Busy is not a Badge

Backstory: the position above me has been vacant since I accepted my current job. Not a big deal. Sure, the workload has been maximized because those job tasks fell on me and another manager. Really – the entire workload fell to everyone. Nonetheless, hiring for that position has been much needed. Typical of the federal workforce, I could churn butter faster than expecting a decision to be made.

Of course I applied for that job, even though I’d only been in my position for 4 months. Because, why not. So when I found out I didn’t get the job, I was a little disappointed for a moment. Now, writing and reflecting on it in the days after, I’m actually very thankful. Prioritizing my own health, fitness, to-do list, school, and a million other tasks has been challenging. Don’t get me wrong: I have an incredible wingwoman and staff that make it all worth it. I enjoy responsibility. However, it sure will be nice when I can unload a few things off my plate.

Minus the week away from school and the return to 124 emails, I was feeling stressed about not “jumping back in” to everything. I found myself leisurely writing the first assignment, forgetting to prioritize my workouts, and generally not trying very hard. Then, I read an article about how society places being busy as a value everyone should strive to obtain. News flash. Even I was guilty of portraying this value to others, specifically my staff. How many times have I said just look busy? Perhaps it’s not the same as to look busy vs be busy but I said it nonetheless.

That week away refreshed me, gave me renewed purpose, and reconnected me to someone I love beyond words. I needed it. Needed. My soul needed it. However, as a type A, it can be so difficult to embrace not being busy.

Often, I must remind myself: the badge of being busy does not equate to value, to actually accomplishing anything, and it certainly shouldn’t define a life with purpose. If busy is indeed a badge, then it’s time to rethink how often I wear it. Maybe just special occasions.

_________________

I ask you –

Is being busy also your badge of honor?

Are you a type A? B? Is there a C?

Share with me how you prioritize yourself!

(The post Busy is not a Badge first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Spring Tour

While mini was away, I also escaped reality for a few days.

An incredible visit to Asheville, NC included donuts, coffee, breweries, and a tour through the Biltmore House and its beautiful gardens. In case you’re new here (to the blog, not NC), I think flowers and plants and nature are amazing. However, just the act of me staring lovingly at greenery makes it wilt and die. I’m really a legend at killing anything that survives on water alone. It’s bad.

The company was my favorite and the short getaway helped me put life back into perspective. Of course, by the time this is posted I’ll be deep into a course on human resource management and legal cases but this trip will keep me satiated until I can escape again.

It’s never goodbye, it’s always seen you soon. 💚

___________________

I ask you –

Have you ever toured the Biltmore? I’ll do a separate post on it.

How much do you love Spring foliage?

Human resource management and legal cases: I looked ahead at week 6 – which I never do because its overwhelming – perhaps I should submit a leave request now. That paper seems like a headache.

(The post Spring Tour first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

…The Evidence Will Show

That I have a huge problem. An obsession. A sugary snafu, if you will. Don’t tell me I don’t need to be keto. The hell I don’t. Let’s examine the evidence, shall we?

day before my birthday

Fortunately, of the 10 lbs I lost, I only regained 2. So I don’t have to undertake any kind of extreme cutback to return to my goal. As if I would anyway. Maybe all the sugar and carbs the subsequent week will power my way through the first week of returning to school. Or else I’ll just be super grumpy suffering from sugar withdrawals. More likely.

Further evidence is as follows:

The above photo collection was on the actual date of my birth. And it went downhill from there.

But it was so wonderful! Also, lastly, the only reason no bake cookies are included is because mini’s Tennessean spring break luggage was supposed to include them as a gift to her grandfather. However, I was too busy shoveling sweets into my own mouth that I forgot to make them for him so I had to vacuum seal and mail them. Fortunately, this seemed to work. Crisis averted.

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I ask you –

Have you tried the Twix Salted Caramel? I loved the saltiness, but didn’t really get the caramel.

What about butterscotch? Are you a fan?

The cost to overnight a package: $128. Two day shipping: $28. No contest.

(The post …The Evidence Will Show first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

An Ode to Angel Bites

There once lived a lovely woman named Kathy and she made angel bites. She owned an amazing deli; her additional role was wedding catering. She probably catered other events but you could always find her at bridal expos. Whatever cakes didn’t sell or perhaps she had extra pieces of cake – she’d use those to form cake bites. I believe it probably started with vanilla cake (angel bites) and chocolate cake (devil bites). Eventually she made lemon bites, red velvet bites, carrot cake bites, etc. That lemon was superb!

love note from mini

After many years, she closed her storefront. People were devastated. Me. I’m people. Then I moved away expecting to never have another angel bite in my life. Fast forward to last week. I’d heard rumors that Kathy’s relatives had resurrected her recipe and occasionally sold the elusive bites in some downtown local businesses. But every time I went to those businesses – no angel bites. Luck would have it, I stopped by The Shops whilst attempting to kill time. Ta-da! Angel bites! 4 boxes later (and a truly inspiring conversation with a woman my age who had a recent hip replacement), I was on my way, angel bites in hand. Pretty sure mini ate 2 for breakfast. Maybe I did, too.

To celebrate our birthday and lucky number, Spare Parts and I went shopping, spa’d, ate cake, sushi, and did all kinds of other things. Because why not? 37 isn’t a landmark birthday but we made the most of it! Just like the family of Kathy who continue creating glorious bites of cake that only the strongest sugar molecules can withstand.

________________

I ask you –

Have you ever eaten anything like an angel/devil bite?

How did you celebrate your most recent birthday?

Write a love note to someone and surprise them with it!

(The post An Ode to Angel Bites first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tunnel Vision

What is it called when you go down the path of not feeling good enough, strong enough, just enough?

light at the end of the tunnel

a. Slippery slope of self-doubt

b. Tidal wave of turmoil

It doesn’t happen often but sometimes those intrusive thoughts take over the mind. Not one to wallow in self pity, I’m just curious about how others handle this. Where do they come from? Where do they go?

As the longest long long semester is now over, I believe I’ve grown through it. Not only as a writer but also where my writing is going. I try to spend some time reflecting on what went well and what didn’t – and attempt not to overinflate my role in the process. For awhile, I doubted that I could meet the requirements of writing lengthy, topic-specific papers. Sometimes I still doubt it. But with every page, it seems more possible. One, in particular, I thought was actual garbage. I told anyone that would listen how awful it was. No flow, too wordy without saying anything, it was a mess. I stepped away from it on several occasions to try to figure out my mind – still, nothing. Eventually I gave up and submitted it. Grade: A. Now, this isn’t saying I’m a good writer. Fairly certain he got tired of grading papers and gave up. Nonetheless, it was done but it’s still on my mind. Overthinking much?

mid-day knee PT

There was a month – ok, 6 weeks at least – of no office phone. I put my personal number on the out of office message and continued about my business. Many times, I was either asked why would I give out my personal number or questioned if I was being bothered outside of work hours. Of course I’m bothered! Welcome to the supervisor world. But that’s not really true. If I’m busy, I don’t answer. We all do our best to separate work from our personal lives. Occasionally it’s actually successful! Example: using my time wisely to engage in the physical therapy exercises I paid a lot of money for.

That’s how self-doubt works, too. Sometimes it builds us up because of our ability to overcome, but, other times, it’s just a nagging feeling sheltered inside insecurity and lack of confidence. Pry apart the layers and you’ll easily find the nutshell: there’s no really no space for self-doubt in life. Play and pray.

______________________

I ask you –

Do you have any catchy phrases for intrusive thoughts?

How leery of handing out your personal number are you?

Lucky Number 13!!!!

(The post Tunnel Vision first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Hello, fun? Where are you?

“Your expectations lead to your disappointment.” At least, that’s what I heard right before my phone started ringing one early morning with work issues.

Shortly afterwards, I was ruing every small step toward agreeing to be a supervisor. It will be fun, they said. You have so much experience, they also said. It’s not that hard. Right. Where is this fun I was promised? Excuse me, I’m ready for the fun part. Maybe fun isn’t the most accurate depiction of what I’m looking for. But I don’t really know.

flower time!

Unrelated: Is “foot stomp” a redundancy? Because stomping implies using the feet. During a training session last week, I guess to reiterate the material, the speaker said “foot stomp” at least 3 times. Now I can’t help but to wonder if it’s another one of those buzzwords the military and society in general likes to use. Excessively.

This is the final week of classes. A glorious 10 days of no school work awaits me. My hope is by the time this post is published I will have submitted the final discussion post replies and put away all my textbooks. Except for the one I have to return. Note to self: figure that part out pronto. I’m escaping reality for a few short days and then I shall return refreshed for another 8 weeks of papers.

Barring how many telephone calls I receive for advice and complaints. Join the club. Somebody has to do it.

___________________________

I ask you –

Do your expectations actually lead to your disappointments?

Foot stomp: redundancy or no?

Tell me what you do to escape!

(The post Hello, fun? Where are you? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

What Frustration Looks Like + A Moment of Joy

Some days just suck the life right out of you. It’s like the universe has found a way to keep you humble. I probably go through this cycle at least twice a week. Hello, humility, my old friend. But it really puts a damper on my faith in humanity, especially when it becomes so laden with negativity and completely ridiculous requests. We’re a needy, selfish society. We’re human. But, sometimes … I just want to slap some sense into people!

Nonetheless, I take a long walk, ponder, pray, consider throat punching a few folks, keep walking until it passes, and then reach my destination with a big smile because they have no idea I wanted to kick them in the shins. If only they’d let me sit closer in that meeting…

My muse explained how moments where you can just “be” are vital to strong mental health and staying grounded when life gets out of control. Just be. But what does that look like exactly? In a changing perspective of how to get to yes, it feels almost impossible. And why do I have to get to yes? Yes is hard and has responsibilities. I don’t want to get to yes. I want to say no! Alas, bending whilst not breaking is an art I have yet to perfect.

You know who does have life figured out? That beautiful woman above. In my eyes, she walks on water. She probably has wings hidden beneath her blouse. Her smile is everything to me. And I’m pretty partial to the mini me standing beside her, too. It was a short visit but one that my heart remembers long after we’ve left. What’s to be frustrated about at 95 yrs old?

Which reminds me of sitting at a restaurant some nights ago. A lovely older woman walked in with cash in her hand and a big smile on her face. For whatever reason, I looked up, made eye contact, and smiled back. Because the world needs more happy people. She walked directly over to me and said “He wants a burger and look at how I’m dressed!” I assumed she meant her spouse or someone who had driven her. As she opened her coat and showed me her wrinkled attire, I smiled and told her she looked beautiful. She replied, “Well, at 94, I don’t think anyone will notice!” She waved as she left with her to-go order.

I’ll probably never see her again but it’s a joy when someone comes along and brightens your day without any ulterior motives. Maybe it is possible to just be.

___________________

I ask you –

Is there a phrase that resonates with you?

How often do you want to kick someone in the shin?

Tell me your thoughts on being 94/95 years old! I hope I have a false cane to whack people with!

(The post What Frustration Looks Like + A Moment of Joy first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Adult Life

Three easy things that reinforce to me I can be an adult:

Full tank of gas
Clean car
Fully charged phone

I’m 2 for 3. But that’s not the point right now.

It’s funny how I thought I was sooooooo busy the previous semesters with my one little classes. How cute. Now I’m overwhelmed yet trying to remember to take it day by day. Much like just trying to stay afloat. There’s no getting ahead – you keep paddling so you don’t drown.

she gets me

Being someone who places efficiency in the highest regard, it really really really sucks when around others who do not. I said it. In fact, I’d venture to say it’s the most frustrating, most angry version of myself whom encounters it. Disclaimer – I do appreciate the strolling, take-it-easy form of life. At times. But when something needs to be done, I want it done. Now. Not later. Not when you feel like it. Now. Typically it’s the mundane things, like recognizing something should be done. But it’s exhausting when adults have to remind, console, beg, ultimatum, or some version of the previous to get a simple task completed.

I just need people to act like adults. Take your helpless, inefficient, ineffective, immature self somewhere else. Last time I checked, there is only one person in this world I’m responsible for raising. And, truthfully, she could put some people I deal with to shame.

Get it together. Sincerely, an overwhelmed, exhausted mom of one.

_________________________

I ask you –

Do you place efficiency high on your list?

What things make you feel like an adult?

Advice? …throat punching sounds fun…

(The post Adult Life first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Few of My Favorite Things

Mini’s family in Tennessee uttered the words “…she’s funny sometimes” in reference to my blog so basically I’m a celebrity now. bowing gracefully

The holidays certainly brought about travel woes for a huge part of the population. Mini did not escape unscathed either. As flights were delayed, then cancelled, the decision was made to drive instead. So, after another short delay, mini was on her way to a Tennessean Christmas, complete with snow!

In the meantime, I enjoyed a few of my own favorite things. Like, a gift card to Common Grounds, the base coffee shop, courtesy of my twin. As they no longer accept cash, gift cards are the currency of choice.

Hand created, in fact!

Also, this wonderful cup! Tis true.

Constant disclaimer

As I don’t drink milk, finding a suitable replacement has proven to be very difficult. I’m confident I get enough protein and vitamins from other sources, but milk is such a wonderful recovery option post-run/post-workout. Lucky for me, I discovered fa!rlife. I love each flavor, but chocolate is definitely my favorite.

I’m positive I could have found so many other favorite things to share here, but I probably shouldn’t overdo it. Not yet anyway.

____________________

I ask you –

Did you receive any gift cards for the holidays?

Do you have a constant disclaimer? Do tell!

Tell me about your favorite things!

(The post A Few of My Favorite Things first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Word Play

2023. Somehow this is where we’re at. Don’t blink! As I’m not into resolutions – hello, failure! – I prefer to focus on a word or phrase. 2022 was Praise. This year, I think it’s Strengthen.

I want to be strong in faith. Strong in body. Strong in dedication to my education. Side note: is that a song title? Dedication to education. haHa Focus, Kel. Strong in presence.

Interestingly, running isn’t exactly on this list. Well, it is, but not what it has looked like the past 5 years. Wow. I raced for 5 years. Or maybe just 4. I didn’t run a single race in 2022. Perhaps this explains the body differences. My weight is up, things fit a little differently now. But it’s just a season. And most of the time I remember to strengthen (there’s that word again) my stupid meniscus with all the cool things I learned in physical therapy. Spiky donut, anyone?!

Not bad, if I do say so myself

I want to refocus on some smaller things in order to be stronger at the big things. Like my career. Walking back into the gym felt like being home again. Natural rhythms resumed, the excitement of supervising personnel, being a catalyst for change: those things make me feel strong inside. So now it’s time to be just as strong on the outside as I am on the inside.

Pause.

In related news, maybe if I had Moonwalkers then I could really accomplish something! Check out this article on the latest development to help people get where they need to be faster: Moonwalker Article.

And, if there’s one thing I want to accomplish this year, it’s this: I want to be able to do unassisted pullups again. Like my mini proudly says – welcome to the gun show!

________________________

I ask you –

What is your word or phrase or even resolution for 2023?

How many miles did you run the past year?

On a scale of 1 to spaghetti arms, how likely am I to reach my goal? 8!

(The post Word Play first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)