(No Fancy Title)

I used to wonder, what’s a girl gotta do –

To win a wing-level award. To clear the smaller but no less significant hurdles of winning at the squadron and group levels. Then, I did it. Twice. Walking across the same stage where I received my master’s diploma was awesome. Now? I’m chasing that annual award. Stay tuned.

To get a PhD. Something about the sound of doctor preceding my name seemed out of my league. I would say “that’s not me”. But, why not? Doctor…loading.

To position myself as a presenter at a leadership conference, established in my field as a policymaker. To make policy! I’ve mentioned if the opportunity presented itself to do this at the services level, I’d have a tough time turning it down. Post-doctor, for sure.

Credit: unknown via Instagram

To find a lost city. According to this article, it’s not out of the realm of possibilities. Of course it was a PhD student. He was looking for his sanity.

__________________

I ask you –

Have you been a conference presenter?

Seriously, what does a girl gotta do?!

Tell me some things you wonder about!

(The post (No Fancy Title) first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Into November

All of a sudden, I was no longer waiting. Despite it being a very weird feeling, I’m excited for this step. My manuscript was approved for proposal defense! Granted, it’s not until mid-November but it turns out I’ll be traveling during that time and will defend from a hotel room. Could be worse places. Even with a heavy edit, the first three chapters of my manuscript span 303 pages at nearly 71, 500 words. Thank you, Microsoft Word, for reminding me.

My text to friends and family informing them of this momentous news included all caps. Seemed fitting. Until this post, I have slowly been updating some formatting issues and putting the finishing touches on the presentation. Waiting is somehow better received when there’s a date to look forward to.

I feel as if November will fly by, much like October, even though some weeks took a month to pass. I’d like to start a movement advocating 31 October only be held on Friday or Saturday because trick-or-treating on a Thursday night is awful. The mini gremlin awoke Friday morning confused and slightly feral. Thankfully, next year it will be on a Friday. Surely, I can find something else to complain about. Until then, check out some Halloween shenanigans.

__________________

I ask you –

Do you send texts in all caps?

Will November pass by quickly or slowly?

Name your favorite costume!

(The post Into November first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Turtle Races and some other stuff

Resubmitted my manuscript last week in hopes they’ll approve it for proposal defense. Now I wait. Again.

In the meantime, I’ve been reading, and running. A lot actually. And drinking copious amounts of coffee, but that isn’t new. I’ve also cleaned, paced, and generally avoided saying much.

On the bright side, October ushered in cooler weather and I want to spend every day outside. Might even move my desk outdoors.

Not sure if I’ve shared yet – my favorite mug from McK. She gets me.

Small town things – a turtle race! I can just see numerous children the week of the race scavenging for turtles. Some large, some small, hopefully none that snap. Probably lots of angry parents.

________________

I ask you –

Did/does your hometown celebrate homecoming, etc. with a festival? My little 1A school did not.

Have you ever kept a (wild) turtle as a pet?

Tell me your go-to fall activity!

(The post Turtle Races and some other stuff first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Yes, I know.

I know I wrote the word policy 561 times but it didn’t have to be pointed out so negatively.

I know it’s 335 pages. Oh yes. I KNOW. I’m too wordy. Roger that.

I know I can’t do the research until the research committee gods bless my manuscript with holy hands.

I know I’m a public administration doctoral candidate. Did you know public admin and public policy are irrefutably connected? Exactly.

I know I don’t have all the time to read these books. But it won’t stop me from adding to the ever growing list.

I know it doesn’t seem like much but I managed to chop my paper by 30 pages while keeping the integrity of the literature. Now, we wait. Again.

_____________________

I ask you –

What word do you overuse? soooooooo

How much time do you have to read?

Accepting more book suggestions. Again.

(The post Yes, I know. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Is This Really What We’re Doing?

Recently I met a woman who told me her jacked, veined arms were genetic. Are you telling me those boobs are genetic, too? Because you’ve had some work done. Never mind the cystic acne that screams steroids. Ok, sure.

Relatedly, I saw a “content creator” filming a new “project” inside an undisclosed gym involving very little clothing and somehow labeled a workout. You weigh 17 lbs. Gtfo

More and more, I crave conversations of substance. I loathe the small talk of (primarily) women who want to discuss weight loss or what size would make them feel valuable. I, too, avoid a man detailing the promise of a new carburetor. I want depth. Not elections, not the ho-hum of daily garbage, but the real, what-do-you-think-about stuff.

point to the Pacific

But, everything is ok. Just ok. My manuscript came back last week with the nice message, “major revisions”. I’m too wordy. Time to synthesize, clarify, and edit. Minimize, if you will. So, as I chop,chop,chop this dissertation to an undetermined length, I question myself and what I’m doing.

_____________________

I ask you –

Do you question, well, everything?

Are your boobs real? Your muscles the epitome of hard work?

Inquiring minds must know – what is the ideal page length? Under 300, I guess.

(The post Is This Really What We’re Doing? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Memory Lane + Soundtrack

Song #1

Music is impenetrably tied to memories. The weather change, a few notes of a song, and I’m transported back to a simpler time. Nights and weekends were spent escaping the confines of a small town via open windows and slow drives down dusty back roads. Extra points if you managed to get lost. Many life lessons were learned with good friends, some of those lessons without a statute of limitations. Shameless.

20 years post-high school graduation, the memories still live rent free in my head, which today is mostly clouded with busy work and anxiety. Oh, but how I love to go back to those moments in time that made me me.

Photo by Stas Knop on Pexels.com

Admittedly, I had a wild side that I balanced with being top of my class and working hard to support myself. Untouchable. An interesting word which would eventually come back around to describe me in a different career. Although this may sound like bragging, I can assure you it’s not. It probably kept me safe on more than one occasion, even if it didn’t prevent the absolutely worst humans intent on harm. I’m still standing.

Song #2

My dissertation anthem. I believe I intended to write a different post near the end of this journey but I probably won’t remember what I was planning to say then so why not.

Music and memories, that’s where it’s at. Fairly certain I’ve published other posts along the same lines, get it, get it, but my tag skills are rough so it hasn’t been easy to find.

______________

I ask you –

Did you own cassette tapes?

What old song is living in your head?

Tell me about your anthem!

(The post Memory Lane + Soundtrack first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

I’m a Forgetter

Long live volleyball! I just wish I didn’t hurt myself so easily. Yes, I own knee pads. Several pairs. But did I remember to bring them and put them on? Clearly not.

My kind doctor said I had 6 months to fix my high cholesterol levels. In his defense, he’s given me 3 yrs thus far. The good stuff is getting better but it’s still overall too high for comfort. I blame my parents. In the meantime, I’ve made some easy switches – less fat, more good stuff. Turns out turkey bacon is really good, and I definitely enjoy balsamic vinegar on my salad. More avocado, less fried stuff. We’ll see what happens. I’m always up for an experiment!

Me: I know it’s Saturday morning at 0500, nearing FY end, so let me check my email and really test these new anxiety meds. My brain: Dondnekndicngmeixnwkffiend🤯. Long story short – now I will worry and feel ill the remainder of the day for forgetting for 4 months! to order something I agreed to.

Volunteers, team of 2

Definitely needed a run to clear my head from that disaster. Later in the day, I saw the victim of my forgetfulness and apologized profusely. She didn’t seem to mind much, which was a big change from my anxious brain telling me to escape. Ugh, such a liar.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you enjoy any healthy alternatives to your favorite foods?

What is your go-to activity to clear your head?

Tell me about forgetting something important!

(The post I’m a Forgetter first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The Waiting

It’s frustrating when I’ve requested an article or document from a particular author who wants to charge for said document. Granted, I understand their time is money and knowledge; however, the sites I use are reputable and notable academia journals so they must understand students are typically the ones searching for materials here. Yet, I fill out a giant form indicating why and how I need access to said article with often little or zero response. Undoubtedly, countless requests just from me for articles sit in a queue somewhere, forever in a holding pattern. It’s not like I have forgotten; instead, I wait and wait and wait without response.

A few nights ago, my chair and I had a brief conversation, with me mainly insisting I’m attempting to be patient in the waiting for committee response and her insisting all is well. As she’s the expert, I defer to her in nearly every way. But if I had known. I could have made a training plan for a half marathon. I could have done something else with my time. But, life is funny like that. Surely, I needed an unstructured break. Surely.

Parts invited her boss – something I could never do

I also attended a comedy show, titled Moms Unhinged. It started at 7pm, practically the middle of the night, but it was fun and the jokes were great! I’ve watched football. Cowboys, wth. I’ve developed a new outline for a different research interest. Yeah, Kel, that’s exactly what you needed. I’ve begun watching a new television series, Brilliant Minds. Fantastic, btw. I’ve sat on my couch with mini, or read trashy novels for hours on end.

But, at the end of the night, I’m still waiting.

_____________________

I ask you –

How long is too long to wait? Does it depend?

Who is your favorite comedian?

Tell me your bedtime.

(The post The Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Patience, my child

Mini has an opportunity to try out for UIL events and my little heart exploded with pride and memories. Except for chess, I excelled at these events. Storytelling was my breakthrough – shocking, most definitely – into a world of possibilities for competitive scholastic events.

Many years ago I made a keto carrot cheesecake that was sublime. Really. It was incredible. I haven’t baked in a lonnnnnng while and now I have some free time. You know. While I wait. Anyway, I wanted to bring a family dessert to game night, to impress my friends. And that’s where it ended. The photo below doesn’t look too horrible. But the taste? Let’s just say something went awfully wrong with the carrot cake layer on bottom. It was gloopy, gross, and inedible. The cheesecake layer wasn’t bad, had it not been on top of the carrot disaster. Needless to say, I did not take it anywhere except to the garbage can.

As my brain functions in some sort of random, non-linear, jumbled mess, I can appreciate life’s linearity. One would think dissertation work is linear. Oh, but you (I) would be so wrong. I do the things, then wait. I do other things, then wait. My frustrations are apparent as I check and double check my email waiting for a notification of scheduled defense proposal. I complete the IRB documents, then wait. Turns out IRB approval can take up to 2 months. Although I despise speaking this fear into existence, I’m not sure if I’ll begin the research portion this fall. No approvals = no research. I will have spent nearly the entirety of a very expensive semester awaiting approval. Sigh.

Patience is not my strongest virtue.

_________________

I ask you –

What events did you participate in as a young person?

On a scale of 1 to me, how much patience do you have?

Tell me your worst cooking fail!

(The post Patience, my child first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Will I…

…finish writing my book, the one I started circa 2019? Considering a PhD is a nonfiction work of art, the answer remains to be seen.

…purchase my dream car? Maybe when mini graduates high school or I excel at a second job.

…volunteer to be room mom or the parent who channels their creativity to make school parties successful? Ha. Probably never. But I will be the cleanup crew. I can handle that.

…tune in to the upcoming presidential debates, tour stops, and all the related political rhetoric? You know, I really should. I should want to. But I just can’t stand to listen to either of the candidates speak. And my attention span? Yikes. I will instead concede to perusing non-partisan articles.

…what I thought was the beginning of Wk 3 in the review process is actually Wk 0. There was a miscommunication of email proportions and my manuscript wasn’t submitted yet. Alas, I am not a patient person but I guess this means I have more time for football?

_________________

I ask you –

What’s your dream car?

How long is your attention span?

Wk 0 – waiting for manuscript review. Tick tock, tick tock

(The post Will I… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)