Television Time

Prior to last week, when I began the data collection portion of the dissertation –

With ample time on my hands, I’ve found a few television shows which have caught my interest. Besides football, I don’t watch anything. Stupid Cowboys. And now that I’ve returned to near fulltime at my desk, finding time for shows is a challenge.

Nonetheless – first, Landman is wow. I find myself wrapped up in the wild wild West of its characters, as well as the insanity. Then, Lioness. It’s difficult to watch for me, but the story sucks you in. Finally, Going Dutch, a lighthearted military show where I find myself ruefully shaking my head. It’s hilarious in an unbelievable-but-entirely-plausible way.

Picture this –

(dinner table scene, late at night. about 5:30pm. whatever)

Mini: *speaking endlessly* And you know what?! *with much righteous indignation* We have to work with each other to solve math problems. I appreciate the concept but … *more chatter*

Me: *practically snorting laughing* So, you’re telling me you don’t like group projects?! *finally, someone who understands my plight* Our whole lives will be filled with group projects where one person does all the work. It stinks.

(end of scene)

Run motivation! A beautiful emerald/teal/green. And the discussion above is why I run.

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I ask you –

What shows are you watching? Any of the ones I mentioned?

Do you predominantly buy bright or dark shoes?

Share your dinner time conversations!

(The post Television Time first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Injuries / Snow.

But they’re unrelated.

This is week 2 of physical therapy. Last week included a fancy new knee brace, a Rx for 5 PT sessions, 15 exercises, and a promise to discuss running after 6 weeks. Not a bad deal. Interestingly, the physical therapist is treating it like a MCL strain/sprain with indications of patellar tendonitis and some residual meniscus issues. It was a lot to take in.

Obviously I did not partake in the outdoor snow activities. Instead, I managed to walk over 10K steps indoors by taking 10-15 min breaks from writing. By the way, I received ethics review board approval so I can start the data collection portion. It’s getting there.

The snow days pushed everything from one week to the next but I stayed happily entertained with multiple computers providing the eye-crossing minutiae my mind needs. Basically, a very long sentence to say this post is short because I’m busy.

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I ask you –

To run or to not run, that is the question.

How much snow have you received in 2025? Maybe 0.5 inches.

Snow skiing vs snow boarding? Your thoughts.

(The post Injuries / Snow. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Because…I am.

Recently, someone asked why do you want to look different than the people you work with, presumably because of what I wear to work. I said it’s not because I want to, it’s because I need to. You see, when it comes time to stand up for my team, they deserve a leader who will do just that – stand up. It’s a privilege to be their leader and I never want anyone to question my loyalty to them. One of my first days on the fitness job, I was approached with the words “You look like you’re in charge”. My reply: I am. I want to look like a leader because…I am. I want to stand in front of, beside, and behind my employees because…I do. More than any of these; however, is I want my team to see me do it because…I have. And I will. And I will continue to do so. When my team wins, we all win. In 2024, we did big things. Even just a few weeks into 2025, we’re doing bigger things.

a few of many

The glass ceiling still exists. Oh it does. Even in the military (and I doubt it’s only the military) women still struggle obtaining top positions. Not to say it’s impossible – it’s absolutely not and has been proven time and again – but it’s a struggle. I never want to be a leader who was chosen because I was the “best of the worst”. Because I can name a dozen who were. I want to be chosen because I’m the best at what I do. Thus far, I believe that has happened. But I don’t want to become complicit to positional power, easily stripped with removal of a title. Sure, other people rely on me, but it is not that single reason which makes me a leader.

No, this post is not a whoohoo look at me and all the great things I’m doing. I don’t need a pat on the back. My only goal is to empower someone else to do the same, step up, be the leader you’re called to be. Because someone is watching you be the best you. And you have a team to lead.

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I ask you –

Are you an organizational leader?

What’s your opinion of the glass ceiling?

Tell me your title, in whatever capacity you are in.

(The post Because…I am. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Get(ting) Over It.

That’s what my knee feels like inside. A fireplace! Just when I think it’s gotten better or I haven’t noticed any pain, here it comes, out of the blue. Ready to wreck my day. 13 weeks of fireworks inside there. This is so much fun.

On the drive to the island, we stopped at the Czech Stop in West, Texas, home of the most amazing cinnamon roll I’ve ever had. The lovely employees warmed it up, handed it to me wrapped in wax paper, and gave us a stack of napkins. I inhaled it in about 0.79 seconds. I’m still thinking about that cinnamon roll.

You know those people who, just the very sound of their voice, makes you angry? I know one of them. In fact, my words are I’d rather cut the grass with my teeth than have a conversation with them. But you know what? So glad you asked. Here they come, trying to have conversations with me, ahem…need something. I’ve been known to walk the other direction, taking the looooong way home, to avoid conflict, I mean conversation. Grudge much.

Grief is an interesting thing. It finally happened, the voice I had been waiting on, my very own Jiminy Cricket, if you will, spoke these words: Get Over It. Suddenly, I realized I had been living in anger the past few months, unwilling to accept it might still be grief. Sure, I said it on RoF, I was dealing with grief, but I hadn’t fully addressed it. It was shrouded in anger, anger never expressed, anger I believed would mask the grief. No, child. Not only did I experience the entirety of anger, but I still had to navigate grief, too. Seems unfair. If only I had recognized it for what it was, an additional emotion vice a substitute. 30 years is a long time to grieve. And an even longer time to hold on to anger.

Get over it, Kel. I did/am/will/continue to.

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I ask you –

Do you prefer real wood or the pre-made logs in your fireplace?

Which is the best: the middle or the outside of a cinnamon roll? Middle. Always.

Share something you’re working to get over.

(The post Get(ting) Over It. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Defiant and Noncompliant

I’ve (mostly) come back to my senses so allow me to share the good things, the fun, the holiday spirit activities before too much of January arrives with all its circumstances.

I connected with like-minded others who have a passion for servant leadership. Some are also self-described adrenaline junkies, which I believe speaks to a world of chaos I’m mildly interested in exploring.

I reconnected with a special person who will probably never read this post, but holds space in my heart. We were both very young when I joined his family, so to see him as an adult, with children of his own, but with the same mischievous smile of years past – a huge smile crosses my own face.

The weight bench and weights represent strength, but more than traditional strength equipment. They are joy, peace, and a fair amount of pain. The past 2 winters I’ve been unable to run on the island like I train year-round to do. It’s disappointing. So I continue to train in other ways…ways that make me feel strong.

Sharing some words spoken to me, in natural muse-like behavior: You may be biased. But you are fair. I can’t think of anything better than to be known as fair, especially when leading others. Maybe I’m doing something right.

Lastly, a lesson in obedience rather than how I’ve been obedient. Some have a certain type of face they must keep under wraps. You know the one. The infamous RBF. Luckily, I don’t have one of those. However, I do have a very prominent laugh. It’s loud. It’s me. If only I could control it. I can’t. It bubbles out of me like a fountain spewing joy at the most inopportune times. The pastor called me his favorite heckler. Probably not a compliment. People stare. Some smile so that makes me feel better. Others look over in alarm. As they should. The legacy I leave won’t be for world peace, or lavish contributions to society, but to the worst timing of a laugh. I guess we’re all remembered for something.

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I ask you –

What connections have you made lately?

Any go-to activities when you can’t do what you love?

Tell me your defining trait!

(The post Defiant and Noncompliant first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Anew in 2025

My heart has been hurting for some time now. The holidays had me at war with myself. Every day in November, I did one thing for myself. I went to the coffee shop frequently, I escaped work to go window shopping, I went on long walks, I dated me. In December, I set a goal to work out as much during the week as possible. I created my own workouts to excuse the knee pain, I religiously followed up with doctors to get the X-ray and MRI, I pushed hard for me.

Then, the diagnosis of patellar tendonitis. Doesn’t sound so bad. My first question – can I run? Short answer: not yet. There’s still inflammation, there’s still remedies, there’s still physical therapy. I was happy with a diagnosis and thankful for an intact meniscus, but I still can’t run. I’m still in pain. There’s still swelling. I’m not ready to run, I know, I know. Yet I really wanted to just take off, down the street, carefree, moving my body the way I love to do.

2024: 267 miles

Afterwards, the threat of government shutdown, of furloughing my staff, of making dozens of notifications to people who just want to enjoy their holiday. My thin thread of sanity was fraying. My hard-fought and well-earned beach vacation was beginning to feel like a middle finger to everyone left behind. The one beating heart inside me threatened to collapse.

I should be excited. I should be ready to tackle the new year. My ethics board review will most likely be completed early January. I can begin scheduling, then traveling for my research. I will graduate in 2025.

But, for whatever reason, peace eludes me. The things I’ve tried to fill my time with, to refocus on, to overcome, have not been enough. I’m getting there. This is a hard one. And I think it’s important that others know you’re not alone.

Artist: B. N.

Not to worry. I’m ok. Just need a little more time.

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I ask you –

Any defining word for 2025?

Feel free to share your difficulties with the holidays or regarding life in general. We’re all doing the best we can.

(The post Anew in 2025 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Holiday Recap

There were school parties.

And work parties.

A lot of walks.

And even more coffee –

More to come in 2025.

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I ask you –

Recap your holidays!

(The post Holiday Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post! Tip Toe’ing

2nd re-post on this joyous Christmas week. Hope you all are celebrating, rejoicing, smiling, and taking time to enjoy the holiday. Be back soon!

…thru the tulips!

It’s a good thing the expedition called for tiptoeing because my knees are very bruised from volleyball but we’re undefeated so I can’t complain too much. Also, a day after turning 38, I managed to bust all the blood vessels in my middle finger putting the volleyball net away. Not my middle finger! I need that one! This is why…I have spare parts.

Back to the tulips, the Texas Tulips located in Pilot Point, TX. Only accessible about 6 weeks out of the year, it’s a fun getaway, one I didn’t know anything about until a few weeks ago. Spring Break presented the perfect opportunity.

I might have also overindulged in sushi and cookies. Both were incredible! If you’re in the DFW area, Sushi Axiom is one of my favorites. I probably should have taken a photo but I ate it all before considering the photo op. For the cookies, Insomnia Cookies is the way to go. Only available near college campuses, they’re open until 0200ish and offer delivery of warm, fresh cookies to your doorstep. Not kidding.

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I ask you –

What are your favorite flowers?

Have you heard of Insomnia Cookies?

Any idea on the origin of the word tiptoe?

(The post Re-Post! Tip Toe’ing first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Break Time

As seen in a devotional, “…our human hearts and minds wander.” The premise was how our spaces tell a story of who we are, what we hold dear, and how best to utilize these spaces. As I have a full coffee bar in my office, I think it’s mostly clear.

After a particularly emotional day, a stranger told me I should give the equivalent of Ted talks to other women and mothers regarding some struggles. He believed I could write/share motivational stories, or even newsletters, to amass a following of people who need to hear how it is possible to overcome adversity. I was quite humbled by his words. Adding to my to-do list.

Reciprocate, not initiate. Not to be confused with the term “follower”. Recently, I read an Instagram post saying something to the effect that women step (metaphorically) after men do. In other words, a dance, so to speak, or a courtesy within norms of deferring to another, specifically, deferring to a leader in life, a leader of the home, a leader in the relationship. It was fascinating to consider how some believe the adage if you’re not a leader then you’re a follower. Words matter. Rather than perpetuating the old saying, if we reframe the words, then it more adequately explains the dynamics.

The past several weeks have been nonstop, and I fear I’m on the edge of burnout. Still waiting on ethics board approval so I’ve done little for my dissertation yet work and activities have monopolized my time and brain. I need a break.

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I ask you –

What story do your spaces tell of you?

Have the holidays been busy?

Share your thoughts on reciprocation vs initiation.

(The post Break Time first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Productive Waiting

Merry Fitmas, everyone. The most loathed “holiday” to ever be. According to my spouse and child. It’s actually quite simple. For every day of December, each person must accomplish one physical activity and one chore-centered task. For example, a physical activity such as walking, i.e., a purposeful physical activity. Not the normal amount of daily activity. Parts tried. A chore is something outside of the regular day’s chores; also, going to work does not count. Maybe I made up the rules, maybe I didn’t. Thus far, I think we’ve all been incredibly productive albeit unwilling.

Truth be told, I don’t really like the holidays. There is a heaviness to the expectation to perform, decorate, volunteer, and smile through it all. I’m all about volunteerism – huge fan! But why can’t I just volunteer 11 months out of the year?

Waiting is also very expensive. I priced the software I would need post-research. $500 for 50 hours?! Granted, it’s the best on the market, I’m familiar with it, and it decreases my effort to transcribe dozens of interviews. Sold! Cost be damned. I’ll pay for convenience.

And, on this final note of paying for things, I purchased a voice recorder which uploads audio files – in this case, interviews – to my computer for transcription via the aforementioned incredibly expensive software. Again, convenience. See also expensive.

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I ask you –

On average, how productive are you?

How do you bide your time during long periods of waiting?

Tell me the most expensive thing you’ve purchased lately.

(The post Productive Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)