Mindset

Slave to the scale = allowing one number to dictate your entire day or life.

This is a tough topic for me because I’ve noticed the scale gradually inching upward. As a runner, that’s pretty much the last thing we want to happen. But when I factor in strength training there’s really no other place for the scale to go but up. Unless 15 years of lifting has changed.

Many of you who have followed along may remember I practice a keto lifestyle when not training for a race. But something changed this time around. I’m not sure if it was the injury part or if I’m just losing my resolve (unlikely), but I couldn’t stick with it. And it made me feel like crap. Not like…crap because I’m removing loads of sugar and carbs. I could have lived with that part! Crap like…I was wondering what the point even was and if my future would always look like this cycle. It was depressing.

So, instead of denying myself every good food in the world, I’m trying to do what I think our bodies were designed for and what is preached from day one. Everything in moderation. Tracking it via MyFitnessPal has been helpful because it simply tells me if/when I exceed my calorie goal for the day. Again, I’m not a slave to the number. Here’s the confession part of this post: I haven’t lost any weight. In fact, gasp I’ve gained weight. However, when I look at all the strength training I’ve been doing the past month, it makes sense!

My clothes still fit the same. The mirror reflects an image that looks no different than when I started training last time. The inflammation is gone. I don’t really have cravings, per se. The daily salad is still a part of my diet and I enjoy a weekly donut. My nemesis. Coming to terms with this is extremely difficult for me. The heavily conditioned, anorexic part of my mind still fights for control, even for something as necessary as what I eat in a day. It can be exhausting talking myself into accepting it. But it’s getting better.

Maybe this will forever be my cross to bear. I know I’m not alone because I also know isolation is very dangerous. Food is fuel. There will be no running if there is no eating.

Fortunately I love food, as well as running. Please remember eating disorders are very real and my jokes/lightheartedness are how I deal with things. If you or someone you love needs help, there are tons of resources, like National Eating Disorders Helpline or ANAD.

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I ask you –

Do you find it tough to maintain a stable weight?

Was there a time in your life when you struggled with a number on the scale?

Again, please don’t suffer in silence. If you need help, reach out.

Sensing a Theme…

I love reading about and watching the Barkley Marathon. There’s something so primal (and completely insane); it’s just fascinating!

I found this post: A-Z OF BARKLEY MARATHONS, THE WORLD’S MOST NOTORIOUS ULTRAMARATHON The people who run Barkley are both nutjobs and heroic. I appreciate these qualities. With so many races now returning from virtual-only, my entire news feed is flooded with photos and stories of runners doing what they do best. The familiar feelings of being inspired have returned. At this moment, I have 3 more physical therapy sessions before I am officially cleared to go forth and run! It’s exciting yet also a tiny bit terrifying. Granted I have run during the course of PT; however, it has been under their guidance. Now it’s time to leave the nest!

I sure would!

There is a 5k (my longest distance since injury recovery) scheduled next weekend – I did sign up with intent to run – and my therapist stated go for it! Note: it’s a run, not a race. Speaking of racing, recently I remembered meeting an Army officer when I worked in Oklahoma. He would never train lower body because he said as a collegiate and military-sponsored soccer player he received all the lower body training he needed on the field. I brushed it off as surely he knew what he was doing; I thought it sounded odd but to each his own.

Today, I’m dealing with the ramifications of this very same mindset because as someone who runs consistently I believed I didn’t need (or make time for) a solid strength training routine because everything I needed I could find out on the road/track/treadmill. Now look where I’m at. Just look at it! This faulty line of thinking forced me to take an extended break. But it also reframed my entire way of incorporating preventative training.

Now what, Kel? Well – I have the tools, literally and figuratively; I have the will; I have the reason. Nothing can stop me except myself. My plan is to prioritize strength training with the same schedule I’ve had for PT, i.e. 3x/week. As much I dislike the word balance (yeah right), my motivation is not finding myself in this position again. Don’t be like soccer guy! So, if you need me, I’ll be over here with my happy little stretchy bands doing what someone else more knowledge than I showed me how to do. And I will appreciate it!

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I ask you –

Can you imagine the mindset of taking on a challenge like Barkley?

Have you ever overheard (or been given) terrible advice?

Share your thoughts on activities like a Barkley or a Ragnar!

On the life scale … + PT Update

Just when I get accustomed to a routine at physical therapy – a collection of 8 or so exercises targeting core, hamstrings, knee, and glutes – I’m treated to a wonderful surprise. A new routine! It’s really not wonderful. But of course they didn’t remove the exercises that are the hardest for me. Oh no. Why would they do that? Ugh. Instead, they leave the super difficult ones and add some others in place of the ones I was starting to master. Sure. Why not.

I like to call these “truly awful”

In related news, I can tell my lower body strength is increasing. Because Texas graciously awarded us a week of beautiful Spring-like weather a week after the second ice storm, I was able to run outside. Not one to waste an opportunity, the run was my first since beginning PT and I could tell a difference in the way my hamstrings didn’t feel “wobbly”. There was a slight knee twinge around mile 1.5 so I walked some, then when I restarted, everything felt fine. It’s working!! I’m extremely thankful to Renau Rehab for guiding me; working with Max and PJ has been incredible. Beyond being very knowledgeable, they’re also kind, funny, and invested in my return to running.

these are called “one-legged wonders”

Also, have you ordered your Running on Fumes merchandise yet? There’s still time and many options available, from tanks to hoodies to coffee mugs to tote bags! You can find your next RoF item here!

the beloved Ms. Dory! (hoodie)

Last week was one of those weeks where if it isn’t one thing, it’s a billion others. From craving ice cream – all I could find were popsicles – to multiple days of gorgeous sunshine, besides the craziness, it was one for the books. Personally, I’m just glad we’re moving forward.

This is officially the week before my birthday week (it’s a Sunday this year) and I have big plans. Stay tuned!

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I ask you –

What part of exercising is your favorite? When it’s over!

How often do you do any task that requires standing on one foot?

Tell me your favorite cold, sweet treat!

In All My Years, a memoir

Things it took 35+ years to learn

Eat before taking medication, unless otherwise stated
Your phone camera is a lifesaver when it comes time to remember stuff
No one gets extra points for not asking for help
I enjoy watching grown men get beat up, sacked, and tackled. Football. I love it.
Move the tampon string out of the way before you pee.
We are the common denominator in all of our relationships.

Other Stuff

This was such a great article about why we are the way we are. Even if you hail from a completely normal, functioning family, surely not everyone you encounter or have a relationship with is the same. It may have resonated with me more than even I’m capable of understanding. More to come.

More Fascinating Things

I must confess. When others told me they were practicing “mindful eating”, I thought it was just another buzzword, a clique-ish term, a passing fad. Big eye roll. Same goes for “intuitive eating”. Of course I’m intuitive! I know if I don’t eat soon, I’m going to get angry! How’s that for intuition. But, lately, I haven’t been restricting my carbs or cutting out fruit or doing any of the other things I believed worked for me previously. Just a few weeks ago, I mentioned using the MyFitnessPal app and I’m happy to report it’s (still) really useful.

mini decorated my workout area – bands shown here

There’s even been a few instances of completing my PT routine at home. Necessity only. The booty bands in the photo above are worth every penny of the $10 I spent. I’m using them for squats, deadlifts, and knee rotational exercises, but the options are limitless.

In light of my upcoming birthday, the learning curve will – hopefully – never cease. But, if/when it does, my final piece of advice is this…Unbuckle the seatbelt before attempting to exit your car. I’ll be here all day.

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I ask you –

What is your best piece of advice?

Have you heard the term “intuitive eating”?

Tell me the buzzword you currently hear most!

Wonderland

Finally found – it wasn’t really lost – the 2 missing dumbbells to complete the set. Now I can begin doing a full workout in the prescribed time instead of half, then alternating sides. It was nothing more than an annoyance so no hard feelings. It’s not like I was really doing much anyway.

I vaguely recall a time where I was able to mix cardio with strength training and actually make it work. Let’s see. Circa 2018 or so. Never too late to get restarted! I’ve used running as an excuse to not lift and vice versa; whilst knowing full well the secret is their complimentary relationship. My struggle has been letting go of a number on the scale. Really need to address this. So I’m refocusing on what makes me feel best.

For some reason, thinking about the gym reminds me of an amazing woman named Geri. She was the food bank director when I worked at the gym in Oklahoma. We just clicked. She was hilarious and always had a listening ear. During one summer, she was getting ready for a female relative’s upcoming wedding, so she asked how to use the stand up tanning bed. I explained, got her set up, and went about my way. Weeks later, she told (showed) me how she was able to get the perfect tan for a backless dress (I may have the details wrong, but I know the dress was more open toward the top). Returning to the tanning story – she demonstrated how she’d use whatever top she was wearing as pants while tanning in order to prevent anything more than her ankles and top getting tanned. Not sure why this sticks in my subconscious. I recall laughing hysterically at her preciseness. She was so great. I don’t know what has become of Geri. I looked her up (stalked) her a few times, but no dice.

Credit: hardcorecomedy2.0 via Instagram

Hello, from this rabbit hole. Anyway, I think I’m probably not eating enough which is why I go through these crazy binge/restrict phases. And, once a month, my hormone swings are enough to drive anyone insane. Not so much the emotions, but the cravings and complete lack of self control. I really gotta get it together. To date, myFitnessPal is working really well though. The tracking functions are simple; I haven’t had to manually enter any foods yet either.

Has anyone seen Geri?

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I ask you –

What size dumbbells do you own? Any missing?

Have you ever used a tanning bed?

If you were Geri, where would you be? Probably hiding from me.

Diagnosis meets Prognosis

The jury is in! Aside from (or maybe in accordance with) a torn meniscus, physical therapy is going swimmingly well. Torn is a bit of a general term when the meniscus is already healed. Luckily, my body did what the body does and indeed it healed. That’s the good news. The gray news (I’m not using the word “bad” because it’s not really terrible) is I have a lot of work to do in order to correct the resulting lack of strength and balance due to said injury. My left knee/hamstring/hip/calf are all very tight while also very weak. My balance is off because I don’t have a lot of confidence and am afraid of hurting myself more. All this being said, I’m the most enthusiastic PT patient I ever met!

In approximately 5 weeks, I will have completed 15 therapy sessions and everyone seems to have high hopes I can return to running in a normal fashion. Praise the Maker! Perhaps this was my wake-up call. I’ve known for some time – ahem, years – you can’t expect the body to perform at peak condition if you’re not giving it an opportunity to ever be at peak. In my case, I devote all my time to running during a training cycle, then return to strength training during the “off season”. Never have I been able to (i.e. made time for) strength training, flexibility, and running. Together. So here we are.

these are demonic torture devices, so I bought my own

Currently I’m ramping up my collection of therapeutic tools, like these nifty cloth bands that make my outer thigh burn like fire, and a weight bench for step-ups, supermans, and full body dumbbell exercises. Among other things. Put those gym management skills to use, Kel! I want to be strong AND healthy enough to run. Since my powerhouse of strength is seriously degraded right now, I fully understand this will take time. Most importantly, it will take discipline to continue what I’m learning in PT. I don’t know if you know this by now but I’m an extremely stubborn and dedicated person. Shocking, I bet. Surely I can devote my time to the exercises that will ensure I am able to run for years to come.

There’s probably many who are shouting “I told you so”. Trust me, I told me so, too. Sometimes we get into the groove of same old, same old…status quo…whatever the word du jour is. But until there’s several people with fancy titles and notepads asking you to stand on one foot – until that very moment – you (I) will continue to say everything is fine. Even when it isn’t. Even when a simple task like standing on one foot was once so incredibly easy yet somehow is now not. I remember running my first race after the traumatic DNF. I needed that run to regain confidence, to remind myself I’m capable of finishing, to prove my body and mind are okay. It was hard. The entire time I ran I was examining every symptom I experienced, wondering if I was hydrated enough, did I eat enough the past week, what if I pass out again, and the list goes on. How dramatic I sound right now I know not! All I know is this is real life to me.

On the bright side, the rehab facility is easily located and I’m thankful I have a position where I can attend therapy as much as needed to get me back in fighting shape. As long as I can outrun an enemy, hopefully it won’t matter if I can’t beat them up. But I’ll try!

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I ask you –

Have you ever had a torn meniscus?

Do you have any favorite “PT-style” accessories?

Tell me something interesting about your week!

Frustrated w/ Life + PT Update

Considering running a marathon. Admittedly I realize how insane that must sound at this very moment when I’ve not begun a full recovery much less have a scheduled PT session at this very moment. Pause. Side note: I’ll be attending PT twice a week for 8 weeks. If I can’t get it figured out by then, surely I have bigger problems. Restart. I’d like to run a marathon. Notice I didn’t say race a marathon. Just run. For fun. To say I did it. And I’ve got the perfect one in mind! Sometimes the cart is located before the horse. RnR San Antonio, 3 Dec 2022. We’ll get back to this.

PT update: it’s now mid-Feb and I finally have an appointment. Finally. I almost feel like I should have just kept the original appt in early March. Then I wouldn’t have spent countless hours on the phone waiting on a referral, then a call back, then for a fax machine to work. Seriously. A fax machine. FFS.

I’ll probably write a whole other post on this eventually…for now, let me mention the usefulness of My Fitness Pal. I know a few people who employ this app to keep track of their eating habits, etc. Until recently, I was under the impression I was doing just fine without any help. But, for some unknown reason, ahem, probably my age, my body does not seem to be reacting well go any weight maintenance tools. Could it be my consistency lately would best be described as totally inconsistent.

Nonetheless, I’m having zero luck sticking with any real plan. I’m keto on the weekdays and off the charts on the weekends. The cravings for everything are almost unbearable. My weight makes me grumpy. Is this a midlife crisis?

Team Zero Self Control

Truly I think I’m just frustrated with waiting so long to get started on physical therapy. I’ve been “slogging” aka very slow jogging whenever the mood strikes me. But I know I perform better in life when there’s a plan in place.

So here’s to starting PT this week and finally moving forward with recovery, as well as returning to a consistent lifestyle of training, however that may look.

Happy Valentine’s Day! May your Hallmark holiday be everything you hoped for. Please remember to buy your spouse/loved one/child(ren) a card and write a message inside. Trust me.

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I ask you –

Do you use an app to track nutrition?

What is your experience with My Fitness Pal?

Share your own PT story.

Failed It!

I think I intended for this title to be about something serious. But I’m a child. And I lost my train of thought. Instead, the following is my spin on the common phrase “nailed it”.

speaking of trains

It doesn’t really bother me too much when I’m stuck at the train tracks. Unfortunately, I forgot to take a photo when I saw two trains passing each other at this same intersection. Also, I laughed a lot when a car behind me backed up to the prior intersection and went the other direction, presumably because they didn’t want to wait. But I don’t think they paid enough attention to notice they went the direction the train was going instead of waiting with me, i.e. the intersection I was at would open sooner than the direction he/she went. Patience is a virtue.

Credit: hardcorecomedy2.0 via Instagram

Have I ever mentioned my mug shot philosophy? Surely? Just in case, here goes nothing. If arrested and in the position of having a mug shot taken, I firmly believe you should give it your best face forward! Now, I understand when you’re arrested, you’re probably not in full makeup and a ball gown; however, if given the choice, you should attempt to fix your hair. At the least. Bald male? Just smile very big. Problem solved. To sum it up, in the court of popular opinion, always smile in your mug shot. You never know what potential juror may see it. Just my two cents. The guy above? He looks happy and probably didn’t realize they were magic mushrooms. Maybe he was trying to make chicken marsala.

one thing is not like the other

In a genuine, please-help-me-get-it-together effort to basically get it together, my goal is to do some sort of strength training for 10 mins daily. Forevermore! And instead of waiting for the usual start day (hello, Monday!) I got started as soon as the thought hit my mind. On a Saturday! As those usually not too difficult shoulder presses began being very difficult at rep 2 of set 1 – I chalked it up to weakness. But as I laid… hurled…the weights to the floor, the culprit became quite apparent. Me. I am the culprit. The one who can’t read. No wonder these measly weights felt so heavy on one side. Then, the perfectionist inside me made wrongs right and completed the next set with opposite unequal weights. Because balance is so very important.

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I ask you –

Which of the examples above is your favorite fail?

How many times have you smiled in a mugshot? Do tell!!!

Tell me your own failed it story!

Reach for the Stars

I recently caught myself using the phrase “I may never run again”. The weight of that short statement was not so obviously downtrodden until it was the time of year where my favorite shoe company releases a new iteration of my go-to shoe style.

If you’ll recall (new readers may not know this), I won a contest in 2020 titled the 20 Year Drop. Essentially, Brooks Running supplies with me a free pair of shoes each year for 20 years. Wow, right?! This is my only claim to fame, but I’m claiming it forever! My favorite shoe is the Adrenaline GTS. Each year, I receive a new pair as the contest winner. However, pandemic and supply chain issues have caused a slight problem with my ability to locate the newly released Adrenaline GTS 22’s. They were advertised online, but out of stock at my local Academy and even on the Brooks Running website, as well as Amazon. Figures. I had resigned myself to not needing any new shoes because I’m doing a whole lot of no running right now.

And then this happened.

L: 22 R: 21

I was wandering around an Academy in a different part of the world (not exactly) and stumbled upon these. Two pairs of shoes flew into my cart. The rest is history. Ok, not exactly. But kind of. I successfully located my size in the new 22’s; then, I found my size in a pair of 21’s. Stars: aligned. Thank goodness for shoe money. The fun part of this whole expedition is, unbeknownst to me, the 21’s were nearly half price at checkout. I don’t question these things! Stars, remember?!

So allow me to land this plane. As I slipped my feet into the Adrenaline GTS 22’s, I felt the SPARK. You know…the one where you dream big and see yourself in front of millions of people singing on a stage! No? Really? Too far? Oh right, the plane. I felt that tingle of remembrance on what it feels like to run just to be running. Just because I can.

Adrenaline GTS 22

Adrenaline GTS 21

Again: (L) Adrenaline GTS 22; (R) GTS 21

And I thought…Kel, you may never race again, but you will definitely run. And it can’t come soon enough!

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I ask you –

Have you ever won a contest? Or lottery?

Where do you typically purchase shoes?

Name something you thought you’d never do but have been able to!

Hey, Tigger!

“Regret looks back. Fear looks around. Worry looks in. Faith looks up. The will to persevere is often the difference between success and failure.”

January!

“Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision is a nightmare! But vision combined with action can change the world.”

Joyce Meyer writes, ‘I used to be a full-time sinner, and once in a while I “accidentally” did something right. But now that I have spent many years developing a deep, personal relationship with God… I still make mistakes, but not nearly as many as I once did, I am not where I need to be, but thank God, I am not where I used to be. I do not do everything right, but I do know that the attitude of my heart is right.’

What’s interesting about the three paragraphs above is this post pertains to…drumroll, please…social media. During the holidays, people (many of whom I consider actual friends) would post things ranging from the incredibly sad (missing a loved one) to the truly joyful (a family dinner with family not seen in a few years) to the downright dramatic (poor, pitiful me, my name is Eyore). Sometimes I find myself scrolling aimlessly, but I take heart in this: I was anti-social media for many years. I’ve learned I can live without it. For many, though, being connected or plugged in is a way of life they may not know a time without. I’m old. The end.

Kidding. I’m not finished here yet.

A few times a year (notably: New Years) I clean out my ‘following’ list to reflect what is important to me. For example, if I’m training or wish I was training, then I follow more running motivation sites. If I’m focusing on what I put into my body, I have more keto lifestyle sites on the home page. Make sense? But it’s easy to get stuck in the rut of wash, rinse, repeat for days, weeks, even months at a time. I’m trying to be more present and focused in what I view on social media in order to be less complacent. More books, less scrolling.

a book a day keeps boredom at bay

In trying to grow a blog and establish a brand, cutting out social media just doesn’t seem possible. And that’s a-okay. But it doesn’t mean I can’t disconnect at times when necessary. With a new year comes new opportunities to reflect inward what really matters to me (and you). Remembering – or being reminded – faith looks up is my cue; lest I become the Eyore.

Run away!

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I ask you –

Do you have a go-to quote?

What is the attitude of your heart?

Tell me how many times you’ve had an Eyore moment! Only a few I can remember – I’m dramatic, but not in the ‘my life is so hard’ way.