What I Wanted to Say

In the discussion post assignments:

Hi, Scooter. I’d have a better response if you actually used the references properly because simply listing them at the bottom does not really fulfill the assignment. In fact, it makes it nearly impossible for the people reading your post to figure out where you got your information from: did you plagiarize it? did you make it up? is it paraphrased? No One Knows! Next time, use the references correctly. Geez, man, you’ve been writing for nearly 2 years now – if you don’t get it, you don’t need to be here. Sincerely, Fed-Up-With-Your-Lack-of-Understanding

At work:

Hi, Barbara. You see this nametag? The one that says “Boss”? Right, that means I do most of the work that gets you promoted, paid, and evaluated. That means someone had faith and confidence in my ability to lead you according to the mission. No, not the mission I made up one night in dreamland. The mission I swore to protect, a mission much bigger than we can probably imagine. So, if you could just get yourself in line, do as you’re instructed, and work your 4 hrs without fostering an environment of gossip, malicious intent, and otherwise workplace destruction, that would be really helpful to the mission and, frankly, to me. I don’t expect you to care about the same things I care about; however, if we could present a unified front, it would certainly make the day go by faster. Sincerely, The-One-in-Charge-of-Driving-this-Ship

Despite there being many other examples I could share here, it’s time I focus on something positive instead of complaining. Alas, it’s best the things I didn’t say remain unsaid. But there will definitely be a part dos. Wait for it.

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I ask you –

How quick are you to share your mind?

What would you want to say?

Please share some suggestions for holding my tongue.

(The post What I Wanted to Say first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips

‭‭Isaiah 55:11 NIV‬‬
[11] so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

The Scripture above is Jesus speaking; however, what if we spoke with this in mind, that each time words exited our lips, we fully understood our words have power to speak life, or death, over others. In a society saturated with people speaking and giving opinions, sharing with intentional life isn’t as prevalent as one would hope.

Lately, I’ve struggled with focusing on one task. I’ve been pacing, mind racing from one thought to another, unable to keep up with the flood of to-do’s. For a moment, I considered maybe this was a late life onset of ADHD. I’ve heard sometimes anxiety is mistaken as ADHD and vice versa – what if that was true for me. But I think I’m just feeling the magnitude of ending the preliminary portion of the dissertation process and considering what the next year will look like. Somehow it’s already here, what seemed impossible in 2022 is now in its final stage. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around that truth.

Focus, Kel. Trying to soak in all the things before writing takes me away from it is unfathomable. However, I did attend a game night where I managed to win at Rock/Paper/Scissors. First try, no less. Yes, I’m bragging. Funnily, when it comes to competition Rock/Paper/Scissors – I always win. No lie. Well….I’ve won 2 “competition-style” matches, if you will. The first was for a third martini flight which I absolutely should not have had, mostly because I was already 8 martinis in and definitely did not need 4 more. Consequently, I don’t remember much about that night except winning the game for another flight. Weird.

Any Way – focus, will you – I won a Starbucks gift card to fund my coffee and winning habit. Not a bad night. And, of course, my name tag says Parts. And, of course, hers said Spare Parts. Because all we do is laugh together.

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I ask you –

What does peace in your heart look like to you?

Have you ever been on a winning streak?

Tell me about your favorite game! Spoons.

(The post Peace in your heart; Laughter on your lips first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Should Have Known

…when watching any show with mini, she narrates, talks over, answers, and yells incessantly at the television in a loud, expert know-it-all voice. It’s maddening. And I cannot focus on her voice and the television because too many sounds make me anxious. My only thought is I should have known.

a brief quiet moment

addicted to Axolotls

…it’s lonely at the top. Being the go-to, advocating for others, and making judgment calls requires a strong heart. So when others encourage me to take time off, to recharge, to get away from the office, it means I should heed their words. And the relief I get from the escape is a reminder I should have known.

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I ask you –

Is it even true that there’s things we should know before encountering them?

How often do you take time off?

Tell me your favorite way to relax!

(The post I Should Have Known first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Quit While Ahead, or whatever was said

It’s come to my attention that some of my posts lately have been lackluster and downright depressing. So, thank you to everyone who provided sound advice, a listening ear, and gentle patience while I navigated my mood. I love my job. But sometimes the people aspect of it is frustrating which causes me to enter a role I don’t always enjoy – being the voice of reason. Don’t laugh now.

In other news, I’m way ahead in this final course prior to entering the unique stage of the doctoral candidate. Unbeknownst to me, until you begin the dissertation process, you are considered a doctoral student, then when the dissertation courses begin, you transform into a doctoral candidate. Like a butterfly falling to its death. Yay me. As I have no idea what this process looks like, I’ll be sure to share my misery along the way.

Also, I agreed to coach an intramural volleyball team. Because I’m stupid. In my defense, it’s only twice a week for two months. The 2 months I’ll have begun the dissertation concept course. Details. I’m a master juggler, don’t you know. Funny thing is we had so many people interested in playing that we had to split the teams. I never expected enough interest to form one team, much less two.

Two teams: double the chance of winning! There is no quit – there is only win!

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I ask you –

Are you the voice of reason?

Do you have wildlife near your home?

Tell me about a time when you started something that went high and right.

(The post Quit While Ahead, or whatever was said first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Biggest Fan

Cinnamon brings heaven to the thoughts, for that sweet spice somehow is part of my soul. Perhaps through some good memory that sits in my dreaming brain, a memory without words that sparks joy from its scent. – Angela Abraham, @daisydescriptionari, March 18, 2021

For some time, I thought my favorite coffee was defunct because I couldn’t find it at any of the usual grocery stores. I may have panicked a little. So when I saw the Starbucks Brown Sugar Cinnamon, I was somewhat relieved that maybe I had found an alternative. It’s good albeit slightly more expensive than what I was purchasing. However, it appears to just have been a supply chain issue because I can order my favorite from Amazon, and surely it will return to store shelves eventually. Surely.

Blue Bell has always been one of my favorite ice cream brands. Yes, I know I wrote in a previous post that Braums was my favorite; however, I only rank it slightly above Blue Bell due to the extra creamy texture. Blue Bell is like my childhood sweetheart – never forgotten, classic, a part of my DNA. I’m not sure who created the Cinnamon Twist flavor, but I want to kiss them while simultaneously beating them with a big stick. It’s somewhere between a churro and the ooey gooey incredible middle of a cinnamon roll. I ate so much it made me very sick yet (as many of you know, I balance the non-keto world in terms of “is it worth the headache and migraine symptoms”) it was decidedly, unequivocally, do it all over again WORTH IT. It was so worth it that I have managed to turn most conversations regarding benign things into a discussion about how amazing it is. Trust me, I make it really weird.

Now, I shall return to work or writing papers or whatever I’m supposed to be doing whilst daydreaming about coffee and ice cream. Affogato, anyone?

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I ask you –

Do you enjoy cinnamon-flavored things?

Have you tried Blue Bell’s Cinnamon Twist ice cream?

Tell me your favorite flavor, of anything!

(The post Biggest Fan first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Purely Complicated

Backstory: A lovely woman asked me if I eat clean, presumably due to last year’s 30 lb weight loss. I explained it wasn’t necessarily “clean” but I do eat keto because it helps with migraine management.

The rest of the story: I began to consider what “clean” actually means. A clean lifestyle, specifically. It made me wonder if those who live clean, with a clear conscience, a gentle heart, a desire to help others, to make a difference, a manageable amount of stress, etc. live longer than others. Or have a different type of dynamic life.

As I began to consider my choices, decisions, and goals and then compare them to what weighs on me…I decidedly do not live a clean life. Perhaps this is why some things are arguably tougher than other things. Although I’ve always said the only person who has to sleep with your decisions is you, somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Somewhere I heard the following quote: “The potential you see in others is a reflection of your values, not theirs”. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times – disappointment is the hardest emotion to process because it’s innately personal to lift someone up to what you see in them but not feel devastated when it doesn’t go the way you envision. Disappointment is a complicated feeling.

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I ask you –

What does clean mean to you?

Do you agree regarding the quote about potential?

Happy Love Day! Hope it’s filled with overpriced chocolate and flowers.

(The post Purely Complicated first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Which reminds me –

There was a whole week it seemed of rain and gloom and doom skies, followed by a whole week (now 2) of sunshine and nearly Spring-like temperatures. It was glorious! Obviously I took every opportunity to be outside, even if it was walking to random places to visit people I had no business with. Some of them I didn’t even know. Which reminds me – when I’m running outdoors during work hours, I realized I know at least one person at nearly every building; therefore, I know where the closest bathrooms are. This is important stuff!

Anyway, I got in several runs, even a 5k to round out January which is incredibly surprising since I only got cleared to run approx. 12 days before the end of the month. I barely made it. At Which reminds me – I’ve also completed a February 5k (via the walk and talk method…how I prefer to do business). Hopefully by the time of this post I’ve been able to get in at least 1 more run. The goal thus far is to run 3x/week. Some days I also do a strength workout, some days I’m extremely exhausted.

Which reminds me – intramural volleyball starts in March and our team is slowly taking shape. I declined participation; instead, I’ll function as assistant coach because our coach will be playing. I just didn’t think it was my best idea to play so soon after being told I could run. One or the other, Kel. I do play during the week and that’s good enough for me. However, I’m torn between trying out for the team just to prove I could play (and be selected) if I wanted to…or not trying out at all because I have nothing to prove.

This course is going swimmingly well. I’m more than halfway through – the grades are very slow coming in but I just keep writing until I get sick of it then hit submit. Thankfully, qualitative analysis is much better than quantitative analysis. For me anyway. The school auto enrolled me in the pre-dissertation course set to start late March. Which reminds me – if I want to have a full blown panic attack, probably best to do it before then because after that date it’s game on. So, essentially, there’s about 11 weeks remaining until I have to figure out my life and begin this whole “doctoral candidate” stuff. Student. Candidate. Whatever.

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I ask you –

What’s the weather like where you are located? Actual winter or summer?

Do you know where the nearest restrooms are?

Tell me something you’re reminded of!

(The post Which reminds me – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The World Needs More Smiles

This woman inspires me to sing louder, love harder, and laugh for as long as possible. The impact she has had and still has on my life is immeasurable. Her smile! She’s more patient than I could ever imagine being. I hope she doesn’t mind my use of her photo here because she is simply the most beautiful woman I know and I want to share her joy with everyone I meet.

These goofballs – we spend a lot of time laughing at each other and alternately rolling our eyes. The gnome addiction is real. Very real. I find myself searching high and low everywhere I go for unique gnomes I can gift her. To be clear, I’m speaking of Parts, not mini. Mini has a collection of a thousand other things, she does not need any gnomes.

Sometimes it can feel like the world is completely mad. But, make an effort to smile. It’s lifechanging.

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I ask you –

Do you make an effort to smile often?

Have you and (anyone) ever owned matching pajamas?

Tell me what things you collect!

(The post The World Needs More Smiles first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I Have Questions

I’m always curious about what happens to prompt someone to step in wet cement. Accident? Purposefully? What if they were running from a crime scene and this is the killer’s feet? What if?!

Credit: twatwafflezzz_ via Instagram

Maybe there’s no question here except why not? I love the ability to share what I’m feeling, going through, have gone through, and all things between because someone, somewhere is dealing with the same. And maybe they’re ashamed or fearful. So I say the hard things only they think about. Occasionally I open my mouth in the wrong forum but I also hope my heart speaks for itself, that my passion shines through, and forgiveness is given freely.

Yet I still have questions.

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I ask you –

Have you ever stepped in wet cement?

Do you question most things? Everything? Nothing at all?

Tell me something good you have going on!

(The post I Have Questions first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Humorous Stuff

Not one to ever pass up an opportunity to be silly – a few examples below. I’m lucky my leadership plays along with my shenanigans.

Yes, awards are meant to be displayed but they’re not possible without the work, encouragement, and credit to those around me. 2023 was a wild year and I couldn’t have done it without the strong team around me. Really. This is all theirs.

Finally, it’s both a blessing and a curse that Parts works in marketing. Everyone and everything is fodder for jokes. We play too much. Amazingly, some questions did arise on how and where to vote for me. Although I’m humbled and genuinely surprised at the support, fortunately government jobs don’t work like this. And I had zero intention to run for this “office”, if you will.

It would be a shame if I was unable to run with all this pent up energy I’ve been experiencing. The actual volleyball intramural season is gaining traction, but I’ve made the right decision to coach/assist other coaches vs. play. Sure, the time commitment is still the same but I decrease the chance of injury by about 95%. My feet will thank me later.

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I ask you –

Are you a humorous person?

Have you ever coached a sport?

Share your best example of what not to do!

(The post Humorous Stuff first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)