friendship – Running on Fumes

Kel, it can’t always be everyone else. Sometimes…it’s you.

Remember when (probably last week) I mentioned it had been the 2nd time someone scraped their tire against the front panel of my car? Well, upon the 3rd incident, I decided to reexamine the situation. It was me. Turns out – pun intended – when I pull into the garage, I’m cutting the angle a little too close and touching the garage panel. Whoopsies.

Incident #2

Typically I don’t share a lot on here that’s incredibly vulnerable and personal. Mostly I try to keep it positive yet self-deprecating because that’s funny to me; however, lately, for whatever reason, I was considering things I regret from a generalized perspective. And, I believe my biggest regret is how I was not there for my best friend when she needed me most. We’d been through so much together yet I bailed when all she wanted was acceptance. And I bailed at a critically horrible time in her life, when she was dealing with a medical crisis. As far as regrets, that’s definitely the biggest, almost unforgivable one I can think of. Others might disagree. If there’s ever a time when I can say it can’t always be everyone else, that time … It was all me. Occasionally we reach out to each other but it will never be the same. I hurt her. In a matter of minutes, I lost every ounce of trust she had ever placed in me. Rebuilding it might take forever. There’s no funny ending to this piece of information and it’s sad still.

But what isn’t sad yet is still applicable to everyone is the year I’ve had so far. I don’t love recognition from a large, well lit stage. Really, I want my team to be recognized for their contributions to my success because I wouldn’t be here without them. So, I would say to them, it isn’t everyone else, it’s you. And all of the you’s make it worth it.

_______________

I ask you –

Have you ever thought something was happening to you that wasn’t your fault?

Any advice for regaining trust in a long-term friendship?

Tell me about your successes!

(The post Where do we go from here? first appeared here at Running on Fumes.)

As I’ve gotten older, developing friendships has become more important to me. I try to be an authentic friend. Short of stating my own sordid past, my attempts at being “real” are usually a make it or break it moment. Seems I ride the line up to the very instant it goes down the road of “I, too, have…(the equivalent of the word problems)” because I don’t really have problems; I have hang ups, hurts, and some very diverse life experiences! Nicely put, Kel.

a cactus!!

There’s a blooming friendship I’m nurturing currently which stems from an unlikely encounter. She’s always very positive to be around; we laugh and cry together, typically at the same time. It’s a blast. But she has no expectation I will ‘fix’ anything going on in her life and she loves coffee so I rather enjoy her company. Win/win!

tea time

But in exposing ourselves to new people, the fear of rejection is always there. ‘What if I say too much, what if my past is overwhelming?’ – you know – all the stuff. I have a LOT of stuff. Thankfully, so does she and here we are! A few of our very first discussions were truth bombs, like a here you go, this is me, I understand if you want to grab your coffee and run away screaming now. Baggage. Maybe that’s more of what I have.

My mind sees myself as that frazzled woman who arrives at the gate juggling 4 oversized suitcases, then collapses in a chair between 2 put together businessmen, her luggage nearly killing them in a towering stampede, looks of disgust pointed in her direction. Yeah, that’s me! She smiles and waves without a care in the world, like her whackadoo bun isn’t escaping its confines and she didn’t just barely make it through security. Work with me, not against me; this is my vision.

Much truth lies in what we share with those closest to us, the ones privy to the good, bad, and oh-so-ugly. What we don’t share, however, is indicative of how relationships will progress. As this friendship is new, there are many things we don’t know about each other. A work in progress.

And I must find out how many pieces of luggage she takes to the gate.

________________________

I ask you –

When was the last time you forged a new friendship?

What is the length of your longest friendship?

My analogy game is a riot. Share what your mind sees when you think of yourself!

Tag: friendship

Where do we go from here?

Right Out of the Gate – Friendship Funny Farm