Anew in 2025

My heart has been hurting for some time now. The holidays had me at war with myself. Every day in November, I did one thing for myself. I went to the coffee shop frequently, I escaped work to go window shopping, I went on long walks, I dated me. In December, I set a goal to work out as much during the week as possible. I created my own workouts to excuse the knee pain, I religiously followed up with doctors to get the X-ray and MRI, I pushed hard for me.

Then, the diagnosis of patellar tendonitis. Doesn’t sound so bad. My first question – can I run? Short answer: not yet. There’s still inflammation, there’s still remedies, there’s still physical therapy. I was happy with a diagnosis and thankful for an intact meniscus, but I still can’t run. I’m still in pain. There’s still swelling. I’m not ready to run, I know, I know. Yet I really wanted to just take off, down the street, carefree, moving my body the way I love to do.

2024: 267 miles

Afterwards, the threat of government shutdown, of furloughing my staff, of making dozens of notifications to people who just want to enjoy their holiday. My thin thread of sanity was fraying. My hard-fought and well-earned beach vacation was beginning to feel like a middle finger to everyone left behind. The one beating heart inside me threatened to collapse.

I should be excited. I should be ready to tackle the new year. My ethics board review will most likely be completed early January. I can begin scheduling, then traveling for my research. I will graduate in 2025.

But, for whatever reason, peace eludes me. The things I’ve tried to fill my time with, to refocus on, to overcome, have not been enough. I’m getting there. This is a hard one. And I think it’s important that others know you’re not alone.

Artist: B. N.

Not to worry. I’m ok. Just need a little more time.

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I ask you –

Any defining word for 2025?

Feel free to share your difficulties with the holidays or regarding life in general. We’re all doing the best we can.

(The post Anew in 2025 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Holiday Recap

There were school parties.

And work parties.

A lot of walks.

And even more coffee –

More to come in 2025.

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I ask you –

Recap your holidays!

(The post Holiday Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Productive Waiting

Merry Fitmas, everyone. The most loathed “holiday” to ever be. According to my spouse and child. It’s actually quite simple. For every day of December, each person must accomplish one physical activity and one chore-centered task. For example, a physical activity such as walking, i.e., a purposeful physical activity. Not the normal amount of daily activity. Parts tried. A chore is something outside of the regular day’s chores; also, going to work does not count. Maybe I made up the rules, maybe I didn’t. Thus far, I think we’ve all been incredibly productive albeit unwilling.

Truth be told, I don’t really like the holidays. There is a heaviness to the expectation to perform, decorate, volunteer, and smile through it all. I’m all about volunteerism – huge fan! But why can’t I just volunteer 11 months out of the year?

Waiting is also very expensive. I priced the software I would need post-research. $500 for 50 hours?! Granted, it’s the best on the market, I’m familiar with it, and it decreases my effort to transcribe dozens of interviews. Sold! Cost be damned. I’ll pay for convenience.

And, on this final note of paying for things, I purchased a voice recorder which uploads audio files – in this case, interviews – to my computer for transcription via the aforementioned incredibly expensive software. Again, convenience. See also expensive.

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I ask you –

On average, how productive are you?

How do you bide your time during long periods of waiting?

Tell me the most expensive thing you’ve purchased lately.

(The post Productive Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Unverifiable

Randomly, my muse shared the story of Lucille Ball discovering the presence of Japanese spies via her dental fillings. Recognizing this information is entirely out of context, I implore you to Google it. I did. Somewhere in the past 30+ years, I recall reading about it but had forgotten.

Unfortunately, according to this article, the story as told by Lucy appears to be mostly anecdotal. I believe it was a possibility as others have reported their own dental fillings “picking up” sounds and frequencies. But what’s really the most interesting part of the article is the fact Lucy was investigated by the FBI. It appears we have something in common other than our great sense of humor!

Credit: via Instagram

…in other news…as predicted, the knee x-ray was unremarkable. However, once I was notified of the results via official channels, the scheduler almost dismissed my complaint. Her words were “Well, the x-ray was good so everything should be fine.” I said “Excuse me?! Wait a minute! I’m still in pain. The x-ray didn’t cure me!” Have you lost your mind? Now, someone else should be calling to schedule a CT scan or MRI. She did ask me some odd questions like do you have any more bullets in your body, and are you expecting any shunts. 1. More bullets? 2. I’m not expecting any, no. This saga isn’t boding well.

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I ask you –

Are you familiar with the story of Lucy mentioned above?

How hot is your preferred shower temperature?

Fact or false: dental fillings discover sound waves. Ehh I’m leaning on the false side of things.

(The post Unverifiable first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

What Is Going On?!

Help.

The pain (burning) in my knee warranted a doctor visit with some not-so-great news. I most likely reinjured the previous meniscus tear or am having complications from scar tissue. All I know is it hurt really really bad when he pressed into the back of my knee. Soon, I’ll begin the X-ray, other assorted scans, PT regimen to ensure we’re treating it correctly. This means no running, no volleyball, no cycling. He pointedly said walking and elliptical only. Me?! Never!

I won’t pretend I’m surprised. Fireworks in your knee isn’t the norm so obviously something was going on. But I really expected cycling to be included in the can-do list.

In the meantime, he encouraged walking, so that’s just what I’ll do. Starting with a lengthy weekend stroll! On the bright side, I guess I’ll have more room for clothes since I won’t need to travel with running shoes. By the time you read this, I’ll have defended my proposal. Stay tuned!

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I ask you –

Has anyone ever licked your forehead?

If you said yes, then I need a full explanation!

Any recommendations for New Orleans?

(The post What Is Going On?! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

(No Fancy Title)

I used to wonder, what’s a girl gotta do –

To win a wing-level award. To clear the smaller but no less significant hurdles of winning at the squadron and group levels. Then, I did it. Twice. Walking across the same stage where I received my master’s diploma was awesome. Now? I’m chasing that annual award. Stay tuned.

To get a PhD. Something about the sound of doctor preceding my name seemed out of my league. I would say “that’s not me”. But, why not? Doctor…loading.

To position myself as a presenter at a leadership conference, established in my field as a policymaker. To make policy! I’ve mentioned if the opportunity presented itself to do this at the services level, I’d have a tough time turning it down. Post-doctor, for sure.

Credit: unknown via Instagram

To find a lost city. According to this article, it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. Of course it was a PhD student. He was looking for his sanity.

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I ask you –

Have you been a conference presenter?

Seriously, what does a girl gotta do?!

Tell me some things you wonder about!

(The post (No Fancy Title) first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

When it’s busy

In several years, this is the first time I’ve had a full staff. Every position filled, with both new and seasoned employees keeping me on my toes. Yet, I’m the lucky one. Nearly daily, I marvel at the opportunity to be their leader. Someone believed in me, chose me, to lead them. It’s an honor unlike anything else. We have frank, real, deep conversations. I feel their respect when I explain the why.

Get it together. Some days it feels as if everyone is a psychology major. Words from the DSM (current edition DSM-5-TR) are now buzzwords. For example, imposter syndrome. Never heard of it until recently, now we can’t unhear it. I believe the concept is real; however, using it as an excuse for not stepping up is irritating. Sometimes there is no one more qualified than you, regardless of what your insecurities tell you. Be the leader. Do good things.

A small portion of Team Fitness

Nevertheless, transitioning from employee to mentor to leader is not for the weak. It is a lot of needs to balance! I do my best to share the big picture, the budget constraints, always the why behind decisions, yet some are reluctant to grasp the entire narrative. How many times have I done the same.

Tis the season for a million demands on my time. From a weekend with multiple events to planning upcoming holiday activities, it can be hard to take a deep breath. I don’t know how some people manage to float from one busy weekend to the next. My brain is tired just contemplating what’s on the agenda

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I ask you –

How often do you use the term imposter syndrome?

What’s on your calendar?

Advice for the break takers!

(The post When it’s busy first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

How Dare You Suggest!

Garmin has lost its mind; specifically, the suggested workouts function. This thing suggested I do a 30 min run at 10:35′ without a warm-up. I’m old. I require a warm-up. At least 5 mins!

Then, the following day, it suggested a temp run, 6×1:00 at 7:20′. 7:20′! I’ve never run that pace in my life. 7:20′ is like running from a pack of hungry lions. I think I’ve played in the 8-8:30’s – never a sustained 7-anything for 1 min. Craziness.

So you know what I did? I ran it. Because “can’t” isn’t in my vocabulary. And you know what happened? I ran like hungry lions were chasing me. It wasn’t pretty, it hurt a lot, and I disliked every interval, but I did it.

Then the next day I made an appointment because I suspect something is wrong with my meniscus again. It feels like fireworks inside the inner knee, and the tell tale stretched rubber band. Or maybe it’s all related to my feet. Remember, I had planned to have double toe surgery the early part of 2024, then I scrapped those plans altogether. It is still on the horizon sans date. The suggestion was to handle it sooner rather than later. Like stop signs, right? Just suggestions.

But I continue to run, to make time for exercise, no matter the consequences. At this point, I’d rather be in pain than stop all activity, to the detriment of my body. Maybe that’s why I have spare parts.

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I ask you –

Do you follow Garmin’s suggested workouts?

What type of workout did you do last? Strength training.

Might you be willing to donate a healthy knee to my cause?!

(The post How Dare You Suggest! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today, I was the voice of reason. Do not recommend. Ever.

Start over.

Dear Diary,

Today, I was forced to be the voice of reason. It was awful. I had no idea what I was doing. But I did it without much noticeable discomfort. And, I’m a better leader for it.

Dear Diary,

Today, I kept myself on pace, no fly-and-die issues at all.

Try again.

Dear Diary,

Everyone was running so fast and I attempted to keep up. It didn’t go well. I was burnt toast at the end of mile 1. I had to take a break. Twice my watch went into critical incident mode and attempted to perform life saving measures by notifying next of kin. Fortunately, I was not dying, so was able to cancel the notification.

Dear Diary,

My doctor is a lying arsehole who doesn’t understand my dietary needs.

Not again.

Dear Diary,

I have conceded to working on my rather high cholesterol levels in order to prevent a medication regimen. Of course I can do better to manage my diet. Instead of super fatty foods, I will make small, significant changes which will benefit my cardiac health.

(end of chapter)

_____________________

I ask you –

Did you ever have a diary? Maybe you do now.

Has your watch ever panicked without cause?

Tell me…you’ve never read someone else’s diary!

(The post Dear Diary first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I’m a Forgetter

Long live volleyball! I just wish I didn’t hurt myself so easily. Yes, I own knee pads. Several pairs. But did I remember to bring them and put them on? Clearly not.

My kind doctor said I had 6 months to fix my high cholesterol levels. In his defense, he’s given me 3 yrs thus far. The good stuff is getting better but it’s still overall too high for comfort. I blame my parents. In the meantime, I’ve made some easy switches – less fat, more good stuff. Turns out turkey bacon is really good, and I definitely enjoy balsamic vinegar on my salad. More avocado, less fried stuff. We’ll see what happens. I’m always up for an experiment!

Me: I know it’s Saturday morning at 0500, nearing FY end, so let me check my email and really test these new anxiety meds. My brain: Dondnekndicngmeixnwkffiend🤯. Long story short – now I will worry and feel ill the remainder of the day for forgetting for 4 months! to order something I agreed to.

Volunteers, team of 2

Definitely needed a run to clear my head from that disaster. Later in the day, I saw the victim of my forgetfulness and apologized profusely. She didn’t seem to mind much, which was a big change from my anxious brain telling me to escape. Ugh, such a liar.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you enjoy any healthy alternatives to your favorite foods?

What is your go-to activity to clear your head?

Tell me about forgetting something important!

(The post I’m a Forgetter first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)