The Waiting

It’s frustrating when I’ve requested an article or document from a particular author who wants to charge for said document. Granted, I understand their time is money and knowledge; however, the sites I use are reputable and notable academia journals so they must understand students are typically the ones searching for materials here. Yet, I fill out a giant form indicating why and how I need access to said article with often little or zero response. Undoubtedly, countless requests just from me for articles sit in a queue somewhere, forever in a holding pattern. It’s not like I have forgotten; instead, I wait and wait and wait without response.

A few nights ago, my chair and I had a brief conversation, with me mainly insisting I’m attempting to be patient in the waiting for committee response and her insisting all is well. As she’s the expert, I defer to her in nearly every way. But if I had known. I could have made a training plan for a half marathon. I could have done something else with my time. But, life is funny like that. Surely, I needed an unstructured break. Surely.

Parts invited her boss – something I could never do

I also attended a comedy show, titled Moms Unhinged. It started at 7pm, practically the middle of the night, but it was fun and the jokes were great! I’ve watched football. Cowboys, wth. I’ve developed a new outline for a different research interest. Yeah, Kel, that’s exactly what you needed. I’ve begun watching a new television series, Brilliant Minds. Fantastic, btw. I’ve sat on my couch with mini, or read trashy novels for hours on end.

But, at the end of the night, I’m still waiting.

_____________________

I ask you –

How long is too long to wait? Does it depend?

Who is your favorite comedian?

Tell me your bedtime.

(The post The Waiting first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Patience, my child

Mini has an opportunity to try out for UIL events and my little heart exploded with pride and memories. Except for chess, I excelled at these events. Storytelling was my breakthrough – shocking, most definitely – into a world of possibilities for competitive scholastic events.

Many years ago I made a keto carrot cheesecake that was sublime. Really. It was incredible. I haven’t baked in a lonnnnnng while and now I have some free time. You know. While I wait. Anyway, I wanted to bring a family dessert to game night, to impress my friends. And that’s where it ended. The photo below doesn’t look too horrible. But the taste? Let’s just say something went awfully wrong with the carrot cake layer on bottom. It was gloopy, gross, and inedible. The cheesecake layer wasn’t bad, had it not been on top of the carrot disaster. Needless to say, I did not take it anywhere except to the garbage can.

As my brain functions in some sort of random, non-linear, jumbled mess, I can appreciate life’s linearity. One would think dissertation work is linear. Oh, but you (I) would be so wrong. I do the things, then wait. I do other things, then wait. My frustrations are apparent as I check and double check my email waiting for a notification of scheduled defense proposal. I complete the IRB documents, then wait. Turns out IRB approval can take up to 2 months. Although I despise speaking this fear into existence, I’m not sure if I’ll begin the research portion this fall. No approvals = no research. I will have spent nearly the entirety of a very expensive semester awaiting approval. Sigh.

Patience is not my strongest virtue.

_________________

I ask you –

What events did you participate in as a young person?

On a scale of 1 to me, how much patience do you have?

Tell me your worst cooking fail!

(The post Patience, my child first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Will I…

…finish writing my book, the one I started circa 2019? Considering a PhD is a nonfiction work of art, the answer remains to be seen.

…purchase my dream car? Maybe when mini graduates high school or I excel at a second job.

…volunteer to be room mom or the parent who channels their creativity to make school parties successful? Ha. Probably never. But I will be the cleanup crew. I can handle that.

…tune in to the upcoming presidential debates, tour stops, and all the related political rhetoric? You know, I really should. I should want to. But I just can’t stand to listen to either of the candidates speak. And my attention span? Yikes. I will instead concede to perusing non-partisan articles.

…what I thought was the beginning of Wk 3 in the review process is actually Wk 0. There was a miscommunication of email proportions and my manuscript wasn’t submitted yet. Alas, I am not a patient person but I guess this means I have more time for football?

_________________

I ask you –

What’s your dream car?

How long is your attention span?

Wk 0 – waiting for manuscript review. Tick tock, tick tock

(The post Will I… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Just in Case

Hom(ies)

Disclaimer: I’m fine being a homebody. It’s where I’m comfortable. It has my favorite coffee. My favorite people. It’s mine. On occasion, however, I’m forced (mostly willingly) to go out and do things.

Like these things –

Granted, they were fun people so it wasn’t a hardship. Loved making new friends, putting faces to names, and fighting the good fight.

Followed by really really really hot things –

There’s no words for how hot it was. Maybe even Hotter ‘n Hell. A week in San Antonio working on a handbook followed by a mad dash home to lead the yearly rest stop. Definitely missing my wingwoman. It was a whirlwind – and it’s not over yet! Back to San Antonio today!

_________________

I ask you –

Are you a homebody?

How far have you ever ridden a bike?

Tell me what you have going on this week!

(The post Hom(ies) first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Bucket List Addition

I want to watch Olympic curling. In Italy. In 2026. A PhD celebration trip. Also near my 40th birthday.

Credit: Google

…originally this post was titled in the plural sense. Bucket List Additions. However, at the time of this posting, I am TDY to a location with somehow even more humidity than I’m accustomed to yet also slightly (maybe 1 degree) cooler. I can’t tell you anything about this location because I must use it as fodder for future posts otherwise I would have nothing to share here.

On the bright side, since I turned in my manuscript last week in a rushed attempt to capture everything I had planned to incorporate this week, I have a little time on my hands to brainstorm more bucket list items. In the meantime…I’ll return soon with adventure stories!

_________________

I ask you –

Have you ever watched the Olympics live?

Would you be more likely to go watch the summer or winter Olympics?

For my fellow bloggers, tell me about your idea-generating endeavors!

(The post Bucket List Addition first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Wherever There Is

An ode to personal growth, making tough choices, and speaking my truth. Wherever there is – as we have no idea where life will take us, why, or who it’s surrounded by.

3rd grade!

Belief first, correction later. I saw this on a post and it hit me like a ton of bricks. How often do I correct mini before I believe what she is saying? Guilty. We probably all do this – we fact check others before acknowledging they have a right to their opinion and, more importantly, a right to their feelings. The post went on to say our children need us to sit in the discomfort with them, to know we care about their feelings, PRIOR to reasoning with them. How many people know anxiety is not reasonable? Hands high. I don’t need someone to say my thoughts are not realistic, I’m well aware they’re not!, what I need is reassurance I will be ok.

Along the lines of being ok – middle of last week, I very nearly lost my life. Ok ok, so I’m dramatic. As I’ve stated before, the final year of my dissertation is comprised of 15 week semesters. Last week was Wk 14. Until it wasn’t. I received an email stating Friday, 16 August was the due date for both Wk 14 and 15. WHICH MEANT…I was required to submit my manuscript more than a week before I intended.

One week. Just one week. Sounds minimal, right? If you don’t keep meticulous planning calendars and structure your entire existence around writing a 600+ page manuscript, then sure, it’s probably minimal. Not for me! So, I cried. I got frustrated. A little angry, too, perhaps. Then I cancelled all my plans and got busy. Suffice to say, in 3 days, I completed a manuscript worthy of expedited submission and now we wait. 14 weeks, 296 pages, 69.3K words. Easy, right?!

The good news is I get an unexpected break. And I purchased a pair of shoes as a reward. Short of the submission being classified as an official failure, I’m in good shape for the shape I’m in.

Correction: Hahaha I jest. I made another miscalculation and I don’t have a week break. It appears Wk 14 and 15 are jammed together (aka were due Friday) because the next course starts the following Monday. i.e., today. Wonderful. Lovely.

“There” is wherever life takes you and I’m just along for the ride, it seems.

Wk 14/15: added 16 pages

P.S. this is the final iteration of the chart. It served its purpose and now I feel like it’s more of a chore/unneeded pressure to include it. Thanks for playing along. Surely I can find something else to entertain you. Maybe I should be monitoring my stress levels more?

________________

I ask you –

Are you a corrector or a listener?

How surprised would you have been?

Tell me about your most recent unexpected event!

(The post Wherever There Is first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

July Recap

1. This shoulder pain/impingement crap is for the birds. I know I should have stopped doing all the things when it started but I didn’t. And now I pay the price. Ibuprofen, here I come!

2. There is not enough time to write everything I want (need) to write. My desk is often scattered with at least 2 dog-eared textbooks, a few highlighters, at least 1 coffee cup, and roughly 24 open browser tabs. Fairly certain the operating system is drowning in cookies. I like cookies!

3. After moving back to Texas from Virginia, it has taken nearly 5 years to make the same amount of money. I don’t have a point in sharing this, just saying it took 5 years. There’s probably some statistical significance to it but my brain is tired.

4. As a budding researcher, I have a lot of issues with articles like this which proceed to claim significance in research studies without giving the full picture or context. I am not suggesting mindfulness and meditation are overly positive or negative, I am saying people should do their homework. But no one makes money when people are well informed.

5. July running was pretty good! I haven’t dived into the full stats but this was impressive for me considering it’s been so hot.

_________________

I ask you –

Do you have chronic shoulder pain? Any suggestions?

How was running or walking for you in July?

Tell me your August goals!

(The post July Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

5 Years with RoF!

Congratulations, loyal, kind readers! With your readership, emotional support, and massive grace, Running on Fumes is now 5 years old!

In true celebratory fashion, I’m choosing to celebrate as any 5 yr old might: by saying (writing) what I want to write!

First, in response to a prevalent post I’ve seen on multiple social media platforms but which I choose not to share here for obvious reasons, I have this to say: What’s more interesting is the fact these “startling stats” are only available from Jan 2023. Therefore, to be truly valuable to the disconcerting citizen, and even more so to the average citizen who won’t investigate these stats and chooses to take them out of context, a quick recap that pits one presidency against another is not the definition of unified, citizen, or, dare I say, Christian.

Second, I’ve been listening to The Jordan B. Peterson Podcast with increasing insight into society’s challenges and how to be an overcomer despite the issues. Might I recommend episode 467. Plagiarized by Harvard’s President. Not only was it enlightening but also provoked me to reconsider some of my own opinions.

Finally, I owe you a few weeks of exercise totals versus page count. Wk 11 includes about 12 hours of drive time to my favorite vacation spot. Somehow, I experienced no motion sickness and was able to write to my heart’s content.

Wk 11: additional 36 pages!

However, the drive back was less productive. I was sick fairly consistently so only added maybe 1 page. My goal was 60 min per day, but, again, I wasn’t as productive as I had planned. Instead, I ate gelato, cookies, and ran nearly daily! Good tradeoff.

Wk 12: additional 6 pages

The semester is winding down and I’m frantically finishing up last minute details to hopefully get approval to start the actual research portion of this dissertation in the fall. Whilst on vacation, our group was approached by a researcher from the local university. At first, I stated no thanks to completing her survey, then I had a change of heart. Alas, if I was doing survey research, arguably the most difficult type, then I would want kind people to help me. We spent maybe 10 minutes with her, patiently answering her questions (marketing-related), then went on our way. It provides a different perspective when you realize all the surveys and such actually might be influencing someone’s education.

Regardless, one more day of laundry and grocery shopping then it’s back to the work grind.

_________________

I ask you –

If you’re a fellow blogger, how many years have you been writing?

Do you have any podcast recommendations?

Share what you’ve been up to this past week!

(The post 5 Years with RoF! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-post: People. Not Programs.

2nd iteration of the necessary repost. Not to worry, loyal readers, I will return soon. Sunkissed, smiling, and (still) slightly frazzled. Enjoy! -Kel

Sometimes we need a reminder that many (most) of us are surrounded by people and the importance of being a leader is one not to be taken lightly. As it is appraisal season in the fairytale land of federal government employment, it’s time for me to administer them. While my own was a pleasant experience and nearly always has been, predecessors have royally convoluted the process and make it seem like a dirty word. It can be disheartening to build trust and camaraderie when employees are fearful, distrustful, and generally blah (which is definitely a scientific word). Often I find myself correcting others when I’m referred to as a manager. That’s not me. I strive to be a leader of people and a manager of programs. People are our mission; programs are our resource.

All this being said – work has posed some challenges lately. Seems this course on human resources and the legalities surrounding it have taken a toll on my decision-making skills. Not necessarily in a bad way; just that I’ve repeatedly questioned whether or not I’m doing the right thing. Turns out I think I have. But still.

So far, these are my (and by “my” I mean I didn’t do much…the team did) shining moments: hosted a staff meeting that included a rousing game of volleyball of which I am (ongoing) healing from; established 24/7 access to a gym that did not previously have this amenity, and completed a 3 week streak of consistent call-ins yet managed to recover. I can’t understand why my award-writing skills aren’t cutting it. Just another example of how supervising people and managing programs can be rewarding in itself.

As for the volleyball part of this post, we’ve decided to develop a team complete with custom shirts, wildly inappropriate shorts, and substantially-lacking coach mentorship. At this point in the proverbial game, we have about 11 months to start practicing. Nothing can stand in our way!

Until I receive the phone call asking if someone can bring in their inflatable gymnastics mat. Do what?

_____________________

I ask you –

Do you supervise anyone in your workplace?

Have you ever played volleyball?

Tell me your thoughts on leadership versus management.

(The post People. Not Programs. first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)