Get(ting) Over It.

That’s what my knee feels like inside. A fireplace! Just when I think it’s gotten better or I haven’t noticed any pain, here it comes, out of the blue. Ready to wreck my day. 13 weeks of fireworks inside there. This is so much fun.

On the drive to the island, we stopped at the Czech Stop in West, Texas, home of the most amazing cinnamon roll I’ve ever had. The lovely employees warmed it up, handed it to me wrapped in wax paper, and gave us a stack of napkins. I inhaled it in about 0.79 seconds. I’m still thinking about that cinnamon roll.

You know those people who, just the very sound of their voice, makes you angry? I know one of them. In fact, my words are I’d rather cut the grass with my teeth than have a conversation with them. But you know what? So glad you asked. Here they come, trying to have conversations with me, ahem…need something. I’ve been known to walk the other direction, taking the looooong way home, to avoid conflict, I mean conversation. Grudge much.

Grief is an interesting thing. It finally happened, the voice I had been waiting on, my very own Jiminy Cricket, if you will, spoke these words: Get Over It. Suddenly, I realized I had been living in anger the past few months, unwilling to accept it might still be grief. Sure, I said it on RoF, I was dealing with grief, but I hadn’t fully addressed it. It was shrouded in anger, anger never expressed, anger I believed would mask the grief. No, child. Not only did I experience the entirety of anger, but I still had to navigate grief, too. Seems unfair. If only I had recognized it for what it was, an additional emotion vice a substitute. 30 years is a long time to grieve. And an even longer time to hold on to anger.

Get over it, Kel. I did/am/will/continue to.

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I ask you –

Do you prefer real wood or the pre-made logs in your fireplace?

Which is the best: the middle or the outside of a cinnamon roll? Middle. Always.

Share something you’re working to get over.

(The post Get(ting) Over It. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Defiant and Noncompliant

I’ve (mostly) come back to my senses so allow me to share the good things, the fun, the holiday spirit activities before too much of January arrives with all its circumstances.

I connected with like-minded others who have a passion for servant leadership. Some are also self-described adrenaline junkies, which I believe speaks to a world of chaos I’m mildly interested in exploring.

I reconnected with a special person who will probably never read this post, but holds space in my heart. We were both very young when I joined his family, so to see him as an adult, with children of his own, but with the same mischievous smile of years past – a huge smile crosses my own face.

The weight bench and weights represent strength, but more than traditional strength equipment. They are joy, peace, and a fair amount of pain. The past 2 winters I’ve been unable to run on the island like I train year-round to do. It’s disappointing. So I continue to train in other ways…ways that make me feel strong.

Sharing some words spoken to me, in natural muse-like behavior: You may be biased. But you are fair. I can’t think of anything better than to be known as fair, especially when leading others. Maybe I’m doing something right.

Lastly, a lesson in obedience rather than how I’ve been obedient. Some have a certain type of face they must keep under wraps. You know the one. The infamous RBF. Luckily, I don’t have one of those. However, I do have a very prominent laugh. It’s loud. It’s me. If only I could control it. I can’t. It bubbles out of me like a fountain spewing joy at the most inopportune times. The pastor called me his favorite heckler. Probably not a compliment. People stare. Some smile so that makes me feel better. Others look over in alarm. As they should. The legacy I leave won’t be for world peace, or lavish contributions to society, but to the worst timing of a laugh. I guess we’re all remembered for something.

____________

I ask you –

What connections have you made lately?

Any go-to activities when you can’t do what you love?

Tell me your defining trait!

(The post Defiant and Noncompliant first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Anew in 2025

My heart has been hurting for some time now. The holidays had me at war with myself. Every day in November, I did one thing for myself. I went to the coffee shop frequently, I escaped work to go window shopping, I went on long walks, I dated me. In December, I set a goal to work out as much during the week as possible. I created my own workouts to excuse the knee pain, I religiously followed up with doctors to get the X-ray and MRI, I pushed hard for me.

Then, the diagnosis of patellar tendonitis. Doesn’t sound so bad. My first question – can I run? Short answer: not yet. There’s still inflammation, there’s still remedies, there’s still physical therapy. I was happy with a diagnosis and thankful for an intact meniscus, but I still can’t run. I’m still in pain. There’s still swelling. I’m not ready to run, I know, I know. Yet I really wanted to just take off, down the street, carefree, moving my body the way I love to do.

2024: 267 miles

Afterwards, the threat of government shutdown, of furloughing my staff, of making dozens of notifications to people who just want to enjoy their holiday. My thin thread of sanity was fraying. My hard-fought and well-earned beach vacation was beginning to feel like a middle finger to everyone left behind. The one beating heart inside me threatened to collapse.

I should be excited. I should be ready to tackle the new year. My ethics board review will most likely be completed early January. I can begin scheduling, then traveling for my research. I will graduate in 2025.

But, for whatever reason, peace eludes me. The things I’ve tried to fill my time with, to refocus on, to overcome, have not been enough. I’m getting there. This is a hard one. And I think it’s important that others know you’re not alone.

Artist: B. N.

Not to worry. I’m ok. Just need a little more time.

_______________

I ask you –

Any defining word for 2025?

Feel free to share your difficulties with the holidays or regarding life in general. We’re all doing the best we can.

(The post Anew in 2025 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Holiday Recap

There were school parties.

And work parties.

A lot of walks.

And even more coffee –

More to come in 2025.

____________

I ask you –

Recap your holidays!

(The post Holiday Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post! Tip Toe’ing

2nd re-post on this joyous Christmas week. Hope you all are celebrating, rejoicing, smiling, and taking time to enjoy the holiday. Be back soon!

…thru the tulips!

It’s a good thing the expedition called for tiptoeing because my knees are very bruised from volleyball but we’re undefeated so I can’t complain too much. Also, a day after turning 38, I managed to bust all the blood vessels in my middle finger putting the volleyball net away. Not my middle finger! I need that one! This is why…I have spare parts.

Back to the tulips, the Texas Tulips located in Pilot Point, TX. Only accessible about 6 weeks out of the year, it’s a fun getaway, one I didn’t know anything about until a few weeks ago. Spring Break presented the perfect opportunity.

I might have also overindulged in sushi and cookies. Both were incredible! If you’re in the DFW area, Sushi Axiom is one of my favorites. I probably should have taken a photo but I ate it all before considering the photo op. For the cookies, Insomnia Cookies is the way to go. Only available near college campuses, they’re open until 0200ish and offer delivery of warm, fresh cookies to your doorstep. Not kidding.

___________________

I ask you –

What are your favorite flowers?

Have you heard of Insomnia Cookies?

Any idea on the origin of the word tiptoe?

(The post Re-Post! Tip Toe’ing first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post! The World Needs More Smiles

From 5 Feb 2024, I’m re-sharing to draw attention back to the this beautiful, strong, amazing woman who has no idea how much she has influenced my life. Tis vacation week on the island, so I’m soaking up the sun and celebrating Christmas with copious amounts of crustaceans. See you all soon.

This woman inspires me to sing louder, love harder, and laugh for as long as possible. The impact she has had and still has on my life is immeasurable. Her smile! She’s more patient than I could ever imagine being. I hope she doesn’t mind my use of her photo here because she is simply the most beautiful woman I know and I want to share her joy with everyone I meet.

These goofballs – we spend a lot of time laughing at each other and alternately rolling our eyes. The gnome addiction is real. Very real. I find myself searching high and low everywhere I go for unique gnomes I can gift her. To be clear, I’m speaking of Parts, not mini. Mini has a collection of a thousand other things, she does not need any gnomes.

Sometimes it can feel like the world is completely mad. But, make an effort to smile. It’s lifechanging.

_________________________

I ask you –

Do you make an effort to smile often?

Have you and (anyone) ever owned matching pajamas?

Tell me what things you collect!

(The post Re-Post! The World Needs More Smiles first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Break Time

As seen in a devotional, “…our human hearts and minds wander.” The premise was how our spaces tell a story of who we are, what we hold dear, and how best to utilize these spaces. As I have a full coffee bar in my office, I think it’s mostly clear.

After a particularly emotional day, a stranger told me I should give the equivalent of Ted talks to other women and mothers regarding some struggles. He believed I could write/share motivational stories, or even newsletters, to amass a following of people who need to hear how it is possible to overcome adversity. I was quite humbled by his words. Adding to my to-do list.

Reciprocate, not initiate. Not to be confused with the term “follower”. Recently, I read an Instagram post saying something to the effect that women step (metaphorically) after men do. In other words, a dance, so to speak, or a courtesy within norms of deferring to another, specifically, deferring to a leader in life, a leader of the home, a leader in the relationship. It was fascinating to consider how some believe the adage if you’re not a leader then you’re a follower. Words matter. Rather than perpetuating the old saying, if we reframe the words, then it more adequately explains the dynamics.

The past several weeks have been nonstop, and I fear I’m on the edge of burnout. Still waiting on ethics board approval so I’ve done little for my dissertation yet work and activities have monopolized my time and brain. I need a break.

____________

I ask you –

What story do your spaces tell of you?

Have the holidays been busy?

Share your thoughts on reciprocation vs initiation.

(The post Break Time first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

circa 1994

Some years are tougher than others. It’s been 30 yrs since my dad passed and this one sucked. Badly. Beyond being a scrooge and complaining about everything holiday-related, the I’ve-been-sobbing look just isn’t an award winning feature. No matter how “prepared” I am, nothing can stop the steam engine of grief. There’s not enough chocolate, or self care, exercise, or *gasp* coffee to vanish the feeling of loss. It sucks.

Grief looks different for everyone. This year was anger. Anger due to selfishness, anger from hurt, anger from words unspoken. Smiles don’t stop heartache. Sometimes I just have to sit in the pain. It doesn’t make me less or more than. It just means I’m feeling what needs to be felt. Tomorrow is a new day.

There’s no questions or comments here. Please know you don’t have to suffer in silence, or suffer alone. Always listening. 💜 Kel

(The post circa 1994 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Productive Waiting

Merry Fitmas, everyone. The most loathed “holiday” to ever be. According to my spouse and child. It’s actually quite simple. For every day of December, each person must accomplish one physical activity and one chore-centered task. For example, a physical activity such as walking, i.e., a purposeful physical activity. Not the normal amount of daily activity. Parts tried. A chore is something outside of the regular day’s chores; also, going to work does not count. Maybe I made up the rules, maybe I didn’t. Thus far, I think we’ve all been incredibly productive albeit unwilling.

Truth be told, I don’t really like the holidays. There is a heaviness to the expectation to perform, decorate, volunteer, and smile through it all. I’m all about volunteerism – huge fan! But why can’t I just volunteer 11 months out of the year?

Waiting is also very expensive. I priced the software I would need post-research. $500 for 50 hours?! Granted, it’s the best on the market, I’m familiar with it, and it decreases my effort to transcribe dozens of interviews. Sold! Cost be damned. I’ll pay for convenience.

And, on this final note of paying for things, I purchased a voice recorder which uploads audio files – in this case, interviews – to my computer for transcription via the aforementioned incredibly expensive software. Again, convenience. See also expensive.

____________

I ask you –

On average, how productive are you?

How do you bide your time during long periods of waiting?

Tell me the most expensive thing you’ve purchased lately.

(The post Productive Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

DON’T YUCK MY YUM!

“Why yuck their yum?” – the phrase recently brought up while radio surfing. The book, also the title of this post, was written by Amy Pleimling who references gross and desirable foods. New to me, but the phrase was coined in 2013.

The radio question pertained to how long does a parent support their child in an activity the child is clearly not excelling at but is arguably something the child really enjoys.

For some, the monetary cost and time investment are determining factors in this decision. However, what do parents without these issues do? Let their child continue because it brings them joy? Or gently redirect to an activity the child may excel at? Is it worth it to partake for sheer joy? Who says lack of skill is a bad thing? Maybe the child isn’t headed to the Olympics, but it makes them happy. Besides, being good at something is subjective.

I’m not good at a lot of things, but I enjoy my mediocrity! Preferably hobbies including food. However, I am certain that goat cheese is yuck and anything with pepper jack is yum.

____________

I ask you –

Had you heard the aforementioned phrase before?

Were you a participant in an activity you didn’t excel at?

Tell me your favorite type of cheese!

(The post DON’T YUCK MY YUM! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)