Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips

‭‭Isaiah 55:11 NIV‬‬
[11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Scripture above is Jesus speaking; however, what if we spoke with this in mind, that each time words exited our lips, we fully understood our words have power to speak life, or death, over others. In a society saturated with people speaking and giving opinions, sharing with intentional life isn’t as prevalent as one would hope.

Lately, I’ve struggled with focusing on one task. I’ve been pacing, mind racing from one thought to another, unable to keep up with the flood of to-do’s. For a moment, I considered maybe this was a late life onset of ADHD. I’ve heard sometimes anxiety is mistaken as ADHD and vice versa – what if that was true for me. But I think I’m just feeling the magnitude of ending the preliminary portion of the dissertation process and considering what the next year will look like. Somehow it’s already here, what seemed impossible in 2022 is now in its final stage. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that truth.

Focus, Kel. Trying to soak in all the things before writing takes me away from it is unfathomable. However, I did attend a game night where I managed to win at Rock/Paper/Scissors. First try, no less. Yes, I’m bragging. Funnily, when it comes to competition Rock/Paper/Scissors – I always win. No lie. Well….I’ve won 2 “competition-style” matches, if you will. The first was for a third martini flight which I absolutely should not have had, mostly because I was already 8 martinis in and definitely did not need 4 more. Consequently, I don’t remember much about that night except winning the game for another flight. Weird.

Any Way – focus, will you – I won a Starbucks gift card to fund my coffee and winning habit. Not a bad night. And, of course, my name tag says Parts. And, of course, hers said Spare Parts. Because all we do is laugh together.

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I ask you –

What does peace in your heart look like to you?

Have you ever been on a winning streak?

Tell me about your favorite game! Spoons.

(The post Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Should Have Known

…when watching any show with mini, she narrates, talks over, answers, and yells incessantly at the television in a loud, expert know-it-all voice. It’s maddening. And I cannot focus on her voice and the television because too many sounds make me anxious. My only thought is I should have known.

a brief quiet moment

addicted to Axolotls

…it’s lonely at the top. Being the go-to, advocating for others, and making judgment calls requires a strong heart. So when others encourage me to take time off, to recharge, to get away from the office, it means I should heed their words. And the relief I get from the escape is a reminder I should have known.

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I ask you –

Is it even true that there’s things we should know before encountering them?

How often do you take time off?

Tell me your favorite way to relax!

(The post I Should Have Known first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Quit While Ahead, or whatever was said

It’s come to my attention that some of my posts lately have been lackluster and downright depressing. So, thank you to everyone who provided sound advice, a listening ear, and gentle patience while I navigated my mood. I love my job. But sometimes the people aspect of it is frustrating which causes me to enter a role I don’t always enjoy – being the voice of reason. Don’t laugh now.

In other news, I’m way ahead in this final course prior to entering the unique stage of the doctoral candidate. Unbeknownst to me, until you begin the dissertation process, you are considered a doctoral student, then when the dissertation courses begin, you transform into a doctoral candidate. Like a butterfly falling to its death. Yay me. As I have no idea what this process looks like, I’ll be sure to share my misery along the way.

Also, I agreed to coach an intramural volleyball team. Because I’m stupid. In my defense, it’s only twice a week for two months. The 2 months I’ll have begun the dissertation concept course. Details. I’m a master juggler, don’t you know. Funny thing is we had so many people interested in playing that we had to split the teams. I never expected enough interest to form one team, much less two.

Two teams: double the chance of winning! There is no quit – there is only win!

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I ask you –

Are you the voice of reason?

Do you have wildlife near your home?

Tell me about a time when you started something that went high and right.

(The post Quit While Ahead, or whatever was said first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tired

The problem with “powering through” this final traditional course is that you (ahem, I) have failed to see the toll it’s taken on me. Like a slow burn, one may not notice the wick is gone until the candle goes out. When I’m taking it week by week, once I submit a paper, then I take a day of rest. With the power on always, it can be hard to see the light beginning to flicker. Until it goes dark. In taking strides to maximize my break before beginning the next course, to have 14 days off instead of 7, I just keep plowing ahead. And there are consequences for it.

Like the constant exhaustion. And the lack of restful sleep. Much like overtraining, it plagues me until I back off. And when I finally get a chance for uninterrupted sleep, it doesn’t feel like enough. My brain forgets to process the message that it needs to rest. Go to sleep, dammit! Hopefully by the time of this post, I’ll have realized it’s just a phase and sleep will have returned to a normal pattern. Or else I’ll have stayed up way too late to watch the Super Bowl. Priorities.

So instead of complaining, or continuing to complain, here’s a recent photo of mini with her ice cream cone. She gets it. Life is too short. Eat ice cream.

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I ask you –

Have you been struggling with sleep?

Do you tend to power through?

Favorite ice cream brand! Braums.

(The post Tired first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Which reminds me –

There was a whole week it seemed of rain and gloom and doom skies, followed by a whole week (now 2) of sunshine and nearly Spring-like temperatures. It was glorious! Obviously I took every opportunity to be outside, even if it was walking to random places to visit people I had no business with. Some of them I didn’t even know. Which reminds me – when I’m running outdoors during work hours, I realized I know at least one person at nearly every building; therefore, I know where the closest bathrooms are. This is important stuff!

Anyway, I got in several runs, even a 5k to round out January which is incredibly surprising since I only got cleared to run approx. 12 days before the end of the month. I barely made it. At Which reminds me – I’ve also completed a February 5k (via the walk and talk method…how I prefer to do business). Hopefully by the time of this post I’ve been able to get in at least 1 more run. The goal thus far is to run 3x/week. Some days I also do a strength workout, some days I’m extremely exhausted.

Which reminds me – intramural volleyball starts in March and our team is slowly taking shape. I declined participation; instead, I’ll function as assistant coach because our coach will be playing. I just didn’t think it was my best idea to play so soon after being told I could run. One or the other, Kel. I do play during the week and that’s good enough for me. However, I’m torn between trying out for the team just to prove I could play (and be selected) if I wanted to…or not trying out at all because I have nothing to prove.

This course is going swimmingly well. I’m more than halfway through – the grades are very slow coming in but I just keep writing until I get sick of it then hit submit. Thankfully, qualitative analysis is much better than quantitative analysis. For me anyway. The school auto enrolled me in the pre-dissertation course set to start late March. Which reminds me – if I want to have a full blown panic attack, probably best to do it before then because after that date it’s game on. So, essentially, there’s about 11 weeks remaining until I have to figure out my life and begin this whole “doctoral candidate” stuff. Student. Candidate. Whatever.

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I ask you –

What’s the weather like where you are located? Actual winter or summer?

Do you know where the nearest restrooms are?

Tell me something you’re reminded of!

(The post Which reminds me – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

But That’s Where I’m At

Vision Board Event – where dozens of people go crazy with glue, magazines, and colored paper. McK, Parts, and I are making strides toward doing more creative-type projects and spending time together outside of the workplace. Not too bad to start 2024.

Now, the random: Unbeknownst to me there is specific terminology within the academia field that eludes to transitional terms. For example, whilst completing the coursework associated with a doctorate, the student is called a doctoral student. Apt. However, once the student has completed the required coursework and has begun the dissertation process, the student is now a doctoral candidate. Fancy. Also, there is a special kind of nonsense for those of us who simply can’t live without education called a Postdoc. Just as it’s spelled, it’s what a ridiculous person would do after they obtain a doctoral degree. No thank you.

Also unknown to me is the option of applying for grants and funding to further the research portion of my degree. A quick search resulted in a few Veteran-related PhD grants, as well as several scholarships. No harm in completing the applications.

Finally, no matter what others (…me) might say about the loneliness of this process, I’ve made some incredible connections, including forming relationships with others who have obtained their PhD and gone on to become professors and/or researchers. At this time, I’ve been conversing with a woman who wrote her dissertation on a subject I’m extremely interested in and am considering how to mold it into my own dissertation. She’s been kind and generous with her time, something I value greatly. More to come.

Finally, I never thought I would see the day that a few 8-10 pg assignments seemed laughable. Remind me in a few weeks how excited I always am to start writing again.

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I ask you –

Any creativity-centered goals for this year?

Have you ever applied for a grant?

Tell me an absolutely ridiculous page length!

(The post But That’s Where I’m At first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

You Can’t Tell Me

…that running isn’t life-changing and here’s why:

From a Life Sentence to Freedom

…that building brand new schools on the taxpayer’s dime somehow negates the time and effort put into our children at home and in the classroom. Children are miracles and deserve our best; however, if parents and teachers aren’t given the resources necessary to facilitate strong learning, then we have big problems. And, on the note of parents, if you have no intention of actually completing the school portion of the words home school, then you’re doing a gross disservice to your children. I understand disagreements with policies and procedures in the education system, but you’re going to need to devote a lot of time to your children’s learning if you intend to be the teacher.

…that connections with others don’t bring about great opportunities – like a quick conversation with a previous professor who reminded me we know a statistics guru who may be able to help with the results section of my upcoming dissertation.

…that homemade cranberry sauce isn’t at least 1,000x better than canned jelly. We got the orange and lemon ratio right this year and it was quite possibly the best cranberry sauce I’ve ever had, short of Aunt MC’s who absolutely makes the very best.

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I ask you –

Did you homeschool or were you homeschooled?

How has running been going lately?

Tell me if you like cranberry sauce or cranberry jelly best! I like each but I prefer the sauce.

(The post You Can’t Tell Me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Don’t Let Me –

Something I have found incredibly irritating in the academia world is the complacency. Well, it’s in every world.

Story time.

As you may know, I’m seeking a dissertation chair so I may begin the dissertation process in 2024. The requirements are a chair and a reader (2 separate people). Thus far, I have a reader; however, in emailing and consulting with nearly a dozen professors now, I still have no chair. A chair is basically the dissertation god of one’s dissertation. The reader is like a fancy editor. Reader: check. Chair: negative. As you can imagine, I’m quite frustrated.

Back to complacency. In numerous conversations with potential chairs, I’ve received quite the feedback, but this one was the most eye rolling. The professor (mind you – he is considered an expert in his field, a phD holder, someone who professes to others on the subject of my doctoral degree) stated he had never heard of my potential subject subset. Further, he used the words “…in all my years…”. Enter complacency. My projected area of study has been around for decades; it’s not new. It’s also a simple combination of 2 well-known areas. The real issue is complacency with what “has always been done”. Granted, I’m harshly perceiving his words, but how often does it happen that someone becomes an expert and then stops actively learning? My guess is often.

To counteract my grumpiness and frustration, I got outside to enjoy some fall. Also, I was home with sick people so I needed an escape.

Don’t let me – get complacent, live for the “this is how we’ve always done it”, and forget to find fall.

Update prior to posting: I have a chair AND a reader!!!! Long story, I’ll explain later. So, now you all have to listen to me complain for the next <1.5 years about how I will manage to pull this off. But I will!

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I ask you –

What are your thoughts on complacency?

Is it feeling like fall?

Tell me some of your good news! Happy Thanksgiving, tomorrow, to all who celebrate. I will, of course, be writing and catching glimpses of the football game.

(The post Don’t Let Me – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Semi-Dark Thoughts

I’m a firm believer in the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Typically. Usually. Sometimes. But I also think the more time you’ve spent with someone, the harder it is to overcome grief. Unpopular and slightly dark opinion: as a child, losing someone you love is actually easier because you wouldn’t have spent as much time with them and there’s more of your life to process grief. However, losing someone as an adult is more difficult because a) you’ve known them longer and b) may find it more difficult to acknowledge grief.

Sometimes the dark thought of self doubt creeps in and I have a low moment of wondering what I could possibly bring to the table. For example, I had a fantastic conversation with one of my classmates and he helped me figure out some of the stats tables I’d been struggling with. As he has an accounting background, I deferred to his expertise. But, when we hung up, I wondered why would he help me and what could I possibly contribute to the remainder of our doctoral journey. I don’t need compliments, I need purpose. So, it took some time, but I realized what I’m here for: connection. Both of the classmates I’ve befriended are a result of me reaching out, forming a connection, continuing to reply and encourage because, by doing so, it encourages me. Maybe I’m no numbers whiz and maybe I struggle with the most basic of tables and figures but the table I sit at offers connection. Figures. Get it, get it.

On a related note, I made a last minute appointment to get the tattoo I’ve been brainstorming for many months now. Even designed it myself. It’s very simple, no color, and perfect for me.

From top to bottom: The coffee cup is my own personal trademark because I rarely am not drinking coffee. The semicolon is very close to my heart as it symbolizes a pause, a breath, a short break in thoughts, and is often used for suicide awareness, of which my father took his own life when I was 10. The stack of books is twofold: 1) I love to read, always have and 2) as a lifelong learner and career college student, then books made sense. Finally, the 13.1 represents my adoration for running the half marathon distance.

As an addendum, there’s still room for the word Dr. and the 26.2 below what I currently have. Upon those completions. Despite this tattoo being my most visible, I couldn’t think of a better place because of how often I look down at my Just Run bracelet so an additional reminder of the things I love and have meaning is just beautiful.

Finally, if you’re in the Wichita Falls (or DFW area), find Josh at Factory City Tattoo. By far the best conversationalist with some really fascinating personal history and connections to the Wichita Falls area. He’s the man to make all your permanent ink desires come true!

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I ask you –

Do you have any tattoos?

If so, what hurt the worst? This was comparable to a few bee stings. One of my others was a lot more painful near my hip bone.

Tell me about something in your life that’s symbolic.

(The post Semi-Dark Thoughts first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Team Things!

Occasionally we have time to sneak away from work and do fun stuff, like go bowling! And eat copious amounts of holiday food, like banana pudding. It’s been a very busy past few months so team spirit and morale-inducing activities are exactly what was needed.

It’s a major award

Returning from the work trip and diving right into a short week of activities, volleyball, mini’s dermatology requirements (for another day), and realizing Thanksgiving is right around the corner – it’s a lot. Can’t forget to mention this course I’m in that has the capacity to literally kill me. How I wish I was a numbers person and understood coefficients and correlations and some dude’s name that stands for something in statistics. Ugh. I don’t know. This professor – whom I also had the previous semester – is destroying my papers. And I still don’t have a chair – have I mentioned this debacle yet? Wait for it.

Back to the team! I’m truly thankful for the people I work with, work for, and work alongside. It’s a longstanding joke about everyone stressing me out, but, truthfully, I’m the only one who stresses me out. At least I have a team of people who keep me going.

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I ask you –

Are you a part of a work team or do you work solo?

When was the last time you went bowling?

Tell me about your Thanksgiving plans!

(The post Team Things! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)