Re-post: They Beckon Me

It’s that time again – the one where I recycle a few older posts to support the time I need to recharge along the coastline. Hope you enjoy. I’ll be back soon! -Kel

A small voice calls to me from my sleep. Do you want coffee, Kel? Doesn’t matter that it’s 2am, 5am, mid-afternoon. I always answer yes. Short of labeling it an addiction, coffee is comfort. It’s my siren song.

In a vain attempt at creating coffee shop-worthy drinks, I made my own cold brew. Not half bad. However, the espresso beans were a bit past their shelf life so it turned out somewhat bitter. I still drank it. Then I ordered new beans.

Chicka D’s, of course

Also, I had a small issue with remembering to complete my fasted blood work so I was forced to reschedule which resulted in a nearly lunchtime appointment. Fasted. Starving. Not in a great overall mood. That particular day called for a third caffeinated beverage, mainly as a reward for not harming anyone.

I don’t know how some people do it. How do they survive without these magical beans? I never want to find out.

________________________

I ask you –

How much coffee do you drink per day?

Does the need for coffee ever wake you up?

Tell me about the last time you forgot an important appointment!

(The post They Beckon Me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Pre-Vacation

When the weeks are dragging on and you need a few interesting things to keep you wanting to get up, do stuff, adult. This is getting ridiculous.

Found this fascinating story regarding one of Sheppard AFB’s very own Airmen doing big things to benefit countless individuals: Air Force Tourniquet Belt.

I say “Call me if you need me!” a lot for someone who rarely, if ever, answers the phone when anyone calls. It’s a formality. Just text me like a normal person, ok?

Admittedly, I am the most ignorant person I’ve ever met. Ask me about the day I walked around with a huge vape thing in my hand because I picked it up outside thinking it was an old battery pack. It was pink. I probably should have known something was up.

Then, a staff member told me they had accepted a jewel in the lost and found and asked how to return it to its owner. Jewel. Upon further questioning, along the lines of who loses a jewel, it was carefully explained to me someone lost a brand of vape. How was I supposed to know?

Then, it took nearly 2 hours for McK and I to figure out how to put gas in the government vehicles. In our defense, the instructions were unclear, there were inoperable pumps with obscure signage (read: none), and we’ve never done this before! We lead from the front, for sure! However, I do appreciate the consistent vehicle drive-bys who didn’t ask if we needed help until the final task was completed. I’m not being sarcastic – I think we would have been affronted if some…man…had tried to help us. We are independent!

The requisite activity versus pages tracker:

We’re strongest in our struggles. Which is probably not how the saying goes but it feels as if everything leading up to vacation is a struggle.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you prefer calls or texts?

On a scale of 1 to who-let-you-out-of-your-cage, how ignorant are you?

Tell me your thoughts on independence!

(The post Pre-Vacation first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Things only a doctoral candidate would say –

I recognize I already made a post about preposterous things but I have a last minute addition: can you believe there’s published material not available as an e-book? Me neither! I was forced to dig for this book on the deep, dark webs just to find an affordable edition. Unfortunately, there’s no Ctrl+F option here.

Pleasant observation: 100 pages and counting! But who is? It seemed to be the first major hurdle: surpassing the 100 pg mark. As most dissertations are 300-400 pgs, I have many more pages to write before I sleep. Circa Robert Frost’ish. I’ve just recalled I’m expecting another textbook via mail because I had (read, was forced) to utilized interlibrary loan to obtain the book; it’s being shipped to me from my university’s library in Virginia. Oh yay, another book to peruse in my spare hours.

Relatedly: “Waiting is the answer we least want to receive because, in our hyper-rushed, instant gratification world, it doesn’t feel like a real answer.” Waiting isn’t really in my vocabulary. I don’t like to wait. I like to go! Alas, finding time to wait seems to be a struggle. Always the conundrum. On a recent leadership traits exercise with others supervisors, etc., we were instructed to choose the top trait (out of 20 options) we value in our own leaders, then choose our own strength and limitation. My top choice for my leaders was communication. My self-described strength was problem-solving; the trait I’m the worst at…patience. As I explained it, problem solving and patience are the light and dark of the world, nearly completely opposites. I’m a do’er, a fixer, a get-it-done-now; thus, I have very little patience for waiting.

I know I owe some weeks worth of trackers –

As I spent some time away, here’s the recap for activity vs pages written:

_________________

I ask you –

Do you prefer hard copy or digital books?

Thoughts on leadership trait analysis?

Tell me if you have patience in spades. Teach me your ways, Oh Wise One.

(The post Things only a doctoral candidate would say – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Cheap Grace

Definition: Cheap grace basically teaches that we can win our race without cost or commitment to training.

I read the above statement again and again. And again. And maybe again, too.

Some call it discipline, I rather think of it as escapism. My friend and neighbor came upon me walking one evening after I had spent nearly 90 mins working on a new section of my manuscript. He might see my walking the same stretch of roadway nearly daily as discipline when, in reality, it’s just a convenient path to unwind my mind and seek (literally) new words to bring to life this idea in my head.

Conundrum: I need access to a setting, a group of people for my study, yet I’m not certain how this comes about. Organically? Do I show up and sweet talk my way into their good graces? Cold calling? Exactly how does this happen, inquiring minds must know.

Unrelatedly, remember a previous post about getting kicked out of meetings for laughing too much? Real life possibility. Cue the most recent meeting where a group titled Pheasants Forever was mentioned. I snorted laughing. Later, thankfully after the meeting concluded, I asked if this was a real group. Indeed, it is. But better was the question by an equally funny coworker who asked “Do the peasants fly?” I nearly peed on myself when I retorted how peasants are people!

Anyway, cheap grace.

_________________

I ask you –

How would you define cheap grace?

Are you guilty of engaging in an activity to seek escape?

Pheasants Forever – ever heard of them?!

(The post Cheap Grace first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tri and Tri Again!

The intent was to share here how I competed in a recent Mini Triathlon. But you won’t be reading a recap as I decided the day prior to forego the event in lieu of keeping myself alive. Slightly dramatic but not by much. Originally when I considered it, the weather had been hovering around the 75° mark and it was raining near daily. Then, summer arrived. The projected high on the day of the Mini Tri was 99°. Despite it starting around 78-ish°, the humidity was rapidly increasing.

All this to say, maybe next time. It’s not worth chancing it. Nonetheless, I was out there doing director things and playing witness to the other able-bodied individuals with Triathlon goals. Base support was awesome, we recruited different groups of people to help facilitate the event as it spanned multiple smaller events and a large footprint. Personally, I love seeing our team get together and DO outside the office.

Team Fitness!

Also, I’m trying something new. I want to keep track of my weekly exercise activities and the addition of manuscript pages in an effort to see valued change 1 yr from now, when I project completing this doctoral journey. My plan is to add a screenshot of my weekly activities via the Garmin app with a numerical indicator of manuscript pages. (I don’t have an activity list for Wk 2 but I know I added 9 pgs.)

For example, the below was from Wk 3:

Additional pages: 18

Despite the fact these variables probably have zero correlation, it’s an interesting concept to me. I like lists and comparing things, although not typically numbers because I’m not number-y, I’m word-y. As it stands, I can’t imagine there will be anything to this beyond being able to look back at it, mainly because I don’t run/cycle/walk between 4-6am because that’s when I’m writing. Additionally, I don’t run/walk/cycle between 5-8pm because it’s either too hot, raining (as of late), or I’m working on my manuscript. Therefore, my work day is primarily when I engage in exercise so one rarely precludes me from doing the other, except on the weekends when I attempt to do both. Since I’m not tracking just the weekends, the data is mostly garbage stats. Thank you for listening while I worked all this out.

Nonetheless, it gives me something to look forward to so without further ado –

Week 4 Activity + Pages Report:

Additional pages: 11

_________________

I ask you –

What teams are you a part of?

Any insight into my stats game?

Pros/cons of tracking activity stats!!

(The post Tri and Tri Again! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Preposterous!

Somehow in my… shortsightedness, ignorance, lack of basic comprehension…I missed the fact I don’t turn in my manuscript for a whole 6 weeks. Essentially, in this 15 week course, I submit it at Wk 1, Wk 7, and Wk 14. Which is mostly insane because can you imagine not having any discipline for an assignment that you fudge the weekly “Have you made any progress?” question and tarry on (yes, tarry) for 6 weeks without doing anything? CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Completely unfathomable. This is a doctoral degree! So basically I’m not worried even a little bit but if you’re someone who struggles with zero accountability, then you might have issues. Thank goodness for my “insane drive bordering on absolute nutcase” or however that paraphrase of an actual insult? compliment? went.

Another thing is the rabbit hole of variable research studies I’m suddenly stumbling upon. Somehow I can write 7 pages a day without realizing how much time I’ve spent perusing tons of material. Again, a foreign concept to most. One morning I spent 2.5 hrs writing and only added 2 pages. Balance, I guess.

Random funny –

Actual conversation at approximately 0600 on a Wednesday:

Me: *examining an empty milk jug with a missing lid* What goes on around here after hours?

Parts: Some real shady sh*t!

_________________

I ask you –

Do you have any good examples of a compliment that functions as an insult? I’d like to include it in my repertoire.

Have you ever found a milk jug without a lid?

Tell me about something lately you would consider absolutely preposterous!

(The post Preposterous! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Updates!

I thought with the first iteration of manuscript feedback I would feel like a puppy with its head down and tail between its legs, sadly moping around after being chastised. Maybe I’m just immune now. Probably a good thing I don’t get my feelings hurt too often anymore because – what’s feelings? – after 2 years of writing for a page count, I no longer have to do that. I can just write for quality and content. What a concept! Anyway, there was a fair amount of red garnishing the margins of my submission but nothing unmanageable. I’ve only been writing my whole life so you’d think I would have it figured out by now.

On the subject of figuring it out – mini has completed her first few years of elementary school and will soon be headed to a more concise portion of the formidable elementary school system. Seems she and a few classmates are a bit nervous to leave behind the teachers they have essentially grown up around. My mama heart is simply amazed at the progress she has made, especially in terms of reading and math. Watching it finally “click” are moments I never want to let go of. From single sentence reading folders then to chapter books, her interests are slightly unpredictable but incredibly beautiful. As her brain fills with information, I want to capture these moments forever. She’s a caring, thoughtful, helpful friend; I see it in everything she does and how big her heart is when she’s around others. Elementary school may not be a traditional milestone to anyone else, yet, if one digs deep, the foundational stones are being laid before my eyes. And you can’t get these memories back.

Other notable memories and observations – if I don’t stop laughing at these meetings, I’m destined to get kicked out. Ah-ha! It’s like they make me incredibly giggly thinking about inappropriate things and once I start laughing, I’m done. No focus.

Included in the no focus section for this post – the photo below is me hiding under McK’s desk, lying in wait to scare her. Spoiler: it worked. She yelled and jumped. Payback for the time she scared me in my office. Work is fun!

_________________

I ask you –

What’s the ideal color to write in the margins?

How often do you scare someone?

Define “figuring it out”.

(The post Updates! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Pleading My Case

A letter to my chair –

Hello, good morning, and all the things,

This week has gotten the best of me and it was not my best. It appears I am suffering from a mostly localized case of writer’s block; however, since I’m a lowly doctoral candidate, it can primarily be described as a case of I’m really tired of this crappola. Interestingly, I have been able to read 2 books, one of which is a story about a woman suffering from true writer’s block and unable to write her 27th or 72nd book because she’s truly an accomplished writer and has written many manuscripts. Me? Well, I’m still on this one manuscript. Nonetheless, I have been able to read this week. Also, I was able to support many a force support activity including 2 lengthy volleyball games and a short stint as a fill-in server. Yes, I agree this doesn’t look or sound like any great reason to not have written much this week, but, in my defense, I have been struggling with priorities. Speaking of defense, I am clearly not ready, presumably because I can’t seem to finish the background section of my manuscript. On that note, why is it called a manuscript? I continue using the term paper but it probably doesn’t really convey the meaning of this “paper”.

I promise to make you proud although you’re undoubtedly questioning my abilities at this point. I’d like to reiterate that I am an accomplished writer, if this blog is any indication, and do take seriously the quality of words I write, errr…type. Granted, it doesn’t look like it right now. For weekly accomplishments, I’ve also managed to take a lengthy bike ride to determine my suitability for an upcoming 16ish mile ride through mountains and buffalo-roaming terrain. Clearly, I’m an athlete and must share my time between keyboard warrior and champion cyclist. As you can see, the current 12,000 word count of my aforementioned manuscript is just one measure of my shocking abilities to do things. I know you understand.

Indeed, as I write this letter excusing…explaining, rather…my lackadaisical approach to discipline, I have just returned from an adventure on foot to find my fleeting motivation along the winding neighborhood roads. This may seem like an easy feat; however, as my motivation tends to walk faster than I do, I am still unable to track it down. Nevertheless, I determined that if someone, anyone, would walk alongside me and write down my thoughts pertaining to this particular session on historical, social, and theoretical context, you may see the difference in the page count. Yes, I understand I have dictation software but could use an extra set of hands to type out my thoughts.

Finally, I appreciate your faithfulness and grace while I navigate this tough season of life known as the end of May. I do believe our bodies recall previous life seasons and, as I am a career college student, the school year typically ends in May which is why I have deflated like a balloon. My brain believes it is break time. Despite my best efforts to convince it otherwise, I have found everything to do except writing. Yes, even shopping, which I know you love to do, as well. See? We’re kindred spirits. Minus the fact your spirit is prefaced with the title Dr. Instead, mine is prefaced with the title IbetterstartwritingnowbecausethisworldwaitsonnooneandtimeisfleetingsogetittogetherKel.

_______________

I ask you –

No questions. The jury rests.

(The post Pleading My Case first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Significant. Hot dogs.

What’s fascinating about the leadership role and a dissertation is the perplexing desire to convince others to care. Crazy, right? Dubbed the “significance of the study” section, the goal is to convince a bunch of strangers that your topic is both important to everyone, including you, and relevant to some issue in society today. It’s so much fun, I’m here to tell you.

Once I made my 15-week plan for this course, my appetite and desire to type tanked. Attributed mostly to allergies and the realization that mini is leaving soon on her TN/CA fun-filled summer adventure, I know I’ll be left with a lot of time on my hands to write. And write. And write some more. Although I’m looking forward to diving in and wracking up the page count, I’m also…meh. Pretty sure it’s just a phase though.

Lastly, what I thought was a phase has turned into a longstanding love affair with hot dogs. So sarcastic. I do not love hot dogs. I don’t even like hot dogs. I’m sick of hot dogs. Alas, I am in the hot dog business.

Those are my hot dog friends. And that’s a cooler filled with hot dogs. We brought the band back together for another hot dog escapade. The third, in fact. If I never see another hot dog, it will be too soon. I know a hot dog song and will gladly sing it for you.

___________________

I ask you –

What does it mean to be significant?

Do you like hot dogs? Wanna buy some?

Tell me your summer plans!

(The post Significant. Hot dogs. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Here We Go Again!

The final look of relief when another course is completed. But, by the time you read this, I’ll have begun Dissertation I. The pre-dissertation course wasn’t difficult, per se; however, it was somewhat tedious. Communication with my chair has been one of the best experiences so I can see how that’s a make-it-or-break-it portion of others’ stories.

If you’re wondering what I’ll be doing this summer, well, there you have it. 15 weeks, then another 15 weeks, then a 3-4 week break, then 15 weeks, then…something. Defense, maybe? It’s a huge change from the traditional 8 week courses I’ve been doing for nearly 2 years. I need a plan!

Instead of making a plan, I forego any real responsibilities and eat ice cream. As Blue Bell is decidedly not keto, pick the battles well. Good thing this Snickerdoodle ice cream by Rebel was conveniently located in my freezer!

_______________

I ask you –

What’s your go-to responsibility avoiding task?

How often do you indulge in sweet treats?

Tell me something great you have going on!

(The post Here We Go Again! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)