Because…I am.

Recently, someone asked why do you want to look different than the people you work with, presumably because of what I wear to work. I said it’s not because I want to, it’s because I need to. You see, when it comes time to stand up for my team, they deserve a leader who will do just that – stand up. It’s a privilege to be their leader and I never want anyone to question my loyalty to them. One of my first days on the fitness job, I was approached with the words “You look like you’re in charge”. My reply: I am. I want to look like a leader because…I am. I want to stand in front of, beside, and behind my employees because…I do. More than any of these; however, is I want my team to see me do it because…I have. And I will. And I will continue to do so. When my team wins, we all win. In 2024, we did big things. Even just a few weeks into 2025, we’re doing bigger things.

a few of many

The glass ceiling still exists. Oh it does. Even in the military (and I doubt it’s only the military) women still struggle obtaining top positions. Not to say it’s impossible – it’s absolutely not and has been proven time and again – but it’s a struggle. I never want to be a leader who was chosen because I was the “best of the worst”. Because I can name a dozen who were. I want to be chosen because I’m the best at what I do. Thus far, I believe that has happened. But I don’t want to become complicit to positional power, easily stripped with removal of a title. Sure, other people rely on me, but it is not that single reason which makes me a leader.

No, this post is not a whoohoo look at me and all the great things I’m doing. I don’t need a pat on the back. My only goal is to empower someone else to do the same, step up, be the leader you’re called to be. Because someone is watching you be the best you. And you have a team to lead.

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I ask you –

Are you an organizational leader?

What’s your opinion of the glass ceiling?

Tell me your title, in whatever capacity you are in.

(The post Because…I am. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Defiant and Noncompliant

I’ve (mostly) come back to my senses so allow me to share the good things, the fun, the holiday spirit activities before too much of January arrives with all its circumstances.

I connected with like-minded others who have a passion for servant leadership. Some are also self-described adrenaline junkies, which I believe speaks to a world of chaos I’m mildly interested in exploring.

I reconnected with a special person who will probably never read this post, but holds space in my heart. We were both very young when I joined his family, so to see him as an adult, with children of his own, but with the same mischievous smile of years past – a huge smile crosses my own face.

The weight bench and weights represent strength, but more than traditional strength equipment. They are joy, peace, and a fair amount of pain. The past 2 winters I’ve been unable to run on the island like I train year-round to do. It’s disappointing. So I continue to train in other ways…ways that make me feel strong.

Sharing some words spoken to me, in natural muse-like behavior: You may be biased. But you are fair. I can’t think of anything better than to be known as fair, especially when leading others. Maybe I’m doing something right.

Lastly, a lesson in obedience rather than how I’ve been obedient. Some have a certain type of face they must keep under wraps. You know the one. The infamous RBF. Luckily, I don’t have one of those. However, I do have a very prominent laugh. It’s loud. It’s me. If only I could control it. I can’t. It bubbles out of me like a fountain spewing joy at the most inopportune times. The pastor called me his favorite heckler. Probably not a compliment. People stare. Some smile so that makes me feel better. Others look over in alarm. As they should. The legacy I leave won’t be for world peace, or lavish contributions to society, but to the worst timing of a laugh. I guess we’re all remembered for something.

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I ask you –

What connections have you made lately?

Any go-to activities when you can’t do what you love?

Tell me your defining trait!

(The post Defiant and Noncompliant first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Language Lessons

Today’s topic is cleverly titled “Armchair Quarterback of Military English and Psychology”, i.e., the belief you’re using words correctly. You couldn’t be further from the truth. Let me help.

Literally: (courtesy of Oxford Dictionary) in a literal manner or sense; exactly. If you (literally) don’t know how to use it, please use these words instead: actually, completely, directly, plainly, precisely, really, simply, truly

Figuratively speaking: metaphorical speech; the opposite of literal. If it doesn’t involve using words or phrases with a meaning that is different from usual, in order to create a particular mental picture, then just don’t.

Toxic: (when used as a noun) having a very unpleasant personality, especially in the way they like to control and influence other people in a dishonest way. 1980s self-help books are mostly responsible for the increased usage of the word toxic, helping it reach the coveted status of Oxford Dictionary’s Word of 2018. It’s been downhill since then.

Gaslighting: the act of manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity or reality through psychological means. Notably, the word gaslight is included in the Oxford English Dictionary’s 2023 Banished Words List, as a word that should be removed from people’s vocabulary due to its overuse and misuse. I second that.

Circleback (or circle back): (courtesy of Merriam-Webster) to return to a topic or discussion at a later time. Just use revisit or follow up. No one wants to circle back to anything. Trust me. All you’re doing is talking in circles.

Foot-stomp: in the military, it means to emphasize or highlight important information. It’s redundant. Instead, just repeat the information. You’re going to anyway. Why waste words?

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I ask you –

Did any of the above terms strike a chord?

Have you been incorrectly using these words? Yes, you have.

Add to my list!

(The post Language Lessons first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

(No Fancy Title)

I used to wonder, what’s a girl gotta do –

To win a wing-level award. To clear the smaller but no less significant hurdles of winning at the squadron and group levels. Then, I did it. Twice. Walking across the same stage where I received my master’s diploma was awesome. Now? I’m chasing that annual award. Stay tuned.

To get a PhD. Something about the sound of doctor preceding my name seemed out of my league. I would say “that’s not me”. But, why not? Doctor…loading.

To position myself as a presenter at a leadership conference, established in my field as a policymaker. To make policy! I’ve mentioned if the opportunity presented itself to do this at the services level, I’d have a tough time turning it down. Post-doctor, for sure.

Credit: unknown via Instagram

To find a lost city. According to this article, it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. Of course it was a PhD student. He was looking for his sanity.

__________________

I ask you –

Have you been a conference presenter?

Seriously, what does a girl gotta do?!

Tell me some things you wonder about!

(The post (No Fancy Title) first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Into November

All of a sudden, I was no longer waiting. Despite it being a very weird feeling, I’m excited for this step. My manuscript was approved for proposal defense! Granted, it’s not until mid-November but it turns out I’ll be traveling during that time and will defend from a hotel room. Could be worse places. Even with a heavy edit, the first three chapters of my manuscript span 303 pages at nearly 71, 500 words. Thank you, Microsoft Word, for reminding me.

My text to friends and family informing them of this momentous news included all caps. Seemed fitting. Until this post, I have slowly been updating some formatting issues and putting the finishing touches on the presentation. Waiting is somehow better received when there’s a date to look forward to.

I feel as if November will fly by, much like October, even though some weeks took a month to pass. I’d like to start a movement advocating 31 October only be held on Friday or Saturday because trick-or-treating on a Thursday night is awful. The mini gremlin awoke Friday morning confused and slightly feral. Thankfully, next year it will be on a Friday. Surely, I can find something else to complain about. Until then, check out some Halloween shenanigans.

__________________

I ask you –

Do you send texts in all caps?

Will November pass by quickly or slowly?

Name your favorite costume!

(The post Into November first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

When it’s busy

In several years, this is the first time I’ve had a full staff. Every position filled, with both new and seasoned employees keeping me on my toes. Yet, I’m the lucky one. Nearly daily, I marvel at the opportunity to be their leader. Someone believed in me, chose me, to lead them. It’s an honor unlike anything else. We have frank, real, deep conversations. I feel their respect when I explain the why.

Get it together. Some days it feels as if everyone is a psychology major. Words from the DSM (current edition DSM-5-TR) are now buzzwords. For example, imposter syndrome. Never heard of it until recently, now we can’t unhear it. I believe the concept is real; however, using it as an excuse for not stepping up is irritating. Sometimes there is no one more qualified than you, regardless of what your insecurities tell you. Be the leader. Do good things.

A small portion of Team Fitness

Nevertheless, transitioning from employee to mentor to leader is not for the weak. It is a lot of needs to balance! I do my best to share the big picture, the budget constraints, always the why behind decisions, yet some are reluctant to grasp the entire narrative. How many times have I done the same.

Tis the season for a million demands on my time. From a weekend with multiple events to planning upcoming holiday activities, it can be hard to take a deep breath. I don’t know how some people manage to float from one busy weekend to the next. My brain is tired just contemplating what’s on the agenda

______________

I ask you –

How often do you use the term imposter syndrome?

What’s on your calendar?

Advice for the break takers!

(The post When it’s busy first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Memory Lane + Soundtrack

Song #1

Music is impenetrably tied to memories. The weather change, a few notes of a song, and I’m transported back to a simpler time. Nights and weekends were spent escaping the confines of a small town via open windows and slow drives down dusty back roads. Extra points if you managed to get lost. Many life lessons were learned with good friends, some of those lessons without a statute of limitations. Shameless.

20 years post-high school graduation, the memories still live rent free in my head, which today is mostly clouded with busy work and anxiety. Oh, but how I love to go back to those moments in time that made me me.

Photo by Stas Knop on Pexels.com

Admittedly, I had a wild side that I balanced with being top of my class and working hard to support myself. Untouchable. An interesting word which would eventually come back around to describe me in a different career. Although this may sound like bragging, I can assure you it’s not. It probably kept me safe on more than one occasion, even if it didn’t prevent the absolutely worst humans intent on harm. I’m still standing.

Song #2

My dissertation anthem. I believe I intended to write a different post near the end of this journey but I probably won’t remember what I was planning to say then so why not.

Music and memories, that’s where it’s at. Fairly certain I’ve published other posts along the same lines, get it, get it, but my tag skills are rough so it hasn’t been easy to find.

______________

I ask you –

Did you own cassette tapes?

What old song is living in your head?

Tell me about your anthem!

(The post Memory Lane + Soundtrack first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I’m a Forgetter

Long live volleyball! I just wish I didn’t hurt myself so easily. Yes, I own knee pads. Several pairs. But did I remember to bring them and put them on? Clearly not.

My kind doctor said I had 6 months to fix my high cholesterol levels. In his defense, he’s given me 3 yrs thus far. The good stuff is getting better but it’s still overall too high for comfort. I blame my parents. In the meantime, I’ve made some easy switches – less fat, more good stuff. Turns out turkey bacon is really good, and I definitely enjoy balsamic vinegar on my salad. More avocado, less fried stuff. We’ll see what happens. I’m always up for an experiment!

Me: I know it’s Saturday morning at 0500, nearing FY end, so let me check my email and really test these new anxiety meds. My brain: Dondnekndicngmeixnwkffiend🤯. Long story short – now I will worry and feel ill the remainder of the day for forgetting for 4 months! to order something I agreed to.

Volunteers, team of 2

Definitely needed a run to clear my head from that disaster. Later in the day, I saw the victim of my forgetfulness and apologized profusely. She didn’t seem to mind much, which was a big change from my anxious brain telling me to escape. Ugh, such a liar.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you enjoy any healthy alternatives to your favorite foods?

What is your go-to activity to clear your head?

Tell me about forgetting something important!

(The post I’m a Forgetter first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Day in Photos, pt 90

I’m purchasing this headwear for use at an upcoming graduation. When I found out an ex-husband and a few old boyfriends would be in attendance, incognito is now the theme.

Credit: Amazon

New office furniture arrived. I’m so thankful for Parts. She loves to put stuff together. Me? Well, let’s just say it’s a disaster.

I love ice cream. Not surprisingly. And I still need to try this flavor!

I’ve waited forever for football! And since I have a little time to watch it – don’t call me, I’ll call you, ummm, never.

Credit: Google

_________________

I ask you –

What should I wear for further incognito-ness? All black? Black with red heels is my standard.

Are you a handy man/handy woman?

Tell me who your NFL team is!

(The post Day in Photos, pt 90 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Torch Athena 2024 Recap

Torch Athena Rally was truly incredible. I laughed. Cried. And left feeling empowered and ready to push change, not only within my career but on the entire installation. What an opportunity!

A rare opportunity to walk/run the Riverwalk

Light the Path

Maybe I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. All I want is a voice at the table. Those were my words to my previous supervisor. He asked what I needed from him – I said “I just want a voice at the table.” Lately, I’ve been empowered to understand I’ve entered a new chapter in my life, most assuredly in my workplace. And, now, I’m the voice at the table. I no longer challenge someone else to speak for me. I speak for others under my purview.

_________________

I ask you –

Any other friends ever attended Torch Athena?

Have you visited the San Antonio Riverwalk?

Tell me the best advise you ever received.

(The post Torch Athena 2024 Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)