All Work, No Pay

In preparation for the seemingly imminent government shutdown, I made a list of things to catch up on at work sans the pesky emails.

Take it slow. As the past month has been fraught with concert logistics, budget planning, lack of budget planning, personnel issues, and everything in between, I needed a mental break.
Inventory. Originally, this was the first item on the list, but the break was more important. We’re due for an inventory inspection in January, so why not use the time ensuring everything is in place.
Filing. Bane of my existence. For a society which prides itself on digital minutia, why do we still have so many paper copies? I get why, just let me complain.
Scour the facilities for incomplete work orders.

On day 1, I took the first task with complete seriousness. “No hurry” was my motto because, forgive me, I was not in a rush to work for free. Working for the government has not been the cake walk I was assured it would be. In fact, the only cake I’ve had was purchased for me by me! And I still forgot the fork!

I did not wear these to work

It’s hard not to be resentful during this time. I’m doing all the work and still not getting paid. If I was furloughed, I could go home, not work, not get paid, and still get the same payment on the back end.

________________

I ask you –

Who else is working without pay right now and wants to gripe with me?

(The post All Work, No Pay first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post! Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips

Re-post from March 4, 2024 – please enjoy while I’m out of office, out of my mind, out of…money whilst eating all the gelato!

‭‭Isaiah 55:11 NIV‬‬
[11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Scripture above is Jesus speaking; however, what if we spoke with this in mind, that each time words exited our lips, we fully understood our words have power to speak life, or death, over others. In a society saturated with people speaking and giving opinions, sharing with intentional life isn’t as prevalent as one would hope.

Lately, I’ve struggled with focusing on one task. I’ve been pacing, mind racing from one thought to another, unable to keep up with the flood of to-do’s. For a moment, I considered maybe this was a late life onset of ADHD. I’ve heard sometimes anxiety is mistaken as ADHD and vice versa – what if that was true for me. But I think I’m just feeling the magnitude of ending the preliminary portion of the dissertation process and considering what the next year will look like. Somehow it’s already here, what seemed impossible in 2022 is now in its final stage. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that truth.

Focus, Kel. Trying to soak in all the things before writing takes me away from it is unfathomable. However, I did attend a game night where I managed to win at Rock/Paper/Scissors. First try, no less. Yes, I’m bragging. Funnily, when it comes to competition Rock/Paper/Scissors – I always win. No lie. Well….I’ve won 2 “competition-style” matches, if you will. The first was for a third martini flight which I absolutely should not have had, mostly because I was already 8 martinis in and definitely did not need 4 more. Consequently, I don’t remember much about that night except winning the game for another flight. Weird.

Any Way – focus, will you – I won a Starbucks gift card to fund my coffee and winning habit. Not a bad night. And, of course, my name tag says Parts. And, of course, hers said Spare Parts. Because all we do is laugh together.

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I ask you –

What does peace in your heart look like to you?

Have you ever been on a winning streak?

Tell me about your favorite game! Spoons.

(The post Re-Post! Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Brain & Body Health

I saw a funny Instagram post which basically said I didn’t realize I’d be navigating my daughter’s PMS while also battling perimenopause. I’m doomed. Although I suspect perimenopause is a recently concocted term for all the space and unknown leading to menopause, if this is it then it’s very real.

My memory has taken a nosedive downhill. We all attributed it to PhD brain, work stress, the usual. But when mini started commenting on how I couldn’t even finish a full sentence… yikes. Time to make some changes.

Insert brain vitamins! It’s still the first week, and maybe it’s a placebo effect, but I do feel more focused! Will report back.

Saturday evening I decided to pause my run plan. The past 2 weeks, Garmin has indicated my training status as “straining”. I thought it meant I was coming out of “peaking”, which I had been, but I also thought straining was positive. Ha. Wrong.

It has been struggle city. I haven’t hit any of the prescribed paces, constantly tired, not sleeping well…classic symptoms of overtraining. And perimenopause. All this to say, I’m taking a break. Literally and figuratively. I’ll be back soon.

_________________

I ask you –

What does straining mean to you?

(The post Brain & Body Health first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Vacation-itis

The plan is to sort through the dozens of blog draft posts, partially-completed thoughts, and odds and ends within the messy spaces of my mind. Soon.

I’ll do a recap of my favorite races, runs, and generally well-thought-out fitness activities I’ve completed. Soon.

I’ll diligently apply for instructor/academic professor positions to gain a foothold within academia. ~~Soon.~~ Hey, I did this one! Upwards of 10 applications, but I guess whatever it takes.

On the hunt

I believe I’m suffering from an easily-cured but often recurring illness titled if-I-don’t-see-the-ocean-soon-I-might-not-make-it, commonly known as vacation-itis. It seems to hit around this time each year. It’s punctual. Fortunately, in keeping with my original plan to enjoy the first summer post-PhD, I scheduled numerous trips to combat the worst of the symptoms. In June, there was San Diego. Soon, there’s an actual girl’s trip to Gulf Shores. And, then, a week later, is the annual foray to South Padre Island. I have visited more bodies of water this summer than all previous summers combined. I don’t really know if this is true. I’ve spent time at pools, water parks, and large showers. And I’m not done yet!

There were a few days of moodiness, but I believe I’m on the mend. Especially when I consider how much summer fun is remaining!

_________________

I ask you –

Do you suffer from vacation-itis?

(The post Vacation-itis first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Fighting the good fight

Today, the day got the best of me. I felt no emotion in a situation where I probably should have. I know it was there before. But today? No dice.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/5-criteria-exceptional-work-ethic-april-donovan

Occasionally I attend self-care and self-help type presentations. Or I give them. Something I like to mention are the effects of mental load. Most people are familiar with Newton’s something or other law about pressure and load and force, etc. The same applies to humans. The mental load of caring for, disciplining, and explaining life to other humans is remarkably taxing on the mind.

For example, making a grocery list. First, come up with meal ideas. Then, write those down. Next, consider what ingredients to purchase for those meals. But, first, find out what ingredients are already on hand. Scratch out, rewrite, repeat. This is a smaller mental load than, for example, disciplining employees. It’s no wonder the Facebook guru dude only wears blue shirts and jeans. Less mental load!

https://neurosciencenews.com/moms-mental-load-28244/

Before any other parents or parenting partners get their feelings hurt (I do the laundry, I cook!), yes, typically, mothers carry the heaviest mental load. Maybe it’s by default, maybe it’s the natural order of life, I’m not a doctor of that stuff. What I can say is the stress of being responsible for child-related tasks is more of a motherly duty.

All this to make a point about mental load in the workplace, especially for those with supervisory roles, balancing employees’ needs with the mission’s needs. Some days I offer feedback to adults acting like children, and some days I escape the day unscathed, with most of my sanity still intact. And on the roughest days, no matter the dazed and confused look I carry for hours, the next day brings renewed joy and hope to fight the good fight.

Some people are caretakers. Some are takers. The mental load finds balance where it can.

_________________

I ask you –

Before this post, had you heard of mental load?

How often do you consider the load of mundane tasks?

Which are you: caretaker or taker.

(The post Fighting the good fight first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Day in Photos, pt 14

“Self-discipline: the art of investing today’s actions for tomorrow’s results. Making yourself do something you don’t want to do in order to get a result you would like to have.” – The Traveler’s Summit (a fantastic book, highly recommend)

Waiting patiently for the jonquils to bloom. Typically they are in full glory around my birthday so just a few more weeks! It’s cherry blossom time in the Eastern part of the U.S. As they’re my favorite, I find them notable to include here.

A sweet gift from my beautiful friend! We haven’t met in awhile but as soon as the weather turned favorable we were outside walking…which prompted a partnership and more opportunities to walk and talk!

________________

I ask you –

Do you have a favorite flower?

When did you last pamper yourself?

Thoughts on the walk and talk method of meetings.

(The post Day in Photos, pt 14 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Discipline + I’m getting old

Could it be once you hit my age (sub-40), you just can’t expect to run without any pain?

Since early November, I’ve not run, not played volleyball, worn a brace, diligently gone to PT and practiced the exercises, included strength training as a staple to my routine, and began an ice rolling regimen. What more can I do?!

Perhaps daily activities sans pain is unrealistic. Perhaps this is the new norm. Perhaps I didn’t take adequate care of myself in yesteryears so I’m paying for it now. Whatever it is.

As the pain persists, there is concern of an unrealized issue. Good thing I haven’t replaced all my permanent jewelry yet because more scans might be in the near future.

As for Strava (in the photo above), it’s really very difficult to adequately increase my fitness level at such a time as this. For instance, it takes approximately 10 days at an average of 6 hrs per day to finish a dissertation chapter. And how do I know this? Because I just spent approximately 60 hours with a discipline I never knew I had, diligently writing. And writing. And writing some more.

Fortunately, there’s only 1 chapter remaining and I have 18 days to complete it. Fitness will just have to wait, but I wasn’t betting I could run anyway.

_______________

I ask you –

Is no pain actually normal?

How do I get to that point?

Tell me about a time your discipline surprised you!

(The post Discipline + I’m getting old first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Get(ting) Over It.

That’s what my knee feels like inside. A fireplace! Just when I think it’s gotten better or I haven’t noticed any pain, here it comes, out of the blue. Ready to wreck my day. 13 weeks of fireworks inside there. This is so much fun.

On the drive to the island, we stopped at the Czech Stop in West, Texas, home of the most amazing cinnamon roll I’ve ever had. The lovely employees warmed it up, handed it to me wrapped in wax paper, and gave us a stack of napkins. I inhaled it in about 0.79 seconds. I’m still thinking about that cinnamon roll.

You know those people who, just the very sound of their voice, makes you angry? I know one of them. In fact, my words are I’d rather cut the grass with my teeth than have a conversation with them. But you know what? So glad you asked. Here they come, trying to have conversations with me, ahem…need something. I’ve been known to walk the other direction, taking the looooong way home, to avoid conflict, I mean conversation. Grudge much.

Grief is an interesting thing. It finally happened, the voice I had been waiting on, my very own Jiminy Cricket, if you will, spoke these words: Get Over It. Suddenly, I realized I had been living in anger the past few months, unwilling to accept it might still be grief. Sure, I said it on RoF, I was dealing with grief, but I hadn’t fully addressed it. It was shrouded in anger, anger never expressed, anger I believed would mask the grief. No, child. Not only did I experience the entirety of anger, but I still had to navigate grief, too. Seems unfair. If only I had recognized it for what it was, an additional emotion vice a substitute. 30 years is a long time to grieve. And an even longer time to hold on to anger.

Get over it, Kel. I did/am/will/continue to.

_______________

I ask you –

Do you prefer real wood or the pre-made logs in your fireplace?

Which is the best: the middle or the outside of a cinnamon roll? Middle. Always.

Share something you’re working to get over.

(The post Get(ting) Over It. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Break Time

As seen in a devotional, “…our human hearts and minds wander.” The premise was how our spaces tell a story of who we are, what we hold dear, and how best to utilize these spaces. As I have a full coffee bar in my office, I think it’s mostly clear.

After a particularly emotional day, a stranger told me I should give the equivalent of Ted talks to other women and mothers regarding some struggles. He believed I could write/share motivational stories, or even newsletters, to amass a following of people who need to hear how it is possible to overcome adversity. I was quite humbled by his words. Adding to my to-do list.

Reciprocate, not initiate. Not to be confused with the term “follower”. Recently, I read an Instagram post saying something to the effect that women step (metaphorically) after men do. In other words, a dance, so to speak, or a courtesy within norms of deferring to another, specifically, deferring to a leader in life, a leader of the home, a leader in the relationship. It was fascinating to consider how some believe the adage if you’re not a leader then you’re a follower. Words matter. Rather than perpetuating the old saying, if we reframe the words, then it more adequately explains the dynamics.

The past several weeks have been nonstop, and I fear I’m on the edge of burnout. Still waiting on ethics board approval so I’ve done little for my dissertation yet work and activities have monopolized my time and brain. I need a break.

____________

I ask you –

What story do your spaces tell of you?

Have the holidays been busy?

Share your thoughts on reciprocation vs initiation.

(The post Break Time first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Approved!

Normally, I wouldn’t give a second thought to anyone else’s approval. That is until I started a PhD. Now, approval is the primary motivation within the process.

Finally, I received dissertation proposal defense approval! Never mind it was while I was on a work trip to New Orleans (separate post forthcoming), experienced significant technical issues, and felt like I was under attack. Despite all things. I was exhausted, half-unwell due to a lingering cold, overwhelmed with the requirements, and was experiencing numerous other small stressors. But I did it. Now, I await ethics board approval, then can begin the research portion.

Below, from left to right: Cafe Bon Ami – Fourth Wall – French Truck Coffee

The photo collage above is a minimal reenactment of my coffee intake pre- and post-proposal defense. Trust me there was much more not pictured. And, as I have several months to go, the more coffee consumed.

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I ask you –

How many cups of coffee do you drink per day?

How often do you have technical difficulties?

Tell me about your guilty pleasure when stressed!

(The post Approved! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)