Bucket o’ Butterflies

Can we talk about how the term catching feelings illicit the weirdest images in my head? For example, I see a man (always a man) running around the yard with a bucket in his hands waiting for butterflies to fall from the sky. What is “catching” feelings? How does one catch them? Isn’t it more of a choice? It’s just biology.

Can we also talk about how distraction disguised as self-care is not really caring for oneself at all? It is self-sabotage though. Distractions don’t make us feel better because we’re not identifying what our body/mind/soul really needs.

Case in point – after a particularly stressful encounter at work, I really wanted to disconnect for a few moments and escape. My go-to was to play on my phone and absentmindedly scroll. Instead (pretty proud of this one) I stopped and asked myself some questions…what are you feeling? what was the most challenging part of it? are you ok? do you feel safe? what do you need right now?

Believe it or not, I actively reflected on the experience and how I was feeling rather than avoiding thinking through it. It helped put into perspective my own thoughts and beliefs about what had just happened. Not once did I think I could have done something better and not once during the remainder of the day did I question my choices. For once, I didn’t let it get the best of me or let it control the day.

The real test is continuing this practice on days I’m more unaware of my stress levels. Challenging myself with questions related to self-care isn’t easy especially when I feel or think things are going well. Why even ask then? Because there’s always a feeling brewing under the surface and I like a good challenge.

Weekly report:

Wk 8: 23 additional pages

I would like to clarify though – 23 pages isn’t very accurate as the manuscript now includes many pages of feedback from last week’s chair review. The font is 9; alas, it does contribute to the high page count addition.

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I ask you –

What term(s) do you use to describe when someone is developing feelings?

What is your go-to distraction method?

Tell me your thoughts on emotional analysis! Perhaps a bit tricky.

(The post Bucket o’ Butterflies first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Things only a doctoral candidate would say –

I recognize I already made a post about preposterous things but I have a last minute addition: can you believe there’s published material not available as an e-book? Me neither! I was forced to dig for this book on the deep, dark webs just to find an affordable edition. Unfortunately, there’s no Ctrl+F option here.

Pleasant observation: 100 pages and counting! But who is? It seemed to be the first major hurdle: surpassing the 100 pg mark. As most dissertations are 300-400 pgs, I have many more pages to write before I sleep. Circa Robert Frost’ish. I’ve just recalled I’m expecting another textbook via mail because I had (read, was forced) to utilized interlibrary loan to obtain the book; it’s being shipped to me from my university’s library in Virginia. Oh yay, another book to peruse in my spare hours.

Relatedly: “Waiting is the answer we least want to receive because, in our hyper-rushed, instant gratification world, it doesn’t feel like a real answer.” Waiting isn’t really in my vocabulary. I don’t like to wait. I like to go! Alas, finding time to wait seems to be a struggle. Always the conundrum. On a recent leadership traits exercise with others supervisors, etc., we were instructed to choose the top trait (out of 20 options) we value in our own leaders, then choose our own strength and limitation. My top choice for my leaders was communication. My self-described strength was problem-solving; the trait I’m the worst at…patience. As I explained it, problem solving and patience are the light and dark of the world, nearly completely opposites. I’m a do’er, a fixer, a get-it-done-now; thus, I have very little patience for waiting.

I know I owe some weeks worth of trackers –

As I spent some time away, here’s the recap for activity vs pages written:

_________________

I ask you –

Do you prefer hard copy or digital books?

Thoughts on leadership trait analysis?

Tell me if you have patience in spades. Teach me your ways, Oh Wise One.

(The post Things only a doctoral candidate would say – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Blue Bell Love Affair

You had me at ice cream –

Introducing Blue Bell Creameries, headquartered in beautiful Brenham, TX. Since I was a very young girl, I’ve always wanted to visit the place where my favorite ice cream is made. It really is a lovely community with a proper downtown, a few coffee options (Mescalito was fantastic!), and some amazing BBQ!

The tour of the ice cream facility ends with $1 scoops of Blue Bell. Life is so good. As we visited first thing in the day, ice cream was more of a breakfast option, which I think is perfect! Blue Bell is actually the name of a flower, which the founders of Blue Bell Ice Cream chose to name their business after.

(L) Buttered Pecan (R) Salted Caramel Brownie

We toured banks-turned-boutiques, museums, and even made a quick stop in Waco, TX, to check out the much loved Magnolia Market and Silos.

As the weekend capped off the return from VA and seeing my best friend, it was a whirlwind of sights and sounds. But the ice cream made it worth it.

this might be what Heaven looks like

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I ask you –

Have you ever visited Brenham, TX?

What’s your favorite ice cream or brand?

Tell me about a place you’ve toured!

(The post Blue Bell Love Affair first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

When the Cat’s Away…

It can be so difficult to make time outside of your home and work to reconnect with those friends who hold special pieces of your heart. But we did it!

My best friend, Sam

on the boardwalk where I almost died once

Just a few…a lot…of photos where we ate and drank our way through Ocean View.

There’s tons of other photos but we genuinely had the best time together. Beach in the morning, beer and shopping in the afternoon, and copious amounts of shenanigans in the evening!

I caught a crab!

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I ask you –

Have you visited the beaches at Norfolk, VA?

Do you have a vacation planned?

Tell me your thoughts about seafood! Love it? Hate it?

(The post When the Cat’s Away… first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post! Girl’s Day Recap

An oldie but a goodie from 2023! I’ll be back next week with new things and adventures to tell you all! Love, RoF

While mini was enjoying her summer shenanigans, McK and I were planning things for us to do. Because of our genuine love for mini, we decided to wait on a few things and take mini on a girl’s day.

First up – Lip Lab in Frisco, TX

Actually – the first thing we did was eat lunch at Bread Zeppelin (catchy, right?). Hands down, best salad I’ve probably ever had. Mini got her salad stuffed in a baguette, which is the entire concept. As I don’t eat bread like that, I just got a bowl but I can see the draw.

Of course we visited a coffee shop. McK and I have been following the multiple locations of Ascension Coffee for some time – the location we really want to visit is in a converted church. Alas, we were near the Dallas Cowboys stadium so that’s where we went instead. I got the Keto coffee. Amazing. McK got a latte and stated it was delicious, Parts had a Salted Caramel Cold Brew. She said it was very strong but the salty flavor was nice. Amateur.

Mini told me to make certain faces. I obliged but she seemed a little grumpy at my interpretations.

Finally, the lipstick details.

I have jokes. No need to comment on my naming convention as I’m utilizing scientific research that states your ideal lipstick color is 1-2 shades lighter/darker than nipple color. Hey, it’s science.

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I ask you –

Have you ever designed your own cosmetics?

Do you like salt in your coffee?

Tell me your favorite coffee establishment!

(The post Girl’s Day Recap first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post: Love Notes

A few times a year, when I’ll be gone, I phone it in and do a re-post. Allow me some time to recuperate and I’ll be back with new material! xoxo, RoF

Surely in the last 4 yrs (update: 5 yrs now) of Running on Fumes I have mentioned my sweet great aunt, my daughter’s namesake, the woman who taught me that life is for giving. But, if you’re new here, allow me to introduce her once again.

It’s very difficult for her to hear on the phone so occasionally I break out the pen and paper and send her a love note. At 96, her ears may not be what they once were but her sight is adequate. She is love epitomized into one small woman with the most beautiful laugh and a smile that lights up the entire world.

She’s a God-fearing woman with a heart of genuine gold. I try to be a woman she is proud of, an incredible mom like she filled that role for me, and an overall good person. And her deep baritone singing voice? Well, nothing I do could ever come close.

Sure, this post is short today but there’s so much meaning behind it. Call the person, send them a love note, tell them how much they are missed. It’s not for you. It’s for them.

________________

I ask you –

Do you have a special person in your life?

How is your singing voice?

Tell me the last time you sent someone a personal letter or note!

(The post Love Notes first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Cheap Grace

Definition: Cheap grace basically teaches that we can win our race without cost or commitment to training.

I read the above statement again and again. And again. And maybe again, too.

Some call it discipline, I rather think of it as escapism. My friend and neighbor came upon me walking one evening after I had spent nearly 90 mins working on a new section of my manuscript. He might see my walking the same stretch of roadway nearly daily as discipline when, in reality, it’s just a convenient path to unwind my mind and seek (literally) new words to bring to life this idea in my head.

Conundrum: I need access to a setting, a group of people for my study, yet I’m not certain how this comes about. Organically? Do I show up and sweet talk my way into their good graces? Cold calling? Exactly how does this happen, inquiring minds must know.

Unrelatedly, remember a previous post about getting kicked out of meetings for laughing too much? Real life possibility. Cue the most recent meeting where a group titled Pheasants Forever was mentioned. I snorted laughing. Later, thankfully after the meeting concluded, I asked if this was a real group. Indeed, it is. But better was the question by an equally funny coworker who asked “Do the peasants fly?” I nearly peed on myself when I retorted how peasants are people!

Anyway, cheap grace.

_________________

I ask you –

How would you define cheap grace?

Are you guilty of engaging in an activity to seek escape?

Pheasants Forever – ever heard of them?!

(The post Cheap Grace first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Tri and Tri Again!

The intent was to share here how I competed in a recent Mini Triathlon. But you won’t be reading a recap as I decided the day prior to forego the event in lieu of keeping myself alive. Slightly dramatic but not by much. Originally when I considered it, the weather had been hovering around the 75° mark and it was raining near daily. Then, summer arrived. The projected high on the day of the Mini Tri was 99°. Despite it starting around 78-ish°, the humidity was rapidly increasing.

All this to say, maybe next time. It’s not worth chancing it. Nonetheless, I was out there doing director things and playing witness to the other able-bodied individuals with Triathlon goals. Base support was awesome, we recruited different groups of people to help facilitate the event as it spanned multiple smaller events and a large footprint. Personally, I love seeing our team get together and DO outside the office.

Team Fitness!

Also, I’m trying something new. I want to keep track of my weekly exercise activities and the addition of manuscript pages in an effort to see valued change 1 yr from now, when I project completing this doctoral journey. My plan is to add a screenshot of my weekly activities via the Garmin app with a numerical indicator of manuscript pages. (I don’t have an activity list for Wk 2 but I know I added 9 pgs.)

For example, the below was from Wk 3:

Additional pages: 18

Despite the fact these variables probably have zero correlation, it’s an interesting concept to me. I like lists and comparing things, although not typically numbers because I’m not number-y, I’m word-y. As it stands, I can’t imagine there will be anything to this beyond being able to look back at it, mainly because I don’t run/cycle/walk between 4-6am because that’s when I’m writing. Additionally, I don’t run/walk/cycle between 5-8pm because it’s either too hot, raining (as of late), or I’m working on my manuscript. Therefore, my work day is primarily when I engage in exercise so one rarely precludes me from doing the other, except on the weekends when I attempt to do both. Since I’m not tracking just the weekends, the data is mostly garbage stats. Thank you for listening while I worked all this out.

Nonetheless, it gives me something to look forward to so without further ado –

Week 4 Activity + Pages Report:

Additional pages: 11

_________________

I ask you –

What teams are you a part of?

Any insight into my stats game?

Pros/cons of tracking activity stats!!

(The post Tri and Tri Again! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Preposterous!

Somehow in my… shortsightedness, ignorance, lack of basic comprehension…I missed the fact I don’t turn in my manuscript for a whole 6 weeks. Essentially, in this 15 week course, I submit it at Wk 1, Wk 7, and Wk 14. Which is mostly insane because can you imagine not having any discipline for an assignment that you fudge the weekly “Have you made any progress?” question and tarry on (yes, tarry) for 6 weeks without doing anything? CAN YOU IMAGINE?!

Completely unfathomable. This is a doctoral degree! So basically I’m not worried even a little bit but if you’re someone who struggles with zero accountability, then you might have issues. Thank goodness for my “insane drive bordering on absolute nutcase” or however that paraphrase of an actual insult? compliment? went.

Another thing is the rabbit hole of variable research studies I’m suddenly stumbling upon. Somehow I can write 7 pages a day without realizing how much time I’ve spent perusing tons of material. Again, a foreign concept to most. One morning I spent 2.5 hrs writing and only added 2 pages. Balance, I guess.

Random funny –

Actual conversation at approximately 0600 on a Wednesday:

Me: *examining an empty milk jug with a missing lid* What goes on around here after hours?

Parts: Some real shady sh*t!

_________________

I ask you –

Do you have any good examples of a compliment that functions as an insult? I’d like to include it in my repertoire.

Have you ever found a milk jug without a lid?

Tell me about something lately you would consider absolutely preposterous!

(The post Preposterous! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Running + Cycling Stuff

I’ve been running. Yes, it hurts. I keep forgetting about that part, until I do it.

On the bright side, Garmin says I’m 40% acclimated to the heat, which I know is definitely not true. Probably more like 14%. Nonetheless, it’s rained so often in the past 2 months I haven’t been out in the heat thus far. Only recently have I attempted to navigate the daily rain showers to make a conscious effort to go outside.

Perhaps I’ve forgotten to mention I’ve been sort of training for a mini triathlon. The sort of part refers to a general, well complete, lack of swim training due to a complete lack of available swimming locations. Unless you count the consistent daily rainfall and the fact the installation pools have only (until last weekend) been open on the weekends. Nonetheless, I can swim, so 250-something meters shouldn’t be too hard, right? Meh.

Working back up to a 20 mile week!

I’m genuinely excited to participate as I’ve never done anything like this before. Typically, I’m a single-plane type of athlete, unless volleyball counts as dual-plane? Relatedly, fast four volleyball has begun and I intend to join this week. More to come.

P.S. Someone should remind me about this run next year: Freihofer’s Run for Women 5k. The check in gift is a box of cookies and a loaf of bread!

_________________

I ask you –

How has your weather been?

Have you ever entered a triathlon? To be clear, this is a mini triathlon so definitely less intensive.

Tell me about a sport you’ve always wanted to attempt!

(The post Running + Cycling Stuff first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)