Where is the ball?

Disclaimer: I do not know anything about basketball. Zero. None.

A 3-day basketball tournament? Sounds a lot like nails on a chalkboard whilst watching Nascar. I have no desire, no motivation, and no tangible willingness for either. Could it be worse? Sure. But I’d rather not test the theory.

Insert basketball tournament. Oh yay. For weeks, I dreaded it. Not only was it difficult to coordinate, nearly impossible to understand, and fraught with issues way out of my control, I just didn’t wanna. Alas, the show must go on. Fitness stops for no one.

Nothing could have prepared me for the unity, the resiliency, the mental health priority which is basketball, but also sports in general. How narrow-minded of me to misunderstand what running is to me, another sport is to someone else. How I receive clarity and new ideas generation when my feet are pounding the pavement and my breath is rapidly entering/exiting my lungs…is the same for other athletes.

I have hundreds of photos of 11 teams, 125+ players, playing 70+ games over the entirety of the weekend. Here’s the real data: that’s 125+ players choosing their dreams, their sport, and themselves over suicide. That’s 125+ families whose son is going home. That’s 125+ service members returning to their unit/squadron/brigade. The military is 1%. And these 125 human beings still matter.

(L) Brittney and I.
(R) Fort Hood Phantom Warriors (champions) and Cannon AFB (runner up)

Check out this link to our interview with Mike. Forgive our humor, we were tired. Interview

Later, I received one of the most impactful emails I’ve ever read from someone outside my circle. Mike, the Commissioner and Founder of the MBA, recapped our time together with praise, inspiration, and humor. It brought tears to my eyes to be seen from an outsider’s perspective. Admittedly, it took me a few days to formulate a response and we all know I am rarely at a loss for words.

If you’d like more information about the MBA or to see what they’re doing in military and veteran’s lives, check out MBA.

________________________

I ask you –

What do you know about basketball? I just learned the purpose of a shot clock.

(The post Where is the ball? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Addendum

Recognizing we’re already into 2026 and the numbers post was already published, I still feel as if there is more to say about 2025.

my thinking face

More Lessons

I allowed people to disrupt my life when I should have never given them the time of day. Lesson: less allowance.

I succumbed to bad moods made possible by others who have no control over my emotions. Lesson: own my day.

I negated my reach by questioning simple responses. Lesson: commit to the answer.

It’s in the Ask

Countless instances exist of asking someone to help and then they accept. It’s not rocket science. Yet we are so quick to assume/presume/outright believe without evidence that no one wants to help or be part of a task/duty/event. How do you know if you do not ask? I use this line all the time. And what’s the worst that could happen? They say no!? Show me where it isn’t worth your time and effort just to ask.

I make it a point to ask what the end game, end goal, desired outcome, or expectation is during most conversations where I know there is a decision to be made. Trust me, it alleviates any confusion. Just tell me what you want!

_____________________

I ask you –

Did you learn any lessons in 2025?

(The post Addendum first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

2025 in Numbers

I cannot believe this is the final post of 2025. Absolutely insane. I’m reminded of this time last year, when I knew I would soon begin the research data portion of my PhD, both excited and terrified. What a ride. 2025 was amazing.

The word of the year was anew. Truly I encountered several new experiences and I feel I emerged anew. 2026’s word of the year is arise. Arise to age 40, arise to whatever calling I’m compelled to try, arise mentally and physically. Arise.

Rack & Stack

# of miles run – 321.1 (not bad considering I was injured Jan-early Mar)

# of average miles run – 6.21/week (post-recovery miles, too)

# of hours spent working out – 7 hrs, 48 mins/month (proud of this one!)

# of tries to complete a PhD – 1 (one and only 1!)

# of mental health appointments – 17 (some months were tough and required extra attention)

# of hours spent playing volleyball – 24 hrs, 35 mins (is this excessive?)

# of Team of the Quarter awards – 2 (that’s 50%!)

Final Thoughts

I make light of most situations, but 2025 was difficult. I’m incredibly blessed to be called Dr. However, it wasn’t an easy win. I was honored to be part of leading a winning team. Yet I struggled with my own feelings surrounding what I mistakenly thought was not good enough. I’ve learned some new tricks and I’ve tried to dismiss the outdated ones. All in all, twas a great year because I can say it is over and because a new one has arrived.

As have I. Arise.

_____________________

I ask you –

What is your word of the new year? Or resolution if you enjoy this?

(The post 2025 in Numbers first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

The Sword does not Negotiate

It operates according to function. It neither acts as a microphone nor as a microscope. It has one job. So what if we started living like the sword?

There is a cost, real or imagined, to every decision, every benchmark, every result. Often, we judge the things we must do according to the cost it will have on our life. But, like children, we twist the variables for our benefit. If the cost is low, we accept the circumstances. If cost is high, then we contextualize the variables according to what we desire for the end result. Basic principles.

When we embark on a path of revenge or vengeance, our entire lens is skewed to the end result. Hurt others. Often we contextualize the variables (see above) as righteous anger. For example, I’m protecting others, I’m doing as has been done to me, I am the victim. Please understand – you probably are the victim. But the cost is high. Peace is not cheap. Dare I say it is the most expensive part of life, in a global form. Time is almost the most expensive part of life, yet it is a personal value which might be considered the #1 most valuable asset a human can retain. Maybe this sounds conflicting. Maybe it is.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

The real question is are you seeking peace and purpose or thrill and chaos?

The moment has come for choosing a new word, or affirmation, in the next year. My team would insist I choose “No.”. A definitive period at the end of the only two-letter complete sentence in our language. It requires no explanation, no justification, no extra words. One period at its end. Another drain on my time? No. Another task to be accomplished without clear vision or goal? No. Another meeting disguised as necessary? No. Another person who trauma-dumps their entire life story on me? No. Another pointless discussion destined to morph into an argument. No.

I don’t want to check the temperature when I enter a room. I don’t want to scan it looking for a familiar face. I want the dynamic to change when I enter. I set the pace, I am the temperature to be checked, I make change. I refuse to negotiate when I hold the sword.

Be the thermostat. Not the thermometer.

_____________________

I ask you –

Which one are you and which do you desire to be?

(The post The Sword does not Negotiate first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Maybe I mean me

Leading women fills my soul and leadership heart. Small moments of joy – listening to them, praying with them, just being there for them – brings me joy.

For the photo above, it’s a re-creation of the same photo we’ve done 3 years straight. We are nothing if not consistent.

But my overall takeaway from the event was this – many women are tired of taking care of others who probably wouldn’t do the same for them (or they can’t trust someone else would do the same for them). They’re tired of stifling their voices, giving and giving and giving their time, effort, energy, and they’re tired of forgoing the things which make them happy for fear of reprisal at home, the office, in any setting really. They are silently imploding with unsaid words, feelings, situations. They’re done.

_________________

I ask you –

Is there anything making you feel as if you are done?

(The post Maybe I mean me first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

We did some things!

Seeing my sister win is a WIN! She deserves all the accolades and appreciation and awards. We’re so different, but we are a winning team! She thinks others don’t notice her hard work, I’m sure sometimes she doesn’t feel appreciated, but she definitely is. She’s the better half of this sister duo and the co-worker award is a testament to her heart.

I had a photo here of what happens when Parts doesn’t show up to claim her award, but it was truly awful. Must like she probably felt when she said she was sick. Hmph.

Humble brag: It never ceases to amaze me when I win awards or listen to my own accomplishments. Most of the things I do are my job – lead, train, motivate, join. To me, it’s not a big deal. It’s what I do. So I’m humbled when someone else sees the value in it because that’s certainly not why I do what I do. I do it for them, for my team – a group of people who come together to do good things, day in and day out. They deserve recognition every quarter.

Speaking of teams – 4th quarter team winners – I’ve written about it before – when they win, we all win!

_______________

I ask you –

Received any awards lately? Brag to me!

Do you fancy yourself a great co-worker?

Tell me how many times you’ve been sick in 2025. Because things are going around.

(The post We did some things! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Defiant and Noncompliant

I’ve (mostly) come back to my senses so allow me to share the good things, the fun, the holiday spirit activities before too much of January arrives with all its circumstances.

I connected with like-minded others who have a passion for servant leadership. Some are also self-described adrenaline junkies, which I believe speaks to a world of chaos I’m mildly interested in exploring.

I reconnected with a special person who will probably never read this post, but holds space in my heart. We were both very young when I joined his family, so to see him as an adult, with children of his own, but with the same mischievous smile of years past – a huge smile crosses my own face.

The weight bench and weights represent strength, but more than traditional strength equipment. They are joy, peace, and a fair amount of pain. The past 2 winters I’ve been unable to run on the island like I train year-round to do. It’s disappointing. So I continue to train in other ways…ways that make me feel strong.

Sharing some words spoken to me, in natural muse-like behavior: You may be biased. But you are fair. I can’t think of anything better than to be known as fair, especially when leading others. Maybe I’m doing something right.

Lastly, a lesson in obedience rather than how I’ve been obedient. Some have a certain type of face they must keep under wraps. You know the one. The infamous RBF. Luckily, I don’t have one of those. However, I do have a very prominent laugh. It’s loud. It’s me. If only I could control it. I can’t. It bubbles out of me like a fountain spewing joy at the most inopportune times. The pastor called me his favorite heckler. Probably not a compliment. People stare. Some smile so that makes me feel better. Others look over in alarm. As they should. The legacy I leave won’t be for world peace, or lavish contributions to society, but to the worst timing of a laugh. I guess we’re all remembered for something.

____________

I ask you –

What connections have you made lately?

Any go-to activities when you can’t do what you love?

Tell me your defining trait!

(The post Defiant and Noncompliant first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Anew in 2025

My heart has been hurting for some time now. The holidays had me at war with myself. Every day in November, I did one thing for myself. I went to the coffee shop frequently, I escaped work to go window shopping, I went on long walks, I dated me. In December, I set a goal to work out as much during the week as possible. I created my own workouts to excuse the knee pain, I religiously followed up with doctors to get the X-ray and MRI, I pushed hard for me.

Then, the diagnosis of patellar tendonitis. Doesn’t sound so bad. My first question – can I run? Short answer: not yet. There’s still inflammation, there’s still remedies, there’s still physical therapy. I was happy with a diagnosis and thankful for an intact meniscus, but I still can’t run. I’m still in pain. There’s still swelling. I’m not ready to run, I know, I know. Yet I really wanted to just take off, down the street, carefree, moving my body the way I love to do.

2024: 267 miles

Afterwards, the threat of government shutdown, of furloughing my staff, of making dozens of notifications to people who just want to enjoy their holiday. My thin thread of sanity was fraying. My hard-fought and well-earned beach vacation was beginning to feel like a middle finger to everyone left behind. The one beating heart inside me threatened to collapse.

I should be excited. I should be ready to tackle the new year. My ethics board review will most likely be completed early January. I can begin scheduling, then traveling for my research. I will graduate in 2025.

But, for whatever reason, peace eludes me. The things I’ve tried to fill my time with, to refocus on, to overcome, have not been enough. I’m getting there. This is a hard one. And I think it’s important that others know you’re not alone.

Artist: B. N.

Not to worry. I’m ok. Just need a little more time.

_______________

I ask you –

Any defining word for 2025?

Feel free to share your difficulties with the holidays or regarding life in general. We’re all doing the best we can.

(The post Anew in 2025 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

But That’s Where I’m At

Vision Board Event – where dozens of people go crazy with glue, magazines, and colored paper. McK, Parts, and I are making strides toward doing more creative-type projects and spending time together outside of the workplace. Not too bad to start 2024.

Now, the random: Unbeknownst to me there is specific terminology within the academia field that eludes to transitional terms. For example, whilst completing the coursework associated with a doctorate, the student is called a doctoral student. Apt. However, once the student has completed the required coursework and has begun the dissertation process, the student is now a doctoral candidate. Fancy. Also, there is a special kind of nonsense for those of us who simply can’t live without education called a Postdoc. Just as it’s spelled, it’s what a ridiculous person would do after they obtain a doctoral degree. No thank you.

Also unknown to me is the option of applying for grants and funding to further the research portion of my degree. A quick search resulted in a few Veteran-related PhD grants, as well as several scholarships. No harm in completing the applications.

Finally, no matter what others (…me) might say about the loneliness of this process, I’ve made some incredible connections, including forming relationships with others who have obtained their PhD and gone on to become professors and/or researchers. At this time, I’ve been conversing with a woman who wrote her dissertation on a subject I’m extremely interested in and am considering how to mold it into my own dissertation. She’s been kind and generous with her time, something I value greatly. More to come.

Finally, I never thought I would see the day that a few 8-10 pg assignments seemed laughable. Remind me in a few weeks how excited I always am to start writing again.

__________________

I ask you –

Any creativity-centered goals for this year?

Have you ever applied for a grant?

Tell me an absolutely ridiculous page length!

(The post But That’s Where I’m At first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

2024: The Path Ahead

(This is the post I intended to publish on New Year’s Day, but we got home late and I overcommitted myself to doing all the things prior to sitting down to put the final touches on it. Hence, here we are today.)

Not being a fan of the traditional New Year’s “resolutions”, instead I like to focus on a “word of the year”. You know, something that resonates with me and that I can embody all year long. 2022 was grace, 2023 was strength, and 2024 is exhale. Simple enough, right? I write it in a few key places so I can be reminded regularly. What I do with the reminder, in the moment, is up to me but it’s nice to focus on one word. Below, the four words written above my word of the year are mantra-type words I want to remember. Although I have no idea how they factor into a year that has yet to be lived, I’m finding joy in believing they will be powerful.

2024 will bring about its own challenges, as each year does. Nearly a full year of writing my dissertation, mini will change school locations as she progresses, there’s that foot surgery business, dozens more blog posts, and anything else the world throws my way. Perhaps there will even be room for promotions. Nonetheless, focusing on my breathing and remembering to exhale through the little and big things is a nice part of living in this wild world.

Also, books. This was my first year as part of an actual (unofficial) book club! We read several books I would have never chosen myself but most were great! The Cuban Heiress by Chanel Cleeton. The Boys in the Boat by Daniel James Brown. For One More Day by Mitch Albom. And so many more…The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst was my favorite. Just what I needed at the time. Amidst the hustle and deadlines and stress of the holidays, it was a moment to settle my soul and feel what I needed to feel. And reprioritize. Definitely that.

Now, about the running portion of 2024. I keep a log of my annual miles – not too bad, if I do say so myself. Beyond the local (i.e., at work) 5k’s and one community run (Thanksgiving Day), I ran zero sanctioned races. And you know what? I feel no different than I did when I ran allll the races I could find. By my own calculations, I’ve been intentionally running for 7 years (2017-2023). Not too bad! Even though I’m unsure what 2024 will bring – foot issues, etc. – I know I will run again in 2024 and it won’t be pretty at first, but by the time I post the 2024 run mileage, I’ll still look back and think…wow. I did that.

__________________

I ask you –

Do you have a resolution or phrase of the year?

Did you read any amazing books? Please share!

Tell me your 2023 run or activity stats!

(The post 2024: The Path Ahead first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)