Preposterous!

Somehow in my… shortsightedness, ignorance, lack of basic comprehension…I missed the fact I don’t turn in my manuscript for a whole 6 weeks. Essentially, in this 15 week course, I submit it at Wk 1, Wk 7, and Wk 14. Which is mostly insane because can you imagine not having any discipline for an assignment that you fudge the weekly “Have you made any progress?” question and tarry on (yes, tarry) for 6 weeks without doing anything? CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Completely unfathomable. This is a doctoral degree! So basically I’m not worried even a little bit but if you’re someone who struggles with zero accountability, then you might have issues. Thank goodness for my “insane drive bordering on absolute nutcase” or however that paraphrase of an actual insult? compliment? went.

Another thing is the rabbit hole of variable research studies I’m suddenly stumbling upon. Somehow I can write 7 pages a day without realizing how much time I’ve spent perusing tons of material. Again, a foreign concept to most. One morning I spent 2.5 hrs writing and only added 2 pages. Balance, I guess.

Random funny –

Actual conversation at approximately 0600 on a Wednesday:

Me: *examining an empty milk jug with a missing lid* What goes on around here after hours?

Parts: Some real shady sh*t!

_________________

I ask you –

Do you have any good examples of a compliment that functions as an insult? I’d like to include it in my repertoire.

Have you ever found a milk jug without a lid?

Tell me about something lately you would consider absolutely preposterous!

(The post Preposterous! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Updates!

I thought with the first iteration of manuscript feedback I would feel like a puppy with its head down and tail between its legs, sadly moping around after being chastised. Maybe I’m just immune now. Probably a good thing I don’t get my feelings hurt too often anymore because – what’s feelings? – after 2 years of writing for a page count, I no longer have to do that. I can just write for quality and content. What a concept! Anyway, there was a fair amount of red garnishing the margins of my submission but nothing unmanageable. I’ve only been writing my whole life so you’d think I would have it figured out by now.

On the subject of figuring it out – mini has completed her first few years of elementary school and will soon be headed to a more concise portion of the formidable elementary school system. Seems she and a few classmates are a bit nervous to leave behind the teachers they have essentially grown up around. My mama heart is simply amazed at the progress she has made, especially in terms of reading and math. Watching it finally “click” are moments I never want to let go of. From single sentence reading folders then to chapter books, her interests are slightly unpredictable but incredibly beautiful. As her brain fills with information, I want to capture these moments forever. She’s a caring, thoughtful, helpful friend; I see it in everything she does and how big her heart is when she’s around others. Elementary school may not be a traditional milestone to anyone else, yet, if one digs deep, the foundational stones are being laid before my eyes. And you can’t get these memories back.

Other notable memories and observations – if I don’t stop laughing at these meetings, I’m destined to get kicked out. Ah-ha! It’s like they make me incredibly giggly thinking about inappropriate things and once I start laughing, I’m done. No focus.

Included in the no focus section for this post – the photo below is me hiding under McK’s desk, lying in wait to scare her. Spoiler: it worked. She yelled and jumped. Payback for the time she scared me in my office. Work is fun!

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I ask you –

What’s the ideal color to write in the margins?

How often do you scare someone?

Define “figuring it out”.

(The post Updates! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Pleading My Case

A letter to my chair –

Hello, good morning, and all the things,

This week has gotten the best of me and it was not my best. It appears I am suffering from a mostly localized case of writer’s block; however, since I’m a lowly doctoral candidate, it can primarily be described as a case of I’m really tired of this crappola. Interestingly, I have been able to read 2 books, one of which is a story about a woman suffering from true writer’s block and unable to write her 27th or 72nd book because she’s truly an accomplished writer and has written many manuscripts. Me? Well, I’m still on this one manuscript. Nonetheless, I have been able to read this week. Also, I was able to support many a force support activity including 2 lengthy volleyball games and a short stint as a fill-in server. Yes, I agree this doesn’t look or sound like any great reason to not have written much this week, but, in my defense, I have been struggling with priorities. Speaking of defense, I am clearly not ready, presumably because I can’t seem to finish the background section of my manuscript. On that note, why is it called a manuscript? I continue using the term paper but it probably doesn’t really convey the meaning of this “paper”.

I promise to make you proud although you’re undoubtedly questioning my abilities at this point. I’d like to reiterate that I am an accomplished writer, if this blog is any indication, and do take seriously the quality of words I write, errr…type. Granted, it doesn’t look like it right now. For weekly accomplishments, I’ve also managed to take a lengthy bike ride to determine my suitability for an upcoming 16ish mile ride through mountains and buffalo-roaming terrain. Clearly, I’m an athlete and must share my time between keyboard warrior and champion cyclist. As you can see, the current 12,000 word count of my aforementioned manuscript is just one measure of my shocking abilities to do things. I know you understand.

Indeed, as I write this letter excusing…explaining, rather…my lackadaisical approach to discipline, I have just returned from an adventure on foot to find my fleeting motivation along the winding neighborhood roads. This may seem like an easy feat; however, as my motivation tends to walk faster than I do, I am still unable to track it down. Nevertheless, I determined that if someone, anyone, would walk alongside me and write down my thoughts pertaining to this particular session on historical, social, and theoretical context, you may see the difference in the page count. Yes, I understand I have dictation software but could use an extra set of hands to type out my thoughts.

Finally, I appreciate your faithfulness and grace while I navigate this tough season of life known as the end of May. I do believe our bodies recall previous life seasons and, as I am a career college student, the school year typically ends in May which is why I have deflated like a balloon. My brain believes it is break time. Despite my best efforts to convince it otherwise, I have found everything to do except writing. Yes, even shopping, which I know you love to do, as well. See? We’re kindred spirits. Minus the fact your spirit is prefaced with the title Dr. Instead, mine is prefaced with the title IbetterstartwritingnowbecausethisworldwaitsonnooneandtimeisfleetingsogetittogetherKel.

_______________

I ask you –

No questions. The jury rests.

(The post Pleading My Case first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Significant. Hot dogs.

What’s fascinating about the leadership role and a dissertation is the perplexing desire to convince others to care. Crazy, right? Dubbed the “significance of the study” section, the goal is to convince a bunch of strangers that your topic is both important to everyone, including you, and relevant to some issue in society today. It’s so much fun, I’m here to tell you.

Once I made my 15-week plan for this course, my appetite and desire to type tanked. Attributed mostly to allergies and the realization that mini is leaving soon on her TN/CA fun-filled summer adventure, I know I’ll be left with a lot of time on my hands to write. And write. And write some more. Although I’m looking forward to diving in and wracking up the page count, I’m also…meh. Pretty sure it’s just a phase though.

Lastly, what I thought was a phase has turned into a longstanding love affair with hot dogs. So sarcastic. I do not love hot dogs. I don’t even like hot dogs. I’m sick of hot dogs. Alas, I am in the hot dog business.

Those are my hot dog friends. And that’s a cooler filled with hot dogs. We brought the band back together for another hot dog escapade. The third, in fact. If I never see another hot dog, it will be too soon. I know a hot dog song and will gladly sing it for you.

___________________

I ask you –

What does it mean to be significant?

Do you like hot dogs? Wanna buy some?

Tell me your summer plans!

(The post Significant. Hot dogs. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Here We Go Again!

The final look of relief when another course is completed. But, by the time you read this, I’ll have begun Dissertation I. The pre-dissertation course wasn’t difficult, per se; however, it was somewhat tedious. Communication with my chair has been one of the best experiences so I can see how that’s a make-it-or-break-it portion of others’ stories.

If you’re wondering what I’ll be doing this summer, well, there you have it. 15 weeks, then another 15 weeks, then a 3-4 week break, then 15 weeks, then…something. Defense, maybe? It’s a huge change from the traditional 8 week courses I’ve been doing for nearly 2 years. I need a plan!

Instead of making a plan, I forego any real responsibilities and eat ice cream. As Blue Bell is decidedly not keto, pick the battles well. Good thing this Snickerdoodle ice cream by Rebel was conveniently located in my freezer!

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I ask you –

What’s your go-to responsibility avoiding task?

How often do you indulge in sweet treats?

Tell me something great you have going on!

(The post Here We Go Again! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Standing Out

Blend in. Fit in. Don’t cause a scene. All things I grew up believing were the best way to survive and thrive. Do you want to know what I think now? So glad you asked. Screw that. It’s a virtual impossibility for me to blend in. I laugh too loud. I have opinions. I’m passionate, especially when I’m right. And I worked too effing hard to get where I’m at…fitting in didn’t get me here. Standing out did. I’m going to revel in it!

Right after I do exactly what my chair tells me to do and say because doctorate life. Do you know how difficult it is to write a data collection process when you haven’t collected any data? Of course you want to know. Really hard! Apparently “because it makes sense” doesn’t answer the question “Why are you doing interviews?” Who knew. Still, I plug along with the researching and the writing and the submitting.

Turns out I’m terrified of falling. I don’t mean from heights, although I am scared of that, too. Specifically, in volleyball. But just right now. My knees still aren’t fully healed so even when I wear knee pads, always, I’m not willing to fall. 1. Because I know it’s going to hurt some. 2. Because it can’t be great to continue damaging the bones/muscles behind my knees. I sort of wonder if that’s why my knee pain has progressively returned. Probably doesn’t help. And the foot pain has been out of control lately. Not only does the (primarily) right foot hurt but now the left foot is really screaming at me. I’ve been experimenting with different shoes during volleyball…alas, I’ve definitely learned what not to wear! I guess this is me finally committing to the surgery option in late 2025.

My newest addition to the workout lineup. No running! Cycling, as it happens, is minimal to no weight bearing and, also as it happens, turning out to be something I’m enjoying. Even if it isn’t my favorite sport, the no foot pain portion is definitely pulling me in.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you blend in?

What question do you find yourself asking the most? Me: Why???

Tell me your favorite activity!

(The post Standing Out first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Impressive

Not only am I alive but I’m also creating models of decision making, which is mostly unbelievable seeing as the way I’ve lived my life thus far is one questionable decision after another. haHA

Random thought inline with the above – the dissertation process is working well. I don’t want to sound too confident but I put in more hours stressing those seemingly unconnected papers than I have in the past few weeks prepping this giant novel of a dissertation. Alas, I’m thankful I developed a very strict habit of waking early and focusing most evenings on writing. I read somewhere that even if you only wrote 250 words per day, the benefit at the end of a semester is immeasurable. Believe it. Sometimes my discipline is impressive, even to me, but now it’s such a habit, such an integral part of me that I don’t know any other way. Whether I like it or not, the paper continues to flesh out.

The weekly chats with my chair, although a scheduling challenge at times, are rewarding and I am always amazed at when the chat is over how much good information I’ve garnered from her. She is assuredly a blessing in my life. Speaking of amazing women, there’s an incredible woman in my life who will soon be 97. Ninety-seven years on planet Earth. She’s older than the (former) Queen. And, in my opinion, the most impressive woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of loving.

Updates coming soon as we visit her.

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I ask you –

What are your skills?

How do you feel about decision-making?

Tell me the age of the oldest living person in your life!

(The post Impressive first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Hear the Thoughts

I enjoy reading articles like this, 5 Popular Education Beliefs That Aren’t Backed by Research.

Specifically, the myth about reading aloud and the myth regarding music. I have my own experiences. As a kindergartner, yes, I remember this distinctly, I would get called out by “student teachers” aka older kids that were instructed to read to us younger ones, and teachers because of my inability to process what was being read to me. To this day, auditory is not my learning style. I learn by writing or reading. Clearly.

I also recall certain peers not doing well when it came to reading aloud and I always had this sense of disappointment it was a mandatory activity that promoted anxiety (although I didn’t know that feeling at the time) and frustration. For the music myth, I have found that when I’m doing a monotonous task like entering time card info, then background music (often, jazz or a coffee shop mix) is relaxing and motivating to me. However, I know other tasks, like budget reviews, etc., are absolutely not the time for me to be listening to music. Fascinating.

Credit via IG

Then there’s quotes that just resonate with everything inside me. Recently, my ear buds died prior to the run I’d had scheduled and was really looking forward to, so I ran sans music. Unheard of (get it, get it). Despite the midday timeframe, there was near silence all around me. No one speaking, no loud booms, just silence. Truly, it was exactly what I needed because nearly everyday is punctuated by noise, a constant sound cacophony of stuff. I won’t get started about how it’s typically loud in my head, but the silence of that run was absolute bliss.

Sometimes I just need to hear myself think.

_____________________

I ask you –

Did any myth surprise you?

Have you ever run in silence?

Tell me how often you charge your earbuds!

(The post Hear the Thoughts first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Embrace the Change

…”Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”…

Those are the questions to ask when considering situations in which the options are to speak up or be silent. Although not mutually exclusive, it seems the best way forward is to answer these questions affirmatively: otherwise, stay silent.

I was honored with the opportunity to listen to an older gentleman who shared his perspective of returning “home” to finalize the estate of his late mother. His military career has taken him far and wide, here and there, yet he was notably saddened and a little perturbed at mentioning his friends and family’s reactions to his brief, sporadic trips. His disdain for the commonly repeated phrase “you’ve changed” or “you never visit” or the constant demand for time and attention when he returns without an offer to ever repeat the gesture was tangible. Somewhere during this conversation it struck me that these encounters happen no matter your age, status, or socioeconomic status. You will change. You should. And there will be people who only know how to take what you can give. So surround yourself with people who recognize the change… and embrace it.

Often I set myself up for disappointment when my expectations surpass ability. I know I’ve mentioned this same issue countless times but it plagues me. The latest example is not feeling satisfied with the small portion of my literature review due in a few weeks. I want to include passion, the emotions it elicits, the “me” of this research. But that’s not the goal. It should be straightforward, a masterpiece of regurgitation of others’ research. Why is it so hard? Because everything I do is laced with the excellence I expect of myself. 110%. Every time. No excuses. And somehow what keeps me going is also my biggest flaw.

In other news, I finished that literature review. To my knowledge, it’s exactly what they were looking for. Was it painful? Mostly yes. But I make easy things difficult for a living.

_____________________________

I ask you –

Do you find silence difficult to achieve?

Are you aging with mischief?

Name something you always make so much more difficult than it has to be. I’d like to answer for mini: bedtime routine.

(The post Embrace the Change first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Photos and Minimal Explanations

Why do they keep tempting me?!

Spring is my favorite!

We’re 4-0!

L -> R: Jordan, Beth, Sam, Brittany, me, April, and Roland (not pictured: Jarrod and Tina)

First, Parts got me addicted to Starbucks frappes. Now, we’ve progressed to HTeaO. The unsweetened coconut tea is divine.

________________

I ask you –

Will you try the newest Blue Bell ice cream?

What is your least favorite flavor?

You can only pick one: unsweetened tea or coffee. You already know…

(The post Photos and Minimal Explanations first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)