How’s It Going?

For seemingly no reason at all, last week literally kicked my arse. Team No Sleep – I was averaging 4 hrs of sleep per night, my Garmin was almost on the fritz with the what-is-wrong-with-you? Weirdly I kept having this recurring dream about a bobcat. I’m clueless. When I finally exhausted the bobcat dreams, it progressed to gummy bears. I give up.

Volleyball – I spent more time on the ground than I did upright and my body bore the marks. Even with knee pads, I tore open my knee from a previous week’s injury sans kneepads. Note to self – purchase better kneepads. My grandmother would be appalled. She had this thing about women having pretty knees. As a teenager, I made a wildly inappropriate joke and she was not pleased! Nonetheless, I think my second career as a knee model is doomed. My body looks and feels like it got run over. There was one point in the game when I fell on the floor and the ball wasn’t even near me. How, Kel?! Obviously in volleyball the object is to stay low but I just … fell. Who needs hips anyway.

Teamwork

By the end of the week, the events really started to ramp up. We hosted a run/walk/remember 5k so, of course, like a good little overachiever, I planned to run it knowing well enough I had blood work following it. Hydration? Psshhhh. So I devised a plan to bribe a friend to be my water girl during the run so I could ensure I stayed hydrated. Conflict of interest? Maybe. More importantly, the blood work part of the day never materialized because it was FASTED blood work and I drank my coffee, ate breakfast, downed electrolytes, and did all the things one should not do before fasted blood work. Alas, I had to reschedule. More to follow.

Finally, I received a B+ on the paper I had stressed and stayed up countless hours writing with literally a miniscule of guidance from the professor. Not pleased. So, I sulked for a day and ate a pint of ice cream (keto, of course).

The next morning – back at it. Indeed, life does go on.

______________________

I ask you –

Have you been having trouble sleeping, too?

Did you forget to fast before blood work?

Tell me how it’s going for you!

(The post How’s It Going first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 1

Just when I get things figured out – BOOM! Another dumpster fire of doctoral proportions. Yes, I knew this wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t expect it to be so confusing either.

Allow me to elaborate:

Professor: Write this paper using my special outline with such specific instructions that you can’t deviate. 20 pages.

Me: Stressed. Writing. Done.

Professor: Now write this other paper using my super generic outline without context. 30 pages.

Me: But you want an outline? Of 30 pages? Copy. Paste. Done.

Professor: NOT LIKE THAT!

In other related news – the first part of this degree process was conferred. Whoohoo!

Allow me to bask in the accomplishment for a second. Ok, it’s over. I need to write more.

Intention: This will most definitely be a series of posts so I’ve named it thusly. Standby.

____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever been dumpster diving? Not purposefully.

Are you the creator of mixed messages?

Tell me something you’ve done lately that you’re proud of!

(The post Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 1 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Good Place – writing and running

My newest class is loosely based on research design and how I better get my life together prior to next year’s dissertation. Not entirely joking. I was quite pleased that my final feedback last course was this “Kelly – you’re an original thinker…”. Translation: you’re full of crap. Pardon me while I focus on that original part.

I went old school

Thus far, I thought this research class was going to be tougher than it is. Famous last words! I never knew there was so much psychological and worldview theory behind research methods. As I’m trying my hardest to incorporate a projected dissertation idea into each course to alleviate how much stress I feel next year, there’s a lot of pressure to get this right but, if I can manage it, then it will pay off. Correction: it’s actually really difficult and I have zero idea what I’m doing.

Speaking of things paying off: somehow I have consistently run a few miles a few times a week for a few months now. Despite the heat that threatens to a) burn up the entire state and b) dehydrate me on a cellular level, I get up early and run when I can. I’m so ready for cooler temperatures yet with everything I have going on I haven’t missed racing. This is a good place to be in.

Despite the weather, the lack of professor involvement, and some very convoluted paper instructions, things are going well. I’m even mostly standing upright!

____________________

I ask you –

What do you know about research designs?

Has the weather begun to change where you live?

“Original thinker” sounded like a compliment, right? Just go with it.

(The post A Good Place – writing and running first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Summer Update, finale

I was able to run on Monday morning which was truly the highlight of my workweek. It wasn’t blistering hot and I managed a few easy miles that I knew would carry me over until I could either run again or make it to volleyball mid-week. The volleyball happened first. We had a huge turnout with a few new faces and enough players to have 3 teams. My little volleyball dream has morphed into a following.

Mini attended a beach birthday party with a new friend, played too hard in the swimming pool, and spent her last 2 days in Cali on the couch resting. Indeed she looked exhausted at the end of the week when Spare Parts and I made the trek to retrieve her from the airport. Also, she immediately ran right past me into Part’s arms so I put her in her place. As I stood there dumbfounded. The nerve!

In doctoral news, this current class may be the death of me. No jokes. Despite being incredibly thankful the professor has painstakingly answered every question I have – soooo many of them – I still don’t know what to write to satisfy each module’s requirements. I would love for it to be more generalized so I can write the way I typically do; however, the expectations are so specific that it makes it feel impossible. I know there’s a lesson in this but right now I’m wallowing in stress and self-pity. Just a short time remaining until the sand and sea call my name from a balcony overlooking the ocean. In the meantime, mini will be glued to my side, talking endlessly, and entertaining me with her own brand of humor.

I hope I make it.

Finally, thank you all for tuning in these past 8 weeks for my sanity check during mini’s summer adventures. School will start soon enough and surely I’ll be regaling you with that experience. Hope you have an incredible Monday!

__________________

I ask you –

Have you ever attended a beach birthday party?

What’s something funny you’ve heard lately?

Tell me about your most recent struggle.

(The post Summer Update, finale first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Summer Update, wk 7

So close to the finish line. This course, however…sheesh.

There are times when I will do literally anything to find a way not to write. Fortunately, it’s not often but some days are tougher than others. I’ll do things I absolutely hate just to avoid writing. With an upcoming vacation on the horizon, I feel a lot of pressure to get ahead in this course and write papers back to back. My mind is not cooperative. If I have to complete a paper while basking in the ocean breeze, so be it. But my mental stamina is suffering right now contemplating writing anything more than the bare minimum. Hopefully it’s just a phase.

What’s funny about July’s Book Club book is that no matter how much or how little I try, I will forever be attracted to the ocean. It calls to me like a siren song of proportions I cannot fathom. Or maybe I’m just ready for a vacation.

In other news, I received an invitation to return to game night! If you’ll remember several weeks ago, there was concern my Sailor mouth would ban me from all civil company. Alas, I behaved myself (minus the winning part, of which I did, of which no one really liked). So odd. This time I proudly announced “I came to win!”. No confusion there. And, Spare Parts won this time. We’re a bit of a force to be reckoned with.

Mini had an opportunity to attend VBS since she missed both Texas and Tennessee’s sessions. She makes friends like I do – presumably by talking too much and dragging them along on her adventures. It works for us. She has also befriended a much younger girl whom she reads to and plays in the pool with. Henceforth, I am prepared for inquiries for a baby sister when she returns. To be clear, we’ve had this discussion several times and my appropriate Naval answer is always “that ship has sailed.”

Sailed. And then sank. No possibility of recovery. She’ll just have to embrace being an only child. Somehow I have no doubt she’ll find a way.

___________________

I ask you –

Do you play board or card games? We played dominoes and spoons.

Are you the talker in your friendships/relationships?

Tell me your only child advice!

(The post Summer Update, wk 7 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Angels and Stress, an Unlikely Relationship

I had an epiphany one (very very early) morning as I was thinking about and missing mini. Some parents describe their child as an angel, not necessarily in behavior (because liars) but just in the term of endearment way. I highly doubt I’ll ever use the term angel when speaking of mini and not because I don’t love who she is. But who she is isn’t angelic – she’s fireworks, she’s lightning, she’s demanding of time and attention, she makes you question yourself and everything you believe, she’s inquisitive, she’s HILARIOUS, she’s witty, and she’s brave. I could go on. She forces me to evaluate the little things. She encourages me to face my fears as a parent and as a woman. She’s my biggest fan and strongest critic.

Peanut butter whiskey + Cranberry = Liquid PB&J: also an unlikely relationship

You know who else is my biggest critic? Yours truly. For example, I received a deduction of 3 points for a Wk 1 discussion post regarding federalism and intergovernmental relationships. Remember last week when I said it was absolute garbage of a post and I lamented how I had been sooooo hard on others? Hello, pot. Meet my new friend. Here I was – down on myself for missing the mark, for not achieving a perfect score, blah blah blah. Sometimes I really must make a concentrated effort to remember that absolutely no one cares! It’s 3 measly points and impacts nothing. I still got an A. And do you think anyone will ever ask me what grade I got in the course? I’ll let you decide.

Lastly, throttling my desire to research the most obscure of topics and concepts is not fun. Whilst searching for an appropriate topic in my current course – Intergovernmental Relations – I found many topics I’d love to delve into but considering my past investigative history I thought it best not to. Ugh. Indeed I love to argue points not traditionally considered commonplace but I don’t fancy explaining them to the authorities. Alas, I’ll just find a vanilla topic and press on.

This final class to round out the 1st year is giving me a run for my money. Stress levels – maxed out.

__________________________

I ask you –

What was your last epiphany?

On a scale of 1 to put me out of my misery, how interesting do you think intergovernmental relations is? Negative 7.

Tell me a stress solution!

(The post Angels and Stress, an Unlikely Relationship first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Summer Update, wk 5

Mini has now taken her traveling show on the road by returning to Tennessee for the week. Post recital, she vacated her mother’s side in favor of extended family and more summer adventures. I’m not dramatic.

Recital 2023

My southern roots are showing. But only when it comes to food. Tennessee green tomatoes!

The remainder of the week consisted of our final volleyball session, excessive heat warnings, a few runs (before sun-up), and preparations for mud volleyball. More on that next week!

Finally: my apologies to the classmates I made fun of and (possibly) ridiculed for the atrocious discussion posts they have submitted. It’s my turn. Recently I posted the biggest load of garbage that has ever escaped my fingertips. All 1100 words of it. I genuinely had no idea what I was writing and it sounded stupid even as I did. So, please accept this piece of humble pie as a token of my respect. You were probably just muddling through. Because…same.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

On Again/Off Again

Short of 2 instances where I cycled off keto, for me, it has been the best decision. I’ve lost weight, reduced fatigue, and – the main point – decreased migraines from several a week to roughly one per month. I know diet is a polarizing topic and keto is decidedly not for everyone but it’s where I’m at right now.

Back story – I’ve flirted with keto for many years and staying true to it is difficult. It’s restrictive. It requires a level of discipline I haven’t always taken seriously. The past 2 times I cycled off keto, ahem, crashed, was in March for my birthday and mid-May for a long weekend. At this point, I have no reason to say yes to carbs or sugar. Every day that is pain-free is a reminder of the brain fog and sheer pain of navigating the migraine cycle. So if being pain-free means not imbibing in the things I thought I couldn’t live without, then I’m ok with my decisions. It is tough sometimes saying no or modifying a restaurant order – hamburger, no bun, please – but I feel a million times better than I ever have. It’s not to say this is a forever decision; however, I can’t see it not being one either.

Sometimes I wonder what I’ll do with my life when I don’t write papers day and night? When my time isn’t dictated by the magical dissertation? What do I want to be when I grow up?

Training cycle has wrapped up. And even if it hadn’t then my running outdoor days have most definitely. 100°+ in the shade is a hard pass. Alas, I managed a 12 week plan culminating in hundreds of miles, stride workouts, and some quality time in the outdoors. I was careful to stay hydrated throughout the entirety but it is mid-June and it’s time to move on to something else. And that’s a good thing.

___________________

I ask you –

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you excel at running when the temperature rises?

Tell me something you plan to do this summer! Survive.

Critical Thinking + Fun

In examining my relationship with food, leaders, bosses, other managers, etc., I started to wonder what my issues are with current leadership. Finally, I condensed it to this: expectation vs delivery. Basically, do I fight against what my supervisor’s expectation is of me and my team or is it the delivery of those expectations that forms my lack of connection? Entirely rhetorical. To be clear, I don’t think I struggle with delivering the information to others; I like to think I’m clear, direct, and instill a sense of purpose. Probably because I can overexplain the most basic of concepts. I’m a “why” person so ask me all the questions – I’ve already asked them, too.

Safe to say, it is 100% the delivery. I have no problem making good on the expectation – I can do that with my eyes closed. Mainly because my own expectations of myself and my team are much higher than anyone else’s. So it just leaves me with an internal problem: the delivery. I’m not sold on how best to alleviate this issue; indeed, it might just be my own issue and no one else’s. And that’s entirely ok.

To offset the seriousness, recently I had some really great zingers and one-liners!

There’s also this – typically, I’ve been able to find something in each of these (thus far, 8) classes that resonates with my work or family or some other part of life. Usually, it happens early on in the course. Imagine my surprise when I’m at week 6 – nearly finished – and just now something from the course struck me as particularly useful. Better late than never!

Lastly, sometimes I’m genuinely surprised to hear about those that have a vested interest in what I have to say. When I’m reminded “Yes, I read your blog.”, it makes me feel appreciated and seen for who I am. What I write here is very personal and deeply me; therefore, anyone who takes time out of their busy lives to peruse these hundreds of posts that I’ve poured my own time and soul into – please accept my gratitude. Your support cannot be put into words.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Which is more difficult for you: delivery or expectation?

How well do you communicate with others?

Thank you, again. Truly.

(The post Critical Thinking + Fun first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Summer Update, wk 1

Wk 1 of mini’s Californian vacation –

I watched trashy albeit hilarious movies. Huge Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin fan. No, I don’t care about her past. I played on my phone for hours and got zero accomplished. Maybe I wrote a little. Maybe I didn’t. And I lost my voice, presumably attributed to the previous 2 week’s battle with allergies and a summer cold. Moms don’t have time to be sick. And we all know I need a voice when mini is around. Can you imagine? When I think about trying to parent her sans voice, I recognize the propensity for her to be leading a small country. Hmmmm. Maybe she’s the secret weapon to domination. I’ll tout this idea to leadership.

Additionally, I played nearly 2 hours of volleyball, got invited to play on a team for the remainder of the month, and ran. I ran a lot. Eventually my voice came back and people stopped avoiding me. Mini, on the other hand, is enjoying a semi-heated pool, new friends, and probably all the Youtube she could dream of. It makes me laugh when I think of how well-traveled and blessed she is; she really has no idea. While I sit here and go a little crazy with worry, she lives her very best life. Life is a little funny like that.

Miles are a cruel and unforgiving mistress that take nothing else into account but distance. So as I rack up the miles, in June no less, I try to fill my time with papers and plans. This week’s paper wasn’t so bad but next week’s has turned into a sweltering dumpster fire of garbage. Hot flipping garbage. But I’ll get an A. It’s what I do.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Do you prefer funny or serious movies?

When was the last time you lost your voice?

I wonder what semi-heated actually means. Slightly above freezing, I presume.