Strength in Waiting

“We rise in the wait, not the arrival.” Waiting is not everyone’s (maybe anyone’s) strong suit. Never have I heard a eulogy or a bio or an introduction which said “So-and-so excels/excelled at waiting!”

According to mini, waiting is hard. An unnecessary endeavor, if you will. Absolutely pointless. In many ways, I understand. We live in an instant gratification society, where nearly every want or desire is available at our fingertips, literally and figuratively. As I say it, this is an instant potatoes world. But how often does waiting truly bring us valued joy? Let me count the ways. In other words, innumerable times. And we’re stronger because of it.

Side note. I’ve always considered cereal for dinner an exotic meal. Crazy, right? I think it’s because a) I don’t eat cereal and b) don’t drink milk. Therefore, it’s always been out of the realm of my ability to experience it.

27 July – 3 August

I know I already posted a July recap but what’s the rules on posting when a month runs into another? Run, run, get it get it. Posting for posterity, of course! That’s a lot of action for a vacation!

Wk 13: additional 45 pages

You know what I wasn’t waiting on this week? This manuscript to write itself. 45 pages! 45! Sure, I didn’t run as much as I’d have liked to but I did create tables, graphs, figures, and somehow overcame my limited knowledge of Excel to beautify a bunch of numbers into APA-worthy additions to the current 279 pages.

_________________

I ask you –

How much exercise do you get when away from home? More? Less? Depends.

I should have a second question here but I do not.

Rate your level of patience for waiting. On a good day, 1.

(The post Strength in Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

July Recap

1. This shoulder pain/impingement crap is for the birds. I know I should have stopped doing all the things when it started but I didn’t. And now I pay the price. Ibuprofen, here I come!

2. There is not enough time to write everything I want (need) to write. My desk is often scattered with at least 2 dog-eared textbooks, a few highlighters, at least 1 coffee cup, and roughly 24 open browser tabs. Fairly certain the operating system is drowning in cookies. I like cookies!

3. After moving back to Texas from Virginia, it has taken nearly 5 years to make the same amount of money. I don’t have a point in sharing this, just saying it took 5 years. There’s probably some statistical significance to it but my brain is tired.

4. As a budding researcher, I have a lot of issues with articles like this which proceed to claim significance in research studies without giving the full picture or context. I am not suggesting mindfulness and meditation are overly positive or negative, I am saying people should do their homework. But no one makes money when people are well informed.

5. July running was pretty good! I haven’t dived into the full stats but this was impressive for me considering it’s been so hot.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you have chronic shoulder pain? Any suggestions?

How was running or walking for you in July?

Tell me your August goals!

(The post July Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

5 Years with RoF!

Congratulations, loyal, kind readers! With your readership, emotional support, and massive grace, Running on Fumes is now 5 years old!

In true celebratory fashion, I’m choosing to celebrate as any 5 yr old might: by saying (writing) what I want to write!

First, in response to a prevalent post I’ve seen on multiple social media platforms but which I choose not to share here for obvious reasons, I have this to say: What’s more interesting is the fact these “startling stats” are only available from Jan 2023. Therefore, to be truly valuable to the disconcerting citizen, and even more so to the average citizen who won’t investigate these stats and chooses to take them out of context, a quick recap that pits one presidency against another is not the definition of unified, citizen, or, dare I say, Christian.

Second, I’ve been listening to The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast with increasing insight into society’s challenges and how to be an overcomer despite the issues. Might I recommend episode 467. Plagiarized by Harvard’s President. Not only was it enlightening but also provoked me to reconsider some of my own opinions.

Finally, I owe you a few weeks of exercise totals versus page count. Wk 11 includes about 12 hours of drive time to my favorite vacation spot. Somehow, I experienced no motion sickness and was able to write to my heart’s content.

Wk 11: additional 36 pages!

However, the drive back was less productive. I was sick fairly consistently so only added maybe 1 page. My goal was 60 min per day, but, again, I wasn’t as productive as I had planned. Instead, I ate gelato, cookies, and ran nearly daily! Good tradeoff.

Wk 12: additional 6 pages

The semester is winding down and I’m frantically finishing up last minute details to hopefully get approval to start the actual research portion of this dissertation in the fall. Whilst on vacation, our group was approached by a researcher from the local university. At first, I stated no thanks to completing her survey, then I had a change of heart. Alas, if I was doing survey research, arguably the most difficult type, then I would want kind people to help me. We spent maybe 10 minutes with her, patiently answering her questions (marketing-related), then went on our way. It provides a different perspective when you realize all the surveys and such actually might be influencing someone’s education.

Regardless, one more day of laundry and grocery shopping then it’s back to the work grind.

_________________

I ask you –

If you’re a fellow blogger, how many years have you been writing?

Do you have any podcast recommendations?

Share what you’ve been up to this past week!

(The post 5 Years with RoF! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-post: People. Not Programs.

2nd iteration of the necessary repost. Not to worry, loyal readers, I will return soon. Sunkissed, smiling, and (still) slightly frazzled. Enjoy! -Kel

Sometimes we need a reminder that many (most) of us are surrounded by people and the importance of being a leader is one not to be taken lightly. As it is appraisal season in the fairytale land of federal government employment, it’s time for me to administer them. While my own was a pleasant experience and nearly always has been, predecessors have royally convoluted the process and make it seem like a dirty word. It can be disheartening to build trust and camaraderie when employees are fearful, distrustful, and generally blah (which is definitely a scientific word). Often I find myself correcting others when I’m referred to as a manager. That’s not me. I strive to be a leader of people and a manager of programs. People are our mission; programs are our resource.

All this being said – work has posed some challenges lately. Seems this course on human resources and the legalities surrounding it have taken a toll on my decision-making skills. Not necessarily in a bad way; just that I’ve repeatedly questioned whether or not I’m doing the right thing. Turns out I think I have. But still.

So far, these are my (and by “my” I mean I didn’t do much…the team did) shining moments: hosted a staff meeting that included a rousing game of volleyball of which I am (ongoing) healing from; established 24/7 access to a gym that did not previously have this amenity, and completed a 3 week streak of consistent call-ins yet managed to recover. I can’t understand why my award-writing skills aren’t cutting it. Just another example of how supervising people and managing programs can be rewarding in itself.

As for the volleyball part of this post, we’ve decided to develop a team complete with custom shirts, wildly inappropriate shorts, and substantially-lacking coach mentorship. At this point in the proverbial game, we have about 11 months to start practicing. Nothing can stand in our way!

Until I receive the phone call asking if someone can bring in their inflatable gymnastics mat. Do what?

_____________________

I ask you –

Do you supervise anyone in your workplace?

Have you ever played volleyball?

Tell me your thoughts on leadership versus management.

(The post People. Not Programs. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-post: They Beckon Me

It’s that time again – the one where I recycle a few older posts to support the time I need to recharge along the coastline. Hope you enjoy. I’ll be back soon! -Kel

A small voice calls to me from my sleep. Do you want coffee, Kel? Doesn’t matter that it’s 2am, 5am, mid-afternoon. I always answer yes. Short of labeling it an addiction, coffee is comfort. It’s my siren song.

In a vain attempt at creating coffee shop-worthy drinks, I made my own cold brew. Not half bad. However, the espresso beans were a bit past their shelf life so it turned out somewhat bitter. I still drank it. Then I ordered new beans.

Chicka D’s, of course

Also, I had a small issue with remembering to complete my fasted blood work so I was forced to reschedule which resulted in a nearly lunchtime appointment. Fasted. Starving. Not in a great overall mood. That particular day called for a third caffeinated beverage, mainly as a reward for not harming anyone.

I don’t know how some people do it. How do they survive without these magical beans? I never want to find out.

________________________

I ask you –

How much coffee do you drink per day?

Does the need for coffee ever wake you up?

Tell me about the last time you forgot an important appointment!

(The post They Beckon Me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Pre-Vacation

When the weeks are dragging on and you need a few interesting things to keep you wanting to get up, do stuff, adult. This is getting ridiculous.

Found this fascinating story regarding one of Sheppard AFB’s very own Airmen doing big things to benefit countless individuals: Air Force Tourniquet Belt.

I say “Call me if you need me!” a lot for someone who rarely, if ever, answers the phone when anyone calls. It’s a formality. Just text me like a normal person, ok?

Admittedly, I am the most ignorant person I’ve ever met. Ask me about the day I walked around with a huge vape thing in my hand because I picked it up outside thinking it was an old battery pack. It was pink. I probably should have known something was up.

Then, a staff member told me they had accepted a jewel in the lost and found and asked how to return it to its owner. Jewel. Upon further questioning, along the lines of who loses a jewel, it was carefully explained to me someone lost a brand of vape. How was I supposed to know?

Then, it took nearly 2 hours for McK and I to figure out how to put gas in the government vehicles. In our defense, the instructions were unclear, there were inoperable pumps with obscure signage (read: none), and we’ve never done this before! We lead from the front, for sure! However, I do appreciate the consistent vehicle drive-bys who didn’t ask if we needed help until the final task was completed. I’m not being sarcastic – I think we would have been affronted if some…man…had tried to help us. We are independent!

The requisite activity versus pages tracker:

We’re strongest in our struggles. Which is probably not how the saying goes but it feels as if everything leading up to vacation is a struggle.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you prefer calls or texts?

On a scale of 1 to who-let-you-out-of-your-cage, how ignorant are you?

Tell me your thoughts on independence!

(The post Pre-Vacation first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Bucket o’ Butterflies

Can we talk about how the term catching feelings illicit the weirdest images in my head? For example, I see a man (always a man) running around the yard with a bucket in his hands waiting for butterflies to fall from the sky. What is “catching” feelings? How does one catch them? Isn’t it more of a choice? It’s just biology.

Can we also talk about how distraction disguised as self-care is not really caring for oneself at all? It is self-sabotage though. Distractions don’t make us feel better because we’re not identifying what our body/mind/soul really needs.

Case in point – after a particularly stressful encounter at work, I really wanted to disconnect for a few moments and escape. My go-to was to play on my phone and absentmindedly scroll. Instead (pretty proud of this one) I stopped and asked myself some questions…what are you feeling? what was the most challenging part of it? are you ok? do you feel safe? what do you need right now?

Believe it or not, I actively reflected on the experience and how I was feeling rather than avoiding thinking through it. It helped put into perspective my own thoughts and beliefs about what had just happened. Not once did I think I could have done something better and not once during the remainder of the day did I question my choices. For once, I didn’t let it get the best of me or let it control the day.

The real test is continuing this practice on days I’m more unaware of my stress levels. Challenging myself with questions related to self-care isn’t easy especially when I feel or think things are going well. Why even ask then? Because there’s always a feeling brewing under the surface and I like a good challenge.

Weekly report:

Wk 8: 23 additional pages

I would like to clarify though – 23 pages isn’t very accurate as the manuscript now includes many pages of feedback from last week’s chair review. The font is 9; alas, it does contribute to the high page count addition.

_________________

I ask you –

What term(s) do you use to describe when someone is developing feelings?

What is your go-to distraction method?

Tell me your thoughts on emotional analysis! Perhaps a bit tricky.

(The post Bucket o’ Butterflies first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Things only a doctoral candidate would say –

I recognize I already made a post about preposterous things but I have a last minute addition: can you believe there’s published material not available as an e-book? Me neither! I was forced to dig for this book on the deep, dark webs just to find an affordable edition. Unfortunately, there’s no Ctrl+F option here.

Pleasant observation: 100 pages and counting! But who is? It seemed to be the first major hurdle: surpassing the 100 pg mark. As most dissertations are 300-400 pgs, I have many more pages to write before I sleep. Circa Robert Frost’ish. I’ve just recalled I’m expecting another textbook via mail because I had (read, was forced) to utilized interlibrary loan to obtain the book; it’s being shipped to me from my university’s library in Virginia. Oh yay, another book to peruse in my spare hours.

Relatedly: “Waiting is the answer we least want to receive because, in our hyper-rushed, instant gratification world, it doesn’t feel like a real answer.” Waiting isn’t really in my vocabulary. I don’t like to wait. I like to go! Alas, finding time to wait seems to be a struggle. Always the conundrum. On a recent leadership traits exercise with others supervisors, etc., we were instructed to choose the top trait (out of 20 options) we value in our own leaders, then choose our own strength and limitation. My top choice for my leaders was communication. My self-described strength was problem-solving; the trait I’m the worst at…patience. As I explained it, problem solving and patience are the light and dark of the world, nearly completely opposites. I’m a do’er, a fixer, a get-it-done-now; thus, I have very little patience for waiting.

I know I owe some weeks worth of trackers –

As I spent some time away, here’s the recap for activity vs pages written:

_________________

I ask you –

Do you prefer hard copy or digital books?

Thoughts on leadership trait analysis?

Tell me if you have patience in spades. Teach me your ways, Oh Wise One.

(The post Things only a doctoral candidate would say – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Cheap Grace

Definition: Cheap grace basically teaches that we can win our race without cost or commitment to training.

I read the above statement again and again. And again. And maybe again, too.

Some call it discipline, I rather think of it as escapism. My friend and neighbor came upon me walking one evening after I had spent nearly 90 mins working on a new section of my manuscript. He might see my walking the same stretch of roadway nearly daily as discipline when, in reality, it’s just a convenient path to unwind my mind and seek (literally) new words to bring to life this idea in my head.

Conundrum: I need access to a setting, a group of people for my study, yet I’m not certain how this comes about. Organically? Do I show up and sweet talk my way into their good graces? Cold calling? Exactly how does this happen, inquiring minds must know.

Unrelatedly, remember a previous post about getting kicked out of meetings for laughing too much? Real life possibility. Cue the most recent meeting where a group titled Pheasants Forever was mentioned. I snorted laughing. Later, thankfully after the meeting concluded, I asked if this was a real group. Indeed, it is. But better was the question by an equally funny coworker who asked “Do the peasants fly?” I nearly peed on myself when I retorted how peasants are people!

Anyway, cheap grace.

_________________

I ask you –

How would you define cheap grace?

Are you guilty of engaging in an activity to seek escape?

Pheasants Forever – ever heard of them?!

(The post Cheap Grace first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tri and Tri Again!

The intent was to share here how I competed in a recent Mini Triathlon. But you won’t be reading a recap as I decided the day prior to forego the event in lieu of keeping myself alive. Slightly dramatic but not by much. Originally when I considered it, the weather had been hovering around the 75° mark and it was raining near daily. Then, summer arrived. The projected high on the day of the Mini Tri was 99°. Despite it starting around 78-ish°, the humidity was rapidly increasing.

All this to say, maybe next time. It’s not worth chancing it. Nonetheless, I was out there doing director things and playing witness to the other able-bodied individuals with Triathlon goals. Base support was awesome, we recruited different groups of people to help facilitate the event as it spanned multiple smaller events and a large footprint. Personally, I love seeing our team get together and DO outside the office.

Team Fitness!

Also, I’m trying something new. I want to keep track of my weekly exercise activities and the addition of manuscript pages in an effort to see valued change 1 yr from now, when I project completing this doctoral journey. My plan is to add a screenshot of my weekly activities via the Garmin app with a numerical indicator of manuscript pages. (I don’t have an activity list for Wk 2 but I know I added 9 pgs.)

For example, the below was from Wk 3:

Additional pages: 18

Despite the fact these variables probably have zero correlation, it’s an interesting concept to me. I like lists and comparing things, although not typically numbers because I’m not number-y, I’m word-y. As it stands, I can’t imagine there will be anything to this beyond being able to look back at it, mainly because I don’t run/cycle/walk between 4-6am because that’s when I’m writing. Additionally, I don’t run/walk/cycle between 5-8pm because it’s either too hot, raining (as of late), or I’m working on my manuscript. Therefore, my work day is primarily when I engage in exercise so one rarely precludes me from doing the other, except on the weekends when I attempt to do both. Since I’m not tracking just the weekends, the data is mostly garbage stats. Thank you for listening while I worked all this out.

Nonetheless, it gives me something to look forward to so without further ado –

Week 4 Activity + Pages Report:

Additional pages: 11

_________________

I ask you –

What teams are you a part of?

Any insight into my stats game?

Pros/cons of tracking activity stats!!

(The post Tri and Tri Again! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)