It has taken an exponentially long time to realize being a Veteran as well as a mom is isolating. Because when things are bad – at home, in life, with relationships – the ton of bricks hits to remind me ‘Kel, you’ve seen worse’. Maybe anxiety speaks louder than reality, but I often feel the sorrow of what could have been, what I wanted the military to be.
Even knowing it can only be what it is, I believe change is not only possible but also very warranted. Perhaps more inclusivity training? Is training really the answer though? How about an open-minded mindset that one person’s goals manifest unlike another’s? Not sure how to train someone in being open minded.
Whoa that was getting really deep. To resume a lighter tone, I find my best thoughts appear twice a day: while running and right before I go to sleep. Although these aren’t the best times for writing (anyone seen my pen?) I try so hard to remember snippets to share the next available time.
Sleep has proven difficult lately. It began shortly before vacation; pressure from trying to get some end-of-year things done at work, planning a vacation, imagining the long drive, etc. So, even while in paradise, the nightmares would push me from my bed to the couch. I considered I was allowing my stress over not returning home to a prescription refill a source of said stress. Even though I have lots of letters behind my name, “MD” isn’t there. Yet! You see, I take a medication to help me sleep. During/after military service, my normally light sleep pattern suffered. Instead of waking up at every small sound, movement, or even no real reason at all, I began having nightmares and still waking up a million times per night. Restful sleep? What’s that?
Unbeknownst to me, nightmares happen during the light sleep stage, not REM as commonly believed. Since I spend 87% of my sleep in the light stage, tada!, nightmares. Clearly I rely on this medication to ensure I’m getting the best sleep possible. Not one to take medicine at all, this is a pretty big deal! I’m not very medicinally tolerant; most make me fall asleep (even common pain relievers) so I guess a medication you take in order to sleep is right up my alley.
I feel like I said this would be a lighter note and here we are talking about nightmares. Anyway, if you, too, suffer from light sleep and nightmares, please know help is available. Now I don’t remember where I was going with any of this. ….Oh right! Sleep! Get some, make it count, talk to your doc, someone important, whoever if you aren’t, and report back. I’m always listening!
I ask you –
What time of day do your best thoughts manifest?
Suffer from sleep problems?
I’ve probably asked this before, but do you remember your dreams more often than nightmares or vice versa?