Team Things!

Occasionally we have time to sneak away from work and do fun stuff, like go bowling! And eat copious amounts of holiday food, like banana pudding. It’s been a very busy past few months so team spirit and morale-inducing activities are exactly what was needed.

It’s a major award

Returning from the work trip and diving right into a short week of activities, volleyball, mini’s dermatology requirements (for another day), and realizing Thanksgiving is right around the corner – it’s a lot. Can’t forget to mention this course I’m in that has the capacity to literally kill me. How I wish I was a numbers person and understood coefficients and correlations and some dude’s name that stands for something in statistics. Ugh. I don’t know. This professor – whom I also had the previous semester – is destroying my papers. And I still don’t have a chair – have I mentioned this debacle yet? Wait for it.

Back to the team! I’m truly thankful for the people I work with, work for, and work alongside. It’s a longstanding joke about everyone stressing me out, but, truthfully, I’m the only one who stresses me out. At least I have a team of people who keep me going.

___________________

I ask you –

Are you a part of a work team or do you work solo?

When was the last time you went bowling?

Tell me about your Thanksgiving plans!

(The post Team Things! first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Baltimore, in photos

Funny how some time alone recharges your batteries (jokes) and provides genuine reflection of your aspirations. Highly recommend!

Start ——> End

A quick work-related trip to Baltimore was exactly what this chick needed. Me. I am the chick.

A lot of pizza and beer were consumed. We walked approx 842 miles/day. We met lots of people. And we didn’t get arrested! I have dozens of other photos but I’d be here all week if I tried.

The highlight of the trip was this incredible library, the George Peabody Library, located at Johns Hopkins University. Awe inspiring. I truly have no words to convey how amazing it was.

Below I’ve listed and linked some of the places we patronized. Baltimore, you were amazing!

The Horse You Came In On Saloon – oldest operating saloon in America; said to be the final place Edgar Allan Poe was seen at before his death

Thames Street Oyster House – where we ate raw oysters and McK had her very first lobster roll

Lexington Market – originally, we went inside to locate Faidley’s Seafood; however, they were under renovation but their other location is only a block away so we went there instead (see second group of photos, top right). Eventually, we returned to the Market and purchased sweet treats from Market Bakery which is well-known for their Berger cookies. And now for the snickerdoodle cheesecake.

Pub Dog – best pizza, beer, and service in all of Baltimore, in my humble opinion. Of course, the company makes it the best and we befriended an incredible, beautiful lady, KJ.

_________________________

I ask you –

Have you ever been to Baltimore? Thoughts?

Are you interested in old libraries?

Tell me something you look for when visiting new places!

(The post Baltimore, in photos first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Re-Post: I’m Not That Mom

I’m a little overwhelmed from my return from beautiful Baltimore so please enjoy this repost until I have something new to share. Don’t be mistake – I have TONS of new material, I just don’t have a moment to put it in words just yet because I’m busy writing a paper that spans from 15-47 pages and includes tables with absolutely no direction, headings, or context. I promise to return to my regular funny self in approximately 7 calendar days. -Kel

…that creates elaborate birthday parties

…that can do more than two basic hairstyles

…that allows sleepovers outside of immediate family

…that has much patience with simple directions

…who is more focused on grades than kindness

…that believes in yelling or spanking

But I am that mom who –

…wakes up worrying

…over plans a weekend then accomplishes one thing

…enjoys watching my baby sleep beside me because I have no boundaries

…insists on the application of sunscreen

…prefers clothes to match

…can be overcome with laughter and forget to be mad

…asks for kisses and hugs

A polarizing topic, at best, is the way I was raised and the relationship, or lack thereof, I have with my own mother. As a parent, I know she was probably doing the best she could. But it has impacted our ability to relate and connect. As much as I love mini, I don’t believe we were ever designed to be best friends, as some parents refer to their children. I think the idea of being friends with your children is dangerous and potentially damaging due to expectations that will never be met. I’m her mom and that’s a big enough task, in my opinion. Friendships should be what she cultivates on her own, according to her own terms, and in different seasons in life. I want her to always be able to come to me with anything, yet not as a friend but as a woman who gives advice, hugs, and proper discipline.

The mom life is tough. I’m certainly not discounting dad life, grandparent life, parenting in general. Mini is never far from my mind – it’s hard raising a decent human being while attempting to set a good example because that attempt is often thwarted.

Especially when it comes to sleeping in her own bed.

________________

I ask you –

Are you a gentle parent or a structured one?

What type of childhood did you have?

Take a guess: what are the odds she’ll sleep in her own bed now that she’s seven? 1 in 7.

(The post I’m Not That Mom first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Where do we go from here?

Kel, it can’t always be everyone else. Sometimes…it’s you.

Remember when (probably last week) I mentioned it had been the 2nd time someone scraped their tire against the front panel of my car? Well, upon the 3rd incident, I decided to reexamine the situation. It was me. Turns out – pun intended – when I pull into the garage, I’m cutting the angle a little too close and touching the garage panel. Whoopsies.

Incident #2

Typically I don’t share a lot on here that’s incredibly vulnerable and personal. Mostly I try to keep it positive yet self-deprecating because that’s funny to me; however, lately, for whatever reason, I was considering things I regret from a generalized perspective. And, I believe my biggest regret is how I was not there for my best friend when she needed me most. We’d been through so much together yet I bailed when all she wanted was acceptance. And I bailed at a critically horrible time in her life, when she was dealing with a medical crisis. As far as regrets, that’s definitely the biggest, almost unforgivable one I can think of. Others might disagree. If there’s ever a time when I can say it can’t always be everyone else, that time … It was all me. Occasionally we reach out to each other but it will never be the same. I hurt her. In a matter of minutes, I lost every ounce of trust she had ever placed in me. Rebuilding it might take forever. There’s no funny ending to this piece of information and it’s sad still.

But what isn’t sad yet is still applicable to everyone is the year I’ve had so far. I don’t love recognition from a large, well lit stage. Really, I want my team to be recognized for their contributions to my success because I wouldn’t be here without them. So, I would say to them, it isn’t everyone else, it’s you. And all of the you’s make it worth it.

_______________

I ask you –

Have you ever thought something was happening to you that wasn’t your fault?

Any advice for regaining trust in a long-term friendship?

Tell me about your successes!

(The post Where do we go from here? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Unearthly Expectations

As expected, my foots need expert, aka surgical, attention. You know – for all that technology has accomplished, how come there’s only a few options for feet? I did all the others. The surgeon was quite incredulous when I requested to have surgery on both feet simultaneously. But I persevered! Eventually, he came around to my way of thinking but it took some convincing. First, he says it’s dangerous when you can’t walk under your own power. Then, he says the pain may be too much. His final attempt at dissuading me was my mental health. Something about suffering from depression when unable to run.

I counteracted his every argument by saying I will sit at home and be a good patient; I have a high pain tolerance; and it makes more sense to have both feet done to allow me to complete my coursework at one time.

Then, when I visited my muse, her advice wasn’t quite what I wanted to hear but valuable nonetheless. She said, “Kel, you’re still Wonder Woman, but it’s an unearthly expectation to do all the things just because you can.” Granted, her words stopped me in my tracks and made me reconsider my decision. For a time. It’s difficult considering all the unknown variables, including being unable to play in the intramural volleyball league as originally planned. Now, I’ll just coach!

My wingwoman and I

So, all this to say my mind is pretty much made up. I may come to regret it but both feet is the way to go. Despite the circumstances and outliers, I know I can persevere. And I will.

Yet every time you make it through something that doesn’t kill you or land you in jail, there’s this overwhelming feeling of excitement and gratitude. I live for it.

___________________

I ask you –

Any big decisions on the horizon?

Could this be the dumbest decision I’ve made? It very well could be.

Tell me about your superpowers!

(The post Unearthly Expectations first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Day or Week or Maybe Month in Photos

Warning: language.

The 2nd time this has happened in as many months. I really need people to learn to park!

My wingwoman bought this for me in Copenhagen, Denmark. She said it instantly reminded her of me. She’s not wrong.

They gave me a paddle, of which I threatened to use on anyone within arm’s length! Seriously, though, it’s nice to be recognized.

Mini did some pumpkin patch things with her classmates. She even brought home a pumpkin! Now to convince her to carve it so I can have roasted pumpkin seeds.

_________________

I ask you –

Is there a particular phrase that resonates with your personality?

Do you like roasted pumpkin seeds?

Tell me what you have going on this month!

(The post Day or Week or Maybe Month in Photos first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Always the Dramatics

I knew that the short 7 day reprieve from coursework would fly by, so I gave myself something every day to look forward to, something just for me. Besides, what’s a moment compared to the avg 3 hrs/day I typically spend on schoolwork, right?

First day, I found this: “Half of the battle of anxiety is realizing when you’re entering the battle. This is mainly because our fears and insecurities feel so true. We tend to go along with whatever pops into our heads.”

Days 2-7 didn’t go according to plan. What did I do for myself these days? I survived because it never, ever, ever fails that my body ditches all common sense during a break and caves to sickness. Sure, it was just a head cold meets some seasonal allergies but I was convinced this might be the end. I didn’t even run for a few days! Then, the meds worked wonders and I was back at it.

Finally, on the newest episode of “Where Did These Bruises Come From?!”, twice-a-week volleyball is kicking my butt. And hands. And knees. Seriously, every time I shower I find a new discoloration and/or painful area. But is it worthwhile? Absolutely not. I mean … of course it is!

______________

I ask you –

Do you battle anxiety or anxious thoughts?

Have you been struggling with allergies, too?

On a scale of 1 to holy crap you need to chill out, tell me how dramatic you are! 12.

(The post Always the Dramatics first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Not Being Dramatic

Final grade: A-

Well, that’s done. The longest 8 weeks ever. What’s that saying about challenging things change you? Or something like that. I don’t feel changed, but I most certainly was challenged! Within an inch of my life and sanity. And to think I may have the same professor the next 8 weeks. I won’t make it. I found myself spouting some grandiose BS for a majority of the course, even some that was so convincing I believed me for a second. But only for a second.

But – I am pleased to report that I have made a friend! Just one. Let’s not get carried away. His name is Mike and we are now official pen pals, if you will. He’s also a part of the same doctoral program, hence the friendship. If you’ll recall, my best friend, Sam, was also attending Liberty and we were expecting to graduate at the same time. However, life happens and she’s on an extended break while she underpromises and overdelivers in her work life; seriously, she can do anything so unselfishly that I’m both proud of her and also frustrated because she refuses to ask for help.

So, at this time, she’s focused on other things, and although I have never felt the need to replace her, I was in dire need of an ally to commiserate with regarding the loneliness and frustration of the program. And then Mike came along! If you’ll recall, I reached out to several classmates for help early on and it took awhile before anyone got back to me. I was very disappointed. His background is much different than mine but he appears to have experience with grant funding, budgeting, and several other things I’m clueless about so hopefully the tiny network I’m building will prove valuable.

I barely squeaked by with my A avg intact. It was brutal.

__________

I ask you –

Have you ever felt like a determinate length of time is somehow longer than normal?

Do you over promise? Be truthful!

Tell me the lowest grade you ever received.

(The post Not Being Dramatic first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

Out & Abouts

The truly funny part about the title of this post is that it’s significant in the military realm to indicate ensuring the base populace is not out doing nefarious things during the witching hours, aka being kids as kids will be. For me, it just means a week or so of constant activities.

Starting with Oktoberfest in Muenster! Mini had the time of her life with the help of a very popular aunt duo. I received about an hour of uninterrupted time to myself to peruse the wares and engage in a rather inappropriate but oh so funny conversation with a pre-mental health/post-correctional facility turned earring designer vendor. I saw his uterus and his boo-bies. Don’t ask.

It’s finally feeling fall-ish in North Texas so every chance to run is on my list. Thus far, I make it out about 3-4 days/wk. Heaven on earth. The 40s are encroaching – I can’t wait!

Finally, I stayed up late one night to facilitate the usage of my facility for something called Midnight Madness which really just looked more like a lot of amateur basketball players going hard for a few mins, then walking a lot. The real problem stemmed from my decision to accommodate this event while also conveniently forgetting I had another event the next day and would be suffering from a severe lack of sleep. This is how I take breaks! Which turned into an even longer night than anticipated when ego overtook common sense and involved the use of uniformed officers. Exactly what I needed at 1am.

With the addition of my wingwoman, we made it through a very long week. And witnessed the eclipse!

Wingwoman!

Indeed, the Women’s Conference was a welcomed reprieve from the movement of real life. I had an incredible day with incredible women of faith and love; and I got to spend quality time with my sweet niece who I’m still struggling to understand is now an adult. Love is watching the people you adore grow up and into themselves.

Rise Up!

______________

I ask you –

Have you partaken in an Oktoberfest?

Did you see the eclipse?

Tell me about your week!

(The post Out & Abouts first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

More Than We Realize

Finally completed the necessary x-rays to start the long process of making decisions re: me feets. One foot, two foots.

If only running was simply a hobby, or something I occasionally do for fun it would make this process seemingly easier. Instead, running is a way of life. It’s my way of clearing my head, making sense of life’s messiness, of putting the anxiety into focus, of leaving “me” behind for a few miles. I don’t run just to run; I run because I need it. The few months post-race circa December 2021 when I couldn’t run, when I thought I may never run again – difficult doesn’t begin to describe how I felt. Admittedly, there were moments of sheer panic and depression considering how I would navigate life without running shoes. It’s not the shoes that make the runner, it’s the getting out the door, breathing in one last time, then pushing forward. It’s the arm swing, the sound and feel of my feet hitting the pavement, the eventual exhaustion that signals a good run. It’s so much more than the word “run”.

Surrounded by kindness

In other news, I have a tough time making the decision to meter myself, in running, life, conversations, everything. Occasionally I remember to ask permission prior to forgiveness but it’s not often. Also, it’s comical when someone thanks me for my patience. Because I am not patient. Not even a little bit. I put on a show but inside I am an anxious mess of restlessness. Zero patience. I demand efficiency in all aspects. Patient? Not this girl. But thank you for believing I am.

_________________________

I ask you –

What helps clear your head?

Do you consider yourself patient?

Tell me about a recent kind act in your life!

(The post More Than We Realize first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)