But That’s Where I’m At

Vision Board Event – where dozens of people go crazy with glue, magazines, and colored paper. McK, Parts, and I are making strides toward doing more creative-type projects and spending time together outside of the workplace. Not too bad to start 2024.

Now, the random: Unbeknownst to me there is specific terminology within the academia field that eludes to transitional terms. For example, whilst completing the coursework associated with a doctorate, the student is called a doctoral student. Apt. However, once the student has completed the required coursework and has begun the dissertation process, the student is now a doctoral candidate. Fancy. Also, there is a special kind of nonsense for those of us who simply can’t live without education called a Postdoc. Just as it’s spelled, it’s what a ridiculous person would do after they obtain a doctoral degree. No thank you.

Also unknown to me is the option of applying for grants and funding to further the research portion of my degree. A quick search resulted in a few Veteran-related PhD grants, as well as several scholarships. No harm in completing the applications.

Finally, no matter what others (…me) might say about the loneliness of this process, I’ve made some incredible connections, including forming relationships with others who have obtained their PhD and gone on to become professors and/or researchers. At this time, I’ve been conversing with a woman who wrote her dissertation on a subject I’m extremely interested in and am considering how to mold it into my own dissertation. She’s been kind and generous with her time, something I value greatly. More to come.

Finally, I never thought I would see the day that a few 8-10 pg assignments seemed laughable. Remind me in a few weeks how excited I always am to start writing again.

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I ask you –

Any creativity-centered goals for this year?

Have you ever applied for a grant?

Tell me an absolutely ridiculous page length!

(The post But That’s Where I’m At first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

2024: The Path Ahead

(This is the post I intended to publish on New Year’s Day, but we got home late and I overcommitted myself to doing all the things prior to sitting down to put the final touches on it. Hence, here we are today.)

Not being a fan of the traditional New Year’s “resolutions”, instead I like to focus on a “word of the year”. You know, something that resonates with me and that I can embody all year long. 2022 was grace, 2023 was strength, and 2024 is exhale. Simple enough, right? I write it in a few key places so I can be reminded regularly. What I do with the reminder, in the moment, is up to me but it’s nice to focus on one word. Below, the four words written above my word of the year are mantra-type words I want to remember. Although I have no idea how they factor into a year that has yet to be lived, I’m finding joy in believing they will be powerful.

2024 will bring about its own challenges, as each year does. Nearly a full year of writing my dissertation, mini will change school locations as she progresses, there’s that foot surgery business, dozens more blog posts, and anything else the world throws my way. Perhaps there will even be room for promotions. Nonetheless, focusing on my breathing and remembering to exhale through the little and big things is a nice part of living in this wild world.

Also, books. This was my first year as part of an actual (unofficial) book club! We read several books I would have never chosen myself but most were great! The Cuban Heiress by Chanel Cleeton. The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown. For One More Day by Mitch Albom. And so many more…The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst was my favorite. Just what I needed at the time. Amidst the hustle and deadlines and stress of the holidays, it was a moment to settle my soul and feel what I needed to feel. And reprioritize. Definitely that.

Now, about the running portion of 2024. I keep a log of my annual miles – not too bad, if I do say so myself. Beyond the local (i.e., at work) 5k’s and one community run (Thanksgiving Day), I ran zero sanctioned races. And you know what? I feel no different than I did when I ran allll the races I could find. By my own calculations, I’ve been intentionally running for 7 years (2017-2023). Not too bad! Even though I’m unsure what 2024 will bring – foot issues, etc. – I know I will run again in 2024 and it won’t be pretty at first, but by the time I post the 2024 run mileage, I’ll still look back and think…wow. I did that.

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I ask you –

Do you have a resolution or phrase of the year?

Did you read any amazing books? Please share!

Tell me your 2023 run or activity stats!

(The post 2024: The Path Ahead first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post: Double Trouble

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and I hope you all have an incredible day. Me? Oh, I’m just soaking up the island life right about now. More to come when I return…

From Aug 24, 2022: For being a smart person, I really am quite dumb sometimes. Well, not like a dumdum. It just takes me longer than the average smart person to really come to grips with things. For example…

An email arrived with the sentence “Thank you for your persistence.” which probably meant please stop bothering me. A co-worker told someone else in front of me: (paraphrased only mildly) “We love Kelly. She has a way of being mean but she does it with a smile and it makes it ok.” I’m not sure it was a compliment but it is true.

M’s – money, marriages, and messes. The radio show advised these are three things we should stay out of, as in other people’s. This radio show predominantly deals with other people’s messes so pot…kettle.

Not every email requires a reply. As I’m almost constantly (now) dealing with people from all walks of life, there are many different approaches: kind, understanding, firm, rude, hateful, dismissive, etc. You get the idea. This week I’m neck deep in an inspection that hasn’t happened since 2019. Read: before me. Somehow I tend to find myself in positions where once I’ve got my bearings, there’s a huge inspection or program audit and here I am with my hands in the air and a huge shrug. I shall prevail! Occasionally I have too much to do to reply. Other times it is best I don’t because angry Kel can only be quiet for so long. And I’m being pushed to the brink.

My sister accepted a job on the same installation where I’m employed. In fact, we’re in the same squadron. I should feel bad the base is now saturated with two people like us, but this could be fun. Someone asked if she is as wonderful as I am; her reply was “I’m better!” She’s got jokes.

Now we’re off to find the boss and explain in no uncertain terms why the grass is brown. Hello. Drought. Texas. Seriously?

______________________________

I ask you –

Thoughts on the three M’s? Do you agree?

Have you been inspected or audited at work lately?

On a scale of 1 to You’re Fired, how much trouble will my twin and I get into? 5. We have humor going for us.

(The post Re-Post: Double Trouble first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Semi-Dark Thoughts

I’m a firm believer in the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Typically. Usually. Sometimes. But I also think the more time you’ve spent with someone, the harder it is to overcome grief. Unpopular and slightly dark opinion: as a child, losing someone you love is actually easier because you wouldn’t have spent as much time with them and there’s more of your life to process grief. However, losing someone as an adult is more difficult because a) you’ve known them longer and b) may find it more difficult to acknowledge grief.

Sometimes the dark thought of self doubt creeps in and I have a low moment of wondering what I could possibly bring to the table. For example, I had a fantastic conversation with one of my classmates and he helped me figure out some of the stats tables I’d been struggling with. As he has an accounting background, I deferred to his expertise. But, when we hung up, I wondered why would he help me and what could I possibly contribute to the remainder of our doctoral journey. I don’t need compliments, I need purpose. So, it took some time, but I realized what I’m here for: connection. Both of the classmates I’ve befriended are a result of me reaching out, forming a connection, continuing to reply and encourage because, by doing so, it encourages me. Maybe I’m no numbers whiz and maybe I struggle with the most basic of tables and figures but the table I sit at offers connection. Figures. Get it, get it.

On a related note, I made a last minute appointment to get the tattoo I’ve been brainstorming for many months now. Even designed it myself. It’s very simple, no color, and perfect for me.

From top to bottom: The coffee cup is my own personal trademark because I rarely am not drinking coffee. The semicolon is very close to my heart as it symbolizes a pause, a breath, a short break in thoughts, and is often used for suicide awareness, of which my father took his own life when I was 10. The stack of books is twofold: 1) I love to read, always have and 2) as a lifelong learner and career college student, then books made sense. Finally, the 13.1 represents my adoration for running the half marathon distance.

As an addendum, there’s still room for the word Dr. and the 26.2 below what I currently have. Upon those completions. Despite this tattoo being my most visible, I couldn’t think of a better place because of how often I look down at my Just Run bracelet so an additional reminder of the things I love and have meaning is just beautiful.

Finally, if you’re in the Wichita Falls (or DFW area), find Josh at Factory City Tattoo. By far the best conversationalist with some really fascinating personal history and connections to the Wichita Falls area. He’s the man to make all your permanent ink desires come true!

_______________________

I ask you –

Do you have any tattoos?

If so, what hurt the worst? This was comparable to a few bee stings. One of my others was a lot more painful near my hip bone.

Tell me about something in your life that’s symbolic.

(The post Semi-Dark Thoughts first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Twilight Zone

All I know is if I don’t take a break soon, I won’t be able to juggle the plates any longer. There have been a few weeks of such confusion and utterly mind-blowing emotional stress that I’m honestly not sure how I made it through. It’s not even me! For nearly an entire week, there was a parade of people into my office who were really going through it. Boxes of tissues and phone calls to check up on them and just the overwhelming compassion fatigue it brings with it had me questioning my own sanity. Honestly, I felt numb, as if it wasn’t really happening. Because, of course, at the same time I was dealing with my own skyrocketing stress levels due to insane assignments, incredibly early mornings and late nights, the same fasted bloodwork two weeks in a row, and trying to balance my own physical needs. It was a lot.

Somewhere in here I need to get feet x-rays (update: those are done, will post more later), solidify the decision regarding a ball gown, and make a baby basket. Which I actually forgot about until…now. In other news, I’ve taken a few personality tests recently and can decidedly share that I’m a well adjusted, anal retentive Gold/Green (Four Lenses), with perfectionistic Type 1 (Enneagram) traits. So basically my insane drive for list making and efficiency suits me to a T. T is for try me. I can’t be mad. It’s just who I am and I’ve learned to embrace it.

My muse told me this fantastic one liner: everyone wants to be a General until it’s time to do General shit. Isn’t that the truth. Similar to current conversations: everyone wants to be an alpha until it’s time to be the alpha. Who am I to judge on whether or not they can or can’t actually be the alpha but I’m not seeing it.

(there should be a fun, lighthearted, catchy photo right here but I didn’t have anything)

P.S. the pity parade continued for more days past the time of this writing. My carpet was practically wet.

___________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever taken a personality test? Care to share your results?

How often do you clean your carpet?

Tell me your favorite saying!

(The post Twilight Zone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Is It Not?

Getting this off my chest because I feel like somehow it’s a common misconception.

As this is a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, it would seem there is much confusion on the topic of men, women, couples, etc. doing things to take care of themselves, as in anything from taking care of themselves physically (gym, working out, whatever that looks like to satisfy physical needs) and emotionally (mental health, counseling, strong friendships), etc.

Addressing physical needs from a male perspective (again, this is based on the conversations I’ve had with many different people so no, it’s not publishable research but it is first hand experience): men seem to appreciate when women do things to take care of themselves physically. Biologically, men are visual. They want to see whatever picture they’ve built in their minds. Here’s the problem: women want the same thing. This is not a solely male desire. There’s typically some form of physical attraction in a relationship; therefore, women want to know men are taking steps to work on themselves, too. If men expect women to do these things based on their need for a certain visual, but think women don’t want the same thing – you’re wrong. We do, too. Biology isn’t relegated to one sex or another. This whole concept of “letting yourself go” because you’re married or in a long term relationship is nonsense. Better yet, why would someone want to live that way? Don’t you want to be better to feel good about you? Get over yourself.

A pretty flower to lessen the sting of the truth.

Next, emotionally. It doesn’t matter what it looked like for your parents or grandparents or family tree going back decades. Mental health is important. And everyone deserves to have their needs being met by a competent person. If you think someone who is struggling with the things people struggle with can have their mental needs satisfied by their partner alone, then you’re wrong. Your partner is not your therapist. So go forward like an adult and seek therapy. Again, this is normal. Projecting your unresolved trauma and issues and all that other stuff will not result in a stable relationship. Get some help.

Now, we return to your regularly scheduled it’s all good, touchy feely stuff. But, for real, get it together.

—————————————-

I ask you –

Do you disagree? Why? Prove it.

Are you the visual or the emotional partner?

Tell me some tips to navigate this phenomenon.

(The post Is It Not? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Some Things You May Find Interesting

I’m not saying I have anything against Cross Fit but as far as technical + functional movements, it’s lacking.

Seems people are upset about running a 5k at the Games:

Cross Fit’ers Don’t Like Running

Controversy forthcoming: I also stumbled upon the following article of a woman who I wouldn’t have minded getting to know as she seems to be my type of researcher, aka always exploring controversial topics in the search to fulfill the holes left vacant by missing pieces. Far removed from Christianity, she delves into human behavior and human nature outside of the norms.

Dr. Mari Ruti

Following up with other psychology-based readings, I found another article. I wasn’t seeking it, it found me. Many armchair psychologists exist and I’m often perturbed at the misuse of psychological terms by those who either want to sound smart (you don’t) or feel important (you’re not). Buzzwords are only useful if used correctly.

No One Knows What Boundaries Are

Finally, a little throwback to my first race at 4 months postpartum. A mud run, no less – on the beach. Ugh. I didn’t love it but I did it.

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I ask you –

Are you a self-described Cross Fit fan? Not my thing but to each his own.

Have you ever heard of Dr. Ruti? Thoughts?

A 10k at 4 months postpartum in 1:26 isn’t too bad, if I do say so myself.

(The post Some Things You May Find Interesting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Let’s Catch Up!

I recognize I just posted about this on Monday and here I am acting as if it’s a very new development. Oh well.

Part of her 4-year plan included jiujitsu and she’s happy as a clam! A rolling clam with arabesque tumbles.

Work insists I wear this fantastic name tag so they know for sure what my name is when I tell rude people to shove it. I’ve never pulled the director card but I might as well now. Relatedly, I was grocery shopping mid-power crisis (more on that shortly) when a woman approached me and said “Are you Kelly?” Taken aback, I answered affirmatively and she stated her name. Of course I exclaimed Oh Hi! as if I knew exactly who she was. Then she said we worked together a time ago and I instantly remembered her. For such a large community, it feels so small sometimes.

Sometimes I think I’d rather be a fly on the wall but then someone says something incredibly dumb or ignorant and I open my big mouth. No name tag required. Therefore, on a related note, I recently found out a coworker thought I was a colossal witch with a b upon his first interaction with me. Funny – nearly every friendship I’ve brokered has started off with the exact same story. I guess you just have to get to know me. As a self-described clown, I can’t see how anyone would think of me negatively but if it results in great relationships with wild stories, I’m all for it.

Final photo. After a particularly hot 47 hours of no electricity, the incredible lineman and power company workers perfected their excellence and returned power to my humble abode. So dramatic, Kel. I frequented Chicka D’s, took many cool showers, and attempted to not get too angry at sacrificing everything in the refrigerator.

Alas, it was a grand excuse to finally throw things away.

———————–

I ask you –

When was the last time you were out of electricity for an extended period of time? 2001. Ice storm. No power for almost 2 weeks.

How do your friendships typically begin?

Tell me how often you clean out your fridge.

(The post Let’s Catch Up! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Go and Grow

Sometimes good leadership lessons fall into my lap. Sometimes I seek them out. A recent devotional passage spoke to me in a way I knew I needed in that very moment:

Basically, one must sacrifice the perks of leadership for the price of leadership. And, you will never lead at a level higher than the level at which you lead and believe in yourself. Influence is based on the bar you set for yourself and how your “buy in” truly represents who you are as a leader. A leader must be willing to pay the price of being the example, the price of going first, if they desire others to follow their lead. (Leaders Go First, a YouVersion plan)

Growth never happens overnight but sometimes it comes in a good night’s sleep, sharing a glass of wine with a sweet friend, or simply making peace with your internal monsters. This is probably just based on perspective but I’m subscribed to my own perspective and how it impacts others in the way I lead. I’m incredibly proud of my title as director because I try to be as direct as possible, especially when others rely on me to make tough decisions. Sometimes I get it entirely wrong. And I admit it. But sometimes I get it so right that even I’m surprised. haHA

Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

Something else entirely surprising is when Parts talks about fixing things, like things with motors, and throws words around, like carburetors and spark plugs. I don’t know what household she grew up in but I just don’t have that type of knowledge. I can boost a car. That’s about it. I know what I like and what I’m good at. So if you ever hear me use the word carburetor in a sentence, I have absolutely no business getting dirty with whatever stupid idea is rolling around in my head.

Take the tools out of my hands. Save yourself.

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I ask you –

Are you drawn to leadership lessons?

How mechanically inclined are you?

Tell me your tool utilization ideas, please. Something an intellectual unicorn like myself can actually use for good.

(The post Go and Grow first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

But Can We?

At times, I think I’m too focused on the behavioral aspect of, well, everything. Human behavior is one of the most fascinating parts of life. I want to know why people are the way they are, why they do what they do, and what the thought process was to get them there. Pretty sure I’m the most trustworthy person in the entire world. I mean, the Navy trusts me and I keep all their secrets, so … No fear I’ll tell anyone else’s. Promise.

As usual, I digress. Focus! Maybe this is why – I’m always evaluating my papers from the behavioral perspective. Not that I’m not focused on solutions but I sincerely want to understand the underlying causes and thought process. And maybe the foolishness leading people to bad ideas. Been there.

But I think it’s also a limitation. My muse stated, “sometimes we can’t make sense of things.” My heart believes that…yet my brain is on a rollercoaster of Oh Yes We Can! I want to know all the things. I want to make sense of it. During a recent “What Color Is Your Brain?” training, it turns out I’m a red. Obviously.

So the real question here is how best to utilize my red brain, especially around the super sentimental blue-brained people and the OCD yellow people and the very creative orange-brainers. And, on that note, even as I write this with a clingy 7 yr old attached to my side, I know in my heart – I still need to go write another paper. Why am I like this?

I ask you –

Does human behavior fascinate you?

Have you ever taken this particular training? If so, what color were you?

Tell me what you have going on this week! Wk 7 of 8. So close.

(The post But Can We? appeared here at Running on Fumes.)