch us”. Fortunately for the women in my family, and unfortunately for the men, we tend to outlive our counterparts, spouses, and anybody with testosterone.

But if you ask me about the most profound thing she said, I’d tell you this: “I’m waiting on my husband to come get me. He says I’m not done here yet.” Selfishly, I want her here 99 more years. As impossible as it is, every moment with her is a blessing and she is the true heart of love I envisioned when naming mini. My showstoppers.

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I ask you –

Who is your showstopper?

Who is the oldest living person in your family?

(The post 99 Years Young first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)