Is It Not?

Getting this off my chest because I feel like somehow it’s a common misconception.

As this is a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people, it would seem there is much confusion on the topic of men, women, couples, etc. doing things to take care of themselves, as in anything from taking care of themselves physically (gym, working out, whatever that looks like to satisfy physical needs) and emotionally (mental health, counseling, strong friendships), etc.

Addressing physical needs from a male perspective (again, this is based on the conversations I’ve had with many different people so no, it’s not publishable research but it is first hand experience): men seem to appreciate when women do things to take care of themselves physically. Biologically, men are visual. They want to see whatever picture they’ve built in their minds. Here’s the problem: women want the same thing. This is not a solely male desire. There’s typically some form of physical attraction in a relationship; therefore, women want to know men are taking steps to work on themselves, too. If men expect women to do these things based on their need for a certain visual, but think women don’t want the same thing – you’re wrong. We do, too. Biology isn’t relegated to one sex or another. This whole concept of “letting yourself go” because you’re married or in a long term relationship is nonsense. Better yet, why would someone want to live that way? Don’t you want to be better to feel good about you? Get over yourself.

Next, emotionally. It doesn’t matter what it looked like for your parents or grandparents or family tree going back decades. Mental health is important. And everyone deserves to have their needs being met by a competent person. If you think someone who is struggling with the things people struggle with can have their mental needs satisfied by their partner alone, then you’re wrong. Your partner is not your therapist. So go forward like an adult and seek therapy. Again, this is normal. Projecting your unresolved trauma and issues and all that other stuff will not result in a stable relationship. Get some help.

Now, we return to your regularly scheduled it’s all good, touchy feely stuff. But, for real, get it together.

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I ask you –

Do you disagree? Why? Prove it.

Are you the visual or the emotional partner?

Tell me some tips to navigate this phenomenon.

(The post Is It Not? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

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