The Sword does not Negotiate

It operates according to function. It neither acts as a microphone nor as a microscope. It has one job. So what if we started living like the sword?

There is a cost, real or imagined, to every decision, every benchmark, every result. Often, we judge the things we must do according to the cost it will have on our life. But, like children, we twist the variables for our benefit. If the cost is low, we accept the circumstances. If cost is high, then we contextualize the variables according to what we desire for the end result. Basic principles.

When we embark on a path of revenge or vengeance, our entire lens is skewed to the end result. Hurt others. Often we contextualize the variables (see above) as righteous anger. For example, I’m protecting others, I’m doing as has been done to me, I am the victim. Please understand – you probably are the victim. But the cost is high. Peace is not cheap. Dare I say it is the most expensive part of life, in a global form. Time is almost the most expensive part of life, yet it is a personal value which might be considered the #1 most valuable asset a human can retain. Maybe this sounds conflicting. Maybe it is.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

The real question is are you seeking peace and purpose or thrill and chaos?

The moment has come for choosing a new word, or affirmation, in the next year. My team would insist I choose “No.”. A definitive period at the end of the only two-letter complete sentence in our language. It requires no explanation, no justification, no extra words. One period at its end. Another drain on my time? No. Another task to be accomplished without clear vision or goal? No. Another meeting disguised as necessary? No. Another person who trauma-dumps their entire life story on me? No. Another pointless discussion destined to morph into an argument. No.

I don’t want to check the temperature when I enter a room. I don’t want to scan it looking for a familiar face. I want the dynamic to change when I enter. I set the pace, I am the temperature to be checked, I make change. I refuse to negotiate when I hold the sword.

Be the thermostat. Not the thermometer.

_____________________

I ask you –

Which one are you and which do you desire to be?

(The post The Sword does not Negotiate first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

(Hope)ful

“Hope is not a strategy”. – from a recent leadership perspective on how to deal with inaction.

Photo by Lynnelle Richardson on Pexels.com

This one hit home. Because how many times have we said “Well, I hope it works out!” or, my favorite, “I hope you get better.” There’s nothing wrong with hope; in fact, it’s a tenant of faith. However, relegating hope to a place where it has no action is ludicrous. Please continue to use it to express sorrow or a place-filler for condolences (although much more can be said on this topic). But stop relying on hope to make a decision or, equally important, to lead others.

Early on, in this furlough period, I began a list of “wins”, the little things my team was able to accomplish. Some may say the little wins were nothing short of doing their job, but I wanted stories to tell later when the significance of them being there was overshadowed by other things, “more crucial things”. 43+ days later, when I re-read the older accomplishments, I feel more than pride. This time is the epitome of resilient. They keep showing up. They keep smiling. They keep trying to improve and help others. And they’re doing it without a paycheck in sight.

My pride, if there ever was any, is nonexistent. I have asked others for money, gift cards, and groceries for my team. I have driven through food pantries and visited the Salvation Army. I have donated my time to ensure they have what is needed to help them and their families survive. Many still refuse to ask for help. Others pour their time and energy into locating resources for my team. They offer tissues and a shoulder to cry on when it becomes overwhelming. These people are heroes.

hope in life’s changes

Each morning, I hope for a change in the furlough status. For 43 days, that hope has not come to fruition. So, I do what I have to do to keep them afloat, from a quick game of badminton to flexing schedules for carpools. If you’d told me this was what leadership looked like, it is not that I would not have believed you, but I would think I may do things differently. Wrong again. We never know how we will truly act or react until the moment comes to pass. And here we are.

Hope did not lead me to action, but it softened the blow of no change. I still have hope. However, all I now hope for is help – for them, for me, for all who are struggling.

_____________________

I ask you –

What does hope mean to you?

(The post (Hope)ful first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Kindness is not Convenient

“I sell pizza.”

That’s my new motto. Three seemingly small words which indicate a new heartfelt response. Epiphany? Maybe. Rebranding? Sort of. Reframe? Bingo.

I sell pizza. I don’t sell ice cream, or hotdogs, or juice boxes, or hamburgers, or any other version of convenient foods. Pizza. That’s what I sell.

What does this even mean?

Photo by Almira on Pexels.com

It means –

I don’t owe a dime and I don’t have to do anything. I owe it to myself to establish clear, direct boundaries. No further explanation. No long-winded and easily misconstrued version of trauma which led to…blah blah blah.

For some, pizza is the Michelin star in perfect triangular form. It can be customized, dressed up, transformed into an award winning dish. The pizza I sell? Cheese. I sell cheese pizza. Not because I’m boring or don’t want to put in the effort, but because cheese pizza is tried and true. It’s the basics. The foundation of pizza. Cheese.

You’ve probably figured out I’m going somewhere with this schpill. You are, right? When tested, I easily revert back to foundational principles – kindness often mistaken as weakness, or I shut down completely. Rarely do I come out fighting. All noble reactions yet kindness has not served me too well. Good thing kindness isn’t for you, Kel. Kindness is a reflection of the heart. It’s a desire to do better, be better, give others grace. It’s not easy. People test, they try, they dig in their heels, they make messes where no mess should ever be. At some point, kindness is overshadowed, and those without boundaries are the first to succumb.

Not this time. Not to the lady who sells pizza. Kindness is no longer a convenience, it’s a requirement. To be part of my world, kindness is a non-negotiable. Just because I sell pizza does not mean I will sell it to you.

Cheers to holding the line. And selling a damn good pizza pie.

_____________________

I ask you –

Did I miss any analogies?

(The post Kindness is not Convenient first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Allow me to inform you –

Credit: IG, errantscience.com

I found this stupid funny meme that said something along the lines of an airline PA system asking for a doctor to help someone write a 500-word abstract in less than 5 minutes, ending with…finally, I’m the doctor they need! Paraphrasing obviously. The meme disappeared before I could screen grab it so now you’re stuck with my pathetic recall. But you get the idea!

In all seriousness, this is a tough time. I’ve been officially furloughed but with excepted service for 31 days at the time of this writing (more by the time you read this). This means I go to work everyday for no immediate pay. Sure, I’ll get back pay when it’s all said and done but my immediate needs are burdensome – things like buying groceries and putting gas in my car. More than me, I lead a team of 7 excepted employees and 9 furloughed employees who are feeling the immediate pain of this situation. They work for hourly pay and may not have a savings account to rely on. They have families to feed. They need gas to fill their vehicles to drive to the job that isn’t paying them.

I think the most common misconception is overlooking the government shutdown as something where people may think ‘I don’t know anyone affected by it.’ You know me. And I know hundreds of others who are affected. These people are my team, my friends, my coworkers.

I work in fitness which, if anyone stays updated, has taken a front row seat to nearly all other updates, changes, and restructuring in the military. This means we are more important than ever in creating, building, and sustaining a “fit to fight” military workforce. I’m not personally opposed to the changes in the standards as I have nearly always understood why a fit military is imperative to success. It’s also imperative to a healthy, long life with your family and friends. This may sound callous but please hear my heart when I ask how many overweight people have you met who lived past 70? Do your own research. Maybe you don’t care to live past 70, but I guarantee there’s someone in your life who does.

The fitness background I’ve mentioned gives you context to why excepted service is important even during a government shutdown. The military continue to serve, paycheck or not. Therefore, my team must be available to serve them. It’s more than opening the doors to a building each day. It is ensuring they have the testing supplies available, can continue to self-improve, and, some would say equally important, building morale.

You see, fitness isn’t just working out. For some, it is therapy. For some, it is the only thing between depression and suicide. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but I can assure you it is not. The benefits of exercise surpass nearly every known disease and have the power to reverse it. True story. So for anyone doubting the importance of fitness in today, tomorrow, and next year’s world, there is statistical evidence of its importance.

The U.S. needs people who do the work I do. It needs people who do the work my team does. I am no one without them. And they deserve paychecks to support the military and their own families. The next time you vote, the next time you consider who the shutdown affects, please think of me. Please think of the single mom who shows up everyday at 0445 to help others improve their fitness levels so they can be fit to fight. Today, the only fight I want to have is the one where every employee is paid to do the job they took an oath to obtain. These federal employees did. I did. But somehow it feels forgotten.

________________

I ask you –

Did you know over 300,000 federal employees are working without a paycheck during this government shutdown?

Do you know who is still receiving a check? Be informed.

(The post Allow me to inform you – first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Leadership 101

A few forgotten things about leadership:

The potential you see in others means nothing without their buy-in. If they don’t want it for themselves, it’s a brutal lesson in futility. Yours.
You will spend more time at work than with your own family over the course of a lifetime. Best love what you do. And surround yourself with the right people.
Do not expect others to care the way you do. Alternately, you may not care the way they do. It’s ok.
It weighs a lot because it is insanely lonely at the top. The sleepless nights, the fights with other decision makers, the balance never found. You probably won’t have any friends and, if you do, watch out for perception. I am not inclined.

A lovely friend sent me the following graphic after she proudly exclaimed how I had “grown a pair”.

What she does not realize is for every day my “pair” swings, I have just as many softer moments, where I’m reminded to fight the good fight means not acting like a complete arsehole and picking my battles. Forever, a work in progress.

________________

I ask you –

What is your toughest leadership challenge?

(The post Leadership 101 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

All Work, No Pay

In preparation for the seemingly imminent government shutdown, I made a list of things to catch up on at work sans the pesky emails.

Take it slow. As the past month has been fraught with concert logistics, budget planning, lack of budget planning, personnel issues, and everything in between, I needed a mental break.
Inventory. Originally, this was the first item on the list, but the break was more important. We’re due for an inventory inspection in January, so why not use the time ensuring everything is in place.
Filing. Bane of my existence. For a society which prides itself on digital minutia, why do we still have so many paper copies? I get why, just let me complain.
Scour the facilities for incomplete work orders.

On day 1, I took the first task with complete seriousness. “No hurry” was my motto because, forgive me, I was not in a rush to work for free. Working for the government has not been the cake walk I was assured it would be. In fact, the only cake I’ve had was purchased for me by me! And I still forgot the fork!

I did not wear these to work

It’s hard not to be resentful during this time. I’m doing all the work and still not getting paid. If I was furloughed, I could go home, not work, not get paid, and still get the same payment on the back end.

________________

I ask you –

Who else is working without pay right now and wants to gripe with me?

(The post All Work, No Pay first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

People doing people things

Like testing your boundaries.

Like questioning consequences.

Like making you look like the villian.

Like reminding you there are times of lean and times of plenty.

Air Force Families Forever/Run to Remember 5k

But through it all, there are people who have lost more than their share of joy. Yet, amazingly, they continue smiling, standing, and supporting. Thank you, Ron and Kaye, for reminding me why I do this. It’s been exceptionally hard the past few weeks. But I’ll keep fighting the good fight.

Judgment toward others is the same scale which will eventually weigh you. How heavy is the gossip, the anger, the self-righteous? People being people.

____________________

I ask you –

What people things have occurred to you?

(The post People doing people things first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Futbol

The return of running. And football. Mostly football.

First time in 3 years I’ve been able to watch preseason games AND regular games, notably the first game of the season! I’m an accidental Cowboys fan, and a purposeful Texans fan. I also watch the Bears (muse homage), the Buccs (wild card), and the Browns (underdog meets graveyard). I don’t know why I enjoy football now. Truthfully, my knowledge is little and my voice loud.

Speaking of loud voices. I’m getting really tired of hearing “…it’s stupid to have people work on holidays. I bet the boss doesn’t work on holidays”. (Read that in a childlike, nasally, whining voice.) If the complainer would ever say it to my face, I’d say this: Listen here, jackwagon. I worked every weekend and holiday until about 5 years ago. I had bills to pay and a livelihood to afford. If someone doesn’t want to work a holiday, then they can complete a leave request, like every other able-bodied adult here because I don’t employ children. Somehow I bet you’d be angry if everyone was off because there would be no one around to refill your precious body soap dispenser and toilet paper. Trust me, you’d find something else to complain about, no doubt. So if you think I don’t work holidays, let me assure you, I do. I work every day. I’m the first call at 0445 and the last call at 2145. I’m on call 24/7. That’s what it means to be a supervisor to 21 adults. I balance the budget, I justify it, and I implement it. And if you think you can do better, then be. my. guest. Otherwise, shut up, do your little workout, and go home. I’ll be home, too, but I won’t be “off work”. Enjoy your holiday, you ungrateful fruitcake.

Back to football. The cowboys are really gonna have to get it together this year. The fact they didn’t win their season opener with a healed QB, the ejection of the big dude who spit, the early injury of that other big dude who was really mad, and a weather delay…we might be in trouble again. But, whatever.

I’m just here to make fun of the fans.

_____________________

I ask you –

Which team do you cheer for?

(The post Futbol first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Lifetime Immunity to Accountability

Managing one’s expectations is a sincere request. However, in order to accomplish this, it requires removing all emotion. Emotion clouds rational thinking. Further, I believe this may be nearly impossible for many because they don’t know what their expectations are! It’s difficult to manage something you don’t understand, or don’t know what the phrase means, much less requires to attain.

Example (paraphrased from actual conversation, all names removed to protect the innocent)

A man spent several years in and out of the hospital with his dying spouse. Suffice to say it was not a daily journey, but probably more inpatient as the illness progressed. He became bitter to the church he attended as no pastoral leadership ever called, came by, etc. This turned him off to big churches, and now he attends a presumably much smaller church. He made mention of great tithing to the previous church yet also conceded this should not mean anything (his mention implies the opposite).

I heard the following expectations: I am hurt, I want to be chased/noticed, I want my giving acknowledged, I am upset for not being contacted during this rough period in my life.

Let’s break this down further.

Anger towards a team of 5 (??) when I find it unlikely other churchgoers were not inquiring. I bet they were but because a select few did not, then anger expanded to everyone. Reality: pastoral leadership teams are human and cannot be reasonably expected to contact every single person in the church. If that’s the expectation, then you’ll most likely be disappointed. However, the body of the church, the very people who attend, step in and step up to help others. Being noticed is not necessarily from a leadership perspective. You can find peace in being noticed by peers.

Let’s shift the expectation.

Did you ask for help and were rejected? Did you share your struggles with others? Did you name your needs? Perhaps you’re hurt by what you didn’t get rather than noticing what was given. If this is your expectation, then some soul searching may be a great idea.

Tithing: it was clearly stated how the man gave generously. Somehow I bet he put his name all over that envelope, aligning with the desire to be noticed. Granted, there are other reasons to include the name – tax write off, proof of spending, etc. But to bring it up in the course of this conversation implies a pronounced expectation that a tithing church member should receive extra benefits. Does this mean the ones who do not give are lower on the list of salvation? Surely not. Admittedly, the man stated it should not matter yet it obviously did to him. An angry man doth not a cheerful tither make.

Expectation shift.

Give because you want to. Give because you can. Giving out of coercion, guilt, or the intentional or unintentional desire to gain something later is manipulative. If money is the problem, give time, give encouragement, give a helping hand. If you think dollar bills get you closer to God, you probably have a very wrong opinion of Him.

No one is immune to doing the right thing. There’s no blanket pass, or unlimited cards which will condone indecent behavior. Just be a good human, and study the word “expectations”. Then apply it.

_____________________

I ask you –

What does expectations and the management of them mean to you?

(The post Lifetime Immunity to Accountability first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Coming out of the fog

Probably not a fully accurate title because, hello, brain fog. Although I do think it has gotten better. I’ve found if I pause a second longer and try not to be too hard on myself, then the full sentence comes with less effort. I’m also considering just acting as if I don’t know the English word by asking ¿Como se dice….(Insert thrown together syllables with a mild Spanish accent) in English? Really butcher both languages so everyone is as confused as your mental wiring.

What was the point? Oh right, Kel. The fog. It is a new feeling being fully present for mini’s return to school. I feel as if I unintentionally missed many small details due to being engrossed in my own academic journey. This is the first year in 3 I have not been navigating school when mini started back. Sadly, I don’t think I enjoyed her excitement as much as I could/should have previously because I was stressed about my own.

4th grade

On the drive to school, I asked mini what she wanted to be for Halloween. She was just as surprised as I was considering an event so far down the road pun intended. Last year, I couldn’t fathom anything beyond the following week. Now look at me! My mind was already in October!

Also, the brain vitamins sucked. Nothing new beyond a possible, mild placebo effect. Guess I have to do this brain fog thing au naturel. Copious lists and como se dice’s.

_____________________

I ask you –

How is the brain fog treating you? Or do we just call it forgetfulness and attribute it to old age?

(The post Coming out of the fog first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)