Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 2

I know I said this would be a series, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. Probably should have known that.

When some research literally brainwashes you into such a position that you have no idea what’s reality and what’s utter BS – does that mean you’ve finally made it?! I’m so far into the weeds, I honestly can’t tell. All I know is I started writing and didn’t put the proverbial pen down until it was complete. Which is a far cry better than writer’s block, in my opinion. Especially when I’m getting paid to write. Details.

Completely confident my entire dissertation is/will be a load of garbage. Which is funny because I was so excited about it initially. I wanted to change the course of research! I wanted to contribute to the knowledge base. Now? Please let me survive this with a small semblance of sanity.

The hardship and coinciding blessing of a doctoral program is loneliness. There’s little if any interaction with other students so you lose that human touch, the connectedness. As most are online programs, it’s not like I can reach out to a fellow student for advice. Even worse is when a professor either gives no feedback or such subjective feedback that it feels like they missed the point entirely. It’s not that I need acknowledgement because I recognize this is a choice I made, but it wouldn’t kill them to acknowledge it either.

Like I said, I’m so far into the weeds of analysis lately I don’t even know where reality is anymore. In the meantime, I’ll just keep pulling crap out of the bottom of the dumpster and selling it as my own!

__________________________

I ask you –

Do you have any mottos?

Where does sanity even come from?

Tell me about a time when you expected acknowledgement and it never came.

(The post Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 2 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

How’s It Going?

For seemingly no reason at all, last week literally kicked my arse. Team No Sleep – I was averaging 4 hrs of sleep per night, my Garmin was almost on the fritz with the what-is-wrong-with-you? Weirdly I kept having this recurring dream about a bobcat. I’m clueless. When I finally exhausted the bobcat dreams, it progressed to gummy bears. I give up.

Volleyball – I spent more time on the ground than I did upright and my body bore the marks. Even with knee pads, I tore open my knee from a previous week’s injury sans kneepads. Note to self – purchase better kneepads. My grandmother would be appalled. She had this thing about women having pretty knees. As a teenager, I made a wildly inappropriate joke and she was not pleased! Nonetheless, I think my second career as a knee model is doomed. My body looks and feels like it got run over. There was one point in the game when I fell on the floor and the ball wasn’t even near me. How, Kel?! Obviously in volleyball the object is to stay low but I just … fell. Who needs hips anyway.

Teamwork

By the end of the week, the events really started to ramp up. We hosted a run/walk/remember 5k so, of course, like a good little overachiever, I planned to run it knowing well enough I had blood work following it. Hydration? Psshhhh. So I devised a plan to bribe a friend to be my water girl during the run so I could ensure I stayed hydrated. Conflict of interest? Maybe. More importantly, the blood work part of the day never materialized because it was FASTED blood work and I drank my coffee, ate breakfast, downed electrolytes, and did all the things one should not do before fasted blood work. Alas, I had to reschedule. More to follow.

Finally, I received a B+ on the paper I had stressed and stayed up countless hours writing with literally a miniscule of guidance from the professor. Not pleased. So, I sulked for a day and ate a pint of ice cream (keto, of course).

The next morning – back at it. Indeed, life does go on.

______________________

I ask you –

Have you been having trouble sleeping, too?

Did you forget to fast before blood work?

Tell me how it’s going for you!

(The post How’s It Going first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 1

Just when I get things figured out – BOOM! Another dumpster fire of doctoral proportions. Yes, I knew this wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t expect it to be so confusing either.

Allow me to elaborate:

Professor: Write this paper using my special outline with such specific instructions that you can’t deviate. 20 pages.

Me: Stressed. Writing. Done.

Professor: Now write this other paper using my super generic outline without context. 30 pages.

Me: But you want an outline? Of 30 pages? Copy. Paste. Done.

Professor: NOT LIKE THAT!

In other related news – the first part of this degree process was conferred. Whoohoo!

Allow me to bask in the accomplishment for a second. Ok, it’s over. I need to write more.

Intention: This will most definitely be a series of posts so I’ve named it thusly. Standby.

____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever been dumpster diving? Not purposefully.

Are you the creator of mixed messages?

Tell me something you’ve done lately that you’re proud of!

(The post Doctoral Dumpster Diving, pt 1 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Love Notes

Surely in the last 4 yrs of Running on Fumes I have mentioned my sweet great aunt, my daughter’s namesake, the woman who taught me that life is for giving. But, if you’re new here, allow me to introduce her once again.

It’s very difficult for her to hear on the phone so occasionally I break out the pen and paper and send her a love note. At 96, her ears may not be what they once were but her sight is adequate. She is love epitomized into one small woman with the most beautiful laugh and a smile that lights up the entire world.

She’s a God-fearing woman with a heart of genuine gold. I try to be a woman she is proud of, an incredible mom like she filled that role for me, and an overall good person. And her deep baritone singing voice? Well, nothing I do could ever come close.

Sure, this post is short today but there’s so much meaning behind it. Call the person, send them a love note, tell them how much they are missed. It’s not for you. It’s for them.

________________

I ask you –

Do you have a special person in your life?

How is your singing voice?

Tell me the last time you sent someone a personal letter or note!

(The post Love Notes first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Is It Not?

Getting this off my chest because I feel like somehow it’s a common misconception.

As this is a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, it would seem there is much confusion on the topic of men, women, couples, etc. doing things to take care of themselves, as in anything from taking care of themselves physically (gym, working out, whatever that looks like to satisfy physical needs) and emotionally (mental health, counseling, strong friendships), etc.

Addressing physical needs from a male perspective (again, this is based on the conversations I’ve had with many different people so no, it’s not publishable research but it is first hand experience): men seem to appreciate when women do things to take care of themselves physically. Biologically, men are visual. They want to see whatever picture they’ve built in their minds. Here’s the problem: women want the same thing. This is not a solely male desire. There’s typically some form of physical attraction in a relationship; therefore, women want to know men are taking steps to work on themselves, too. If men expect women to do these things based on their need for a certain visual, but think women don’t want the same thing – you’re wrong. We do, too. Biology isn’t relegated to one sex or another. This whole concept of “letting yourself go” because you’re married or in a long term relationship is nonsense. Better yet, why would someone want to live that way? Don’t you want to be better to feel good about you? Get over yourself.

A pretty flower to lessen the sting of the truth.

Next, emotionally. It doesn’t matter what it looked like for your parents or grandparents or family tree going back decades. Mental health is important. And everyone deserves to have their needs being met by a competent person. If you think someone who is struggling with the things people struggle with can have their mental needs satisfied by their partner alone, then you’re wrong. Your partner is not your therapist. So go forward like an adult and seek therapy. Again, this is normal. Projecting your unresolved trauma and issues and all that other stuff will not result in a stable relationship. Get some help.

Now, we return to your regularly scheduled it’s all good, touchy feely stuff. But, for real, get it together.

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I ask you –

Do you disagree? Why? Prove it.

Are you the visual or the emotional partner?

Tell me some tips to navigate this phenomenon.

(The post Is It Not? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

A Good Place – writing and running

My newest class is loosely based on research design and how I better get my life together prior to next year’s dissertation. Not entirely joking. I was quite pleased that my final feedback last course was this “Kelly – you’re an original thinker…”. Translation: you’re full of crap. Pardon me while I focus on that original part.

I went old school

Thus far, I thought this research class was going to be tougher than it is. Famous last words! I never knew there was so much psychological and worldview theory behind research methods. As I’m trying my hardest to incorporate a projected dissertation idea into each course to alleviate how much stress I feel next year, there’s a lot of pressure to get this right but, if I can manage it, then it will pay off. Correction: it’s actually really difficult and I have zero idea what I’m doing.

Speaking of things paying off: somehow I have consistently run a few miles a few times a week for a few months now. Despite the heat that threatens to a) burn up the entire state and b) dehydrate me on a cellular level, I get up early and run when I can. I’m so ready for cooler temperatures yet with everything I have going on I haven’t missed racing. This is a good place to be in.

Despite the weather, the lack of professor involvement, and some very convoluted paper instructions, things are going well. I’m even mostly standing upright!

____________________

I ask you –

What do you know about research designs?

Has the weather begun to change where you live?

“Original thinker” sounded like a compliment, right? Just go with it.

(The post A Good Place – writing and running first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Just Now Noticing

I’ve been hesitant to mention it on here but a comment from someone recently instigated some reflection. Many of my most loyal readers know I’ve been exclusively keto since January. If you’re a loyal reader and missed it somehow, well now you know. There’s been a few instances of falling off the wagon (namely, my birthday and Mother’s Day). For the most part, however, no big tumbles. I won’t lie and say I didn’t want to lose weight, but my primary motivation was to lessen the amount of relentless migraines. I have kept an eye on the scale for posterity yet it was just a tool.

So imagine my surprise when I did the calculation and realized I’d lost nearly 25 lbs. Sure, I noticed the difference in how my clothing fit and I did end up buying a smaller size a few months ago but I really can’t see the weight loss on myself. The biggest bonus is realizing I haven’t had a migraine requiring medication since May. That’s 3 months ago. And it was just a few days after Mother’s Day which is when I ate about 6 Crumbl cookies because I like to celebrate super hard. Genius.

consistently running

Nearly any amount of refined sugar and flour now causes a headache so I avoid it at all costs. Even when I think I want something sweet – and cravings do still happen – I manage with sugar alternatives or coffee, etc. For the weight loss portion, I try not to give it too much power because I know how susceptible I am to a disordered eating mindset. Really, I’m proud of how I’ve managed to continue running and working out – sometimes twice daily – yay laundry.

It almost shocks me the weight I use at the gym: something I thought I’d never work up to and never have before. I genuinely feel strong. Now, it’s nothing compared to others but, thankfully, I’m not like anyone else. I’ve never been able to maintain weight loss while also continuing to work out so this is new territory. It doesn’t hurt that I literally have an entire workout facility, two actually, at my fingertips. Sure, some days get away from me and sometimes I don’t give it my entirety but I’m still there doing it and it’s something to be proud of.

Alas, occasionally I do miss the sweet stuff but it’s just not worth it.

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I ask you –

Have you ever associated an ailment with a food source?

Are you someone who generally notices things quickly or does it take some time?

Tell me something you’re proud of!

(The post Just Now Noticing first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Some Things You May Find Interesting

I’m not saying I have anything against Cross Fit but as far as technical + functional movements, it’s lacking.

Seems people are upset about running a 5k at the Games:

Cross Fit’ers Don’t Like Running

Controversy forthcoming: I also stumbled upon the following article of a woman who I wouldn’t have minded getting to know as she seems to be my type of researcher, aka always exploring controversial topics in the search to fulfill the holes left vacant by missing pieces. Far removed from Christianity, she delves into human behavior and human nature outside of the norms.

Dr. Mari Ruti

Following up with other psychology-based readings, I found another article. I wasn’t seeking it, it found me. Many armchair psychologists exist and I’m often perturbed at the misuse of psychological terms by those who either want to sound smart (you don’t) or feel important (you’re not). Buzzwords are only useful if used correctly.

No One Knows What Boundaries Are

Finally, a little throwback to my first race at 4 months postpartum. A mud run, no less – on the beach. Ugh. I didn’t love it but I did it.

______________________________

I ask you –

Are you a self-described Cross Fit fan? Not my thing but to each his own.

Have you ever heard of Dr. Ruti? Thoughts?

A 10k at 4 months postpartum in 1:26 isn’t too bad, if I do say so myself.

(The post Some Things You May Find Interesting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

This May Not Be For Everyone

Disclaimer: this post may not be for everyone but, as I’m uber inclusive, read at your own peril.

It amazes me every single month how far removed I am from understanding my body. I get the basics, the ins and outs, the birds and the bees, all that. But somehow after having a monthly cycle for nearly 3 decades – 3 whole decades! – I still can’t get it right. I either “forget” it’s almost that time and am entirely unprepared OR I suddenly can’t calculate how often I’ll need to go to the restroom. And, my personal favorite, is when my body does this stupid switcharoo crap, like oh you should probably change your tampon around the hour 4 mark, then the next time it should have been hour 1 and I had zero warning. So there I am – bleeding out in the bathroom, trying not to pass out, frantically using every last brain cell to navigate how to make it to the shower or a change of clothes or bed…just so we can do this again in a few hours. This is really so much fun.

Let’s not forget how truly exciting it is to pee on your tampon string because they make that thing so short. Then it’s gross and wet and your clothes are wet and I’m just angry by this point. Additionally, have a micro dose of labor-like cramps. Because a week per month couldn’t be complete without those. The best part about the whole ordeal is no matter how many weeks between cycles, somehow blessedly I forget how terrible it is until the next one creeps up on me. Supplies!

Anyone remember when mini described tampons as running sticks? What about when, without warning, she tried to pull my tampon string out of me, then giggled like the 2 yr old she was? I do remember these events well. Now, I just keep telling her we’ll talk soon, avoiding a conversation I can only imagine will go something like this…”You mean, like every month? WHY?”

I sure hope other women out there are doing it right, never forgetting, enjoying pain-free periods, with dry tampons and a clockwork cycle. But, if not, you’ve come to the right place. Because I suck at being female. And lucky for all of you I have the ability to write about the trials of a monthly period on my famously infamous public platform.

_____________________

I ask you –

No catchy questions this time unless you have something enlightening to add here.

(The post This May Not Be For Everyone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Girl’s Day Recap

While mini was enjoying her summer shenanigans, McK and I were planning things for us to do. Because of our genuine love for mini, we decided to wait on a few things and take mini on a girl’s day.

First up – Lip Lab in Frisco, TX

Actually – the first thing we did was eat lunch at Bread Zeppelin (catchy, right?). Hands down, best salad I’ve probably ever had. Mini got her salad stuffed in a baguette, which is the entire concept. As I don’t eat bread like that, I just got a bowl but I can see the draw.

Of course we visited a coffee shop. McK and I have been following the multiple locations of Ascension Coffee for some time – the location we really want to visit is in a converted church. Alas, we were near the Dallas Cowboys stadium so that’s where we went instead. I got the Keto coffee. Amazing. McK got a latte and stated it was delicious, Parts had a Salted Caramel Cold Brew. She said it was very strong but the salty flavor was nice. Amateur.

Mini told me to make certain faces. I obliged but she seemed a little grumpy at my interpretations.

Finally, the lipstick details.

I have jokes. No need to comment on my naming convention as I’m utilizing scientific research that states your ideal lipstick color is 1-2 shades lighter/darker than nipple color. Hey, it’s science.

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I ask you –

Have you ever designed your own cosmetics?

Do you like salt in your coffee?

Tell me your favorite coffee establishment!

(The post Girl’s Day Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)