You don’t get extra credit by not asking for help. Profound! I wish I had lived by this many years ago – when I thought it was the right thing to do to always do it on my own, never asking for help, always anxious and frustrated I couldn’t get it all done.
I felt like a failure. Today I stand, errr sit? perch?, before you and tell you it’s ok to ask for help. More than this, it’s imperative you ask for help. Be it by seeking a coach, a trainer, a loved one, a therapist, whatever and whoever. Just ask for help.
More and more, I notice the prevalence of our human nature to refuse help. If it’s enough for my young mini-me to ask for help, then why is it wrong of me to do the same? We encourage the generations after us to seek help for their problems – yet we rarely follow our own advice. Why is this?
The inside is like a well seasoned pot – or a cup you’d find on the mess decks
Even though the aforementioned mini-me is a self-proclaimed EXPERT at everything, there is zero expectation to live up to the hype. But not beating ourselves up is much more difficult. I know I’m right.
Day after day, night after night, I confess the many benefits of personal training. I tell my story and listen to theirs. And I remind them I didn’t find my own wellness until I sought help. Ultimately, you never know what you can do until you ask. As a member is always telling me, “You don’t know what you don’t know.” And I know asking for help doesn’t make me weak.
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I ask you –
Do you have a problem asking for help?
Often times, help is free. The only cost is commitment. What is your barrier to asking?
Have you ever asked for help for something huge in your life?
For all I write, I’ve been struggling with this topic because it’s not easy to identify how this will be received. Not by the reader, but by the psyche. Well known: we tend to put others first and forget our own goals. Not so well known: which group do you fall into? The answer is not so simple.
If I asked you where you stand on a particular point or what your belief systems are, you could most likely answer quite easily. But if I asked you to pick between reaching your personal goals and doing something you love (provided they are different) you might become confrontational or even withdrawn.
This here is where it gets tricky. Relationships with people you love shouldn’t create a feeling of being the afterthought versus a priority. If one person is receiving the attention, joy, and emotional nurturing, but the other either isn’t or perceives they aren’t, then resentment develops. Each party must acknowledge what the other needs in order to continue.
Health and fitness are like this, too. Squint your eyes – you’ll see it. By making your health goals an afterthought, your mind and body don’t receive what is necessary to complete the changes sought. It’s like putting diesel fuel in a gasoline-powered engine. All fuels aren’t created equally. Just because it says “fuel” doesn’t mean it is the right kind. There’s something specific needed for each type of engine.
Hot car
What kind of engine do you drive? Not literally. Are you in need of an upgrade, but don’t know if you’re ready? The only thing stopping you is you. Make your goals the priority instead of pushing them to the back burner. Let it be known what you need emotionally, physically, and spiritually. We can’t expect others to read our minds; however, if they’re clue’d in, they’ll notice.
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I ask you –
What fuels your engine?
How often do you prioritize yourself?
Was the squinting I mentioned really necessary? Did you get it?
I can’t stop laughing at the jokes about people wishing Barbara Walters would host the New Year’s Eve ball drop in Times Square because then she’d say “And this is 2020” or something to that effect. Puns are my favorite.
*giggle*
Since the fitness industry can feel like it revolves around capitalizing on the human population’s desire to commit to resolutions and those resolutions typically happen on New Years Day and most, if not all, Mondays, it would be wrong of me to tell you this isn’t really my favorite time of year. But it’s really not. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I believe each and every person who walks into the gym January 1st has the very best intention to get their health in order, to make the steps it takes to change their life, and to reach all the goals they’ve set. I truly believe it. But if I could change one thing, it would be to inspire them to change their life before it gets to this point. Before another Monday sneaks up on us. Before another decade arrives. Before they’re at the point of no return. As I am a realist yet also a dreamer, this is conflicting.
However, before you discount my ramblings as sheer cynicism, please remember I believe in you. I believe you can do this without me, but if you need help, I’m with you on your journey. My faith is unwavering. My words are upbeat and kind. I will cry and laugh with you. Occasionally, I’ll even be stern with you. Because I believe you can do this.
“This” doesn’t always refer to joining a gym. I believe you can do anything. Read it again and yell it out loud for those talking in the back. I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! Anything! You want to be a master sculptor? Do it! You want to complete an Ironman? Go for it! Time for a job change? (Are you a personal trainer? Call me!) 2020 is a time for celebration because it just is. Because why not?! And 2020 looks really cool when you write it so I think the reason speaks for itself.
Told ya!
My goals: peak performance, write, and do hard things. Not necessarily in any order. More like circular goals. Nonetheless, the old ways aren’t working – time to try something new.
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I ask you –
What are your resolutions?
If you don’t believe in resolutions, tell me something you plan to do this year.
What year was your best? (physical best, most accomplishments, etc.)
After chatting with some pretty amazing trainers (courtesy of Anytime Fitness, of course) on the topic post-race season goals, I mentioned wanting to really focus on nutrition. With a propensity to not eat enough, I knew I would need a plan that encourages me to eat and build muscle.
So a new goal was born! Keto helped me regain confidence in my body after baby, but I know I can do more. I have a short torso and long legs. I know this means nothing to you. But every woman knows a postpartum body is much different than anything before. Things change. Add breastfeeding to that and whoa! In an attempt to be transparent (I hate that word, can we just say tell the truth?!), I believe some may think I’m training for a competition. To be wildly clear, I am definitely not. But I am fascinated about enticing my body to respond in that way.
The road sign of my life
Like everything, I’ll keep you all updated right here on this journey of lean body mass. So step aside naysayers! The only stage I’m rocking is the comedy club in my head!
Wow! I certainly didn’t expect to achieve a new PR (personal record) and definitely not by 10 mins. Last November, I ran a 2:28 (again, that’s 2 hours and 28 mins) at the Norfolk Harbor Half Marathon in Norfolk, VA. On Saturday, I ran a 2:18! Before, I had a pacer and a whole group of people I was running alongside. This current race had no pacers, very little course support, and it’s a 3 mile loop – which means I am running the same route each loop. #boring
Prior to take off
But I felt good and was basically running off of pace versus staying tuned into my watch and monitoring every number. When I saw 2 hrs at almost 11.5 miles, I was tired, but I thought oh my, I could really PR today.
Overall, I’m sore. There is some hip pain and a large blister on my left foot, but I know, no matter the time, I can make it through tomorrow’s race. And even if I hate it, I have a shiny new PR as consolation!
Finish Face
Day 2 Thoughts:
When I woke up at 5am to eat my oatmeal, I wasn’t feeling it. My body was sore, the blister was looking particularly angry, and I had to give myself a long pep talk just to get out of bed. I told myself I at least had to try. It’s what I trained for. 18 weeks of training culminating in this weekend where I had two chances to prove to myself I can do it.
Completely fake smile
As I began running, seeing many of the same faces from yesterday, I started to loosen up. It got hot quick so I shed all the extra layers, including the Camelbak and ran until I was ready to either slow my pace or walk. After the first lap (remember each lap is a 5k aka 3 miles), I knew unless I broke something or was forced to stop, I would continue. Lap #3 was a philosophical turning point. I kept thinking about my Munchkin – the challenges she will face in her life and how I am preparing myself to be by her side. A thought that continues to stick with me is she is not my excuse to do hard things, sometimes she’s not even my reason. (It can be hard to convey what I mean here. Be open minded.) What she is to me is my audience. She’s always watching. And if she sees me sucking it up and and showing up every time, then perhaps those values will also translate to her own life. Time will tell.
Pain face
In saying all this, allow me to get to the point. You’re welcome! 2:27. I almost couldn’t believe it. To think I had to talk myself into getting started and these tired legs managed a what would have been a PR prior to the day before inspires confidence in a future marathon goal. I may not can walk much later – and definitely not tomorrow – but right now my smile speaks for itself.
Fritos, banana, and whatever else they’d let me eat
__________________
I ask you –
What’s my chance of feeling 100% within 24 hours? – I know, I’m laughing, too
The sign also flashes but I was standing in their yard and I didn’t want to be caught trespassing
“Rest is best, rest is best!” When I tried to find a photo of Daniel Tiger, a bottle of Jack Daniels popped up so maybe that’s the only sign you need.
Much conversation exists on the power of rest. Mental, physical, spiritual – rest binds us. It replenishes our entire body; burning the candle at both ends has been shown to decrease productivity and your ability to fight disease, among many other awful side effects.
You may have nutrition down to a science and you regularly work out, but aren’t seeing the results you deserve. Check your sleep patterns. I often encounter men and women who tell me they sleep, on average, 4 hours or less per night. WHAT?! When I recover from my shock, which has ceased because I hear this response a lot now, I ask what the reasons behind not sleeping are. Work. Family. Stress. Life. Stress about all of the above.So you’re telling me you’re stressed and not sleeping stresses you out even more so the cycle continues? Pretty much.
A common misconception is the ability to “make up” sleep. I’m guilty of this, too. As a teenager, out all night doing things we shouldn’t discuss, I figured it was okay because I could just take a long nap on Sunday and be caught up for the new week! Yeah right. Once the sleep schedule is disrupted and you’re consistently not getting enough sleep (recommended 7-8 hours nightly) then it’s gone. There’s no make up day to this portion of the test. We have failed. The only way to recover is to establish a sleep routine and stick with it.
Time refuses to stand still
As it always goes, this is easier said than done. I firmly believe some people are night owls and some of us are destined for early mornings and 8pm bedtimes. If you can’t see me waving my hands in the air, look closer. I really wish I understood this mystery. BUT – I think clocks can be reset with dedication and commitment. Perhaps the addition of a very loud alarm clock helps. In any case, losing sleep is nothing good.
____________________
I ask you –
How much sleep do you typically receive?
Are you a night owl or an early riser?
List some barriers to getting a good nights’ sleep. – Caffeine, a full stomach…
For all the ways it could have gone, there were no fistfights, duels, or police presence so that’s saying something. Tell me you have similar fears when your family gets together. Humor me. I had a recurring dream of this very scenario, but what was most telling was the fact I washed my hands of the situation and didn’t engage. This boundary training is going semi-well.
Group photo. Many of these family members I have not seen in over 10 years or more. It was by sheer amazement so many were able to be here this Thanksgiving. Definitely owe it to my beautiful, inspiring Aunt Mary Catherine – she’s the ring leader.
It only took 16 tries
My siblings and I. Long story short, my brother and I haven’t had the most solid relationship and repair is difficult. However, this photo means so much to me.
buncha’ clowns
My sweet girls. These two have made my whole life complete. I treasure every minute they can spend together. Once Munchkin was able to wrap her mind around the truth she shares her name with her great great aunt, it got much easier! They even have the same birth month. Mind boggling, I know.
Piano sold separately
Lastly, this simple photo of Aunt Mary Catherine and I. She’s 92 years of joy with the heart and soul of a woman who mixes wisdom with the patience of a saint. I can only hope I am a small vision of her selflessness.
The saint and I
Overall, this family “reunion” of sorts was comforting to my mind. It can be so hard to juggle time with family, work, keeping in touch, etc etc etc – some things tend to fall away. I love hearing the stories and seeing the new faces. Much like the fitness industry, things change so quickly…yet everything stays the same. We all want to be heard, seen. And re-charging the batteries in my heart starts right here.
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I ask you –
Share the juiciest details of your family gatherings. Any shockers?!
What family member are you closest to?
Are you re-charged after family holidays? Or more in distress than ever? – it depends on the family, if you ask me!
Sometimes I refuse to allow myself to cry because eye cream is expensive and I already have forehead wrinkles. Considering trying collagen to alleviate the roadmap that is my skin. According to modern research, women should look at their mothers to determine how they will age. This isn’t going to end well, if that’s the case.
Roadmap to the stars
Also, as I have a large forehead (a fivehead, if you will) I expect to pay more over the lifetime of face lotion and sunscreen because I will use more. This is crap. And over the weekend, my naturally long eye lashes scratched my eyeball. If that’s not a first world problem, I don’t know what is!
In all seriousness, the holidays are emotionally draining to many – myself included. Frankly, I’m tired of holding people together. I once said “I’m so busy helping others when they fall apart, but when I fall apart, there’s no one there to catch me. When is my day?”. Guess that’s the trouble with being a rescuer, a fixer, an empath. Reaching out takes a toll on my sanity and my mental health.
So I’m stopping. There’s a handful of people I contact every single morning. I’m not anymore. If you want me in your life, you know where to find me. A million other people can reach out to me when they’re ready to have a two-sided conversation. I’m done trying to be everything to everyone. I owe it to myself.
But so this post doesn’t come across as selfish and (too) moody, being seen and acknowledged is most important. I see you. I acknowledge your struggles and that you may need to do things for yourself only. Totally get it. However, the doormat days are over and the door is slowly closing. In terms of fitness and physical health, the flip side of the coin is finding things you love to do and will sustain long term well-being. Running and exercise in general does that for most people. Keep it in mind as you traverse the holiday season.
Struggling
Lastly, a few members shared their thoughts about me and the words ‘customer service guru’ were thrown out there. I’ll take that as a win. Double lastly, I have a fear of dumpsters. Just leaving that here.
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I ask you –
How long do you think this mood will last? – copious amounts of Midol isn’t helping
Any suggestions on these wrinkles (nothing involving needles, please)?
Tell me a time when your personal resolution to yourself was successful.
Offhand I can’t think how revenge will fit into one of my posts, but I’m sure it will somewhere at some point. The word harboring led me down a path to the above quote about revenge. You know, in those moments of exhaustion and disappointment in dealing with people you have no control over, i.e. parents, relatives, etc. In life we do so much to please others, to accommodate them and their feelings, but we end up losing sight of what matters to us. Cue the disappointment.
Similar situation: you’ve worked your behind off in the gym, counted every calorie, drank nothing but water day in and day out ye still don’t see the results you know you deserve. Disappointment and self doubt set it. “Why are you even doing this? It would be easier to give up. Who really cares anyway?” All lines of self doubt. My personal favorite: “That’s what you get, Kel.” Damage is done when this crosses your lips. It must be stopped long before reaching the point of no return. But how?
Pre-gaming a run with a huge bucket of popcorn = never disappointing
By letting go of your expectations. Granted, expectations are wonderful to have. We have them of ourselves and of everyone around us. They’re truly useful! Until they’re not. Until they eat away, leaving you devoid of hope and gratitude. Expectations can even leave you feeling disappointed in the expectation itself! Who’s idea was this anyway?! The holidays always find a way to suck the life out of me. Expectations run high – I must juggle mommy life with work life with relative life with happy life. It’s no secret: I don’t love the holidays. News flash: sometimes I don’t like them at all. Because, as a child, they were a constant source of disappointment. Not like I didn’t get the toy I wanted for Christmas-type of disappointment. Much deeper. And as hard as I try to change the expectation each year, not being able to control how others impact my plans is tough.
When life takes you left, steer right. I was listening to this great podcast the other day (the name currently escapes me…standby) and the host said something to the effect of “balance is bullsh*t”. I’m paraphrasing, but she really did use those words. There’s no such thing as balance?! Wait a minute. From the time you were a small child, a life of balance has been openly discussed. If I don’t have balance, then what do I have? You have an expectation of balance, but balance isn’t real. Unless it’s what keeps you from tipping over whilst standing on 1 foot. The ideal 50/50 is unobtainable. Something in your life will always hold tight to a part of you, be it parenthood, your job, your commitment to yourself, whatever it is. May I say this awakened the part of me that always felt shame for not having it together? If I don’t have this so-called balance crap, but there’s no expectation to have it anyway, why am I wasting my time worrying about it?
Now…I’m not.
Chai has my heart – mostly for its relaxing effects
Mantra: At any moment, I will be pulled into thousands of different directions. I will do my best to navigate what is best for me and the people who depend on me. I am not tethered to my own expectations or those of anyone else. I am free of the balance construct. I will tilt, bend, and list to both port and starboard, but I will not break. I may feel disappointment in others and, whether justified or not, I am allowed to feel this way.
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I ask you –
Is this psychology degree paying off or what?!
What is your most prevalent emotion?
Tell me what in your life sucks the soul from you.
My apologies there’s no photos for this post – since I didn’t personally attend the marathon myself, I would have had to use stock photos and those just aren’t as much fun!
After conversing with several people who ran the Marine Corps Marathon (MCM), I’m toggling between keeping my commitment to running it as my first (read: potentially only) marathon. As much as I love people, 50,000 of them makes my heart race. Even if I was to start and stay in the back of the pack, the chance of being exceptionally close to any runner is still high. Though course support is definitely what the MCM has in full force, my decision is based on other factors, as well.
Location, travel, training, and weather have me questioning the MCM. I can only imagine how beautiful the DC area is in the Fall and I love traveling so those aren’t my concerns. The training plan is a little iffy, but the weather I have to train in is highest on my list and the sheer amount of other runners is numero dos. It may seem silly to worry about these things; however, when you pour your time and money into an activity you always hope for the best outcome. Control freak much?
Training through the summer is limited in my own situation. The notorious Texas heat translates to a lot of indoor treadmill running which, in my opinion, doesn’t mimic outdoor running well. I can definitely tell a difference when I’ve trained primarily on a treadmill vs. outdoors. Also, and I know I keep circling back to it, I have no desire to run within arm’s distance of hundreds of people for 26.2 miles. That’s a big no thanks from me. So what’s my other options?
Option A: Find a new marathon. Not a bad idea. Although I loved the idea of the MCM because it’s a veteran’s support community, there are tons of other marathons available. By being a little more choosy on what marathon to participate in, I can decide what fits my training cycle best, too. I could find a local (Texas) marathon in the Spring – I’d already looked at a few of them before. Or…
Option B: Run the MCM. Surely I can recruit at least one other person to run with me that day. Perhaps someone who has already completed it and would like to voluntold themselves to be my pacer/motivator/conversationalist. Also someone who won’t allow me to take a hard turn to port when the going gets tough. Anyone? No? That’s ok because the beauty in being voluntold is it’s not really an option! Standby for heavy rolls. Side note: it took 3 tries to get that verbiage correct and I know 95% of my readers have no Navy experience but for the 5% who do – please appreciate my intent!
The bright side is there’s still plenty of time to decide. Unless I want to go with a marathon in Spring 2020. But I committed to writing then. So writing I must. Training will continue, but I don’t know for what race. The show must go on!
Running on Fumes 
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