Mood(y)

Sometimes I refuse to allow myself to cry because eye cream is expensive and I already have forehead wrinkles. Considering trying collagen to alleviate the roadmap that is my skin. According to modern research, women should look at their mothers to determine how they will age. This isn’t going to end well, if that’s the case.

Also, as I have a large forehead (a fivehead, if you will) I expect to pay more over the lifetime of face lotion and sunscreen because I will use more. This is crap. And over the weekend, my naturally long eye lashes scratched my eyeball. If that’s not a first world problem, I don’t know what is!

In all seriousness, the holidays are emotionally draining to many – myself included. Frankly, I’m tired of holding people together. I once said “I’m so busy helping others when they fall apart, but when I fall apart, there’s no one there to catch me. When is my day?”. Guess that’s the trouble with being a rescuer, a fixer, an empath. Reaching out takes a toll on my sanity and my mental health.

So I’m stopping. There’s a handful of people I contact every single morning. I’m not anymore. If you want me in your life, you know where to find me. A million other people can reach out to me when they’re ready to have a two-sided conversation. I’m done trying to be everything to everyone. I owe it to myself.

But so this post doesn’t come across as selfish and (too) moody, being seen and acknowledged is most important. I see you. I acknowledge your struggles and that you may need to do things for yourself only. Totally get it. However, the doormat days are over and the door is slowly closing. In terms of fitness and physical health, the flip side of the coin is finding things you love to do and will sustain long term well-being. Running and exercise in general does that for most people. Keep it in mind as you traverse the holiday season.

Lastly, a few members shared their thoughts about me and the words ‘customer service guru’ were thrown out there. I’ll take that as a win. Double lastly, I have a fear of dumpsters. Just leaving that here.

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I ask you –

How long do you think this mood will last? – copious amounts of Midol isn’t helping

Any suggestions on these wrinkles (nothing involving needles, please)?

Tell me a time when your personal resolution to yourself was successful.

When Life Goes Left – Harboring Disappointment in Others

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Offhand I can’t think how revenge will fit into one of my posts, but I’m sure it will somewhere at some point. The word harboring led me down a path to the above quote about revenge. You know, in those moments of exhaustion and disappointment in dealing with people you have no control over, i.e. parents, relatives, etc. In life we do so much to please others, to accommodate them and their feelings, but we end up losing sight of what matters to us. Cue the disappointment.

Similar situation: you’ve worked your behind off in the gym, counted every calorie, drank nothing but water day in and day out ye still don’t see the results you know you deserve. Disappointment and self doubt set it. “Why are you even doing this? It would be easier to give up. Who really cares anyway?” All lines of self doubt. My personal favorite: “That’s what you get, Kel.” Damage is done when this crosses your lips. It must be stopped long before reaching the point of no return. But how?

Pre-gaming a run with a huge bucket of popcorn = never disappointing

By letting go of your expectations. Granted, expectations are wonderful to have. We have them of ourselves and of everyone around us. They’re truly useful! Until they’re not. Until they eat away, leaving you devoid of hope and gratitude. Expectations can even leave you feeling disappointed in the expectation itself! Who’s idea was this anyway?! The holidays always find a way to suck the life out of me. Expectations run high – I must juggle mommy life with work life with relative life with happy life. It’s no secret: I don’t love the holidays. News flash: sometimes I don’t like them at all. Because, as a child, they were a constant source of disappointment. Not like I didn’t get the toy I wanted for Christmas-type of disappointment. Much deeper. And as hard as I try to change the expectation each year, not being able to control how others impact my plans is tough.

When life takes you left, steer right. I was listening to this great podcast the other day (the name currently escapes me…standby) and the host said something to the effect of “balance is bullsh*t”. I’m paraphrasing, but she really did use those words. There’s no such thing as balance?! Wait a minute. From the time you were a small child, a life of balance has been openly discussed. If I don’t have balance, then what do I have? You have an expectation of balance, but balance isn’t real. Unless it’s what keeps you from tipping over whilst standing on 1 foot. The ideal 50/50 is unobtainable. Something in your life will always hold tight to a part of you, be it parenthood, your job, your commitment to yourself, whatever it is. May I say this awakened the part of me that always felt shame for not having it together? If I don’t have this so-called balance crap, but there’s no expectation to have it anyway, why am I wasting my time worrying about it?

Now…I’m not.

Chai has my heart – mostly for its relaxing effects

Mantra: At any moment, I will be pulled into thousands of different directions. I will do my best to navigate what is best for me and the people who depend on me. I am not tethered to my own expectations or those of anyone else. I am free of the balance construct. I will tilt, bend, and list to both port and starboard, but I will not break. I may feel disappointment in others and, whether justified or not, I am allowed to feel this way.

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I ask you –

Is this psychology degree paying off or what?!

What is your most prevalent emotion?

Tell me what in your life sucks the soul from you.

Vaccinations / Frozen II / Thanksgiving

The past 2 weeks were a lot to talk about so I’ll get to the point:

I was inoculated against diseases. Yay bandaids. No photos, please.

First time movie experience with Munchkin – Frozen 2 for the win!

She dressed herself then had a lengthy conversation with Nanners.

Watched a Christmas Parade! Yay all the candy. My yay is silenced.

There was Thanksgiving + family (post forthcoming) + a lengthy drive in many directions.

There wasn’t a lot of running happening the week of Thanksgiving, but I managed to get in 2 fairly good runs. Saturday afternoon was a bust, so the 10 miler on Sunday was rough!

Hope you all had a great time, as well!

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I ask you –

What holiday(s) is/are your favorite?

Parades are so much fun, no matter your age – naysayers?

On average, how many cards do you mail a year? (not counting bills…people still do that, right?)

Abbreviated Day in Photos, part 482

Have you read the story of the person who changed their Roomba to curse when it bumps into things? That’s me! I’m the cursing Roomba! How do you think the gym gets clean? Fairies?!

The other day I mentioned a need for someone to follow me around and take notes of the great things I dream of when running. It’s mostly nonsense and can span the range of highly emotional to very inspirational. Any takers? Bring your own golf cart.

That time I fell into a washing machine (not really) but it’s very possible

Friends and family joke about the volume of calls I’ve made to local law enforcement on the drive. Seriously though, I see the most random s**t! The other night my own neighbor tried to run me off the road in his white challenger. If I hadn’t been too tired to fight back and also fearful he had a gun, I would’ve stopped and yelled. I’m only assuming it was a male, I really don’t know. Women must band together. But I would’ve yelled at her, too!

Here’s a few other random things:

Lucky Charms. Yes. The end.

Look at all these leaves! One day it was 75° and beautiful out. The next was 25° and wind gusts to 40mph. The aftermath –

Happy (almost) Thanksgiving to you all. I will return next week with stories of family, humor, and, let’s hope not, violence. But have you met my family? Anything is possible. Please answer all collect calls.

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I ask you –

Is there a patent on the cursing Roomba or is there still room for me in that market?

What’s your favorite cereal? – Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch: my top 2

Where are you traveling for Thanksgiving? Any tips for keeping my sanity?

33% – Odds are Not in My Favor

Need a blank card? I have drawers full

Should be no secret cards are my love language. I enjoy the process of writing a message inside a blank card, addressing it, placing the correct postage on the front of the envelope, and raising the small red flag on my mailbox to indicate I have something important to be delivered.

Recently I mailed 3 cards within a few days of each other, for various reasons. Usually cards are a ‘just because’. Remember opening the mailbox when you were a child and receiving a colorful envelope with your very own name on it? Did you feel excited? Even as adults that same feeling still exists. And it’s amazing. My grandmothers and great aunt instilled in me a sense of thankfulness. It was required as a child to send thank you cards after holidays and birthdays and any other time you received a gift. Some may say this is an antiquated practice now – who has time to send a thank you card. I do. You do.

Truth be told, I felt a little disappointed when I didn’t receive a response from the cards I sent. Only 1 of the 3 recipients said thank you for thinking of them. A real thank you. One didn’t reply at all. Tis better to give than to receive. However, acknowledgment goes a long way. My feelings may have been a little hurt at the lack of thanks…but I think the real culprit was the level of appreciation, i.e. I’m not sure if it was there.

Practice thankfulness

Do you appreciate what your body does for you? How often do you consider all the work your fingers, hands, and feet complete in a day? It may seem silly. We often take for granted what others do for us and, in that, we’re taking for granted what we do for ourselves. We treat our bodies like garbage cans, feeding it junk and expecting it to give a peak performance. Trash in, trash out.

The symbolism between writing cards to express your feelings for someone and showing your body gratitude is not lost on me. No, I don’t see anyone writing letters to themselves, though maybe we should, but your soul’s love language may be equal if not greater than the love you show yourself by treating your body well. Massage. Healthy foods. Strength training. Conditioning. Working on balance. All ways to treat your body right. I know we get busy and we forget to say thank you. But you should thank yourself every day in some small way.

Written with love

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I ask you –

What’s your love language?

How does the above indicate how you treat yourself?

Do you know how to mail a letter and address it properly?

Will You Accept My Challenge?

There’s power in the hands that hold you up

A few days ago, I found myself in a situation needing advice and wondering who to turn to. Over the course of a conversation with someone whose experience and wisdom inspire me, she shared how brave and strong she believed me to be. At the time, I was very puzzled by her words and thoughts perhaps she was saying this just to make me feel better. However, her opinion matters deeply to me – she speaks her truth.

But isn’t that how it goes? Being our own critics and negative cheerleader, we can’t find the good in ourselves. We feel weak, deem ourselves unworthy of love, and place unrealistic expectations on our lives. P.S this is where social media fails us as humans.

Why is it so hard to see how amazing we truly are? In my case, it was a family values flaw, most likely. Having confidence was considered vain and talking about what mattered to you was shunned. I could go on forever how terrifically awful my childhood lessons were but we don’t have time. Nevertheless, I have a daily goal to uplift one person. One! In a day, I probably meet/see over a hundred people so my goal is a miniscule 1%.

There’s one lesson so large I can only hope to instill in my mini human: be kind. Like Ellen always says. It seems so small, just be kind, but apparently it’s the toughest in practice. Elements of kindness exist in each part of our day; the opportunities are forthcoming every minute to share kindness but for some reason we choose not to. Perhaps we don’t know how? Well, I know how and I’ll be d*mned if I sit around waiting for anyone else to show the person I created inside my own body how to be kind. She will know it very well.

A smile is worth a thousand words

At this point, I think it’s appropriate to challenge you, my lovely readers and friends, all 3 of you, to also establish a goal to share with someone how valuable they are in your life. It could be anyone. It could even be your pet – I’m not picky! But please share your feelings and emotions. Your words could have the impact of a lifetime to those needing to hear they’re not alone. We are all worthy.

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I ask you –

Have you ever had an experience of being on the receiving end of someone’s truth?

How many people will your kind words impact?

Smile at a stranger. It may be the difference between living and living.

Weekend in Photos…random (wo)man

Had a date night with my little Munchkin over the weekend –

The next morning, we longingly stared out the window because we knew it was our last day of warm weather for awhile –

How else will I rid my home of Halloween candy if she doesn’t have a ‘lollipop’ each day?

On Monday, a beautiful Veteran’s Day punctuated with snowflakes –

Photo captured the day before the snowflakes

Working from home was a whopping success minus the support desk tickets I’m constantly submitting because I have a horrible knack for programs requiring testing to malfunction mid-test and I can’t complete them. Ugh.

On the bright side, my Christmas decorations, tree, and lights are in place. You can bah humbug me all you want, but a) with Munchkin’s blended state lifestyle we make the most of every holiday and b) did you realize if we put up our Christmas extravaganza December 1st, then we only have approximately 4 full weekends to enjoy them? I’m not home much during the week so in order for me to experience the entire holiday season, I must start early!

Excuse the train off the tracks – typical of our lives aka a train wreck

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I ask you –

Weekend activities? Anything fun?

What are your thoughts on those who decorate early? (To be clear, I have never, NOT EVEN ONCE, been a proponent of this until I had a child.)

To please thank a Veteran.

What’s New?

Much like spring cleaning, join me on this exploration of old and new stuff I’ve located in my house (aka mind and body) in no particular order –

Pixel-y and beautiful

Book writing: let’s add some more stuff to my fully-loaded proverbial plate and take on the project-in-progress of many years. I began writing a book the year between my undergrad and grad school. As life got more hectic, I put it away and haven’t revisited it since. No better time than the present! In developing myself as a person, a woman, a mom, I decided to begin writing again. There’s no EDC (estimated date of completion), but I plan to maximize effort after December’s training cycle comes to a close. Which brings me to another topic…

Training: is going well! Committing to a plan to run 4 days per week is definitely less stressful than the previous 5-6 days a week. Even knowing I have to run both days of a weekend is somehow easier to accept than I originally thought possible. On other plans, I would dread the weekends. I was a super b-word until I got my one long run in and I would feel like a complete failure if Monday came and it hadn’t been done. Now? I run Saturday and Sunday. It’s a normal part of conversation. The schedule pretty much runs itself (puns for life). I aim for outdoor running – occasionally I can’t make it happen, but usually I’m successful. The only pitfall was the length of the runs. With some slight adjustments, I’m back on the track to success.

First double digit run went smoothly!

Motherhood: Some days I amaze myself at what I’m able to show her – my patience knows no bounds. Other days we each need a time out and I consider adding wine to my coffee cup. Your shaming has no place here. As a smaller version of myself, mini-me can push every button I have and create ones I didn’t even know were there. And then she smiles. If she wasn’t so cute… Being her mom is the greatest blessing of my life. Nothing compares. At times I don’t know who I was before her, then I feel a tingle in my heart and I know she and I were created to meet.

We drink coffee together. It’s half caff. Shut it.

Lastly, work: busy is an understatement. Building a brand, a vision, and melding the minds of multiple people is a job not for the faint of heart. It’s time consuming. But creating connections between people with the same goals is awe-inspiring. Daily (seriously, not a day goes by) I encounter people who share their stories with me, a stranger. Some are wilder than others; many settle heavily in my soul. It could be a story of perseverance or a synopsis of loss – collectively, it makes an impact. My goal is to bring out the best in these warriors who have come to me looking for someone to help make a difference in themselves. Every task brings us closer. Anytime Fitness fulfilled a passion within me; I can’t imagine not being the face of another’s desire to do so. Also, I got a green light to begin training. Training others, specifically. It’s a natural progression in my line of work while also adding a few tons to my already heavy plate. However, I’m stoked to begin this path again.

Stay tuned for another episode of Kel’s Crazy Life. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Always,

Kel

A Muse Amused

Recently it came to my attention the term “self care” is millennial in origin. Forgive me, I had no idea. I don’t really identify as millennial although I’m sure many would argue my point. You see, as a child of the mid-80s, growing up with older parents lent me a perspective of drive and self-sufficiency. Also, I was a middle child. It was hard! Millennial, aka Gen Y, alludes to traits of entitlement and laziness. Most certainly I am not. But, to be fair, I can’t change what year I was born or what catchy name it will be given so here we are. Written from the desk of a Millennial. You’re welcome.

I shall anoint an area of stress free zonage

The topic here is self care which can mean something different for everyone. Your idea of self care might be a glass of whiskey and a guitar (here’s looking at you, Dan). My idea shifts between a cup of coffee and a 35,000 word count book. Or a bubble bath. Basic. At one point I was referred to as a close friend’s muse. We must’ve missed the mark because a muse would never be this funny! Or would they? I take relaxation very seriously. So seriously, in fact, I don’t even know when I have time for it so when it does happen, it’s a very real luxury. Parents, please raise your hands and glasses high.

Inspiration for others I may lack – but I do know we don’t take care of ourselves well. I write this from my laptop, with my desktop computer set at full volume so I don’t miss emails, whilst (trying out my English lingo) juggling the phone and making calls, beside an empty refillable water cup. Nailing it, Kel! Essentially, I’m over-multitasked, dehydrated, and potentially deaf. Let’s not forget I’m a perfect candidate for carpal tunnel. Fantastic.

My home coffee station is self care at its finest

Self care is unplugging and self-exploring. But who has time for that?! You best make time, that’s all I can say. The chance of you suffering from a stress-induced ailment is so high. If you won’t take care of yourself, who will? Is this that millennial notion to believe others will always take care of me, my every whim will be catered to, and my protective bubble shall save me from my own mistakes? Good try.

Even the muse must find her own muse. Or else suffer the wrath of becoming amused. Ta-da. An amused muse. In taking this to a fundamental level, I can only hope I bring inspiration to more than who simply find me annoying and long-winded. I come by it honestly, trust me. Looking for your own muse? Well, sorry, I’m already obligated to another. But I can find you a lovely candidate! Kidding, this isn’t a muse delivery service. However, obligations extend beyond providing another inspiration. The obligation should foremost be to yourself. Do as the millennials do: practice self-care. And amuse yourself.

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I ask you –

Do you have a muse? What inspires you about them?

Self care: take it or leave it?

Are you a Millennial?

Solo Date

Everything important makes it onto the calendar

I found myself in one of the happiest places on Earth. Not Disney World. This is Texas. Guess what? No matter what state you live in, you, too, have the happiest place near you!

A bookstore! Gotcha. As I aimlessly wandered each and every aisle simultaneously searching for everything and nothing, I easily became lost in this other world. Picking up one book after another and carefully reading the synopsis of both the book and the author. Time stood still.

Granted this was a busy Saturday afternoon in only one of a few bookstores in my small town. Thinking back on it, I don’t recall the volume level of the store as I was so lost.

Books do this for me. Maybe they do it for you, as well. We’re able to travel to another world, the world an author has created for us. Better than movies, in my own opinion, because a book can be anything I desire. It’s not the picture painted by a producer and fancy visual effects – a book is what I see in my mind. Scary place, let me tell ya’.

Running books I’d never give myself time to read

When was the last time you enjoyed an hour or two by yourself? Doing dishes or scrolling social media doesn’t count! I’m referring to an actual activity you love to do; one you haven’t been able to enjoy alone for some time. We all have priorities and extended obligations, but how many times do I touch upon making ourselves the priority? Answer: all the time! It can make such a difference to our mental well-being when we put our own health at the top of the to-do list. I love meeting gym members who say working out is their “me time”. Exercise is funny like that. There’s very few other things you can do while running, strength training, or conditioning your body to burn off excess energy. (Listening to music or watching videos is a passive activity.) If working out is your idea of me time, you’re doing a great job because every part of you is getting in on the action. Quite literally.

It wouldn’t be fair to discount those whose idea of me time is definitely not breaking a sweat. You are my people, too. Ambling the bookstore aisles, retail therapy of any sort, watching a movie alone…all these activities are included. And it doesn’t have to cost money either. Take yourself to a local park, find a quiet park bench, and read the newspaper. They still publish printed newspapers, right? Sit on your back porch and stare at the birds or squirrels. Nature offers plenty of opportunities for me time. Go hiking or kayaking. Did I mention I own a kayak that hasn’t seen water in years? I need to take her out! Your solo date can be anything to strike your fancy.

Make an appointment and hold yourself to the date. I looked forward to it each day because I drew a huge box in my calendar and made sure nothing would interfere. Share your ideas with a significant other or a close friend; just don’t invite them. Remember this is solo. Enjoy yourself!

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I ask you –

When was the last time you took yourself out? What did you do?

How do you do ‘me time’?

Books? Or movies?