Which reminds me –

There was a whole week it seemed of rain and gloom and doom skies, followed by a whole week (now 2) of sunshine and nearly Spring-like temperatures. It was glorious! Obviously I took every opportunity to be outside, even if it was walking to random places to visit people I had no business with. Some of them I didn’t even know. Which reminds me – when I’m running outdoors during work hours, I realized I know at least one person at nearly every building; therefore, I know where the closest bathrooms are. This is important stuff!

Anyway, I got in several runs, even a 5k to round out January which is incredibly surprising since I only got cleared to run approx. 12 days before the end of the month. I barely made it. At Which reminds me – I’ve also completed a February 5k (via the walk and talk method…how I prefer to do business). Hopefully by the time of this post I’ve been able to get in at least 1 more run. The goal thus far is to run 3x/week. Some days I also do a strength workout, some days I’m extremely exhausted.

Which reminds me – intramural volleyball starts in March and our team is slowly taking shape. I declined participation; instead, I’ll function as assistant coach because our coach will be playing. I just didn’t think it was my best idea to play so soon after being told I could run. One or the other, Kel. I do play during the week and that’s good enough for me. However, I’m torn between trying out for the team just to prove I could play (and be selected) if I wanted to…or not trying out at all because I have nothing to prove.

This course is going swimmingly well. I’m more than halfway through – the grades are very slow coming in but I just keep writing until I get sick of it then hit submit. Thankfully, qualitative analysis is much better than quantitative analysis. For me anyway. The school auto enrolled me in the pre-dissertation course set to start late March. Which reminds me – if I want to have a full blown panic attack, probably best to do it before then because after that date it’s game on. So, essentially, there’s about 11 weeks remaining until I have to figure out my life and begin this whole “doctoral candidate” stuff. Student. Candidate. Whatever.

__________________________

I ask you –

What’s the weather like where you are located? Actual winter or summer?

Do you know where the nearest restrooms are?

Tell me something you’re reminded of!

(The post Which reminds me – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

But That’s Where I’m At

Vision Board Event – where dozens of people go crazy with glue, magazines, and colored paper. McK, Parts, and I are making strides toward doing more creative-type projects and spending time together outside of the workplace. Not too bad to start 2024.

Now, the random: Unbeknownst to me there is specific terminology within the academia field that eludes to transitional terms. For example, whilst completing the coursework associated with a doctorate, the student is called a doctoral student. Apt. However, once the student has completed the required coursework and has begun the dissertation process, the student is now a doctoral candidate. Fancy. Also, there is a special kind of nonsense for those of us who simply can’t live without education called a Postdoc. Just as it’s spelled, it’s what a ridiculous person would do after they obtain a doctoral degree. No thank you.

Also unknown to me is the option of applying for grants and funding to further the research portion of my degree. A quick search resulted in a few Veteran-related PhD grants, as well as several scholarships. No harm in completing the applications.

Finally, no matter what others (…me) might say about the loneliness of this process, I’ve made some incredible connections, including forming relationships with others who have obtained their PhD and gone on to become professors and/or researchers. At this time, I’ve been conversing with a woman who wrote her dissertation on a subject I’m extremely interested in and am considering how to mold it into my own dissertation. She’s been kind and generous with her time, something I value greatly. More to come.

Finally, I never thought I would see the day that a few 8-10 pg assignments seemed laughable. Remind me in a few weeks how excited I always am to start writing again.

__________________

I ask you –

Any creativity-centered goals for this year?

Have you ever applied for a grant?

Tell me an absolutely ridiculous page length!

(The post But That’s Where I’m At first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

You Can’t Tell Me

…that running isn’t life-changing and here’s why:

From a Life Sentence to Freedom

…that building brand new schools on the taxpayer’s dime somehow negates the time and effort put into our children at home and in the classroom. Children are miracles and deserve our best; however, if parents and teachers aren’t given the resources necessary to facilitate strong learning, then we have big problems. And, on the note of parents, if you have no intention of actually completing the school portion of the words home school, then you’re doing a gross disservice to your children. I understand disagreements with policies and procedures in the education system, but you’re going to need to devote a lot of time to your children’s learning if you intend to be the teacher.

…that connections with others don’t bring about great opportunities – like a quick conversation with a previous professor who reminded me we know a statistics guru who may be able to help with the results section of my upcoming dissertation.

…that homemade cranberry sauce isn’t at least 1,000x better than canned jelly. We got the orange and lemon ratio right this year and it was quite possibly the best cranberry sauce I’ve ever had, short of Aunt MC’s who absolutely makes the very best.

__________________

I ask you –

Did you homeschool or were you homeschooled?

How has running been going lately?

Tell me if you like cranberry sauce or cranberry jelly best! I like each but I prefer the sauce.

(The post You Can’t Tell Me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Don’t Let Me –

Something I have found incredibly irritating in the academia world is the complacency. Well, it’s in every world.

Story time.

As you may know, I’m seeking a dissertation chair so I may begin the dissertation process in 2024. The requirements are a chair and a reader (2 separate people). Thus far, I have a reader; however, in emailing and consulting with nearly a dozen professors now, I still have no chair. A chair is basically the dissertation god of one’s dissertation. The reader is like a fancy editor. Reader: check. Chair: negative. As you can imagine, I’m quite frustrated.

Back to complacency. In numerous conversations with potential chairs, I’ve received quite the feedback, but this one was the most eye rolling. The professor (mind you – he is considered an expert in his field, a phD holder, someone who professes to others on the subject of my doctoral degree) stated he had never heard of my potential subject subset. Further, he used the words “…in all my years…”. Enter complacency. My projected area of study has been around for decades; it’s not new. It’s also a simple combination of 2 well-known areas. The real issue is complacency with what “has always been done”. Granted, I’m harshly perceiving his words, but how often does it happen that someone becomes an expert and then stops actively learning? My guess is often.

To counteract my grumpiness and frustration, I got outside to enjoy some fall. Also, I was home with sick people so I needed an escape.

Don’t let me – get complacent, live for the “this is how we’ve always done it”, and forget to find fall.

Update prior to posting: I have a chair AND a reader!!!! Long story, I’ll explain later. So, now you all have to listen to me complain for the next <1.5 years about how I will manage to pull this off. But I will!

______________________

I ask you –

What are your thoughts on complacency?

Is it feeling like fall?

Tell me some of your good news! Happy Thanksgiving, tomorrow, to all who celebrate. I will, of course, be writing and catching glimpses of the football game.

(The post Don’t Let Me – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Semi-Dark Thoughts

I’m a firm believer in the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Typically. Usually. Sometimes. But I also think the more time you’ve spent with someone, the harder it is to overcome grief. Unpopular and slightly dark opinion: as a child, losing someone you love is actually easier because you wouldn’t have spent as much time with them and there’s more of your life to process grief. However, losing someone as an adult is more difficult because a) you’ve known them longer and b) may find it more difficult to acknowledge grief.

Sometimes the dark thought of self doubt creeps in and I have a low moment of wondering what I could possibly bring to the table. For example, I had a fantastic conversation with one of my classmates and he helped me figure out some of the stats tables I’d been struggling with. As he has an accounting background, I deferred to his expertise. But, when we hung up, I wondered why would he help me and what could I possibly contribute to the remainder of our doctoral journey. I don’t need compliments, I need purpose. So, it took some time, but I realized what I’m here for: connection. Both of the classmates I’ve befriended are a result of me reaching out, forming a connection, continuing to reply and encourage because, by doing so, it encourages me. Maybe I’m no numbers whiz and maybe I struggle with the most basic of tables and figures but the table I sit at offers connection. Figures. Get it, get it.

On a related note, I made a last minute appointment to get the tattoo I’ve been brainstorming for many months now. Even designed it myself. It’s very simple, no color, and perfect for me.

From top to bottom: The coffee cup is my own personal trademark because I rarely am not drinking coffee. The semicolon is very close to my heart as it symbolizes a pause, a breath, a short break in thoughts, and is often used for suicide awareness, of which my father took his own life when I was 10. The stack of books is twofold: 1) I love to read, always have and 2) as a lifelong learner and career college student, then books made sense. Finally, the 13.1 represents my adoration for running the half marathon distance.

As an addendum, there’s still room for the word Dr. and the 26.2 below what I currently have. Upon those completions. Despite this tattoo being my most visible, I couldn’t think of a better place because of how often I look down at my Just Run bracelet so an additional reminder of the things I love and have meaning is just beautiful.

Finally, if you’re in the Wichita Falls (or DFW area), find Josh at Factory City Tattoo. By far the best conversationalist with some really fascinating personal history and connections to the Wichita Falls area. He’s the man to make all your permanent ink desires come true!

_______________________

I ask you –

Do you have any tattoos?

If so, what hurt the worst? This was comparable to a few bee stings. One of my others was a lot more painful near my hip bone.

Tell me about something in your life that’s symbolic.

(The post Semi-Dark Thoughts first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Team Things!

Occasionally we have time to sneak away from work and do fun stuff, like go bowling! And eat copious amounts of holiday food, like banana pudding. It’s been a very busy past few months so team spirit and morale-inducing activities are exactly what was needed.

It’s a major award

Returning from the work trip and diving right into a short week of activities, volleyball, mini’s dermatology requirements (for another day), and realizing Thanksgiving is right around the corner – it’s a lot. Can’t forget to mention this course I’m in that has the capacity to literally kill me. How I wish I was a numbers person and understood coefficients and correlations and some dude’s name that stands for something in statistics. Ugh. I don’t know. This professor – whom I also had the previous semester – is destroying my papers. And I still don’t have a chair – have I mentioned this debacle yet? Wait for it.

Back to the team! I’m truly thankful for the people I work with, work for, and work alongside. It’s a longstanding joke about everyone stressing me out, but, truthfully, I’m the only one who stresses me out. At least I have a team of people who keep me going.

___________________

I ask you –

Are you a part of a work team or do you work solo?

When was the last time you went bowling?

Tell me about your Thanksgiving plans!

(The post Team Things! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Unearthly Expectations

As expected, my foots need expert, aka surgical, attention. You know – for all that technology has accomplished, how come there’s only a few options for feet? I did all the others. The surgeon was quite incredulous when I requested to have surgery on both feet simultaneously. But I persevered! Eventually, he came around to my way of thinking but it took some convincing. First, he says it’s dangerous when you can’t walk under your own power. Then, he says the pain may be too much. His final attempt at dissuading me was my mental health. Something about suffering from depression when unable to run.

I counteracted his every argument by saying I will sit at home and be a good patient; I have a high pain tolerance; and it makes more sense to have both feet done to allow me to complete my coursework at one time.

Then, when I visited my muse, her advice wasn’t quite what I wanted to hear but valuable nonetheless. She said, “Kel, you’re still Wonder Woman, but it’s an unearthly expectation to do all the things just because you can.” Granted, her words stopped me in my tracks and made me reconsider my decision. For a time. It’s difficult considering all the unknown variables, including being unable to play in the intramural volleyball league as originally planned. Now, I’ll just coach!

My wingwoman and I

So, all this to say my mind is pretty much made up. I may come to regret it but both feet is the way to go. Despite the circumstances and outliers, I know I can persevere. And I will.

Yet every time you make it through something that doesn’t kill you or land you in jail, there’s this overwhelming feeling of excitement and gratitude. I live for it.

___________________

I ask you –

Any big decisions on the horizon?

Could this be the dumbest decision I’ve made? It very well could be.

Tell me about your superpowers!

(The post Unearthly Expectations first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Always the Dramatics

I knew that the short 7 day reprieve from coursework would fly by, so I gave myself something every day to look forward to, something just for me. Besides, what’s a moment compared to the avg 3 hrs/day I typically spend on schoolwork, right?

First day, I found this: “Half of the battle of anxiety is realizing when you’re entering the battle. This is mainly because our fears and insecurities feel so true. We tend to go along with whatever pops into our heads.”

Days 2-7 didn’t go according to plan. What did I do for myself these days? I survived because it never, ever, ever fails that my body ditches all common sense during a break and caves to sickness. Sure, it was just a head cold meets some seasonal allergies but I was convinced this might be the end. I didn’t even run for a few days! Then, the meds worked wonders and I was back at it.

Finally, on the newest episode of “Where Did These Bruises Come From?!”, twice-a-week volleyball is kicking my butt. And hands. And knees. Seriously, every time I shower I find a new discoloration and/or painful area. But is it worthwhile? Absolutely not. I mean … of course it is!

______________

I ask you –

Do you battle anxiety or anxious thoughts?

Have you been struggling with allergies, too?

On a scale of 1 to holy crap you need to chill out, tell me how dramatic you are! 12.

(The post Always the Dramatics first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Not Being Dramatic

Final grade: A-

Well, that’s done. The longest 8 weeks ever. What’s that saying about challenging things change you? Or something like that. I don’t feel changed, but I most certainly was challenged! Within an inch of my life and sanity. And to think I may have the same professor the next 8 weeks. I won’t make it. I found myself spouting some grandiose BS for a majority of the course, even some that was so convincing I believed me for a second. But only for a second.

But – I am pleased to report that I have made a friend! Just one. Let’s not get carried away. His name is Mike and we are now official pen pals, if you will. He’s also a part of the same doctoral program, hence the friendship. If you’ll recall, my best friend, Sam, was also attending Liberty and we were expecting to graduate at the same time. However, life happens and she’s on an extended break while she underpromises and overdelivers in her work life; seriously, she can do anything so unselfishly that I’m both proud of her and also frustrated because she refuses to ask for help.

So, at this time, she’s focused on other things, and although I have never felt the need to replace her, I was in dire need of an ally to commiserate with regarding the loneliness and frustration of the program. And then Mike came along! If you’ll recall, I reached out to several classmates for help early on and it took awhile before anyone got back to me. I was very disappointed. His background is much different than mine but he appears to have experience with grant funding, budgeting, and several other things I’m clueless about so hopefully the tiny network I’m building will prove valuable.

I barely squeaked by with my A avg intact. It was brutal.

__________

I ask you –

Have you ever felt like a determinate length of time is somehow longer than normal?

Do you over promise? Be truthful!

Tell me the lowest grade you ever received.

(The post Not Being Dramatic first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Moving Along

“You’ve come a long way from that lonely girl who would walk the third floor hallway by herself.” – a third floor resident. Why, thank you, kind sir. I believe you are correct!

Photo credit: Sheppard AFB

Each year, I’m humbled to run the POW/MIA 5k and share the stories of my grandfather. He truly was the kindest, most gentle man with a larger-than-life smile. The only smiles I think are more adorable than his are his sister’s (my beautiful great Aunt Mary Catherine) and my little mini. It’s difficult to run solemnly because his memory makes me laugh so if I was offensive to anyone on the track who was quietly remembering their loved ones or the many strangers who never returned home, I hope they know I meant no harm.

We had an impromptu car photo shoot after getting coffee together. It’s rare I’m the one to take her to school but it makes us both happy when I can. The dirtiest glasses she owns. I couldn’t see a thing beyond the smudges!

At the time of this post, I’ll be mere days away from completion of another 8 week course and ready to embark on the next. But not before a well-deserved 7 day break. There are no words.

_________________________________

I ask you –

Are you involved in an annual POW/MIA remembrance tradition?

If you wear glasses, how often do you clean them?

Insults designed as compliments. Big fan!

(The post Moving Along first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)