Out of the Mouth and Into the Ears

Sometimes I think I may have – gasp – too much self control. It’s a thing because I have it! In moments of silence, I find myself pleading to say what needs to be said. Yet I keep my mouth shut, the words I need to say staying locked inside the confides of my inner self. Tragic, really.

In all my years – all three and some odd decades – I only recall ever getting screaming mad once. I didn’t even know who she was that yelled but it sure sounded like me. Shrugging. I’m not a “yeller”. There’s no need to raise my voice because my tone, inflection, and stare will tell you more than my volume will. Besides. Loud noises startle me.

I’m the sane one!

I realized I started this post many weeks ago but didn’t know where to go with it. Do I talk about being a not-very-angry person? Quickly I nixed that idea because I can get angry as much as the next person. Do I share how some people have an uncanny ability to make me roll my eyes at their ideocracy? Nah, I’m just as guilty of being the idiot. So what do I do with all this frustration? Ding ding ding. I know!

This is why I blog. And run. Mostly run. That wine cabinet is really missing the mark lately. I digress.

In my humble opinion, it comes down to picking your battles and knowing when you’re fighting all the wrong ones. Glass half full mentality. Instead of seeing it as a setback perhaps it’s an opportunity. Within a matter of days, many obstacles have found their way directly into my path of least resistance. No one enjoys feeling like someone is upset with them. That being said, personal responsibility goes a long way. For example, if you want someone to invite you to dinner, maybe you should mention it in a tactful way or – better yet – make the first move yourself by inviting them! Hello, rocket science. Or, instead of standing up beating your own drum about what’s right and wrong in your tiny sphere of the world, might it be a little more helpful to steer someone toward the truth? Please note I said “the truth” vice “your truth.” Though if you’re on a high horse, I have serious reservations about you coming down any time soon. At least get your facts straight before your foolishness is broadcasted.

those eyes

Suffice to say maybe I’m just grumpy because I miss my mini. The month on/off schedule was easier to accept because I knew it would only be 4 weeks until I saw her again. Just enough time to catch up on a bunch of random things and maybe read 2 books. 10 weeks is forever. 11 or 12 is even worse. Yes, I know it’s hard on her dad when she’s not there so don’t pick a fight with me on the “what about him”. With school coming up, it will be the hardest on him it’s probably ever going to be. Empathy is real.

For now, my pity party has only room for one.

_______________________________

I ask you –

Are you a person who yells when angry?

What’s been your toughest battle to “pick”?

Now seating: Party of One. I say again: Party of One.

Capers of the Dynamic Duo

troublemakers

The past several months have afforded my (older) half and I opportunities to get closer not only as sisters, but also as friends.

Read more about her here: sister post.

I’ve always considered her the left brain aka more artistic / more creatively-forward. But she’s also extremely insightful and I don’t know if I just never realized it before or if it’s a product of having children, getting older, etc. When we’re together, she’s very cognizant of my needs without me saying a word. She seems to take the reins on things I’m not as quick to notice. Refreshing, really.

random screenshot

Albeit a potentially expensive hobby, it has been fun daydreaming and (semi) looking for an approximately 1971 Ford short bed truck to restore. Yes, specifically. You see, our dad had an old truck when we were kids and we have fond memories of those super scratchy seats and you’re-too-close-to-me single cab. Stop touching me! I’d like to paint it cherry red like my previous car; Dad’s truck was basic white. One more request…it has to be an automatic because this girl can’t drive a stick. Unless you want to hop and skip to your destination.

Dad, circa late 1980’s

Bran is tagging along on my beachy vacation this year. To my knowledge, we’ve never vacationed together as adults. Bring on the pina coladas! But, seriously, having children doesn’t really lend itself to a ‘quiet, relaxing day on the calm, cool sand listening to the ocean waves crash’. HA! The only truth to this daydream is the crashing part and it’s reserved for a small child crashing into your bed at 0700 repeatedly asking if she can go play in the water yet. First, coffee.

Anyway. She’s got some new body jewelry I just absolutely can’t wait to explain to my mini. If you know, you know.

_____________________

I ask you –

Are your siblings similar in nature to you or are they polar opposite?

Got a short bed truck for sale? Anyone? Do you “know a guy”?

3 guesses on where we’re vacationing! Go!

Boots to Books

Back in the book writing business! Nothing like a midnight conversation to peak your interest in returning to a story. Just when I felt like perhaps I would always be at a standstill, I’m presented with an alternate ending. Now that I think about it more, did I ever decide on a title? I’m getting there.

Photo credit: Dina Nasyrova @pexels.com

  • Never have I ever – considered aspects of slander and libel before writing a book.
  • Never have I ever – felt driven to complete something so definitely my very own.

Requesting information from the proper sources takes time. If I was smart, I would have done this 2 years ago and be ahead of the game now. Alas, my plan wasn’t really a plan at all. I just thought I’ll write and see where I land. Who needs visual aids anyway? Speaking of which, I need to double back on this and figure out where my request went. No news isn’t always good news.

Some time ago, I saw a request for 25 pages of an unpublished novel to gauge a publisher’s desire to read more. Maybe I should look into it. What if I wrote under a pseudonym? Ehhhh, it loses shock value then. And we can’t have that! What happens if they do publish me? What happens if I ever actually find a publisher for this book? A good publisher would market the book for me, right? How do you not know how any of this works, Kel?

Update: I have a book title!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It came to me unexpectedly. Short of sharing it (yet), I can tell you it fits my de facto writing theme and my story. The little things always have a way of finding us. Promise to share more when I can. For now, the teaser will have to do. But it’s not really a tease if you get nothing. Sorry! Though I can honestly say the book is not about running.

Late addition – I always thought Hallmark was the end all be all of greeting cards. They have everything! The wax poetic’ers for every occasion. For some reason, though, no one has created an ‘I’m sorry a tree fell on your house’ card. Guess I’ll just have to make my own. Honey, you had to have known this would make it to the blog. And I still haven’t located an appropriate card.

___________________________

I ask you –

How much motivation would a motivated person need motivating if a motivated person was motivated? Say that fast!

Pseudonym or no? Why or why not?

Eyeballing a 2022 publish date. Because I don’t have enough on my to-do list.

Is This Goodbye? Never!

It may be time to take the plunge away from mindbodyshameless and more into RoF. In analyzing the statistics surrounding my blog, social media, and word of mouth, it seems my Instagram handle is throwing things off. Unless you’re observant – which many are clearly not – the title/name difference is preventing people from transitioning from my IG to my FB. Though I still don’t get it how they don’t get it.

So perhaps if I do away with aka change the name of my IG account it might make more sense to encourage followers and, therefore, blog readers. I have no hopes this is a quick, painless process. There will be confusion. There’s always confusion. For now, I just need a plan.

It’s a little saddening to close mindbodyshameless though. I mean, she’s me. And I’m her. Offhand I don’t remember the rules about how often you can change your name on there; it’s not like it’s gone forever. I’m typing this now with a huge shrug. Maybe the rules have changed. How would I know?

I’m also in the market for a new watch. Fitbit and I have been in a relationship for over 6 years, maybe closer to 7? I’ve tried their original Charge, the newer ideations of Charge, and then I fell in love with the Ionic. It has served me well. We’ve run a lot of miles together! The app is easy to use – really I don’t have any complaints except for wanting more analysis/tracking details.

Photo credit: Joshua Miranda @pexels.com

Which brought me to Garmin. Several friends use Garmin as their everyday and exercise-specific watch with only rave reviews. Enter weeks of research. Disclaimer: I get buyer’s remorse before I even make the purchase! Tech gadgets cost a lot of money and I work hard to ensure needs trump all wants. My watch may be on the downhill swing, but it doesn’t negate bills or car maintenance or my child’s impending school budget. No reckless spending here.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I want a new watch. Garmin Forerunner 745. Slightly bigger than the 645 but more potential. Also holds music because I hate running with my phone. Has built in location and emergency notification so no one thinks I’m vulnerable outside. Don’t get any ideas. I carry weapons. AND – it designs workouts based on real temperature so I don’t recreate the Virginia Beach incident a few years ago. No need to go over that again right now.

All these changes. It will be fine!

__________________________

I ask you –

Input?

Do you understand some people have different titles for their accounts?

Tell me your favorite emoji! This is mine: 💁

Ready for an Experiment?

Sort of wish social experiments weren’t so morally questionable because I come up with some good ones. Think gentlemen’s clubs and masks. But maybe I shouldn’t even mention it here. After all, that PhD is still on the table.

A stranger asked what do I do when my spouse isn’t home? Surely he didn’t get the answer he was looking for. Unless he has a foot fetish.

Officially unofficially reached old lady status. I now proudly make my own iced coffee and all I think about when being away from home is this – When I get home, I’m going to make a cup of coffee! Welcome to my boring life.

Although I love a good charcuterie board, it’s come to my attention not everyone is familiar with the ingredients. And since they are varied, I’m not judging. Nonetheless, I’m happy to share my redneck, backwoods upbringing, though it did me no favors, is less apparent as I get older. Allow me to explain in blunt terms:

  • Cheese comes in many colors, flavors, and smells. Try them all!
  • Meat, namely prosciutto, does not require cooking. Just eat it!
  • There will be items you’re not familiar with. Refrain from turning up your nose, you ungrateful prude.
  • Have fun! It’s food! Food is great!

Great news! I’ve successfully blogged for 2 years! Funny how this was the opportunity I waited what felt like a lifetime for; now I can’t imagine not doing it. It isn’t a chore. I don’t dread it. Still, after 2 whole years, I love spilling my heart and mind all over these pages. A friend of mine likened blogging to a digital journal – and she’s not wrong. Cheers to more years!

an award!

Received some fantastic feedback on a previous post Using that Psych Degree. If you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out. I paid a lot of money for this geniusness inside my brain. Whoever thought I wouldn’t be blogging at year two was mistaken. P.S. no one said that. I think.

__________________________

I ask you –

Any social experiment additions to my list?

What’s your favorite item on a charcuterie board? Better question: do you know what one is? Should I have added a photo here?

Best guess time – how many years will I blog?

I’m a Pioneer!

I need friends. Running friends. Running friends who only run when it’s incredibly hot outside and I can’t go out there to run. Too much? So I joined Strava.

Find me on Strava!

Then I decided to channel my inner woman of the wild and become a canning master! Next up: living in a hut and churning my own butter. Right. I know.

As a writer, grammar and spelling are important to me, as well as consistent fonts across a document. It’s my job. I appreciate when someone’s email signature line is short, concise, and, most importantly, legible! You may be asking how an email could possibly be anything other than legible; rest assured, I’ve seen it all. It’s not pretty.

Full disclosure: I don’t believe everything I read on the internet. Tell me you don’t either. So I did my own research. Turns out it is true!

My dreamer mindset got a little excited, to tell the truth. But as for adding it to the bucket list? No thanks. The part that negated all my dreams was “The real-life walk would be grueling, filled with scary animals and diversely bad weather.” Nope, nope, and nope. Next, please.

_____________________________________

I ask you –

What’s your Strava information? Please comment below. I need friends!

Have you ever canned anything? What should I can next?

Tell me something on your bucket list!

Using that Psych Degree

My adviser and I have had many conversations centered around the phenomenon of learned helplessness.

Though I’m certain many people either know someone or have been one to experience it, this article explains the history quite well: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/learned-helplessness

Backstory

In my case, I am not unmotivated nor do I suffer from a lack of self-esteem. Quite the opposite, in my glorious opinion. I do, however, have buckets of traumatic experiences, most from childhood. You know. The formidable years. Many times, I react to stressful situations with an immediate desire to escape. To run. To remove myself from the scary picture. This is the way. Wildly enough, rarely is my go-to technique a valuable option, but it’s what I resort to in my mind.

Enter the concept of learned helplessness. As a child of two dysfunctional alcoholics, escapism makes all the sense! This is where I clarify my statements. I am not helpless. Never have been. I am no longer a child. Ship…sailed. But old habits die hard. And sometimes it can be difficult to balance the needs of an 8-10 yr old girl (who suffered much) with the very real ramifications of a woman in her low-mid-30s. That little girl still demands to be heard.

So what do you do when there’s an unbalance in what is required vs demanded? My own regimen includes exercise, medication, faith, and an amazing mental health professional, among other things. It’s really sad how society expects people not to discuss many of the options I just mentioned. Let’s break it down: we all have issues. No doubt about it. However, tons of people have crappy coping skills – or none at all, a personal history of – or familial history with – drug and alcohol abuse, and/or a gamut of other reasons it would take me months to run through here. The point is you’re not alone.

Now What?

Bringing it back around to learned helplessness. The military presents opportunities for resiliency training which is a wonderful way of saying we’re going to give you the skills you need and an avenue to practice them. Resiliency breeds leaders because it promotes positivity and helps one deal with stressful situations. However, resiliency doesn’t mean never having stress. In fact, the complete opposite is true: resilient people become accustomed to being uncomfortable so they may understand what it feels like and “fight back.” As corny and new age as this may sound to some, I truly believe it’s this very reason why I find running fulfilling. Targeting the particular stress of running gives me a feeling of accomplishment. Note you don’t have to experience a physical stressor to benefit; resiliency can be acquired through mental or emotionally stressful events, like education or even working in a research field.

Being resilient doesn’t mean you’ll know how to react to every situation. In my opinion, it does mean you’ll fall a hundred times and get back up at least 90 of those times. The other 10? Ehhh. Becoming dependent on helplessness simply creates a barrier to positive thinking. We’re all going to have negative moments, but the learned helpless-ors (totally made that word up) get stuck in a pattern of negative thinking and refuse to or are unwilling to pick themselves back up though usually at no fault of their own. Remember this is a learned behavior. Are you starting to see your parents or siblings or a close friend in these words? Note to self.

Good news

Resiliency is also learned! There’s no right or wrong answer to overcoming learned helplessness. Many practical ways of combatting it are realizing it’s very real, understanding what it looks like for you, and focusing on the things you can control vice what you can’t control.

In my case, the escapism I mentioned earlier reorganizes itself into a very useful technique called distraction. When distracted, the mind and body can focus on something other than the stressor. Except this doesn’t work as well while running. Another hammer in the toolbox is finding someone you can talk with about what you’re going through. I truly believe a large factor in helplessness is the feeling of being isolated or unable to connect with others. The what ifs may become unmanageable. So speak up. Advocate on behalf of yourself. Talk to someone you trust. Just because you failed once doesn’t mean you’re destined for a lifetime of failure.

Failure means you tried. Failure equals growth. And, if you don’t believe me, ask anyone how long it took them to x, y, z (fill in the blank). Rarely does anything happen on the first try. Like whistling. I’m still trying.

___________________

I ask you –

Before reading this, did you know about learned helplessness?

What makes you resilient?

Tell me about a time you excelled at something the very first time! I actually hit the golf ball the very first time I ever played golf.

Monday Mayhem

With the heat and humidity quickly rising to practically unfathomable degrees, I knew I wanted to spend my long holiday weekend resting and not doing anything to require copious amounts of thinking. Per the usual idea. But even as I write portions of this post on a Thursday afternoon feels-like-my-Friday, I’m struggling to take my mind off the big things.

Iced coffee afficionado

You know how sometimes you can feel change is coming…there’s something in the air, the anxious way you react, or where your mind drifts no matter what you’re engrossed in? Can’t be just me! Anyway – that’s where I’m at.

Today is Day 31 of my planned May Run Streak! Seeing as my personality is either all in or not at all, I kind of feel like I should just keep running, right? 90 days sounds good. It would get me right up to August then I can reevaluate. To race or not to race. That is the question. Hmmm. I could take a short break in August, pick up training in September, then finalize a race for either Nov or Dec. Got me thinking.

Or I could streak until Jan 2022. I could. But I probably won’t.

___________________________

I ask you –

Is it a full moon? Have the forces changed?

Should I keep streaking? Or train for a fall race?

Happy Memorial Day, fellow followers. Wars have been fought and won based on the sacrifice of many. Let us never forget.

Say No More – Short and Sweet

You know what’s hard? So glad you asked. Pause. I feel as if I ask that same question here a lot. My blog, my rules. Unpause. Peopling. Peopling is hard! It drains you of life-saving patience and sucks the will to be nice right out of your soul. Dramatic, much?

Here me out. When you spend days on end peopling it becomes laborious and exhausting. Pause. Did you know when I write part whatever (insert a number) in a post title, I’m totally making that up? Who knew?! Unpause. Sometimes peopling continues for days without ceasing. Just when you think it’s over, you remember the oil change you haven’t gotten yet. Not you, I mean me.

As I found myself waiting in a semi-crowded service center lounge, strangers wanted to make small talk. I loathe small talk. Pause. I need to practice my RBF. Unpause. Why can’t people catch the not-so-subtle signs I’m half hazardly watching this super interesting show on home demolition whilst zoning out to my gummy game? No, I don’t want to talk about the weather either.

Clearly I’m grumpy and allowing my hormones to take over what is normally my calm and forgiving sparkle of a personality. All hail the ice cream queen!

________________________

I ask you –

Is peopling also difficult for you?

Opinions on small talk?

Tell me your 100% foolproof way to prevent strangers from striking up a pointless conversation!

Day in Photos, pt 17

Finally! With movie theaters beginning to reopen, there’s a possibility I might attempt to stay awake long enough to see something other than matinee.

my first choice!

I love coffee almost as much as I love running. Some days even more. But coffee is so expensive. Not that I mind paying for what I love and there’s several (one in particular) locally owned coffee shops I adore. However, I was pleasantly surprised at my ability to make decent iced coffee at home using my Keurig and some Green Mountain Vanilla Cream over ice coffee pods. It was soooo good!

brown, not black and not definitely not white

And, I have an ice cream addiction. A Halo Top addiction. Creamy, sweet, and keto-friendly?! Be still my heart. There’s 6 flavors of incredibleness. My boss saw me in the grocery store with a cart full of ice cream; he didn’t even blink. I pretended not to notice him. We have a mutual understanding.

Seeing as how I’ve never perfected any type of mechanic skills, my next trick is to convince you all I can restore an old truck. Ok, stop laughing. I feel the need to do this. No idea why. Something similar to the below photo. Nostalgia.

used with permission

I’m editing this post earlier than my usual, last minute, holy-crap-it’s-Sunday-afternoon time frame. Part of me self-congratulatory; the other part is fearful I’ll find other things to include over the weekend and will have to re-do the entire layout. Cheers to living dangerously!

___________________________

I ask you –

Any new movies you’re looking forward to seeing? Top Gun: Maverick. Fast & Furious 9. Hotel Transylvania 4.

What kind of tools are required to restore an old truck? And do you want to help me?

Tell me your favorite ice cream flavor!