miles – Running on Fumes

My heart has been hurting for some time now. The holidays had me at war with myself. Every day in November, I did one thing for myself. I went to the coffee shop frequently, I escaped work to go window shopping, I went on long walks, I dated me. In December, I set a goal to work out as much during the week as possible. I created my own workouts to excuse the knee pain, I religiously followed up with doctors to get the X-ray and MRI, I pushed hard for me.

Then, the diagnosis of patellar tendonitis. Doesn’t sound so bad. My first question – can I run? Short answer: not yet. There’s still inflammation, there’s still remedies, there’s still physical therapy. I was happy with a diagnosis and thankful for an intact meniscus, but I still can’t run. I’m still in pain. There’s still swelling. I’m not ready to run, I know, I know. Yet I really wanted to just take off, down the street, carefree, moving my body the way I love to do.

2024: 267 miles

Afterwards, the threat of government shutdown, of furloughing my staff, of making dozens of notifications to people who just want to enjoy their holiday. My thin thread of sanity was fraying. My hard-fought and well-earned beach vacation was beginning to feel like a middle finger to everyone left behind. The one beating heart inside me threatened to collapse.

I should be excited. I should be ready to tackle the new year. My ethics board review will most likely be completed early January. I can begin scheduling, then traveling for my research. I will graduate in 2025.

But, for whatever reason, peace eludes me. The things I’ve tried to fill my time with, to refocus on, to overcome, have not been enough. I’m getting there. This is a hard one. And I think it’s important that others know you’re not alone.

Artist: B. N.

Not to worry. I’m ok. Just need a little more time.

_______________

I ask you –

Any defining word for 2025?

Feel free to share your difficulties with the holidays or regarding life in general. We’re all doing the best we can.

(The post Anew in 2025 first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

2023. Somehow this is where we’re at. Don’t blink! As I’m not into resolutions – hello, failure! – I prefer to focus on a word or phrase. 2022 was Praise. This year, I think it’s Strengthen.

I want to be strong in faith. Strong in body. Strong in dedication to my education. Side note: is that a song title? Dedication to education. haHa Focus, Kel. Strong in presence.

Interestingly, running isn’t exactly on this list. Well, it is, but not what it has looked like the past 5 years. Wow. I raced for 5 years. Or maybe just 4. I didn’t run a single race in 2022. Perhaps this explains the body differences. My weight is up, things fit a little differently now. But it’s just a season. And most of the time I remember to strengthen (there’s that word again) my stupid meniscus with all the cool things I learned in physical therapy. Spiky donut, anyone?!

Not bad, if I do say so myself

I want to refocus on some smaller things in order to be stronger at the big things. Like my career. Walking back into the gym felt like being home again. Natural rhythms resumed, the excitement of supervising personnel, being a catalyst for change: those things make me feel strong inside. So now it’s time to be just as strong on the outside as I am on the inside.

Pause.

In related news, maybe if I had Moonwalkers then I could really accomplish something! Check out this article on the latest development to help people get where they need to be faster: Moonwalker Article.

And, if there’s one thing I want to accomplish this year, it’s this: I want to be able to do unassisted pullups again. Like my mini proudly says – welcome to the gun show!

________________________

I ask you –

What is your word or phrase or even resolution for 2023?

How many miles did you run the past year?

On a scale of 1 to spaghetti arms, how likely am I to reach my goal? 8!

(The post Word Play first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)