I don’t owe a dime and I don’t have to do anything. I owe it to myself to establish clear, direct boundaries. No further explanation. No long-winded and easily misconstrued version of trauma which led to…blah blah blah.
For some, pizza is the Michelin star in perfect triangular form. It can be customized, dressed up, transformed into an award winning dish. The pizza I sell? Cheese. I sell cheese pizza. Not because I’m boring or don’t want to put in the effort, but because cheese pizza is tried and true. It’s the basics. The foundation of pizza. Cheese.
You’ve probably figured out I’m going somewhere with this schpill. You are, right? When tested, I easily revert back to foundational principles – kindness often mistaken as weakness, or I shut down completely. Rarely do I come out fighting. All noble reactions yet kindness has not served me too well. Good thing kindness isn’t for you, Kel. Kindness is a reflection of the heart. It’s a desire to do better, be better, give others grace. It’s not easy. People test, they try, they dig in their heels, they make messes where no mess should ever be. At some point, kindness is overshadowed, and those without boundaries are the first to succumb.
Not this time. Not to the lady who sells pizza. Kindness is no longer a convenience, it’s a requirement. To be part of my world, kindness is a non-negotiable. Just because I sell pizza does not mean I will sell it to you.
Cheers to holding the line. And selling a damn good pizza pie.
I found this stupid funny meme that said something along the lines of an airline PA system asking for a doctor to help someone write a 500-word abstract in less than 5 minutes, ending with…finally, I’m the doctor they need! Paraphrasing obviously. The meme disappeared before I could screen grab it so now you’re stuck with my pathetic recall. But you get the idea!
In all seriousness, this is a tough time. I’ve been officially furloughed but with excepted service for 31 days at the time of this writing (more by the time you read this). This means I go to work everyday for no immediate pay. Sure, I’ll get back pay when it’s all said and done but my immediate needs are burdensome – things like buying groceries and putting gas in my car. More than me, I lead a team of 7 excepted employees and 9 furloughed employees who are feeling the immediate pain of this situation. They work for hourly pay and may not have a savings account to rely on. They have families to feed. They need gas to fill their vehicles to drive to the job that isn’t paying them.
I think the most common misconception is overlooking the government shutdown as something where people may think ‘I don’t know anyone affected by it.’ You know me. And I know hundreds of others who are affected. These people are my team, my friends, my coworkers.
I work in fitness which, if anyone stays updated, has taken a front row seat to nearly all other updates, changes, and restructuring in the military. This means we are more important than ever in creating, building, and sustaining a “fit to fight” military workforce. I’m not personally opposed to the changes in the standards as I have nearly always understood why a fit military is imperative to success. It’s also imperative to a healthy, long life with your family and friends. This may sound callous but please hear my heart when I ask how many overweight people have you met who lived past 70? Do your own research. Maybe you don’t care to live past 70, but I guarantee there’s someone in your life who does.
The fitness background I’ve mentioned gives you context to why excepted service is important even during a government shutdown. The military continue to serve, paycheck or not. Therefore, my team must be available to serve them. It’s more than opening the doors to a building each day. It is ensuring they have the testing supplies available, can continue to self-improve, and, some would say equally important, building morale.
You see, fitness isn’t just working out. For some, it is therapy. For some, it is the only thing between depression and suicide. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but I can assure you it is not. The benefits of exercise surpass nearly every known disease and have the power to reverse it. True story. So for anyone doubting the importance of fitness in today, tomorrow, and next year’s world, there is statistical evidence of its importance.
The U.S. needs people who do the work I do. It needs people who do the work my team does. I am no one without them. And they deserve paychecks to support the military and their own families. The next time you vote, the next time you consider who the shutdown affects, please think of me. Please think of the single mom who shows up everyday at 0445 to help others improve their fitness levels so they can be fit to fight. Today, the only fight I want to have is the one where every employee is paid to do the job they took an oath to obtain. These federal employees did. I did. But somehow it feels forgotten.
________________
I ask you –
Did you know over 300,000 federal employees are working without a paycheck during this government shutdown?
Do you know who is still receiving a check? Be informed.
I had an entire thought for this post, something along the lines of a refrigerator or a shelf, but now it’s disappeared like my desire to work a non-paying job. Yet I’m still doing it. So I guess this point is moot.
Mini participated in all the themed days of drug free week. I’ve probably said this before but I thought for sure I would have been offered a lot more drugs in life. Where was my chance to “just say no”? Can I try it now? Eluding to my a) current position, b) addictive genetics, and c) will to live despite present circumstances, I’ll probably continue to say no. If asked.
Photo credit: #musemom
And, of course, there was Halloween. I make far too many jokes about full-sized candy bars for someone who doesn’t eat candy. I wish I liked candy. It sounds delicious. Although I am partial to Reese’s Pieces.
Tiny spiders
My costume was minimal…stamped black spiders on the sides of my face and hand. I believe it represented how many souls I’ve stolen. Or eaten. Or whatever fun analogy exists. Muse? Oh where art thou?
Final thought: for over 90 minutes, which is probably considered less than average, we walked mini around neighborhoods to trick or treat. Halfway through the jaunt, I realized how much I missed the past 3 years while working through my PhD. It was nearly impossible to enjoy anything outside of writing because I was incredibly stressed by the need to write. I’m sad because I know I missed a lot and I cannot get it back. The fact I recognize how much I missed because I can see it now is even tougher. It was worth it, but how do you quantify worth when you missed entire Halloween shenanigans worrying about what you could be doing instead? It feels as if entire years disappeared from my memory. On the bright side, drugs didn’t do this to me.
If I’ve learned anything during this furlough, it is to take it slower. Much slower. But not too slow because I just can’t.
A run collection
For weeks, I have been doing two-a-day workouts and I’m feeling the best I ever have. That’s not taking it slow, Kel. In other ways, I have been giving endless grace. The first week of the furlough, admittedly, I was angry. Angry we had gotten to this point. Anger directed at everyone around me. But soon I realized anger wasn’t getting me anywhere. Now, and since, I’ve been in a numb sense of acceptance. I do not like this situation. I still battle anger and disappointment. But I’m humbled every single day by a team of few who continue to show up. And it’s what they deserve from me.
the team
You don’t know what ya got til it’s gone. Oh, but I did know. I would have rather never experienced it. Despite the furlough, the show must go on. Despite taking a massive manpower hit, the expectation to deliver is still there. Thankfully, with the help of dozens of volunteers and a killer core team, we executed the 2025 Zombie Run 5k of over 300 participants. To say I was stressed was an understatement. But they did it.
I think I could outrun the politicians, or zombies, in charge of bureaucratic decision-making. But a nice right hook to the jaw might be more fun. Well deserved.
How long before the NFL bans any helmet to helmet contact, specifically the jovial nod/tap between players? Guess TBI has only one cause.
39 years: how long it took me to commit to placing stickers in a notebook.
How long before I’m famous for my humor and clever remarks? Answer: not long at all! I was privileged to introduce Mike Super for an Air Force Live event. Mini and I really enjoyed the show, received a t-shirt, and got to take photos with the greatest magician/illusionist I’ve ever seen.
How long can I keep up with these two-a-day workouts? Answer. As of this writing, almost the entirety of October! Nothing like a furlough to remind you that you’re capable of hard things.
_________________
I ask you –
Question and answer: how long (fill in the blank).
(The post How long…? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)
From the deepest imaginary recesses of Mini’s mind – her thought was for me to chronicle parts of stories so she could later finish them.
You’re welcome.
We call this one The Real Tooth Fairy. Title subject to change.
What if the Tooth Fairy was an ancestor, determined pre-death to fill the role? As the Tooth Fairy is quite busy on a nightly basis, traversing thousands of miles to collect children’s teeth, then it only makes sense for there to be multiple tooth fairies. Unlike Santa Clause who is one and only as his job requires just shy of 24 hrs of work, the Tooth Fairy is exceptionally busier. Therefore, she (tooth fairy for girls, tooth men for boys) cannot be a single entity. So who gets to be the Tooth Fairy? Well, it is a generational appointment, beginning as far back as 7-9 previous generations. In theory, it could be my great great great great great great great grandmother. Then, every 100 years thereafter a new Tooth Fairy, still within my bloodline, assumes command. The reasoning is that it cannot be someone who is too close to the present generation as it could make a child suspicious. However, a closer generational family member, my grandmother, for example, could feasibly be the Elf (of the infamous Elf on the Shelf), especially as mini’s grandmother passed shortly before she got Peppermint (mini’s elf on the shelf). Peppermint is much like mini’s grandmother because both enjoy sitting and making mischief. Mini’s words, not mine.
*********************
The reason I’m publishing this post now is because mini was formally accepted onto the UIL Oral Reading team. Did I mention this previously? She really played the part during tryouts and it was a success. The piece, titled “Homework Stew”, was very funny (to me). Her competition piece is something about seeing her teacher “out in the wild” on a Saturday, how teachers shouldn’t be allowed outside of the classroom, and, from the student’s point of view, how dangerous it is for them. Very laughter inducing. As I think mini could conquer the world by making people (me) laugh, this is the perfect introductory situation. She’ll have weekly practices leading up to a winter competition. More to come.
___________________
I ask you –
On a scale of 1 to doubled over laughing, what is your score on her tooth fairy philosophy?
It’s a fun word with a few fun iterations. Serendipitous. It reminds me of the word Eureka! Not the vacuum cleaner. There was a movie with a scientist who yelled Eureka when he made a concoction. What was the movie?
Funny story about serendipity. It’s something I based my PhD thesis on. I was seeking serendipity, uncertain if I would actually have a moment to uncover it, much less recognize it. Spoiler: I did. And it was just as glorious as I had hoped. And, since thousands of people are furloughed, what better way to kill time than to read it? Have fun! Immigration Federalism in the United States: Texas Case Studies
Hold on, the show is tuning in. The rich kid. Big house. Bad guys. Not the Christmas one where the kid was alone. Home Alone. Right, not that one.
Interestingly, the word serendipity originated in 1754 from a fairytale. Now, it references a scientific or technological breakthrough. I just like it because it sounds fun.
Richy Rich! That’s it.
_________________
I ask you –
Have you experienced serendipity?
(The post Serendipity! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)
The potential you see in others means nothing without their buy-in. If they don’t want it for themselves, it’s a brutal lesson in futility. Yours.
You will spend more time at work than with your own family over the course of a lifetime. Best love what you do. And surround yourself with the right people.
Do not expect others to care the way you do. Alternately, you may not care the way they do. It’s ok.
It weighs a lot because it is insanely lonely at the top. The sleepless nights, the fights with other decision makers, the balance never found. You probably won’t have any friends and, if you do, watch out for perception. I am not inclined.
A lovely friend sent me the following graphic after she proudly exclaimed how I had “grown a pair”.
What she does not realize is for every day my “pair” swings, I have just as many softer moments, where I’m reminded to fight the good fight means not acting like a complete arsehole and picking my battles. Forever, a work in progress.
________________
I ask you –
What is your toughest leadership challenge?
(The post Leadership 101 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)
I’m hesitant to flesh out this idea, to call people out by name, or to join the political game which surrounds this issue. But here I go.
credit: unnamed news media
What happened in Kerr County, Texas, resulting in the death of dozens of innocent children and camp goers will be evaluated for years to come. My point of view originates from a benign news article indicating State Rep Virdell, (R) – Kerr County (one of 18 other representatives) voted against House Bill (HB) 13 in the recent TX legislative session which would have established a federal committee and grant program to help the state purchase early warning systems, namely outside warning systems like sirens, to prevent needless deaths along Texas river basins, namely the Guadalupe River, which often solely rely on NOAA radios and limited cell reception to inform the public of impending weather watches and warnings. This is a very long sentence to state many areas in need of outdoor warning systems do not have the system in place.
But why?
HB 13 was costly, apparently too costly to implement. I find this a little difficult to believe as Kerr County has a net position of $81.3 million. HB 13 stalled in the Senate Finance Committee, presumably due to its price tag, a hefty $500 million. Sure, even if all $81 million went toward the $500 million, there is quite a deficit. However, HB 13 proposed the roll out of grant money, but over the course of 10 years.
Did a warning system exist?
Simple answer: yes. But there are some significant limitations. The current system, only passed in 2020, utilized the free Integrated Public Alert and Warning System (IPAWS), as part of the CodeRed program which relies on White Pages data for mass emergency pre-recorded emergency telephone messages. Obviously, the reliance on the data source means there could be countless numbers not included in the program. Can you tell me at this moment if your number is included in the White Pages? Exactly.
The Upper Guadalupe River Authority (UGRA) was aware of the need to incorporate a flood warning system for Kerr County. In 2018, the UGRA applied for a $1 million grant. The grant was not received. Then, in 2020, IPAWS was implemented. At some point, UGRA was invited to apply for a grant for a county wide flood warning system. However, the UGRA declined to apply due to the grant match of 5%.
Interestingly, State Rep Virdell is quoted by the Texas Tribunestating “…even if you had a warning system there, this came in so fast and early in the morning it’s very unlikely the warning system would have had much effect.”
I have some issues with this statement. 1. A statement like that will probably not get you reelected. You see, the words (paraphrased) unlikely it would have had much effect is not comforting to your constituents. If it had saved one life, one family who didn’t receive a death notice and is now planning a funeral, how do you quantify ‘effect’? If an early warning system saves one life, then it has done its job. 2. His answers, he “guessed”, had to do with how much funding was tied to HB 13. This is an unclear statement, and probably taken out of context, as we don’t know if he is referring to the grant portion or the overall cost. Maybe he is referencing how HB 13 would create a new government council and some constituents are opposed to this type of measure. 3. Did I mention State Rep Virdell represents Kerr County, the very county where this disaster happened? Granted, he was one of eighteen who voted no on HB 13. Unfortunately, as State Rep Virdell is a freshman representative, elected in Nov 2024, I fear this spells the end of his career in 2027. Ask me again in a few years. I bet he’s regretting his decision to vote against HB 13.
Anything else?
Kerr County Judge Rob Kelly, re-elected in 2022, acknowledged the lack of a warning system in the Guadalupe River basin despite the ongoing threat of dangerous floods. In a separate interview, Kelly stated taxpayers will not pay for the early warning system. Now, this is why you read RoF. As an academic scholar, I (and you, too) have access to public records which indicate what city councilors and other city representatives discuss and vote for or against. Additionally, these records often include public comments. It is time-consuming to navigate the many public records surrounding early warning systems. But I have nothing but time.
What do the records tell us?
More to come, in part 2. As I said, it is a very lengthy process to analyze all public records, especially as im seeking information and opinions of local citizens.
What’s the point?
Grief isn’t logical. Grief makes no sense. It’s human nature to want answers, to place blame. So when the proverbial waters recede, people, families, grievers will demand answers. Sometimes it is for money – funerals and recovery efforts are not cheap. Often, it is for validation and then closure. What went wrong and how do we prevent it? I’ve learned the probability of anyone accepting the reason “it was just their turn” goes well 0% of the time. Some will offer religious platitudes, but it remains most, if not all, will seek the source of failure. People are angry. People are hurt. And people do what people do.
Last but never least, I do have a vested interest in the outcome of this tragedy as I lost a friend and co-worker. She, her young daughter, and her in-laws were swept from their cabin while her husband somehow managed to hang on to a tree. He is the sole survivor in their family. As an active duty servicemember, and now a widow, he (and every person impacted) are suffering. Although it’s been months, the decisions and trauma revolving around the circumstances are still being debated. They are owed answers. And we (Texas) can do better.
_________________
I ask you –
No questions or comments.
(The post Stormy Opinions first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)
In preparation for the seemingly imminent government shutdown, I made a list of things to catch up on at work sans the pesky emails.
Take it slow. As the past month has been fraught with concert logistics, budget planning, lack of budget planning, personnel issues, and everything in between, I needed a mental break.
Inventory. Originally, this was the first item on the list, but the break was more important. We’re due for an inventory inspection in January, so why not use the time ensuring everything is in place.
Filing. Bane of my existence. For a society which prides itself on digital minutia, why do we still have so many paper copies? I get why, just let me complain.
Scour the facilities for incomplete work orders.
On day 1, I took the first task with complete seriousness. “No hurry” was my motto because, forgive me, I was not in a rush to work for free. Working for the government has not been the cake walk I was assured it would be. In fact, the only cake I’ve had was purchased for me by me! And I still forgot the fork!
I did not wear these to work
It’s hard not to be resentful during this time. I’m doing all the work and still not getting paid. If I was furloughed, I could go home, not work, not get paid, and still get the same payment on the back end.
________________
I ask you –
Who else is working without pay right now and wants to gripe with me?
(The post All Work, No Pay first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)
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