Is It Not?

Getting this off my chest because I feel like somehow it’s a common misconception.

As this is a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, it would seem there is much confusion on the topic of men, women, couples, etc. doing things to take care of themselves, as in anything from taking care of themselves physically (gym, working out, whatever that looks like to satisfy physical needs) and emotionally (mental health, counseling, strong friendships), etc.

Addressing physical needs from a male perspective (again, this is based on the conversations I’ve had with many different people so no, it’s not publishable research but it is first hand experience): men seem to appreciate when women do things to take care of themselves physically. Biologically, men are visual. They want to see whatever picture they’ve built in their minds. Here’s the problem: women want the same thing. This is not a solely male desire. There’s typically some form of physical attraction in a relationship; therefore, women want to know men are taking steps to work on themselves, too. If men expect women to do these things based on their need for a certain visual, but think women don’t want the same thing – you’re wrong. We do, too. Biology isn’t relegated to one sex or another. This whole concept of “letting yourself go” because you’re married or in a long term relationship is nonsense. Better yet, why would someone want to live that way? Don’t you want to be better to feel good about you? Get over yourself.

A pretty flower to lessen the sting of the truth.

Next, emotionally. It doesn’t matter what it looked like for your parents or grandparents or family tree going back decades. Mental health is important. And everyone deserves to have their needs being met by a competent person. If you think someone who is struggling with the things people struggle with can have their mental needs satisfied by their partner alone, then you’re wrong. Your partner is not your therapist. So go forward like an adult and seek therapy. Again, this is normal. Projecting your unresolved trauma and issues and all that other stuff will not result in a stable relationship. Get some help.

Now, we return to your regularly scheduled it’s all good, touchy feely stuff. But, for real, get it together.

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I ask you –

Do you disagree? Why? Prove it.

Are you the visual or the emotional partner?

Tell me some tips to navigate this phenomenon.

(The post Is It Not? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Good Place – writing and running

My newest class is loosely based on research design and how I better get my life together prior to next year’s dissertation. Not entirely joking. I was quite pleased that my final feedback last course was this “Kelly – you’re an original thinker…”. Translation: you’re full of crap. Pardon me while I focus on that original part.

I went old school

Thus far, I thought this research class was going to be tougher than it is. Famous last words! I never knew there was so much psychological and worldview theory behind research methods. As I’m trying my hardest to incorporate a projected dissertation idea into each course to alleviate how much stress I feel next year, there’s a lot of pressure to get this right but, if I can manage it, then it will pay off. Correction: it’s actually really difficult and I have zero idea what I’m doing.

Speaking of things paying off: somehow I have consistently run a few miles a few times a week for a few months now. Despite the heat that threatens to a) burn up the entire state and b) dehydrate me on a cellular level, I get up early and run when I can. I’m so ready for cooler temperatures yet with everything I have going on I haven’t missed racing. This is a good place to be in.

Despite the weather, the lack of professor involvement, and some very convoluted paper instructions, things are going well. I’m even mostly standing upright!

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I ask you –

What do you know about research designs?

Has the weather begun to change where you live?

“Original thinker” sounded like a compliment, right? Just go with it.

(The post A Good Place – writing and running first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Just Now Noticing

I’ve been hesitant to mention it on here but a comment from someone recently instigated some reflection. Many of my most loyal readers know I’ve been exclusively keto since January. If you’re a loyal reader and missed it somehow, well now you know. There’s been a few instances of falling off the wagon (namely, my birthday and Mother’s Day). For the most part, however, no big tumbles. I won’t lie and say I didn’t want to lose weight, but my primary motivation was to lessen the amount of relentless migraines. I have kept an eye on the scale for posterity yet it was just a tool.

So imagine my surprise when I did the calculation and realized I’d lost nearly 25 lbs. Sure, I noticed the difference in how my clothing fit and I did end up buying a smaller size a few months ago but I really can’t see the weight loss on myself. The biggest bonus is realizing I haven’t had a migraine requiring medication since May. That’s 3 months ago. And it was just a few days after Mother’s Day which is when I ate about 6 Crumbl cookies because I like to celebrate super hard. Genius.

consistently running

Nearly any amount of refined sugar and flour now causes a headache so I avoid it at all costs. Even when I think I want something sweet – and cravings do still happen – I manage with sugar alternatives or coffee, etc. For the weight loss portion, I try not to give it too much power because I know how susceptible I am to a disordered eating mindset. Really, I’m proud of how I’ve managed to continue running and working out – sometimes twice daily – yay laundry.

It almost shocks me the weight I use at the gym: something I thought I’d never work up to and never have before. I genuinely feel strong. Now, it’s nothing compared to others but, thankfully, I’m not like anyone else. I’ve never been able to maintain weight loss while also continuing to work out so this is new territory. It doesn’t hurt that I literally have an entire workout facility, two actually, at my fingertips. Sure, some days get away from me and sometimes I don’t give it my entirety but I’m still there doing it and it’s something to be proud of.

Alas, occasionally I do miss the sweet stuff but it’s just not worth it.

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I ask you –

Have you ever associated an ailment with a food source?

Are you someone who generally notices things quickly or does it take some time?

Tell me something you’re proud of!

(The post Just Now Noticing first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Some Things You May Find Interesting

I’m not saying I have anything against Cross Fit but as far as technical + functional movements, it’s lacking.

Seems people are upset about running a 5k at the Games:

Cross Fit’ers Don’t Like Running

Controversy forthcoming: I also stumbled upon the following article of a woman who I wouldn’t have minded getting to know as she seems to be my type of researcher, aka always exploring controversial topics in the search to fulfill the holes left vacant by missing pieces. Far removed from Christianity, she delves into human behavior and human nature outside of the norms.

Dr. Mari Ruti

Following up with other psychology-based readings, I found another article. I wasn’t seeking it, it found me. Many armchair psychologists exist and I’m often perturbed at the misuse of psychological terms by those who either want to sound smart (you don’t) or feel important (you’re not). Buzzwords are only useful if used correctly.

No One Knows What Boundaries Are

Finally, a little throwback to my first race at 4 months postpartum. A mud run, no less – on the beach. Ugh. I didn’t love it but I did it.

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I ask you –

Are you a self-described Cross Fit fan? Not my thing but to each his own.

Have you ever heard of Dr. Ruti? Thoughts?

A 10k at 4 months postpartum in 1:26 isn’t too bad, if I do say so myself.

(The post Some Things You May Find Interesting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

This May Not Be For Everyone

Disclaimer: this post may not be for everyone but, as I’m uber inclusive, read at your own peril.

It amazes me every single month how far removed I am from understanding my body. I get the basics, the ins and outs, the birds and the bees, all that. But somehow after having a monthly cycle for nearly 3 decades – 3 whole decades! – I still can’t get it right. I either “forget” it’s almost that time and am entirely unprepared OR I suddenly can’t calculate how often I’ll need to go to the restroom. And, my personal favorite, is when my body does this stupid switcharoo crap, like oh you should probably change your tampon around the hour 4 mark, then the next time it should have been hour 1 and I had zero warning. So there I am – bleeding out in the bathroom, trying not to pass out, frantically using every last brain cell to navigate how to make it to the shower or a change of clothes or bed…just so we can do this again in a few hours. This is really so much fun.

Let’s not forget how truly exciting it is to pee on your tampon string because they make that thing so short. Then it’s gross and wet and your clothes are wet and I’m just angry by this point. Additionally, have a micro dose of labor-like cramps. Because a week per month couldn’t be complete without those. The best part about the whole ordeal is no matter how many weeks between cycles, somehow blessedly I forget how terrible it is until the next one creeps up on me. Supplies!

Anyone remember when mini described tampons as running sticks? What about when, without warning, she tried to pull my tampon string out of me, then giggled like the 2 yr old she was? I do remember these events well. Now, I just keep telling her we’ll talk soon, avoiding a conversation I can only imagine will go something like this…”You mean, like every month? WHY?”

I sure hope other women out there are doing it right, never forgetting, enjoying pain-free periods, with dry tampons and a clockwork cycle. But, if not, you’ve come to the right place. Because I suck at being female. And lucky for all of you I have the ability to write about the trials of a monthly period on my famously infamous public platform.

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I ask you –

No catchy questions this time unless you have something enlightening to add here.

(The post This May Not Be For Everyone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Girl’s Day Recap

While mini was enjoying her summer shenanigans, McK and I were planning things for us to do. Because of our genuine love for mini, we decided to wait on a few things and take mini on a girl’s day.

First up – Lip Lab in Frisco, TX

Actually – the first thing we did was eat lunch at Bread Zeppelin (catchy, right?). Hands down, best salad I’ve probably ever had. Mini got her salad stuffed in a baguette, which is the entire concept. As I don’t eat bread like that, I just got a bowl but I can see the draw.

Of course we visited a coffee shop. McK and I have been following the multiple locations of Ascension Coffee for some time – the location we really want to visit is in a converted church. Alas, we were near the Dallas Cowboys stadium so that’s where we went instead. I got the Keto coffee. Amazing. McK got a latte and stated it was delicious, Parts had a Salted Caramel Cold Brew. She said it was very strong but the salty flavor was nice. Amateur.

Mini told me to make certain faces. I obliged but she seemed a little grumpy at my interpretations.

Finally, the lipstick details.

I have jokes. No need to comment on my naming convention as I’m utilizing scientific research that states your ideal lipstick color is 1-2 shades lighter/darker than nipple color. Hey, it’s science.

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I ask you –

Have you ever designed your own cosmetics?

Do you like salt in your coffee?

Tell me your favorite coffee establishment!

(The post Girl’s Day Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Let’s Catch Up!

I recognize I just posted about this on Monday and here I am acting as if it’s a very new development. Oh well.

Part of her 4-year plan included jiujitsu and she’s happy as a clam! A rolling clam with arabesque tumbles.

Work insists I wear this fantastic name tag so they know for sure what my name is when I tell rude people to shove it. I’ve never pulled the director card but I might as well now. Relatedly, I was grocery shopping mid-power crisis (more on that shortly) when a woman approached me and said “Are you Kelly?” Taken aback, I answered affirmatively and she stated her name. Of course I exclaimed Oh Hi! as if I knew exactly who she was. Then she said we worked together a time ago and I instantly remembered her. For such a large community, it feels so small sometimes.

Sometimes I think I’d rather be a fly on the wall but then someone says something incredibly dumb or ignorant and I open my big mouth. No name tag required. Therefore, on a related note, I recently found out a coworker thought I was a colossal witch with a b upon his first interaction with me. Funny – nearly every friendship I’ve brokered has started off with the exact same story. I guess you just have to get to know me. As a self-described clown, I can’t see how anyone would think of me negatively but if it results in great relationships with wild stories, I’m all for it.

Final photo. After a particularly hot 47 hours of no electricity, the incredible lineman and power company workers perfected their excellence and returned power to my humble abode. So dramatic, Kel. I frequented Chicka D’s, took many cool showers, and attempted to not get too angry at sacrificing everything in the refrigerator.

Alas, it was a grand excuse to finally throw things away.

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I ask you –

When was the last time you were out of electricity for an extended period of time? 2001. Ice storm. No power for almost 2 weeks.

How do your friendships typically begin?

Tell me how often you clean out your fridge.

(The post Let’s Catch Up! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Violence is not the Answer

Recently mini had to make the very difficult decision to continue dance or try something new, namely jiujitsu. If you’ll recall, her 4-yr plan (her words, not mine) has been ballet, tap/jazz, jiujitsu, then back to dance. In an effort to ensure she wasn’t getting into something she wasn’t prepared for, we signed her up for a 1 wk trial to see how she likes jiujitsu.

Night 1:

Instructor: Why do you want to do this?

Mini: Because I’m violent.

For all that’s holy, what in the world possessed her to say that. FFS. Good grief.

However, she stepped up to the challenge and proceeded to exceed expectations, considering she was sparring (I don’t know the terminology, I’m more out of my element than the dance scene) with boys yet she held nothing back. My girl. At the end of the night, she proudly proclaimed that yes, she did want to embark on a year-long journey with the jiujitsu crew. I shouldn’t be surprised because, for months, she’s been saying she wants to pound someone which has prompted many conversations concerning how we don’t pound people and that jiujitsu is not karate.

the faces of violence

Mini’s dad offered an interesting perspective. He said this would help her with her emotions. Personally, I see no cause for concern as she displays her emotions in a very adult-like way; she simply desires to pound things and I’m here for it. Same, child. Same. If that means learning effective ways to defend herself, then go for it.

And then she can sashay her little butt right on.

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I ask you –

Are you self-described as violent?

What life lessons will jiujitsu provide mini?

Tell me what you do to prevent violent tendencies! Run. Run a lot.

(The post Violence is not the Answer first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

SPI Recap

South Padre Island never disappoints.

Pool time, fun in the sun, the ocean water and sandy toes – all of it is glorious. Even a thankfully short bout of laryngitis couldn’t hold me back.

On the sick note, I have a theory. As this is my second round of laryngitis in as many months, it seems to have something to do with stress and being able to relax. I spent the past several weeks writing and submitting as many papers as possible in preparation for not doing as much the week of vacation. So, of course, when vacation hits, so does illness because my body and mind are finally at peace. That’s when illness creeps in. This is a working theory but I believe I’m on to something.

Nevertheless, we came, we saw, we ate, we swam, we explored, we shopped, and we were generally a menace to the Islanders. Somewhat joking. My sweet niece and nephew enjoyed their stay, it seemed.

It’s only been a few days but I’m already dying to go back. Sorry, friends, so much didn’t make it into this post because I’m knee deep in a paper that has no beginning, no end, and reads like absolutely flaming garbage. Bear with me, I’ll share more later.

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I ask you –

Where was your last vacation?

Do you take family photos?

At the time of this post, it’s finally week 7 of 8 of the course from hell. Almost there!

(The post SPI Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post: Affiliate Link – Mantra Band

Hi, everyone. I wasn’t ready to post anything new just yet – the multiple papers that didn’t write themselves while I was gone are now demanding my attention. I’ll have something new for you on Wednesday! For now, enjoy another re-post with an affiliate link to my favorite bracelet.

I’ve been wearing my Just Run bracelet since Nov 26, 2018. Nearly 4 years! (Correction: now 5 years!) I never take it off and I think it’s just as incredible today as it was the day I purchased it. Many compliments have come from wearing this – I truly love this simple reminder about how much running means to me and what a run can do for my day. The several months I was injured and subsequent PT had me concerned I may never run again. My Mantra Band was a battle cry to continue working towards running. Now look at me!

Super excited to partner with Mantra Band! The order page is: www.mantraband.com/mindbodyshameless. Use my code MINDBODYSHAMELESS for 15% off your entire order. Not only do the creators at Mantra Band design stunning bracelets but they also have necklaces, rings, and tons of other options, including Mantra Books! Their mission prioritizes optimism and mindfulness which we could all use more of, right?!

As part of their collection titled “Charity Bands”, they offer bracelets with unique mantras benefitting the Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society and Alex’s Lemonade Stand, among others. What a great way to literally wear your support and passion on your sleeve. I also love the Bar collection and the Mandala Affirmation Collection. Let’s be real, I love it all. Shortly after I bought my own bracelet, I also sent one to my sister and one to my best friend with a different saying than my own. Mantra Band’s craftsmanship stands the test of time. Everything made by Mantra Band make excellent gifts – for yourself or others!

Full disclaimer: Yes, I have my merchandise links which of course I make money from. And, now, these are affiliate links which, again, means I do make money if/when my readers purchase their own Mantra Band.

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I ask you –

Do you have any affiliate links you’d like to share?

What’s the longest you’ve worn a piece of jewelry?

Again, you can order from this link: www.mantraband.com/mindbodyshameless. Remember to use my code MINDBODYSHAMELESS for 15% off.

(The post Affiliate Link – Mantra Band first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)