Angels and Stress, an Unlikely Relationship

I had an epiphany one (very very early) morning as I was thinking about and missing mini. Some parents describe their child as an angel, not necessarily in behavior (because liars) but just in the term of endearment way. I highly doubt I’ll ever use the term angel when speaking of mini and not because I don’t love who she is. But who she is isn’t angelic – she’s fireworks, she’s lightning, she’s demanding of time and attention, she makes you question yourself and everything you believe, she’s inquisitive, she’s HILARIOUS, she’s witty, and she’s brave. I could go on. She forces me to evaluate the little things. She encourages me to face my fears as a parent and as a woman. She’s my biggest fan and strongest critic.

Peanut butter whiskey + Cranberry = Liquid PB&J: also an unlikely relationship

You know who else is my biggest critic? Yours truly. For example, I received a deduction of 3 points for a Wk 1 discussion post regarding federalism and intergovernmental relationships. Remember last week when I said it was absolute garbage of a post and I lamented how I had been sooooo hard on others? Hello, pot. Meet my new friend. Here I was – down on myself for missing the mark, for not achieving a perfect score, blah blah blah. Sometimes I really must make a concentrated effort to remember that absolutely no one cares! It’s 3 measly points and impacts nothing. I still got an A. And do you think anyone will ever ask me what grade I got in the course? I’ll let you decide.

Lastly, throttling my desire to research the most obscure of topics and concepts is not fun. Whilst searching for an appropriate topic in my current course – Intergovernmental Relations – I found many topics I’d love to delve into but considering my past investigative history I thought it best not to. Ugh. Indeed I love to argue points not traditionally considered commonplace but I don’t fancy explaining them to the authorities. Alas, I’ll just find a vanilla topic and press on.

This final class to round out the 1st year is giving me a run for my money. Stress levels – maxed out.

__________________________

I ask you –

What was your last epiphany?

On a scale of 1 to put me out of my misery, how interesting do you think intergovernmental relations is? Negative 7.

Tell me a stress solution!

(The post Angels and Stress, an Unlikely Relationship first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Inner Circle

Unwilling to traverse nearly 4 years of blog posts to find where I’ve surely mentioned this before, let’s just pretend I haven’t and this is new information, ok?

Along the way, several instances of people whom I know – mainly, work with – have addressed me as Kel. And it makes me want to scream. You see, Kel is a very private name, like a term of endearment. It’s reserved for those closest to me, who have seen me on my best days and my worst, who know me. Kel is how I refer to myself. She’s special. She’s the voice I write in when you see something in italics. She’s Kel. The persona that most people see at work is decidedly not Kel – not until she speaks out of turn, gets loud, stands up, and/or becomes very authoritative. That’s Kel.

So, somehow, when I hear someone call me Kel who doesn’t know me like that, I cringe. And mumble under my breath. Indeed I love my name; however, it’s presumptuous to think anyone can call me Kel. One must ask for permission, to be invited into my realm of colors…or at least acknowledge that I’m very private about many things and maybe my internal voice is one of them!

Among other things that irk me are the removable pads inside sports bras. Just why? It’s nice to ensure everything is thoroughly clean; however, the amount of time I spend procrastinating putting them back inside the bra pockets is ridiculous. In terms of efficiency, it ranks last! Someone mentioned placing a few stitches around the seam so they wouldn’t come out. But then I examined my favorite run bras and they don’t even have the modesty pad. Which prompts another thought – what do I care about modesty? Have you read my blog?! I’m about as immodest as it gets. If you see my nipples when I’m out running, then you’re obviously searching for something to complain about. Modesty can shove it.

And I think that’s where those pads are destined: shoved in the garbage can.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

(The post Inner Circle first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Summer Update, wk 5

Mini has now taken her traveling show on the road by returning to Tennessee for the week. Post recital, she vacated her mother’s side in favor of extended family and more summer adventures. I’m not dramatic.

Recital 2023

My southern roots are showing. But only when it comes to food. Tennessee green tomatoes!

The remainder of the week consisted of our final volleyball session, excessive heat warnings, a few runs (before sun-up), and preparations for mud volleyball. More on that next week!

Finally: my apologies to the classmates I made fun of and (possibly) ridiculed for the atrocious discussion posts they have submitted. It’s my turn. Recently I posted the biggest load of garbage that has ever escaped my fingertips. All 1100 words of it. I genuinely had no idea what I was writing and it sounded stupid even as I did. So, please accept this piece of humble pie as a token of my respect. You were probably just muddling through. Because…same.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

On Again/Off Again

Short of 2 instances where I cycled off keto, for me, it has been the best decision. I’ve lost weight, reduced fatigue, and – the main point – decreased migraines from several a week to roughly one per month. I know diet is a polarizing topic and keto is decidedly not for everyone but it’s where I’m at right now.

Back story – I’ve flirted with keto for many years and staying true to it is difficult. It’s restrictive. It requires a level of discipline I haven’t always taken seriously. The past 2 times I cycled off keto, ahem, crashed, was in March for my birthday and mid-May for a long weekend. At this point, I have no reason to say yes to carbs or sugar. Every day that is pain-free is a reminder of the brain fog and sheer pain of navigating the migraine cycle. So if being pain-free means not imbibing in the things I thought I couldn’t live without, then I’m ok with my decisions. It is tough sometimes saying no or modifying a restaurant order – hamburger, no bun, please – but I feel a million times better than I ever have. It’s not to say this is a forever decision; however, I can’t see it not being one either.

Sometimes I wonder what I’ll do with my life when I don’t write papers day and night? When my time isn’t dictated by the magical dissertation? What do I want to be when I grow up?

Training cycle has wrapped up. And even if it hadn’t then my running outdoor days have most definitely. 100°+ in the shade is a hard pass. Alas, I managed a 12 week plan culminating in hundreds of miles, stride workouts, and some quality time in the outdoors. I was careful to stay hydrated throughout the entirety but it is mid-June and it’s time to move on to something else. And that’s a good thing.

___________________

I ask you –

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you excel at running when the temperature rises?

Tell me something you plan to do this summer! Survive.

Summer Update, wk 4

Hold on, I have to scroll through my photos to remember what the week looked like. Ok, here we go.

First, it was a long weekend in celebration of Juneteenth. Mini literally spent every day on an adventure and swimming in the pool.

SeaWorld!

I love this age for her because she has so many stories to tell and perspectives to add to where she goes. Her emotions are always clearly written across her face.

Me? I wrote over 35 pages in under 72 hours. It was a lot. I knew the weekend would bring an inability to write anything – hello, recital – so I made the most of my time. Also, we attended an outdoor concert, the final one of the season. At first, there was huge concern because the TX temperature is soaring past the 100° mark. As heat is a no go for me, I brought multiple cups of ice water – alas there was a shady spot and a breeze. Win win.

Hellen Bach!

We played some volleyball Wed/Thur! Kylee, that statement is just for you. Unfortunately, I’m old and tweaked my back resulting in horrendous back spasms. It will take a week to recover and then I can tempt fate with the upcoming mud volleyball tournament! Because I’m dumb and don’t learn lessons.

Mini returned with a wooden turtle we named Hammy and the best hugs and kisses! She even practiced volleyball before the Thur night event. As she fell asleep, she said “I love you, mama. Thank you for letting me practice with you.” One day she won’t call me mama anymore, she won’t snuggle as close to returning to the inside of my body as she can get – but my baby she will always be.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Is a daily adventure your kind of fun or do you prefer a slower life?

What have you been doing lately for exercise?

Tell me some alternative back spasm remedies!

Critical Thinking + Fun

In examining my relationship with food, leaders, bosses, other managers, etc., I started to wonder what my issues are with current leadership. Finally, I condensed it to this: expectation vs delivery. Basically, do I fight against what my supervisor’s expectation is of me and my team or is it the delivery of those expectations that forms my lack of connection? Entirely rhetorical. To be clear, I don’t think I struggle with delivering the information to others; I like to think I’m clear, direct, and instill a sense of purpose. Probably because I can overexplain the most basic of concepts. I’m a “why” person so ask me all the questions – I’ve already asked them, too.

Safe to say, it is 100% the delivery. I have no problem making good on the expectation – I can do that with my eyes closed. Mainly because my own expectations of myself and my team are much higher than anyone else’s. So it just leaves me with an internal problem: the delivery. I’m not sold on how best to alleviate this issue; indeed, it might just be my own issue and no one else’s. And that’s entirely ok.

To offset the seriousness, recently I had some really great zingers and one-liners!

There’s also this – typically, I’ve been able to find something in each of these (thus far, 8) classes that resonates with my work or family or some other part of life. Usually, it happens early on in the course. Imagine my surprise when I’m at week 6 – nearly finished – and just now something from the course struck me as particularly useful. Better late than never!

Lastly, sometimes I’m genuinely surprised to hear about those that have a vested interest in what I have to say. When I’m reminded “Yes, I read your blog.”, it makes me feel appreciated and seen for who I am. What I write here is very personal and deeply me; therefore, anyone who takes time out of their busy lives to peruse these hundreds of posts that I’ve poured my own time and soul into – please accept my gratitude. Your support cannot be put into words.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Which is more difficult for you: delivery or expectation?

How well do you communicate with others?

Thank you, again. Truly.

(The post Critical Thinking + Fun first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Phone Photos

Found a bunch of random photos in my phone so here we go:

This is how I know mini was left unsupervised in my office. Who was supposed to be watching her?

When you’re doing 2 workouts a day, your entire laundry basket is shorts and sports bras.

When I spent my niece’s graduation gazing longingly at their gymnasium bleachers and wanting to know the brand so I can beg the government to fund them.

My work bestie and I running everything, including our mouths, attitudes, and being generally obnoxious.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Have you ever had to delete photos to make room for others?

Does your laundry change with the seasons?

If one more person asks if that’s my daughter…

Summer Update, wk 2

Mini’s Californian vacation has closed out its second week with the following results:

She volunteered at the Rock n Roll San Diego Marathon and Half Marathon which required her to be happy at a very early hour and encourage all the participants to stay hydrated. Later she stated it was awesome!

Spare Parts had a fabulous idea to propagate roses using only a random TikTok video for reference. It included cutting rose stems, shoving them into a potato, and planting the whole mess. Her parting words were “…now we plant them and hope we don’t grow potatoes!” We both had a good laugh.

Parts bought me this nifty egg-boiling contraption called … Nifty Egg-Boiling Contraption. I made that up. It actually works!!!! It’s made of something smart that tells me when the eggs are adequately hard-boiled, or not. There’s no in between. Although it probably serves a better purpose for weirdos that want eggs basically raw (ahem, McK), I’m still using it because it’s fun.

Finally, Kelly Crocker was enticed to make cookies. I haven’t had raw sugar and flour in so long I didn’t even recognize the taste! Alas, one miniscule taste was all I had. Dare I say removing sugar, flour, and mostly all carb-y things from my diet has made a world of difference. Yes, it’s difficult to say no but I know myself well enough to know that if I indulge once then it’s a long fall to the ground and an even longer amount of time to get back up. I choose to live vicariously through others.

____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever volunteer at a large event?

When was the last time you baked?

On a scale of 1 to that’s-never-going-to-work, do you think the roses will actually grow?

(The post Summer Update, wk 2 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

More Prison Stuff

Radio question: could you escape prison? First thought – absolutely no. Next thought – why yes, I think I could. Nevermind the escape part, I think I could even thrive in prison. I’m a likeable woman. I can make friends easily. I’m understanding and hilarious! Not only would I do well in prison but I’d also be able to escape using the skills I presently have.

I could play a lot of games, like spoons!

Case in point: I can break things. Now, you may be wondering how this would help me but I think this skill is underutilized. Perhaps breaking things would present an opportunity to escape. It would require people much more skilled in fixing things to correct what I broke so maybe I befriend them to help me escape.

Example #2: I’m a wildcard, a swing state, if you will. When I enlisted at age 27, my strategy for navigating the drama and noise of boot camp was to lay low, speak to no one, and wake up very early for time alone. Armed with my contraband – tweezers and nail clippers – I kept myself sane. Toward the end, when my fellow Sailors needed more people on their sides for shift switches and all that, I had bargaining power because I’d been able to watch and evaluate personalities for an extended period of time. I remain close with only one of those ladies. The rest…wow. Anyway, I’m industrious and no one would expect it from me, making escape entirely plausible.

Granted, I hope I never make a prison appearance but I won’t rule it out. It could be fun. Friends, food, and unlimited workouts. Maybe I’m on to something.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Could you escape from prison?

Have you ever escaped from prison?!

Tell me something funny!

Go Fast Shoes!

Can we talk about how I’ve been missing out on speed shoes?! Long story short – I have weird, messed up feet from wearing the wrong size boots for 4 yrs. Turns out the Navy only measured one of my feet during gear issuance time (I have two feet) and issued boots that fit one foot properly. Now, I take a ton of responsibility in this mistake because I didn’t speak up. In my defense, bad things tended to happen to people who spoke up so there’s that. Eventually, it felt like the boots fit properly because after a certain amount of time your feet become deformed to fit the shape they are forced into. Long story not so short.

Which leads me to the present. Two different lengths and widths of feet complete with incredibly painful bunions (I think that’s what they are) which leave me self conscious and in pain almost constantly.

team weird feet

Moving on. I wear very supportive Brooks Adrenaline GTS shoes for nearly all my runs. However, I noticed a sale on the Brooks Hyperion Tempo, a version of their speed shoes. When people say “money ain’t a thang” they are lying. It’s definitely a thing! Sale…shoes…yes, please!

My feet felt like walking on clouds. Not super supportive, duh, they’re incredibly lightweight, but they made me feel like I could run faster than I’ve ever run before! By the time you’re reading this post, I’ll have completed another stride workout in these fancy shoes.

Obviously these are not my everyday shoes and certainly not made for long runs. However, when I want to feel fast – these do the trick.

__________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a taste of humble pie?

Do you like fried green tomatoes?

Rumor has it there will be a photo shoot with mini and cows!

Tried any new shoes lately?

If you also have them, what is your opinion of the Hyperions?

Share a speedy story!