Memory Lane + Soundtrack

Music is impenetrably tied to memories. The weather change, a few notes of a song, and I’m transported back to a simpler time. Nights and weekends were spent escaping the confines of a small town via open windows and slow drives down dusty back roads. Extra points if you managed to get lost. Many life lessons were learned with good friends, some of those lessons without a statute of limitations. Shameless.

20 years post-high school graduation, the memories still live rent free in my head, which today is mostly clouded with busy work and anxiety. Oh, but how I love to go back to those moments in time that made me me.

Photo by Stas Knop on Pexels.com

Admittedly, I had a wild side that I balanced with being top of my class and working hard to support myself. Untouchable. An interesting word which would eventually come back around to describe me in a different career. Although this may sound like bragging, I can assure you it’s not. It probably kept me safe on more than one occasion, even if it didn’t prevent the absolutely worst humans intent on harm. I’m still standing.

Song #2

My dissertation anthem. I believe I intended to write a different post near the end of this journey but I probably won’t remember what I was planning to say then so why not.

Music and memories, that’s where it’s at. Fairly certain I’ve published other posts along the same lines, get it, get it, but my tag skills are rough so it hasn’t been easy to find.

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I ask you –

Did you own cassette tapes?

What old song is living in your head?

Tell me about your anthem!

(The post Memory Lane + Soundtrack first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I’m a Forgetter

Long live volleyball! I just wish I didn’t hurt myself so easily. Yes, I own knee pads. Several pairs. But did I remember to bring them and put them on? Clearly not.

My kind doctor said I had 6 months to fix my high cholesterol levels. In his defense, he’s given me 3 yrs thus far. The good stuff is getting better but it’s still overall too high for comfort. I blame my parents. In the meantime, I’ve made some easy switches – less fat, more good stuff. Turns out turkey bacon is really good, and I definitely enjoy balsamic vinegar on my salad. More avocado, less fried stuff. We’ll see what happens. I’m always up for an experiment!

Me: I know it’s Saturday morning at 0500, nearing FY end, so let me check my email and really test these new anxiety meds. My brain: Dondnekndicngmeixnwkffiend🤯. Long story short – now I will worry and feel ill the remainder of the day for forgetting for 4 months! to order something I agreed to.

Volunteers, team of 2

Definitely needed a run to clear my head from that disaster. Later in the day, I saw the victim of my forgetfulness and apologized profusely. She didn’t seem to mind much, which was a big change from my anxious brain telling me to escape. Ugh, such a liar.

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I ask you –

Do you enjoy any healthy alternatives to your favorite foods?

What is your go-to activity to clear your head?

Tell me about forgetting something important!

(The post I’m a Forgetter first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The Waiting

It’s frustrating when I’ve requested an article or document from a particular author who wants to charge for said document. Granted, I understand their time is money and knowledge; however, the sites I use are reputable and notable academia journals so they must understand students are typically the ones searching for materials here. Yet, I fill out a giant form indicating why and how I need access to said article with often little or zero response. Undoubtedly, countless requests just from me for articles sit in a queue somewhere, forever in a holding pattern. It’s not like I have forgotten; instead, I wait and wait and wait without response.

A few nights ago, my chair and I had a brief conversation, with me mainly insisting I’m attempting to be patient in the waiting for committee response and her insisting all is well. As she’s the expert, I defer to her in nearly every way. But if I had known. I could have made a training plan for a half marathon. I could have done something else with my time. But, life is funny like that. Surely, I needed an unstructured break. Surely.

Parts invited her boss – something I could never do

I also attended a comedy show, titled Moms Unhinged. It started at 7pm, practically the middle of the night, but it was fun and the jokes were great! I’ve watched football. Cowboys, wth. I’ve developed a new outline for a different research interest. Yeah, Kel, that’s exactly what you needed. I’ve begun watching a new television series, Brilliant Minds. Fantastic, btw. I’ve sat on my couch with mini, or read trashy novels for hours on end.

But, at the end of the night, I’m still waiting.

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I ask you –

How long is too long to wait? Does it depend?

Who is your favorite comedian?

Tell me your bedtime.

(The post The Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Patience, my child

Mini has an opportunity to try out for UIL events and my little heart exploded with pride and memories. Except for chess, I excelled at these events. Storytelling was my breakthrough – shocking, most definitely – into a world of possibilities for competitive scholastic events.

Many years ago I made a keto carrot cheesecake that was sublime. Really. It was incredible. I haven’t baked in a lonnnnnng while and now I have some free time. You know. While I wait. Anyway, I wanted to bring a family dessert to game night, to impress my friends. And that’s where it ended. The photo below doesn’t look too horrible. But the taste? Let’s just say something went awfully wrong with the carrot cake layer on bottom. It was gloopy, gross, and inedible. The cheesecake layer wasn’t bad, had it not been on top of the carrot disaster. Needless to say, I did not take it anywhere except to the garbage can.

As my brain functions in some sort of random, non-linear, jumbled mess, I can appreciate life’s linearity. One would think dissertation work is linear. Oh, but you (I) would be so wrong. I do the things, then wait. I do other things, then wait. My frustrations are apparent as I check and double check my email waiting for a notification of scheduled defense proposal. I complete the IRB documents, then wait. Turns out IRB approval can take up to 2 months. Although I despise speaking this fear into existence, I’m not sure if I’ll begin the research portion this fall. No approvals = no research. I will have spent nearly the entirety of a very expensive semester awaiting approval. Sigh.

Patience is not my strongest virtue.

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I ask you –

What events did you participate in as a young person?

On a scale of 1 to me, how much patience do you have?

Tell me your worst cooking fail!

(The post Patience, my child first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Will I…

…finish writing my book, the one I started circa 2019? Considering a PhD is a nonfiction work of art, the answer remains to be seen.

…purchase my dream car? Maybe when mini graduates high school or I excel at a second job.

…volunteer to be room mom or the parent who channels their creativity to make school parties successful? Ha. Probably never. But I will be the cleanup crew. I can handle that.

…tune in to the upcoming presidential debates, tour stops, and all the related political rhetoric? You know, I really should. I should want to. But I just can’t stand to listen to either of the candidates speak. And my attention span? Yikes. I will instead concede to perusing non-partisan articles.

…what I thought was the beginning of Wk 3 in the review process is actually Wk 0. There was a miscommunication of email proportions and my manuscript wasn’t submitted yet. Alas, I am not a patient person but I guess this means I have more time for football?

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I ask you –

What’s your dream car?

How long is your attention span?

Wk 0 – waiting for manuscript review. Tick tock, tick tock

(The post Will I… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Just in Case

Hom(ies)

Disclaimer: I’m fine being a homebody. It’s where I’m comfortable. It has my favorite coffee. My favorite people. It’s mine. On occasion, however, I’m forced (mostly willingly) to go out and do things.

Like these things –

Granted, they were fun people so it wasn’t a hardship. Loved making new friends, putting faces to names, and fighting the good fight.

Followed by really really really hot things –

There’s no words for how hot it was. Maybe even Hotter ‘n Hell. A week in San Antonio working on a handbook followed by a mad dash home to lead the yearly rest stop. Definitely missing my wingwoman. It was a whirlwind – and it’s not over yet! Back to San Antonio today!

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I ask you –

Are you a homebody?

How far have you ever ridden a bike?

Tell me what you have going on this week!

(The post Hom(ies) first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Bucket List Addition

I want to watch Olympic curling. In Italy. In 2026. A PhD celebration trip. Also near my 40th birthday.

Credit: Google

…originally this post was titled in the plural sense. Bucket List Additions. However, at the time of this posting, I am TDY to a location with somehow even more humidity than I’m accustomed to yet also slightly (maybe 1 degree) cooler. I can’t tell you anything about this location because I must use it as fodder for future posts otherwise I would have nothing to share here.

On the bright side, since I turned in my manuscript last week in a rushed attempt to capture everything I had planned to incorporate this week, I have a little time on my hands to brainstorm more bucket list items. In the meantime…I’ll return soon with adventure stories!

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I ask you –

Have you ever watched the Olympics live?

Would you be more likely to go watch the summer or winter Olympics?

For my fellow bloggers, tell me about your idea-generating endeavors!

(The post Bucket List Addition first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Wherever There Is

An ode to personal growth, making tough choices, and speaking my truth. Wherever there is – as we have no idea where life will take us, why, or who it’s surrounded by.

3rd grade!

Belief first, correction later. I saw this on a post and it hit me like a ton of bricks. How often do I correct mini before I believe what she is saying? Guilty. We probably all do this – we fact check others before acknowledging they have a right to their opinion and, more importantly, a right to their feelings. The post went on to say our children need us to sit in the discomfort with them, to know we care about their feelings, PRIOR to reasoning with them. How many people know anxiety is not reasonable? Hands high. I don’t need someone to say my thoughts are not realistic, I’m well aware they’re not!, what I need is reassurance I will be ok.

Along the lines of being ok – middle of last week, I very nearly lost my life. Ok ok, so I’m dramatic. As I’ve stated before, the final year of my dissertation is comprised of 15 week semesters. Last week was Wk 14. Until it wasn’t. I received an email stating Friday, 16 August was the due date for both Wk 14 and 15. WHICH MEANT…I was required to submit my manuscript more than a week before I intended.

One week. Just one week. Sounds minimal, right? If you don’t keep meticulous planning calendars and structure your entire existence around writing a 600+ page manuscript, then sure, it’s probably minimal. Not for me! So, I cried. I got frustrated. A little angry, too, perhaps. Then I cancelled all my plans and got busy. Suffice to say, in 3 days, I completed a manuscript worthy of expedited submission and now we wait. 14 weeks, 296 pages, 69.3K words. Easy, right?!

The good news is I get an unexpected break. And I purchased a pair of shoes as a reward. Short of the submission being classified as an official failure, I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in.

Correction: Hahaha I jest. I made another miscalculation and I don’t have a week break. It appears Wk 14 and 15 are jammed together (aka were due Friday) because the next course starts the following Monday. i.e., today. Wonderful. Lovely.

“There” is wherever life takes you and I’m just along for the ride, it seems.

Wk 14/15: added 16 pages

P.S. this is the final iteration of the chart. It served its purpose and now I feel like it’s more of a chore/unneeded pressure to include it. Thanks for playing along. Surely I can find something else to entertain you. Maybe I should be monitoring my stress levels more?

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I ask you –

Are you a corrector or a listener?

How surprised would you have been?

Tell me about your most recent unexpected event!

(The post Wherever There Is first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

July Recap

1. This shoulder pain/impingement crap is for the birds. I know I should have stopped doing all the things when it started but I didn’t. And now I pay the price. Ibuprofen, here I come!

2. There is not enough time to write everything I want (need) to write. My desk is often scattered with at least 2 dog-eared textbooks, a few highlighters, at least 1 coffee cup, and roughly 24 open browser tabs. Fairly certain the operating system is drowning in cookies. I like cookies!

3. After moving back to Texas from Virginia, it has taken nearly 5 years to make the same amount of money. I don’t have a point in sharing this, just saying it took 5 years. There’s probably some statistical significance to it but my brain is tired.

4. As a budding researcher, I have a lot of issues with articles like this which proceed to claim significance in research studies without giving the full picture or context. I am not suggesting mindfulness and meditation are overly positive or negative, I am saying people should do their homework. But no one makes money when people are well informed.

5. July running was pretty good! I haven’t dived into the full stats but this was impressive for me considering it’s been so hot.

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I ask you –

Do you have chronic shoulder pain? Any suggestions?

How was running or walking for you in July?

Tell me your August goals!

(The post July Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)