Outtakes, episode 8

Not our usual background, but we both love this color so much!

In a turn of events, the adult helper I’m usually paired with has decided she can’t stand me and has resigned from her position. It’s not you, it’s me. Kidding. Halfway. She has resigned, but assured me it was not my fault. Like all nice people would say. So it was just me, solo, alone, in the midst of wild children, again. Somehow we all survived because, if you will recall, serving solo has become a pattern.

To think people trust me with their children is surprising yet not. I worked with kids for a long time, and aren’t adults just oversized children anyway? Do you know what is difficult? Getting hired as an adjunct professor! Countless submissions, hours of searching – still nothing. Not a single hit. I’m not sure what the hiring committees are looking for, but I don’t have it (or I don’t know how to market it). I really underestimated the challenges of applying to teach.

Meanwhile, I’m keeping upwards of 13 young people alive, well, and engaged. Shouldn’t this count for something?

________________

I ask you –

Do you have any suggestions for professorship?

(The post Outtakes, episode 8 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Growing up, maybe with friends

Photo by Bu00fcu015fra u015e on Pexels.com

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

I love this question, especially when it’s posed to adults at any stage in their life. A simple reminder not to take life too seriously. You can start again! And again! And again! It reminds me of a meme I cannot find at the moment where an adult says ‘no one asked me how fast I can run in my new shoes. This is BS! (baloney sandwich)’.

Side note. In my house, we say baloney sandwich for the (obviously) BS. Mini always replies with affirmation that she knows what it really means. At this point, I just say it for my own affirmation of her innocence. Denial, anyone?

Focus, Kel.

The hilarity of mentioning growing up to an adult has many giggle-worthy images. You can fill in your own blank.

Side bar. How to not make friends.

Step 1. Trauma-dump your life story within the first 2 encounters. Step 2. See step 1.

Just don’t! Also, don’t invade my personal space. Don’t capture my phone number from a well-meaning person. And, don’t invite me to meet your friends. I am sure they are lovely people, but if this is how you also met them…I have reservations.

I really need to work with mini on not blowing my cover. She’s the worst. Loudly, “hey mom, why are you avoiding them?!” Me: “Shhhhh!”

_____________________

I ask you –

What steps should others not take to become your friend?

(The post Growing up, maybe with friends first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Fern Made Me Do It

Obviously written during Winter Storm Fern –

As we roll (ahem, slide) into another snow day, is this day 2 or 3?, I confront my own anxiety and fear. I have wished it away. I have sought spiritual intervention. I have pretended it does not exist. But, there is not enough anxiety medication at the nearest pharmacy to get me into a moving vehicle and out on ice/snow-covered roads. Alas, I stay at home, in the safety of my four walls. ‘Tis rather nice here and I’m still productive.

Besides, snow days are meant to keep people off the roads so safety and emergency personnel can do their job. I am supporting their mission! But I can’t help it. 6 days at home is a bit much.

On day 4, we considered unfolding the treadmill. Quickly vetoed, instead I paced the house for approximately 11,000 steps. On day 5, I forgoe’d the pacing, resolving to complete an actual workout the next day AND…dun dun dunnnnnn…go outside!

2 miles outside, dodging the slippery spots, was glorious! I didn’t want to come back inside. But there’s where the coffee lives.

Day 5, I completed a workout with mini. As in, she actually did the entire workout with me. Zero complaining. She tried very hard, she amazed me!

photo, at her request

Overall productivity: I cleaned up 7,914 old emails, I deleted all 11 voicemails, and I organized my teams folders. Now I can’t find anything.

Did I “enjoy” the long, long unexpected time “off”? Yes. Do I wish to do this again anytime soon? Not so much.

________________________

I ask you –

What was the most amount of time you’ve been home due to weather?

(The post Fern Made Me Do It first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 5

Mini joined me for a rousing room of 3 other participants, complete with a broken thermostat and much running.

An attempt to tame my curls came in the form of these little dinglehoppers, otherwise known as French horns. Ahem, French pins. And a partridge in a pear tree. Or the garbage can, which is where one went after I broke it. It lasted only a few hours in my hair. RIP, French horn. Also, the tutorial exploited its ease of use. It was not.

I was honored to be selected as a judge for lodging’s gingerbread house competition! When I asked for a taste test, I almost lost my judging rights. Next time.

Another week of leave is on the horizon. Ahem, now. There will be no gingerbread house creation. Instead, upwards of 75 degrees is forecasted. I have no doubt the winter weather will come soon though. Merry Christmas Eve!

_____________________

I ask you –

Have you ever eaten a gingerbread house post-decoration?

(The post Outtakes, episode 5 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 4 + A Special Introduction

My kid’s life partner, ahem, mini, ditched me in favor of sleeping in so I had to survive alone.

Good thing there were only 6 young people and I was somewhat familiar with the Hebrew language so as not to wildly mispronounce every word. A few, but not all of them.

The Big Reveal

Our home has succumbed to the pressure. We will forever live the holidays in the shadow of an elf. Yes, that elf. I have been content watching other homes overtaken with mischief and shenanigans and found myself thankful to be spared. Until now…

Introducing Tyna Tynsel. She’s a jolly ol’ gal with her vest and ear muffs. She rode in on an skateboard, tossed a letter from Santa (Bossy, as she calls him) to the side and declared her reign over our home. I hope she remembers to leave. I’m excited and fearful for the month. Maybe I can make friends with her to limit the destruction.

Perhaps she likes wine.

Or perhaps I’ll need wine to deal with her destruction. Standby.

_____________________

I ask you –

What brand of trouble do you think Tyna will get into?

(The post Outtakes, episode 4 + A Special Introduction first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 3

Admittedly, there’s been a few previous episodes I have not reported on but, rest assured, no news is good news.

Which leads me to this post.

It was a mess. My largest group yet (12 victims… I mean children). The video lineup got jumbled; therefore, we missed two videos. Ever the ‘wing it’ type of leader, I asked the questions sans video context and then we played games for 20 minutes. Boy were they excited.

Then, there were drum lessons. Day before. Details. I don’t think we’ve been following any type of script because suddenly the instructor was asking if we were ready to play a song. Pause. A song?!? I have yet to master a 16-note!

Side note. I wish 16-note was a euphemism for money. Side side note. Still no paycheck. Sigh.

I played a song. Have you ever played Rock Band? If so, remember when you miss the note, then it “dinks” you? Let’s just say there were more dinks than harmonized notes.

Working with kids is easier.

_____________________

I ask you –

Would you rather – work with children or learn a new hobby?

(The post Outtakes, episode 3 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Drugs and other spooky stuff

I had an entire thought for this post, something along the lines of a refrigerator or a shelf, but now it’s disappeared like my desire to work a non-paying job. Yet I’m still doing it. So I guess this point is moot.

Mini participated in all the themed days of drug free week. I’ve probably said this before but I thought for sure I would have been offered a lot more drugs in life. Where was my chance to “just say no”? Can I try it now? Eluding to my a) current position, b) addictive genetics, and c) will to live despite present circumstances, I’ll probably continue to say no. If asked.

Photo credit: #musemom

And, of course, there was Halloween. I make far too many jokes about full-sized candy bars for someone who doesn’t eat candy. I wish I liked candy. It sounds delicious. Although I am partial to Reese’s Pieces.

Tiny spiders

My costume was minimal…stamped black spiders on the sides of my face and hand. I believe it represented how many souls I’ve stolen. Or eaten. Or whatever fun analogy exists. Muse? Oh where art thou?

Final thought: for over 90 minutes, which is probably considered less than average, we walked mini around neighborhoods to trick or treat. Halfway through the jaunt, I realized how much I missed the past 3 years while working through my PhD. It was nearly impossible to enjoy anything outside of writing because I was incredibly stressed by the need to write. I’m sad because I know I missed a lot and I cannot get it back. The fact I recognize how much I missed because I can see it now is even tougher. It was worth it, but how do you quantify worth when you missed entire Halloween shenanigans worrying about what you could be doing instead? It feels as if entire years disappeared from my memory. On the bright side, drugs didn’t do this to me.

________________

I ask you –

What has been your favorite Halloween costume?

Also, name your favorite Halloween treat!

(The post Drugs and other spooky stuff first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

From the mind of Mini

From the deepest imaginary recesses of Mini’s mind – her thought was for me to chronicle parts of stories so she could later finish them.

You’re welcome.

We call this one The Real Tooth Fairy. Title subject to change.

What if the Tooth Fairy was an ancestor, determined pre-death to fill the role? As the Tooth Fairy is quite busy on a nightly basis, traversing thousands of miles to collect children’s teeth, then it only makes sense for there to be multiple tooth fairies. Unlike Santa Clause who is one and only as his job requires just shy of 24 hrs of work, the Tooth Fairy is exceptionally busier. Therefore, she (tooth fairy for girls, tooth men for boys) cannot be a single entity. So who gets to be the Tooth Fairy? Well, it is a generational appointment, beginning as far back as 7-9 previous generations. In theory, it could be my great great great great great great great grandmother. Then, every 100 years thereafter a new Tooth Fairy, still within my bloodline, assumes command. The reasoning is that it cannot be someone who is too close to the present generation as it could make a child suspicious. However, a closer generational family member, my grandmother, for example, could feasibly be the Elf (of the infamous Elf on the Shelf), especially as mini’s grandmother passed shortly before she got Peppermint (mini’s elf on the shelf). Peppermint is much like mini’s grandmother because both enjoy sitting and making mischief. Mini’s words, not mine.

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The reason I’m publishing this post now is because mini was formally accepted onto the UIL Oral Reading team. Did I mention this previously? She really played the part during tryouts and it was a success. The piece, titled “Homework Stew”, was very funny (to me). Her competition piece is something about seeing her teacher “out in the wild” on a Saturday, how teachers shouldn’t be allowed outside of the classroom, and, from the student’s point of view, how dangerous it is for them. Very laughter inducing. As I think mini could conquer the world by making people (me) laugh, this is the perfect introductory situation. She’ll have weekly practices leading up to a winter competition. More to come.

___________________

I ask you –

On a scale of 1 to doubled over laughing, what is your score on her tooth fairy philosophy?

(The post From the mind of Mini first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Vampires & UIL, unrelated

Forgive me for the random assortment of posts lately. I haven’t had much of a thematic approach. Instead, they have been collections of randomness, fleeting thoughts, and reactions to daily activity.

For example. I believe someone else coined the following phrase, but maybe it was me: Martyrs are victims with a cause. Which insinuates we are all victims of one circumstance or another. But our legacy is dependent on what we accomplish or die trying to accomplish. I’m not saying this is fair. What I’m saying is this mostly/probably applies to many ways of thinking.

Made a joke about vampire people and no one laughed

I purchased a new phone and believe I have finally figured out how to use it. When I found myself avoiding its use, I realized maybe there was a better way. Insert tag line for a flip phone.

Courtesy of UIL official website

Probably told you this last year. Listen again. We’ve been encouraging mini to do more than just dance, especially on the academic side of the house. As a champion (and possibly famous) UIL contestant, obviously I wanted mini to compete, but this is the first year she’s taken an interest. Introducing: oral reading! Try outs soon. More to come.

________________

I ask you –

Bloggers, what do you do when your posts lose focus?

(The post Vampires & UIL, unrelated first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Outtakes, episode 2

The latest iteration of my newest endeavor –

I think I’m getting better at this! Mini only told me once to stop being weird. Progress!

This time, we had 5 girls and it had been raining (with the works) for several hours. Mini isn’t a fan of storms and it appeared most of the other girls weren’t either. So we made a fort with a blanket thrown over a table and let the girls sit under it while I gave the lesson from a rather uncomfortable spot on the floor. Despite a few loud interruptions, we were right on time!

Maybe I’m starting to figure this stuff out. Until next time.

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I ask you –

When was the last time you built a blanket fort?

(The post Outtakes, episode 2 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)