Data Circles & Cycles

Screw this. -me, most of the time

You see that thing that says “Intensification Phase”? Well, the me who created this plan to coincide the Intensification Phase with my Luteal Phase (pre-period week, for any non-ovary owners) was an absolute idiot. My stomach looks like I drink beer for a living, and I’m craving donuts. Nonstop. I feel like garbage, I look like garbage, and my bloated belly is both uncomfortable and very unfortunate for my workout goals. I hate this part.

So, instead of complaining, kidding, I’m doing that anyway, I suck it up and complete the hellish workout, for intensification purposes only. Might even throw in a good run, to round off the rage and loathing. But, wait, there’s more! After the intensification phase is a lovely phase titled the Realization Phase, which is a nice way to say you’re about to lift some heavy a** sh*t and you’ll be powerful and awesome and toned and kick butt all day! Just don’t die.

And another thing! This is the worst time to learn a new skill, such as data analysis using this fun little program called Power Bi. It’s not fun. I should have been able to plug in an Excel document, tell it to analyze the data, and a happy graphic pop out. Ha. What I got was a headache, convoluted data, and no happy graphic. I did receive a graph, but it didn’t have anything populated so it was basically blank and unhappy. Much like me.

Fortunately, the very next day post-Power Bi BS was fraught with zero Internet connection so everyone received a reprieve from work. Haha sort of. Not me though. I had a 2-day unexpected delivery of fitness equipment I think everyone forgot about. They said delivery in April, then May. Almost July is good. There was trash scattered from one end of the facility to the other. I walked 18,000 steps that day and, if I’d known what the day would bring, I would not have run!

But guess who didn’t have to Power Bi that day? This girl! Alas, I still have tutorials to watch. And data to analyze. Pie chart, anyone?

Welcome to PMS, friends. It will probably get worse before it gets better but maybe it’s just the hormones talking. Maybe I can make a graph of mood swings.

____________________________

I ask you –

How does the Power Bi thing work? I’m googling demos.

(The post Data Circles & Cycles first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

This May Not Be For Everyone

Disclaimer: this post may not be for everyone but, as I’m uber inclusive, read at your own peril.

It amazes me every single month how far removed I am from understanding my body. I get the basics, the ins and outs, the birds and the bees, all that. But somehow after having a monthly cycle for nearly 3 decades – 3 whole decades! – I still can’t get it right. I either “forget” it’s almost that time and am entirely unprepared OR I suddenly can’t calculate how often I’ll need to go to the restroom. And, my personal favorite, is when my body does this stupid switcharoo crap, like oh you should probably change your tampon around the hour 4 mark, then the next time it should have been hour 1 and I had zero warning. So there I am – bleeding out in the bathroom, trying not to pass out, frantically using every last brain cell to navigate how to make it to the shower or a change of clothes or bed…just so we can do this again in a few hours. This is really so much fun.

Let’s not forget how truly exciting it is to pee on your tampon string because they make that thing so short. Then it’s gross and wet and your clothes are wet and I’m just angry by this point. Additionally, have a micro dose of labor-like cramps. Because a week per month couldn’t be complete without those. The best part about the whole ordeal is no matter how many weeks between cycles, somehow blessedly I forget how terrible it is until the next one creeps up on me. Supplies!

Anyone remember when mini described tampons as running sticks? What about when, without warning, she tried to pull my tampon string out of me, then giggled like the 2 yr old she was? I do remember these events well. Now, I just keep telling her we’ll talk soon, avoiding a conversation I can only imagine will go something like this…”You mean, like every month? WHY?”

I sure hope other women out there are doing it right, never forgetting, enjoying pain-free periods, with dry tampons and a clockwork cycle. But, if not, you’ve come to the right place. Because I suck at being female. And lucky for all of you I have the ability to write about the trials of a monthly period on my famously infamous public platform.

_____________________

I ask you –

No catchy questions this time unless you have something enlightening to add here.

(The post This May Not Be For Everyone first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Wrapping Up a Few Thoughts

Anybody else panic at knowing the “big hugs” and “so funny I might pee on myself” emojis on Facebook are right next to each other? Just me. I get so much anxiety when reacting to a post. What if I click the laughing face when they’re expressing something sorrowful? Ugh. Social media managers clearly did this on purpose.

And since I’m not a let-me-tell-you-the-problem-minus-a-solution person, I propose users receive a REORDER EMOJIS icon. Not like buy new emojis, but rearrange emojis instead. Simple end user function. With WordPress I’m able to literally change every part of the blog experience. Granted, I pay for this service; most social media platforms are free, but would benefit from this small change! (I feel like I previously posted the above info but I couldn’t find it on another post. So if you’re reading this twice, whoopsies!)

This is how I know it’s cycle time. And I don’t mean bicycle. I genuinely don’t remember why I was even at the store, but this is what I came home with. Completely out of control. Refer to Monday’s post if you don’t believe me.

Fruit. I love fruit. My new nickname at work is Kiwi Kel. Long story. We’ll get there another day.

___________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever had a wacky nickname?

What is your favorite fruit?

Pick one: Cookies or cake. Cookies. Always.