Lies of Motherhood and other things they said I would enjoy but do not:
You’ll miss: getting kicked in the back or spleen or forehead whilst co-sleeping
You’ll miss: spending hundreds of dollars to dress them each season
You’ll miss: the level of exhaustion that comes from any sentence beginning with “Help Me”
You’ll miss: being bitten during breastfeeding
You’ll miss: throwing snacks at them like wild animals poised to attack
You’ll miss: a snarky ‘Why?!’ when asking them to do anything (including the things they WANT to do)
Truth be told, there’s people even funnier than me. And I don’t say that lightly. Here’s where I’d like to share I’m a tough crowd, that it takes a lot to make me laugh. But that’s a big lie! I laugh at everything: you, me, the dream I had last week where I literally woke myself up laughing loudly. Let’s not forget I’m still laughing about what made me laugh at my dad’s funeral nearly 25 years ago. I just now nearly made a joke that started with “we’ve got a live one” but I see I’m talking about a funeral so live one jokes might be a bit much.
Considering starting a spin-off of Running on Fumes titled “I Met All My Husbands in the Police Report”. Perhaps it won’t be received well, but I’m overflowing with great ideas! Also, did you know there is a limit to how many espresso shots Starbucks will give you before they cut you off?! Me neither! And it’s 12. Now you know.
I leave you with this: A woman was asked ‘What is the best thing about being 104 years old?’ She replied: ‘No peer-pressure.’
I ask you –
What on my list reasonates with you?
Do you think my spin-off title will endear me to anyone?
Share your best joke!