Out Late

Recently, there was a conversation about party tricks. As people began to answer, I thought to myself “We’re supposed to have a trick?! The trick is I showed up to the party. I am the trick!” Weird.

I like to change my TEAMS message to outrageous, completed unassociated with work responses. For example, some of my best have referred to running, wearing “das boot”, having no friends, being confused, pacing in my office, etc. You get the drift. I probably field at least one question a week regarding my status and what it means. Usually I have no idea aka I don’t remember what I was talking about so it’s fun to speculate.

When I’m bored in the office (please don’t mistaken that for having nothing to do because I absolutely have things that need to be done), I send a text in the group chat with some off-the-wall thing about how I have to do all the work myself and when are you guys gonna show up and fine, you all hate me. I’m a riot! Interestingly, I get a really quick response to my randomness, unlike when I’m barking orders or have something important I need. Who knew.

Finally, this is my last week “off” until December. And I’m uncertain what that break even looks like because then I’ll be prepping to begin the travel/interview research process. I’m not concerned with taking time off work – I have tons of that but the constant in the trenches part of this feels like a lot. To be expected. Perhaps I should stay up late every night to take back control.

Or continue to get up early. Seize the day.

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I ask you –

Do you have a party trick? What is it?

How often do you stay out late?

Tell me your plans this week!

(The post Out Late first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips

‭‭Isaiah 55:11 NIV‬‬
[11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Scripture above is Jesus speaking; however, what if we spoke with this in mind, that each time words exited our lips, we fully understood our words have power to speak life, or death, over others. In a society saturated with people speaking and giving opinions, sharing with intentional life isn’t as prevalent as one would hope.

Lately, I’ve struggled with focusing on one task. I’ve been pacing, mind racing from one thought to another, unable to keep up with the flood of to-do’s. For a moment, I considered maybe this was a late life onset of ADHD. I’ve heard sometimes anxiety is mistaken as ADHD and vice versa – what if that was true for me. But I think I’m just feeling the magnitude of ending the preliminary portion of the dissertation process and considering what the next year will look like. Somehow it’s already here, what seemed impossible in 2022 is now in its final stage. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that truth.

Focus, Kel. Trying to soak in all the things before writing takes me away from it is unfathomable. However, I did attend a game night where I managed to win at Rock/Paper/Scissors. First try, no less. Yes, I’m bragging. Funnily, when it comes to competition Rock/Paper/Scissors – I always win. No lie. Well….I’ve won 2 “competition-style” matches, if you will. The first was for a third martini flight which I absolutely should not have had, mostly because I was already 8 martinis in and definitely did not need 4 more. Consequently, I don’t remember much about that night except winning the game for another flight. Weird.

Any Way – focus, will you – I won a Starbucks gift card to fund my coffee and winning habit. Not a bad night. And, of course, my name tag says Parts. And, of course, hers said Spare Parts. Because all we do is laugh together.

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I ask you –

What does peace in your heart look like to you?

Have you ever been on a winning streak?

Tell me about your favorite game! Spoons.

(The post Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Should Have Known

…when watching any show with mini, she narrates, talks over, answers, and yells incessantly at the television in a loud, expert know-it-all voice. It’s maddening. And I cannot focus on her voice and the television because too many sounds make me anxious. My only thought is I should have known.

a brief quiet moment

addicted to Axolotls

…it’s lonely at the top. Being the go-to, advocating for others, and making judgment calls requires a strong heart. So when others encourage me to take time off, to recharge, to get away from the office, it means I should heed their words. And the relief I get from the escape is a reminder I should have known.

_____________________

I ask you –

Is it even true that there’s things we should know before encountering them?

How often do you take time off?

Tell me your favorite way to relax!

(The post I Should Have Known first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Biggest Fan

Cinnamon brings heaven to the thoughts, for that sweet spice somehow is part of my soul. Perhaps through some good memory that sits in my dreaming brain, a memory without words that sparks joy from its scent. – Angela Abraham, @daisydescriptionari, March 18, 2021

For some time, I thought my favorite coffee was defunct because I couldn’t find it at any of the usual grocery stores. I may have panicked a little. So when I saw the Starbucks Brown Sugar Cinnamon, I was somewhat relieved that maybe I had found an alternative. It’s good albeit slightly more expensive than what I was purchasing. However, it appears to just have been a supply chain issue because I can order my favorite from Amazon, and surely it will return to store shelves eventually. Surely.

Blue Bell has always been one of my favorite ice cream brands. Yes, I know I wrote in a previous post that Braums was my favorite; however, I only rank it slightly above Blue Bell due to the extra creamy texture. Blue Bell is like my childhood sweetheart – never forgotten, classic, a part of my DNA. I’m not sure who created the Cinnamon Twist flavor, but I want to kiss them while simultaneously beating them with a big stick. It’s somewhere between a churro and the ooey gooey incredible middle of a cinnamon roll. I ate so much it made me very sick yet (as many of you know, I balance the non-keto world in terms of “is it worth the headache and migraine symptoms”) it was decidedly, unequivocally, do it all over again WORTH IT. It was so worth it that I have managed to turn most conversations regarding benign things into a discussion about how amazing it is. Trust me, I make it really weird.

Now, I shall return to work or writing papers or whatever I’m supposed to be doing whilst daydreaming about coffee and ice cream. Affogato, anyone?

____________________

I ask you –

Do you enjoy cinnamon-flavored things?

Have you tried Blue Bell’s Cinnamon Twist ice cream?

Tell me your favorite flavor, of anything!

(The post Biggest Fan first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Purely Complicated

Backstory: A lovely woman asked me if I eat clean, presumably due to last year’s 30 lb weight loss. I explained it wasn’t necessarily “clean” but I do eat keto because it helps with migraine management.

The rest of the story: I began to consider what “clean” actually means. A clean lifestyle, specifically. It made me wonder if those who live clean, with a clear conscience, a gentle heart, a desire to help others, to make a difference, a manageable amount of stress, etc. live longer than others. Or have a different type of dynamic life.

As I began to consider my choices, decisions, and goals and then compare them to what weighs on me…I decidedly do not live a clean life. Perhaps this is why some things are arguably tougher than other things. Although I’ve always said the only person who has to sleep with your decisions is you, somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Somewhere I heard the following quote: “The potential you see in others is a reflection of your values, not theirs”. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – disappointment is the hardest emotion to process because it’s innately personal to lift someone up to what you see in them but not feel devastated when it doesn’t go the way you envision. Disappointment is a complicated feeling.

__________________

I ask you –

What does clean mean to you?

Do you agree regarding the quote about potential?

Happy Love Day! Hope it’s filled with overpriced chocolate and flowers.

(The post Purely Complicated first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tired

The problem with “powering through” this final traditional course is that you (ahem, I) have failed to see the toll it’s taken on me. Like a slow burn, one may not notice the wick is gone until the candle goes out. When I’m taking it week by week, once I submit a paper, then I take a day of rest. With the power on always, it can be hard to see the light beginning to flicker. Until it goes dark. In taking strides to maximize my break before beginning the next course, to have 14 days off instead of 7, I just keep plowing ahead. And there are consequences for it.

Like the constant exhaustion. And the lack of restful sleep. Much like overtraining, it plagues me until I back off. And when I finally get a chance for uninterrupted sleep, it doesn’t feel like enough. My brain forgets to process the message that it needs to rest. Go to sleep, dammit! Hopefully by the time of this post, I’ll have realized it’s just a phase and sleep will have returned to a normal pattern. Or else I’ll have stayed up way too late to watch the Super Bowl. Priorities.

So instead of complaining, or continuing to complain, here’s a recent photo of mini with her ice cream cone. She gets it. Life is too short. Eat ice cream.

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I ask you –

Have you been struggling with sleep?

Do you tend to power through?

Favorite ice cream brand! Braums.

(The post Tired first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The World Needs More Smiles

This woman inspires me to sing louder, love harder, and laugh for as long as possible. The impact she has had and still has on my life is immeasurable. Her smile! She’s more patient than I could ever imagine being. I hope she doesn’t mind my use of her photo here because she is simply the most beautiful woman I know and I want to share her joy with everyone I meet.

These goofballs – we spend a lot of time laughing at each other and alternately rolling our eyes. The gnome addiction is real. Very real. I find myself searching high and low everywhere I go for unique gnomes I can gift her. To be clear, I’m speaking of Parts, not mini. Mini has a collection of a thousand other things, she does not need any gnomes.

Sometimes it can feel like the world is completely mad. But, make an effort to smile. It’s lifechanging.

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I ask you –

Do you make an effort to smile often?

Have you and (anyone) ever owned matching pajamas?

Tell me what things you collect!

(The post The World Needs More Smiles first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Have Questions

I’m always curious about what happens to prompt someone to step in wet cement. Accident? Purposefully? What if they were running from a crime scene and this is the killer’s feet? What if?!

Credit: twatwafflezzz_ via Instagram

Maybe there’s no question here except why not? I love the ability to share what I’m feeling, going through, have gone through, and all things between because someone, somewhere is dealing with the same. And maybe they’re ashamed or fearful. So I say the hard things only they think about. Occasionally I open my mouth in the wrong forum but I also hope my heart speaks for itself, that my passion shines through, and forgiveness is given freely.

Yet I still have questions.

_____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever stepped in wet cement?

Do you question most things? Everything? Nothing at all?

Tell me something good you have going on!

(The post I Have Questions first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

But That’s Where I’m At

Vision Board Event – where dozens of people go crazy with glue, magazines, and colored paper. McK, Parts, and I are making strides toward doing more creative-type projects and spending time together outside of the workplace. Not too bad to start 2024.

Now, the random: Unbeknownst to me there is specific terminology within the academia field that eludes to transitional terms. For example, whilst completing the coursework associated with a doctorate, the student is called a doctoral student. Apt. However, once the student has completed the required coursework and has begun the dissertation process, the student is now a doctoral candidate. Fancy. Also, there is a special kind of nonsense for those of us who simply can’t live without education called a Postdoc. Just as it’s spelled, it’s what a ridiculous person would do after they obtain a doctoral degree. No thank you.

Also unknown to me is the option of applying for grants and funding to further the research portion of my degree. A quick search resulted in a few Veteran-related PhD grants, as well as several scholarships. No harm in completing the applications.

Finally, no matter what others (…me) might say about the loneliness of this process, I’ve made some incredible connections, including forming relationships with others who have obtained their PhD and gone on to become professors and/or researchers. At this time, I’ve been conversing with a woman who wrote her dissertation on a subject I’m extremely interested in and am considering how to mold it into my own dissertation. She’s been kind and generous with her time, something I value greatly. More to come.

Finally, I never thought I would see the day that a few 8-10 pg assignments seemed laughable. Remind me in a few weeks how excited I always am to start writing again.

__________________

I ask you –

Any creativity-centered goals for this year?

Have you ever applied for a grant?

Tell me an absolutely ridiculous page length!

(The post But That’s Where I’m At first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Can Run!

Since I wasn’t running and school hadn’t officially started back up, we found other ways to occupy our time, like Phase 10! P.S. these card holder doo-dads are a lifesaver. And a sanity saver.

Huge appreciation to a fellow blogger and runner, Christina, @wanderingappleby, for the shoe recommendation. She mentioned that the Lone Peak 6 and Lone Peak 7 have their differences but since I couldn’t find the 6’s, I went with the 7’s. I’m excited to try out a new brand and have heard good things about them thus far. Obviously, after the foot debacle, which I absolutely never want to repeat, I’m trying some new things, considering (with PT advice) how to change my running split and a few other things to ensure I can keep running for years to come! I still love my Brooks – hello, brand loyalty – but the shoe shape just isn’t the best fit for me right now.

Blog post grand finale: you all know I’m typing this the day of, prior to the appointment, knowing my hopes and prayers have healed me. I can run! Indeed it has come to pass. No longer tied (strapped) into a boot is a little strange at the moment. Ankle mobility needs some work as does confidence in my foot strength. However, recovery doesn’t end when the circumstances change. As the MRI showed no issues and the x-rays indicated the same, it isn’t lost on me that I wore that boot for 6 weeks for what somewhat feels like no good reason; nonetheless, it can’t have hurt anything because I was pain free for those weeks.

Now to keep it that way. Until I’m ready to re-commit to surgery.

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I ask you –

Were you aware they make card holder doo-dads?

Any other shoes suggestions?

Tell me the last time you played a board or card game!

(The post I Can Run! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)